A Forest Fire
by Bedelia
Summary: Shock cascades through her body, sparked by his smile. His resemblance to the boy who left her in the forest so many years ago is remarkable, but there is one key difference. He is human. AU.
1. Prologue

**A Forest Fire**

* * *

><p><em><strong>Disclaimer:<strong>__I don't own Twilight. This is an amateur, non-profit work.  
><em>_**A/N: **__Thanks for reading! This story will update on Sundays, and should be about 30 chapters long, according to my outline. _

* * *

><p><strong>Prologue: Nottingham, England<strong>

Her new shoes were too big. With each step she took in her race toward the station, they slid off of her heels and slapped against the ground. People stopped and looked around at the loud _clip-clop-clip-clop_ of her approach, presumably wondering who was riding a horse through the city center.

Bella cursed under her breath, inwardly scolding herself for risking anything but a pair of flats. Even the sturdiest of high heels didn't have a prayer of standing up under the combined force of her clumsiness and her neighborhood's uneven sidewalks; she knew this.

She still called them sidewalks in her mind, not pavements, just to be contrary.

Her ankle throbbed out a protest at her rapid speed, reminding her through jolts of pain that she'd twisted it when the aforementioned high heel met its inevitable demise. Given her detour to purchase a replacement pair (flats, this time), she was running so late that she wondered if it was worth turning up at all. Going home, curling up with her laptop, and letting the whole story spill into an e-mail seemed far more appealing.

Jasper would get a kick out of it.

A businessman with a phone glued to his ear rushed past and slapped her with a cologne scented breeze. Shivering, she almost started to laugh. Her motivation for choosing the heels had centered around a desire to look nice for her interview — to make a good impression. Fat chance of that happening now. Rainwater plastered her hair to her head, her noisy shoes were ridiculous, and her ankle was swelling up like Charlie's waistline after Thanksgiving dinner.

Entering the station, she checked the departures board. If she purchased her ticket in record time, she could probably _just_ miss the next train to Attenborough. As she sprinted toward the ticket machine, a boy holding two drinks backed away from the AMT coffee stand. The combination of him not watching where he was going and her inability to dodge in her giantess sized shoes proved to be disastrous. They collided, coffee and what she thought was a vanilla milkshake splattering everywhere.

"I'm sorry," she said. Living in the UK for so long forced the words into a reflex, replaced her previous default response of, "Excuse me." Apologies bubbled from her lips, involuntary as a heartbeat.

Once, on a drunken night out, she said, "Oh, I'm so sorry!" to a post when she bumped into it.

"No, no, _I'm_ sorry," he said, his American accent sounding foreign to her ears. People speaking like her had become a rarity. "It was completely my...fault."

His words trailed off. Glancing up from her milkshake painted blouse, she looked at his face for the first time.

The shock of it stopped her cold. A gasp caught in her throat, hovering there like a trapped scream. The part of her mind that was still working wondered if she had forgotten how to breathe.

A pair of glasses that he shouldn't have needed obscured his green eyes. Hundreds of freckles dusted skin that used to be smooth and pale. He didn't seem to have aged a day, and yet every inch of him was changed. Biting her lower lip, she battled against the urge to press her fingers to the hollow under his jaw to check for a pulse.

It wasn't necessary. She knew he was human. Every aspect of his appearance screamed, "_Not a vampire_."

An awkward laugh from the boy shattered the spell. Shaking her head, Bella tried to shrug off the impossible notions that popped up in her mind like fireworks. The resemblance was uncanny, yes, but it couldn't be him.

It _couldn't_.

"I'm sorry," she repeated, "I don't mean to stare. It's just...you look very much like someone I used to know."

"Oh," he said. Even his crooked smile was the same — that was _Edward's_ smile. "That's all right."

Just in case, she decided to test him.

"How old are you?" she asked.

"Eighteen."

He looked absurdly proud of this fact.

"And how long have you been eighteen?"

Only Edward would remember that she once asked him how long he'd been seventeen. Anyone else would simply find her behavior to be on the strange side.

Judging by the bemused expression that ghosted over the boy's face, she guessed it was the latter. After navigating the minefield that was her morning, she couldn't find it within herself to care about a stranger's opinion.

Her cheeks didn't get the memo about her indifference; they heated up with an unwanted blush under the boy's scrutiny.

"Not long," he said.

Bracing herself, she began the final test. "I'm sorry; I'm interrogating you, aren't I?" she said. "I can't get over the resemblance." Extending her arm, she added, "I'm Bella, by the way."

His skin warmed hers when he took her offered hand, his palm moist with sweat. No sparks crackled between them. None of the electricity she remembered feeling the first time she touched Edward surged through his handshake. She watched his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed hard.

"I'm Peter."


	2. Purify

**1. Purify**

_Seven years earlier..._

Bella would always remember the day brown ceased to be her favorite color.

Her mind was too crowded; thoughts of werewolves and the Cullens and Victoria all heaped up, one on top of the other, until they faded into a meaningless buzz. Shivering, she pulled her jacket tight around her body. Jake's hand felt like the only warm thing in the world, enveloping her own and chasing the numbing chill from her fingers. The hand cradled against Jacob's palm seemed to reside in a different season. It luxuriated in August's heat while the rest of her body was stuck with the damp cold of March.

Jake let go, pointing to the cliffs that rose out of the opposite end of the beach.

"Didn't I promise to take you cliff diving?" he said.

Frowning, she looked at the teeth-chattering, gray waves crashing against the rocky shore. Jake said something about the weather — the pressure changing and warmer days waiting in the future. She didn't pay much attention to any of it, save the question he tacked onto the end.

"You up for it?"

The wind blew in off of the ocean, whipping through her hair. She felt hollow. Edward's voice — her crazy delusion — floated to her on the breeze, imploring her to be safe, to refuse Jake's offer. The words sounded more like an order than a plea.

Balling her hands into fists, she stepped back — away from the sound she once craved. The hole in her chest seemed to knit together a bit, as if someone started sewing it closed. Another step back, another stitch. The voice was barely a whisper.

Something stretched and snapped inside of her: the last, tattered shred of the girl who lost herself because of a beautiful boy.

No.

_Enough_.

She'd wasted too much time wanting someone who didn't want her in return.

Another step. The voice vanished, and it hurt, that emptiness, but it was like pouring antiseptic on a wound: healing and cleansing and burning all at once.

Jake smiled his sunshine-smile, tinged with confusion. Another stitch.

"What—"

"Shh," she whispered. "Hold on a second. I think I'm having an epiphany here."

A wave of clarity struck, and she realized how much she loved the color green. Green was life, renewal. Green was Charlie and his beloved, mossy little town. Green was moving on, making a fresh start. Green was Jacob: vital and young and far too perceptive for a teenage boy.

She made a silent vow, letting the weight of the new promise settle deep in her bones as she thought the words. It was well past time to stop longing for topaz and copper and certain names that began with the fifth letter of the alphabet. If she was alone — she swallowed against the raw ache — she would learn to be okay with that. No more filling the void by using Jake, no more risking her life to hear _that_ voice.

She would fight her way back to normal, kicking and screaming if she had to.

"No," she said. "I don't think I'm up for cliff diving. Too cold for me."

Grabbing her arm, Jake dragged her toward the water. She shrieked out a laugh as he kicked his foot through the surf, splashing her. It felt as icy as as it looked. The wolves must have been insane to willingly dive into _that_.

Her own laughter sounded strange to her ears — like a familiar song played out of tune. This, more than anything else, made her regret the months she let pass her by. Even after snapping out of her zombie-like state, she'd spent too long living without enough music, laughter, and light.

"I want to listen to music again," she said.

Jake looked surprised and pleased by her announcement. "Yeah?" he said. Puffing out his chest, he started belting out "Found a Peanut" — _loudly_. He was marvelously off-key.

"Maybe not _that_ kind of music," she said, grinning and giving his ribs a teasing nudge with her elbow. "Although, if I learned an instrument, I could accompany you. We could take our act on the road."

"The piano? Embry's mom has—"

"No. _Not_ the piano."

Pushing herself was one thing, but she still had her limits. Having anything to do with a piano was _definitely_ one of them.

Jake shrugged. "You could always sing, too. It's free, and Emily could probably give you some tips. She used to sing in a band with one of her exes, and I think she did choir when she was in school."

"Okay," she said. "Singing it is, then."

"Just don't expect to be as naturally gifted as me."

"Oh, I wouldn't dream of it."

She laughed again. This time, it almost sounded natural.

-oOo-

"Ninety-nine nuns interned in an Indiana nunnery," Emily sang, holding up her wooden spoon as if it was a baton. A blob of batter dripped off of the end and plopped into her mixing bowl. "Again."

If Bella never heard another tongue twister, it would be too soon. Learning with Emily was fun, for the most part, but it was also full of weird vocal exercises and too many alliterative sentences.

It was late April; over a month had gone by since that day on the beach with Jake. As Bella drew in a deep breath and began to sing, she watched Leah and Seth Clearwater pass by outside.

If only she knew them better. An impossible wish teased her, remaining just out of reach: to find the perfect thing to say to ease the Clearwaters' grief. The pair of them seemed subdued, hushed with the loss of their father's recent death.

It was a pain she never wanted to know firsthand. The thought of losing Charlie or Renee...

Teenage heartbreak didn't compare.

"Better," Emily said with a satisfied nod.

Bella knew she would never be the sort of singer whose voice gave people pleasant, delighted chills. Her goal was to rekindle her love of music. If she managed to learn how to stay in tune along the way, she would consider it a bonus.

"Hey," Jake said, letting the screen door slam shut behind him as he jogged into the house. "I was hoping I'd find you here."

Grinning, he handed Bella a clear jewel case containing a mix CD. The messy handwriting on the label read, simply, "Bells."

"Thanks," she said, popping it open. "Hey, no track listing?"

"Nope. It'd spoil the surprise."

Given the way he said _surprise_, she wasn't sure she possessed enough bravery to listen to his gift.

Jake sat in on the rest of her lesson, though he dozed off on Emily's couch after just a few minutes. Seeing him get some rest filled Bella with a blessed sense of relief. He'd been running himself ragged in recent days, searching for Victoria and putting himself in danger.

She longed to end the fight herself, to be the one to take that risk.

Eventually, Emily sent her on her way with a borrowed stack of yellowed sheet music that belonged to Sam's grandmother. On a whim, Bella stopped by the salon on her way home. No customers sat in the waiting area, leafing through magazines designed to make them hate themselves; there was plenty of time available for a walk-in.

A cheerful, bleach-blond stylist named Shelley led her to a soft leather chair and tied a smock around her shoulders. Frowning at her reflection, Bella tried — and failed — to remember the last time she had her hair cut.

"What would you like?" Shelley asked.

"A pixie cut," Bella replied, grinning when Shelley's eyes widened.

"You sure, hon? That's a lot of hair to chop off all at once."

"I'm sure."

She wanted to try it for the sake of trying it — to stop hiding behind the curtain of hair that Edward used to play with.

Shelley sighed, running a manicured hand along the top of Bella's head. "Okay," she said with a smile. "You wanna donate it? You have enough."

"Sure, why not?"

As she washed Bella's hair and began snipping away, Shelley kept conversation to a minimum. Her gentle fingers and quiet humming almost succeeded in lulling Bella to sleep.

The shorter her hair got, the more it felt like her head would float away. In between long, lazy blinks of her eyes, she watched in the mirror as the dark brown locks fell, torn between fascination and horror.

"All right," Shelley said at last, untying the smock and brushing the stray hairs from Bella's neck. "What do you think?"

Standing up, Bella smothered a laugh. Aside from the slight swell of her breasts and the sway of her hips when she walked, she looked like a prepubescent boy.

"I love it," she lied.

Not all of her ideas for self-renewal would be a roaring success. She knew there would be bumps and mistakes along the way.

At least this mistake would grow back.

-oOo-

Jasper waited in the safe shadow of the porch, watching the last rays of sunshine disappear below the horizon. Next to him, Alice counted down under her breath. Carlisle and Esme stood off to his left, holding hands and projecting a mixture of trepidation and excitement that hummed over his skin. The distinctive whisper-shout of impatience rang in his ears.

None of them had seen Edward since the previous October.

Car tires crunched against gravel. An engine rumbled in the distance. Reaching out with his gift, Jasper searched for his brother's signature midnight blue.

Ever since his first day with constant thirst and supernatural abilities, each person's emotions had been accompanied by a color that flashed in his mind when he read them. Carlisle found it fascinating; his favorite theory centered around Jasper being synesthetic as a human.

Alice had always been energetic orange. Esme was warm, rich copper. Peter and Charlotte were both within a few shades of mustard yellow. Bella, he remembered, was forest green.

Upon sensing Edward's blue-tinged melancholy, surprise rippled over Jasper. Riding along next to him was familiar, adventurous red.

"You didn't tell me he was bringing company," he said.

Alice grinned. "They met up about a week ago, in North Dakota. I thought I'd keep it a surprise."

"Keep what a surprise?" Rosalie asked as she and Emmett stepped onto the porch.

"Garrett," Jasper said. "He's with Edward."

"Oh, isn't that's nice?" Esme said. "We haven't seen Garrett in years."

The car pulled up the long driveway, Garrett beaming at everyone from his spot in the passenger seat and Edward drumming out a nervous rhythm on the steering wheel. Garrett waited for Edward to get out before he opened his own door, greeting the family with a wave of his Emmett-sized hand.

In spite of the intensity of the joy that slammed into Jasper from Esme and Alice, it was Carlisle who kicked off the welcome party. Running at full speed toward his first companion, he pulled him into a hug.

Jasper basked in the love rolling off of them. It wasn't quite like the affection a father had for his son, nor was it like the love that might flow between two brothers. It existed somewhere in between the two, tempered by decades of friendship.

"Welcome home," Carlisle said.

The rest of the family followed, each taking their turn to greet the prodigal son. After she embraced Edward, Alice flew at Garrett and wrapped her arms around his bulky shoulders. Jasper smiled, remembering the year the three of them spent together as nomads before he and Alice joined the Cullens.

"Hey, Shorty," Garrett said, tousling her hair. "It's been too long." Glancing at Esme and Carlisle, he added, "Hope I'm not imposing."

"Not at all," Esme said. "We have plenty of room. You know you're always welcome."

"But we'd appreciate it if you didn't hunt in the immediate area," Carlisle said.

Garrett chuckled. "No problem, Doc. Wouldn't want to undo your hard work healing the locals."

Jasper approached Edward, clapping a hand on his shoulder. Being so close was difficult; his brother still exuded a deep sense of loss. Focusing on the pleasant atmosphere generated by the others, Jasper guarded his thoughts. He refused to let his mind wander to Edward's feelings for Bella.

The last time he mulled over such things, Edward left the family for eight months.

"Good to see you, kid," Jasper said, because it was.

Edward almost smiled. "You too, old man."

There were no suitcases to unpack. Edward, black-eyed and radiating thirst, required very little persuasion to go on a hunt with Carlisle and Esme. Ever-curious and eager to see the spectacle of a vampire tackling a deer up close, Garrett tagged along. Seconds after the group vanished into the forest, Jasper's phone rang, the display flashing with a number he didn't recognize.

"Hello?" he said.

"Hey."

The single syllable was enough to identify the caller. Jasper's eyebrows shot up. In the years since they parted ways, Peter almost never used a telephone. He tried to excuse the lack of contact by claiming the action was too human for him, but Jasper knew better.

"What's wrong?" Jasper asked.

"Don't know. Maybe nothing. We were just passing through Seattle, and...and you wouldn't believe it. _So_ many damn newborns. It was like something Maria would cook up. We got out of there as soon as we could — didn't even bother to finish our hunt. Just thought I'd give you a heads up in case you were planning on going to the Northwest anytime soon."

"Damn. Thanks." After hesitating for a beat, he added, out of obligation, "How's Charlotte?"

"Good, good. She says hi."

A dark sort of amusement bubbled up in Jasper's chest. He would bet Carlisle's net worth that she said nothing of the sort.

"Well, give her my regards," he said. "You two should stop by for a visit sometime soon."

"Yeah, we might do that. Gotta go for now, but I'll talk to you later."

"Yep, later. Thanks again."

"No problem."

Closing his eyes, he ended the call with a press of his thumb. Seattle was three hours from Forks by car, but the distance was nothing for a vampire — practically next door. He remembered all too well how tempting Bella's scent could be. Few among their kind would be capable of resisting blood as sweet as hers.

It was June; Bella's graduation loomed in the near future. Once she'd completed high school, she would move off to college somewhere — possibly UDub, for all Jasper knew. He opened his mouth to ask Alice to go against Edward's wishes and search Bella's future, but her gasp preempted his words. An overwhelming torrent of panic and grief bombarded his senses, rolling off of his wife in stifling waves.

"What is it?" he asked.

"It's Bella," she said. "I can't see her!"

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN:**__ The lines, "Shh. Hold on a second. I think I'm having an epiphany here," "You up for it?" and, "Didn't I promise to take you cliff diving?" are all from _New Moon_._


	3. Shards of Forever

**2. Shards of Forever**

"Jake!" Billy shouted, making Jasper wince and hold the phone at arm's length. "It's for you!"

As he waited, Jasper placed a hand on Alice's knee to soothe her and stop the rapid tapping of her foot.

"She _has_ to be okay," Alice whispered. "I saw it, before we left. She'll—"

"Yeah?" a gruff voice said.

"Hello, Jacob?" Jasper replied. "This is Jasper Hale, Edward Cullen's brother."

Silence. Jacob's loathing and anger almost seemed to shoot across the miles that separated him from the Cullens, tingling up Jasper's spine and surrounding him with the rotting stench of werewolf.

"I know who you are," Jacob said. "What the hell do you want?"

"Is Bella okay?"

Jacob scoffed. "She's a lot more okay than she was when _you_ were around. Why do you care all of a sudden?"

"We had reason to believe something had happened to her. We couldn't reach Charlie at home, so—"

"Well, she's fine. More than fine. As soon as we catch that redheaded leech, she'll be perfect."

"Victoria?" Jasper said. "_Victoria_ is there?"

Jacob said nothing.

"Right. We'll be seeing you soon."

As Jasper hung up, his brother's dark blue fear clouded his mind. Edward lingered in the open doorway, his newly gold-tinted eyes darkening to furious, bloodthirsty black.

"We're going after her," Jasper said, leaving no room for disagreement. "We should have taken her out after we killed James."

Edward nodded. "I agree. I owe Bella that much."

Once the decision was made, the too smooth, too calm emotions Alice always projected when trying to hide something filled the air, settling low in the pit of Jasper's stomach. With a half-murmured apology, she ran from the room. Her footsteps faded into the distance, out past the edge of the surrounding forest.

_Edward?_ Jasper thought.

His brother responded with a shake of his head and a confused frown. "Sorry. All I saw was a fuzzy vision of Garrett smiling."

Worry gnawed at Jasper, but he knew Alice would tell him what was bothering her when she was ready.

She always did.

-oOo-

Alice's thoughts roared above the noise of the jet engine, clawing their way into Edward's brain in fits and starts. They were just glimmers: incomplete and obscured by shadow. Now and then, he saw a flash of green eyes. She sang every annoying, twee song she knew in an effort to keep him out.

Across the aisle, Garrett sat next to Emmett, their enthusiastic thoughts running along the same lines. Both of them ached for a good fight. Edward trusted Alice and Jasper's old friend, but he had to admit he was nervous about letting a human drinker within several hundred miles of Bella.

"You okay?" Jasper whispered to his wife, wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

Edward heard Jasper examine the emotions he sensed from her, turning each one over and over: love, sadness, anger, and desperate hope.

It took Edward by surprise when Alice kissed Jasper as if they were in private. No matter how he strained to think of other things, he couldn't ignore the intimate memories flickering through Jasper's mind. Alice's thoughts remained only semi-open to him, shrouded by that strange, dark veil.

Esme patted his hand. "What are you going to do after Victoria is out of the picture?" she asked.

He knew what she longed to hear, even without using his gift. Esme had very strong opinions on their departure from Forks. Not even Alice's assurances that it was the best thing for Bella could sway Esme's loving, fierce determination to see Bella as a member of their family.

"I don't know," he said.

As much as he wanted to return to the warmth and love that surrounded him whenever he was with Bella, he also wanted to keep his promise — to do what was right for her, what would keep her safe.

His previous surety abandoned him sometime during his estrangement from his family. Now, he didn't know if he could keep the selfish side of his personality tethered. It raged against the notion of letting Bella go, rattled the bars of its cage when he thought about allowing her to live a human life.

An older Bella laughed her way across Alice's mind. Caught in between some bittersweet collision of joy and longing, Edward watched as she ran down a street lined with brick row houses, rosy cheeked and bright eyed with cold. Just as the vision of Bella opened her mouth to call out to someone, she dissolved into blackness.

"I'm fine," Alice said, giving Jasper a tremulous smile.

No one believed her.

-oOo-

Jake pounded his fist against Emily's scrubbed oak table, rattling the glasses in the nearby china cabinet. "Yeah, I think they're definitely coming," he said from between clenched teeth.

Bella paused, leaning against the wall outside the kitchen. She didn't know who made up the mysterious _they_, but given Jake's angry tone, she was willing to bet they didn't have heartbeats.

"Bells," Jake said.

Muttering under her breath about his super-sensitive hearing, she stepped into the room. Sam looked like an old man, sitting hunched over the table and rubbing his temples.

"I'll gather the troops," Sam said, giving Bella a wan imitation of a smile as he stood up. Pausing at the back door, he added, "Make it quick, Jake."

"Why don't you keep Emily company tonight?" Jake asked once Sam made his exit. "Have another singing lesson, maybe. Billy has Charlie on that fishing trip, and we're going to be out on patrol until morning. There are some things we need to take care of. You'll be safer here."

Panic sliced through her chest. Before she could ask any questions about Victoria and battle plans, Jake hugged her as if he would never see her again. His warm lips settled over hers, gentle and foreign and slightly chapped. She gasped.

_Not yet_, she thought, taking a step back. _I'm not ready. I don't know if I even want this. Don't, Jake. Please don't make me break your heart. Choose someone else_.

"J-Jake," she said, her voice cracking as she prepared to voice her thoughts. "I don't—"

"I just wanted to do that once," he said. "Try not to stress out about it, okay? I'll come see you in the morning."

He left before she could try to respond.

-oOo-

Quil and Embry kept watch outside Emily's house. Now and then, Bella caught glimpses of them: huge, hulking shapes stalking back and forth in the darkness. Inside, an uneasy quiet blanketed Emily's house. The sloshing and clinking of Bella helping with the dishes seemed amplified against the backdrop of too much silence. Emily began to hum a nonsense tune, her voice low and shaky.

"It's Victoria, isn't it?" Bella asked, unable to take it any longer. "That's who they're fighting tonight."

"I hope so. I just want this over with."

Neither of them could keep their hands busy enough. They scrubbed everything, lingering in the kitchen and falling into the thick, slow-moving torture of worrying and waiting.

"I'm going to head to bed," Emily announced once there was nothing left to do — no more excuses to stay in constant motion. "There are spare blankets in the hall closet if you get cold."

"Thanks," Bella replied. "Good night."

She doubted either of them would be able to sleep.

Setting herself up on Emily's couch with a thin blanket, a book she had no hope of following, and her CD player, Bella put on her headphones and popped in Jake's mix CD. In an attempt to direct her thoughts away from the wolves' fight, she reflected on her brief, confusing kiss with Jake.

No matter how many boundaries she tried to place between them, he kept doing his best to knock them down. Maybe she'd led Jake on, sending the wrong signals by allowing him to hold her hand and not telling him outright that she was in no shape to handle a romantic relationship.

Maybe Mike was right; girls were cruel.

In spite of everything, the variety of music on the CD made her smile. A slow song led right into heavy metal, which in turn faded to Jake's spirited rendition of "Found a Peanut." Against her will, she started to doze off, the music blaring in her ears and her half-lidded eyes watching her two guardians who prowled, ever-watchful, through the shadows.

-oOo-

Of the numerous thoughts screaming at him from his family and Garrett as he approached the wolves' Alpha, it was Rosalie's inner monologue that captured Edward's attention.

_I wonder how old they are. If they're all around the same age as Jacob Black...they're still kids. _Babies_, even. Well, maybe not babies. Puppies._

He knew the wolves' ages all too well. The leaden weight of guilt should have settled over him at the very idea of allowing an army of little boys — plus one girl — help in the fight against Victoria, but he let the feeling pass him by. He had to protect Bella at any cost.

Images of Victoria flickered across the pack's joined thoughts, along with more than a few fantasies about tearing Edward and his family to shreds. He grimaced. Another cautious step forward made the wolves' growls intensify.

"It seems we have a common enemy," he said, calmness trickling over his body, courtesy of Jasper. "We'd like to work together — temporarily, of course — to rid ourselves of her. Once Victoria is dead, you have my word that we'll leave."

_Yeah, because the word of a bloodsucker is worth _so_ much_, Jacob's thoughts all but screamed.

Alice gasped. Darting away from the pack, she closed her eyes and searched the future. Her muddy, indistinct visions prompted a spark of fear in Edward that burned away Jasper's manufactured tranquility: glimpses of fire and pain and shattered, diamond-hard bodies raced through Alice's mind, interspersed with fields of black.

"I think she's coming," Alice said. "And she's not alone."

The ground shook under their feet, as if a stampede rumbled toward them. Edward heard Victoria's thoughts first. She focused all of her energy on an angry mishmash of violent wishes and piercing heartache. Simpler brains followed after her: the bloodthirsty, single-minded thoughts of newborn vampires.

The wolves and the Cullens sprang into action. Jacob and Edward moved in tandem, both gunning for Victoria. Elusive as ever, she remained just out of their grasp.

Only Jasper and Alice had ever been able to match Edward in a fight, but this was unlike anything he'd ever experienced. Their one-on-one sparring seemed like child's play compared to the thrashing and biting and tearing going on around him. Not even_ his_ mind could keep track of so many thoughts, so many decisions. They shrieked in his head all at once, blurring into white noise.

Newborns swarmed him. Their moves were easy, predictable. He could manage without his gift. Edward fought next to Seth: a gangly, young wolf with paws too big for his body. Nearby, he caught glimpses of Jasper attacking in a whirlwind, doing all he could to shield Alice. Edward kept battling to reach the infuriating flashes of red hair that whirred around the perimeter of the fight.

_She's not here_, Victoria's thoughts shouted above the din. _I was so sure he'd keep his mate by his side_.

Venom-laced flames leapt toward the sky, sending up clouds of black smoke as the first of the newborns met with a grisly end. The scent stung his nostrils, inspiring an instinctive, overwhelming urge to flee.

Out of everyone, Alice fought with the most tenacity, seeming almost feral in her determination to win. Her strobe light thoughts alternated between fleeting visions and total blackness.

Desperate panic and bone-deep pain whipped through wolves. Whimpering, Seth faltered and almost crumpled to the ground. Edward dropped to his knees next to him, losing himself in the pack's thoughts.

_Leah. Sister. Bitten. No. Oh, God, _no_. _

Sam's guilty musings were the worst; Edward thought he wouldn't be able to stand up again under the weight of them. Shifting back to her human form, Leah shrieked out a wordless, primal protest against the poison burning its way into her body.

A female vampire, young and willowy and almost as tall as Jasper, took advantage of their distraction and lunged at Seth with her teeth bared. Edward tried to protect him, but Alice was closer. Just as the female's hands brushed Seth's leg, Alice yanked her back.

For once, Edward saw something coming before his sister.

The male who sprang on Alice as she fought Seth's would-be murderer had no special gifts. He was ordinary: a run of the mill newborn without skill or finesse. As he threw her to one side, Alice saw only a wide, all-encompassing field of black.

Edward wasn't granted any such luxury. He caught the intentions, tried to lunge to catch her body as the male hurled it through the air. Just like Victoria, Alice remained a few inches beyond his grasp. His speed was no match for the raw, new strength powering that throw. Wide-eyed with horror, her mouth open in a silent scream, Alice landed on top of the charred remains of a newborn.

Fire worked quickly on vampires, like lighting a match inside a gas tank. Esme used a log to try to save Alice, and would have dived in to pick her up with her bare hands if Edward hadn't caught her around the waist. Shrieking and trembling with tearless sobs, she clawed at his arms and tried to break free.

It was too late. Edward could sense no thoughts from his sister — not even that formless, cloudy darkness. There was nothing.

And then, Jasper saw only a wide, all-encompassing field of red.

-oOo-

_Alice._

Leah Clearwater's wails rose and fell with the weak pulse of her heart. Jacob, radiating protective fury, stood in front of her weakened form and tried to fight off three newborns at once. One caught him around the middle. Jacob yelped.

_Alice._

Rosalie transformed into the two wolves' unlikely guardian. Pulling Emmett along with her, she crouched next to them and lashed out at any newborn who dared to venture too close.

_Alice._

Jasper chanelled the piercing, empty ache in his chest into destruction and death. His wife's killer met with a quick end, burned on the opposite side of the field. He didn't deserve to share the same funeral pyre as Alice. None of them did.

Drawing close to the injured wolves, Jasper grabbed Leah's thrashing arm.

_Oh, God, Alice._

"Hold still," he said. Covering her bite mark with his own mouth, he began to suck out the venom.

Her blood tasted foul — even worse than the time Emmett dared him to drink a fish. Jasper spat after every mouthful, taking care to not swallow a single, putrid drop.

When her blood was free of venom, he backed away. Rosalie clasped one of his hands, giving it a soft squeeze. A warm, comforting blend of love and peace — purple, like Rose's emotions — wrapped around him like an embrace.

_No, no, no._

As much as Jasper appreciated her attempt to give him some semblance of solace, it was the opposite of what he wanted to feel. He wanted to cut a path through their enemies' bodies, to make them cower from him in fear and cry out in agony.

The one who started the fight caught his attention, barreling toward the Quileutes' land with Edward in close pursuit. Jasper spared the rest of his family and the wolves a cursory glance before he followed. Only a few newborns remained; they would be fine.

He needed to show that bitch how _he_ avenged the death of a mate.

-oOo-

Jasper caught up with them outside Emily's house. Victoria managed to get much, _much_ too close to Bella before she found herself caught between two wolves and two vampires, frustration pouring from her and seeping into Jasper's skin.

Inside, he could hear Bella's soft breaths, sense the forest green of her turbulent emotions. Even the patter of her heart seemed familiar, like a well-remembered voice.

One of the wolves growled and snapped at Victoria's leg. She danced away from his sharp teeth, putting her closer to Jasper. By sheer luck, his hand connected with her arm. Wrenching it behind her back, he pushed her face-first into the ground.

"Can't get away now," he said, letting her fear wash over him. He relished the choked, half-gurgled scream that tumbled from her lips.

"Fire," he said, not caring which of the three onlookers responded to the order.

Quil shifted to human form, helping Edward gather twigs and branches.

"No," Jasper said, growling at Embry when the wolf tried to assist with Victoria. "Leave it. She's mine."

Every burst of Victoria's panic drove Jasper forward. Every plea from her lips sparked a fresh onslaught of rage. Before long, burning, sickly sweet venom poisoned the damp earth.

Bit by bit, Jasper fed the fire. What was usually a metallic shriek was little more than a series of whispers. He took his time, drawing it out as his own pain grew and doubled. Throughout the whole ordeal, Bella slept on.

"Here," he said to Edward once Victoria's emotions were no more than a pitiful buzz in his ears. "The rest of her is all yours."

Edward didn't linger on carving out revenge, but he couldn't suppress the malevolent surge of delight that shimmered through him. As soon as Victoria was nothing more than ash and smoke, Quil and Embry became restless. In their wolf forms, they circled in front of Emily's door and growled.

"We'll go back to the treaty line right away," Edward said, giving Jasper a silent nudge by projecting a sense of urgency. "We wouldn't have crossed it if it hadn't been for Victoria."

Embry jerked his head and let out a bark that seemed to serve both as an acceptance and a warning. A soft, girlish whisper came from inside the house as Jasper and Edward sprinted back toward their own land.

"Jake."

Closing his eyes, Edward ran faster.


	4. Becoming Bella

**3. Becoming Bella**

"She all right?" Garrett asked, leaning over Edward's shoulder as the latter examined Leah's wounds. Nearby, Jasper could hear the cracking and snapping of Carlisle re-breaking Jacob's bones and shifting them into position to heal properly.

"I think so," Edward replied. "The bites are taking longer to heal than they ordinarily would, but—"

"_She_ would be a lot better if you all backed the hell up and stopped crowding her," Leah said. "So unless you want me to rip off your arms and shove them up your—"

Her words cut off with a gasp as her eyes met Garrett's. For the second time in Jasper's life, he witnessed someone's emotions shift in color. Leah's dark brown irritation and bitterness grew warmer and brighter. Crimson leaked in at the seams until everything she felt was stained red. A new cacophony of emotion exploded from her, making Jasper stumble and grab his chest. Wave after wave of love, anger, horror, and pure _want_ washed over him. Edward froze in his examination of Leah's arm, his eyes widening and his jaw dropping open. Jasper couldn't remember the last time he'd seen his brother so surprised.

"Shove them up my what?" Garrett asked with a grin. When Leah offered no response — not even a blink — his amusement drifted into mild concern. "Hey, is she in shock?" Glancing at Edward and Jasper, he added, "Are _you_, for that matter?"

"No," Edward said. "She's fine. Um. Yes. Just fine."

Garrett snorted. "Convincing."

"Unbelievable," Leah muttered with a shake of her head. "Just fucking great. Billions of human men on the planet, but _no_. I couldn't imprint on one of _them_." Groaning, she draped her uninjured arm over her eyes. In spite of her irritation, Jasper could sense her becoming more and more drawn to Garrett with every second that ticked by.

"Imprint?" Garrett said, frowning.

Being near Leah, with her new, confused half-love, Jasper felt the loss of Alice intensify, as if there was a hole forming in the center of his chest. He retreated to the surrounding forest, his legs moving in long, impatient strides. Choosing the tallest tree he could find, he perched on a branch far above the rustling, scurrying noises of creatures that followed their instincts and fled from him in the forest below.

Not ten minutes had passed before a familiar scent floated to him on the breeze. The branch next to him creaked, shedding a few needles as it sagged under a sudden weight.

Carlisle didn't say anything. He didn't reach out to pat Jasper's shoulder or look at him out of the corner of his eye. Even his emotions remained as steady and neutral as possible. He was just _there_ — a silent pillar of support.

Jasper appreciated it.

-oOo-

"You can't be serious," Jasper said, fury rising up in him like a flash flood. "Bella _loved_ Alice. She has a right to know what happened."

"Why?" Jacob asked. "So you can break her heart some more before you walk right back out of her life and leave her even more broken than she was before?" Clenching his fists, he turned his head and strained to see Edward from his supine position on the forest floor. "She's _better_ now. Someday, she'll be happy. But if you come back..."

Edward flinched. Jacob's teal emotions hovered between protective love for Bella and the malicious joy that was inspired by watching Edward suffer. Jasper could only imagine the visions that Jacob was sharing through his thoughts.

"Leave her alone," Jacob said. "Just go back to wherever you came from and let Bella be."

-oOo-

Stretching her arms over her head, Bella winced as the kink in her neck made its presence known. She'd had a fitful night's rest on Emily's couch, full of strange, half-formed nightmares. With a yawn, she rubbed the sleep from her eyes. What she saw through the front window made cold fear close around her heart. Jake's friends carried him toward Billy's house. Fresh, white bandages circled his abdomen.

Gasping, she ran outside without bothering to put on shoes or a jacket. The sharp gravel surface of Emily's driveway hurt the tender soles of her feet, but she paid it no mind.

"Jake!" she said, racing to catch up with Quil and Embry. "What happened?"

"It's nothing," he said. His attempt at a smile looked more like a grimace. "Just a few bumps and bruises. It was worth it. We got the bitch."

"_Victoria_? She's gone?"

"Burned to ash."

Bella felt her entire body sag with relief. Placing a hand over her pounding heart, she let out a long sigh.

"Were there any other injuries?" she asked. "And that looks like quite a bit more than a few bumps and bruises, Jacob."

"Pfft. I'll be back on my feet in no time - you'll see. Leah got a few scrapes too, but she'll be okay."

"What about the others? Was anyone else hurt?"

Jake frowned. "Nope. Everyone is fine."

-oOo-

Steadying herself, Bella climbed down from the cab of her truck and trudged up the path to Jake's house. The surreal, breathless excitement of her graduation seemed to follow after her, clinging to her skin and granting her strength for what she was about to do. Before she could chicken out and run back to the truck, she rapped her knuckles against the door.

"Hi," Billy said as he let her inside. "Go on back. He's in his room."

Jake sat propped up against a mountain of pillows. Upon seeing Bella, he flung the magazine he'd been reading onto the nightstand and patted the edge of the bed.

"Hey," he said, beaming at her in a way that made her stomach churn with guilt. "I wasn't expecting to see you until tomorrow, at the earliest. How was graduation?"

She remained standing. "Boring, for the most part. The speeches dragged on forever. The most entertaining thing that happened was Jessica bawling her eyes out because she's decided that she loves the whole senior class now that we aren't going to see each other every day."

"Sounds like a typical graduation, then." Jake chuckled. "Sorry I missed it."

"Mm, I think the whole _getting yourself injured while saving my life_ thing sort of trumps being there for a lame rite of passage."

Grinning, Jake shrugged one shoulder. "I guess. Did Embry, Quil, and Seth embarrass you, at least? I told them to cheer extra loud, since I couldn't be there."

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure the hearing of the people who were unfortunate enough to sit near them will never be the same." Hesitating, Bella caught her lower lip between her teeth. She spoke her next words to the floor, unable to look at Jake's bright, hopeful eyes. "Listen, I think we need to talk."

"Uh oh. _That_ can't be good."

"First of all," she said, forcing the words out in a rush, "I'm sorry if I ever led you on in any way. I don't know what your expectations are, but after that kiss—"

"Bells—"

"Please, let me just get this out. The truth is, I'm not ready for any sort of romantic relationship, and I don't know when I will be. If we got together, I'd worry that it was a rebound thing. I...I need to figure out who I am first, outside of being the daughter who looks after her parents or...someone's girlfriend." Chancing a look at Jake's face, she drew in a deep breath. Her speech left her feeling deflated, and his frown didn't do much to improve the situation. "Don't get me wrong; I'm grateful for everything you've done. Getting through these past few months would have been so much harder without you. But see, the thing is, I need to learn how to just be _Bella_."

To her astonishment, Jake smiled.

"Okay," he said. "I can wait."

"Gah. Jake! That's not what I meant at all. You shouldn't. You really, really shouldn't. It's going to be a while. I'm—" she let out a humorless gasp of laughter, "—I'm kind of messed up. And there's no guarantee that whatever path I take will lead back to you. Don't waste your life waiting and hoping."

His smile didn't falter. "Okay."

"_You_ could always find someone else, too, y'know."

"Okay."

"I mean it, Jake."

"Sure, sure."

-oOo-

Edward paced back and forth in front of the window in his old bedroom — the one that held so many fond memories of that idyllic summer with Bella before everything went pear-shaped. Downstairs, Esme, Emmett, and Jasper's thoughts centered on one common, angry theme.

_If he doesn't tell her, I will._

Even Rose had a moment or two in which she doubted the decision to go along with Jacob's plan. She paused during her organization of the funeral (everything had to be perfect: one last party to send Alice off), tapping her lower lip with her index finger as she let her mind wander to what Alice would have wanted.

In truth, Edward hadn't decided what to do. More than anything, he wanted Alice there to direct his moves, to help him make the right choice. The sorrow he'd tried to tamp down for Jasper's sake broke free, tightening around his chest and making his eyes burn with a faded memory of tears.

What was he going to do without her?

A new, frightened stream of thoughts entered his consciousness, accompanied by the rapid, staccato beat of a heart. A timid knock sounded against the front door.

"Oh," a familiar voice gasped. Jenks. "M-Mister Jasper. Hello. I have a...um. I have a delivery for you."

Jasper didn't say anything in response. Only Jenks's murmured, "Thank you, sir," and the slamming of the door gave any indication that the visitor had left. Leaning against the wall, Edward listened to the crinkling of brown paper being torn. Jasper's mind filled with images of seven thick, padded envelopes nestled inside a box. Each one bore a name, written in Alice's distinctive, bubbly scrawl.

_Rose, Emmett, Esme, Garrett — there's one for everyone_, Jasper thought. _Edward, you'd better get down here._

Edward was at the bottom of the stairs before the thought was finished. Holding his breath, he watched as Jasper presented the envelopes to their intended recipients. The entire family dropped their human facade, going impossibly still and quiet. No one wanted to be the first to see what was inside the envelopes.

"Ah, hell," Emmett said, ripping through the flap of his envelope. Inside, he found another, smaller envelope folded between a stack of paper that was filled to the margins with more of Alice's handwriting.

_Dear Em_, Edward heard the words in Emmett's head. _I hope you never have to read this letter. If I'm not there to intercept this before it reaches you, then I suppose things didn't go as I planned. I miss you already, big brother._

"Dammit, Alice," Emmett muttered. Shaking his head as if to clear it, he sprinted out of the house and retreated to the quiet privacy of the forest to read her last message to him.

Edward tried to ignore the thoughts that streamed through his mind as the rest of the Cullens and Garrett read their letters, but it was no use. Determined snippets wormed their way past his defenses, echoing through his brain in Alice's voice.

Jasper's screamed the loudest.

_Dear Jasper,_

_At 10:00 AM on June 25, 2013, go to the train station in Nottingham, England. Don't be late. _

_Love Always, _

_Alice_

_That's it?_ Jasper thought, turning the single sheet of paper over and tipping the envelope upside down. _Emmett got multiple pages, Esme practically got a novel — hell, even Garrett got a couple of paragraphs, but I barely merited a full two sentences?_

Dashing up the stairs, Edward sought refuge from the others in his room. Inside his own parcel from Alice, he found a sealed envelope that smelled like plastic and indelible ink. Beneath the paper and bubble wrap, he could feel the outline of a circle — a CD? Attached to the front was a pale pink Post-It note in the shape of a flower.

_Give this to Jasper when the time is right. You'll know it when you see it. XOXO._

The letter she'd included for him was brief — only a page, front and back. As he unfolded it, he slumped onto the drop cloth blanketed sofa.

_Oh, Edward._

_How do I even begin to say goodbye to you? If I make it through this ordeal alive, without you discovering what might have happened, it will be the sort of miracle that makes people have faith even though the world is plagued by things like famine, war, and K-Marts. _

_I love you — so very much. No flesh-and-blood brother could have been as dear. With the exception of Jasper, no one knows me as well as you. I guess that's what makes writing this so difficult. Then again, we've never needed words, have we?_

_Because you adore me, you must allow me to meddle in your life one last time. This one is going to be hard, but you can do it — I know you can. You're stronger than you think._

_Leave Bella alone__. Go somewhere else — anywhere else. Don't stay in Forks. Don't speak to her before you leave. Consider it my dying wish, if that absolves you of your guilt. Let her mature and change. Give her the gift of that human life you so wanted for her. Give Renee and Charlie the gift of seeing their child grow up. _

_And don't spy on her to make sure she's safe, either. Yeah, that's right. __I know you__. She'll be fine. Don't worry about her friends, her relationships — any of it. Just leave her alone._

_Oh, and keep in contact with Garrett. Convince him to join the family, if you can. He's so infuriatingly blurry that I have no idea what sort of role he'll play. I can only guess from what I've seen that it's important he's nearby. Just trust me._

_Get out there and make some new memories — try things you've never done. Em will help you out, I'm sure. Find happiness and peace somewhere that isn't Bella Swan's arms. _

_Don't mess this up. Remember: you're never too old to learn new tricks._

_Love,_

_Alice_

-oOo-

Edward perched on the windowsill. Bella's scent saturated the air around him, burning its way down his throat. Listening for any changes in her breathing patterns, he hopped down and entered her bedroom for the first time in months.

It was all so familiar. If not for his perfect recall, he could've almost made himself believe that her disastrous birthday party never happened — that Jasper never tried to attack her and Edward never left her cold and alone in the woods. He could lie down next to her and make believe it was like dozens of other nights when he listened to her muttering in her sleep and waited to wake her with a kiss.

With an incoherent mumble, Bella rolled over. The hair that Edward expected to see fan out across her pillow was gone, chopped into a pixie cut that stuck up at odd angles, mussed by sleep. Drawing nearer, he traced a finger over her cheek. Applying just the right amount of pressure was still second nature — like his body automatically gentled when he was near Bella. Shivering, she burrowed deeper into her cocoon of blankets, away from his icy touch.

Before he could be tempted further, Edward returned to the window. He leapt out, hitting the ground running.

Even though she'd slept through it, leaving her for a second time wasn't any easier.

-oOo-

Stalking down a darkened alley, Jasper pursued his victim. Her only crimes were being born with a frizzy mass of curly red hair and being in Port Angeles at the wrong time. Faint tendrils of fear coiled around him — light brown, like her freckles. Crossing her arms, she picked up her pace, obviously regretting her decision to take a shortcut.

He didn't let himself think as he grabbed her from behind and clamped a hand over her mouth to stifle her scream. If he gave his mind free rein, regret would start to trickle in, accompanied by pointless musings about the girl's life — her family, her loved ones, the future he was snatching away.

He _needed_ this.

Ecstasy like he hadn't felt in almost a decade exploded within him the instant his teeth pierced her skin. Greedy and aching with thirst, he pressed her up against the brick wall of a building as he drank deep. The decadent, rich flavor of her blood was intoxicating — all fresh youth and forbidden sweetness. Her emotions screamed at him even as her voice failed, tainting every surge of bliss with pain and horror.

Guilt pierced through the cloud of pleasure as her heart slowed to a stop and one last, weak breath left her lungs. Dropping the girl, Jasper scrubbed at his mouth with the back of his hand, as if he could erase the memory of what happened by wiping away some of the evidence.

This wasn't who he wanted to be.

"Damn," a familiar voice said. "Guess I'm too late."

Slumping against the wall, Jasper sprawled out on the rain-slicked pavement.

"Alice told me to give this to you when I thought the time was right," Emmett said, his emotions centering on regret and a hint of jealousy as he crept into the alley and handed Jasper a thin envelope. "Seems like you could use it now. If nothing else, the population of Port Angeles will probably appreciate it — particularly the redheads."

As Jasper turned the envelope over in his hand and ran a finger under the flap, his brother let out a long sigh. Bending down, Emmett scooped Jasper's kill into his arms and cradled her against his chest.

"I'll take care of her," he said. "See you back at the house, right?"

He raised one eyebrow on the last word of the sentence, as if to say, "You'd _better_ come back."

Jasper nodded. "Yeah. See you."

He waited until Emmett went beyond the range of his gift before reading the letter. It was even shorter than the previous one. The only words on the page were the same ones Alice always said to him after he slipped and bit a human.

_I love you._

-oOo-

Bella sat in front of her ancient computer, tapping her fingers against the faded letters on the keys. The E, S, and L were worn away, along with most of the T. On impulse, she began to compose a new e-mail message, letting her thoughts spill onto the screen.

_**From:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**To:**__ Alice Cullen  
><em>_**Date:**__ 06/11/2006 _

_Alice,_

_I guess I'm safe now. Victoria is gone. If not for Jake, I might wonder if I hallucinated the whole thing. Maybe my entire relationship with Edward was one big, fevered daydream, or maybe my imagination just provided the bits that should've been impossible._

_You know, I don't _feel_ safe. How can I, when I know how dangerous life can be? There's no coming back from that. Maybe I've developed a sense of self-preservation after all. About time, huh?_

_Even though this letter won't go through, I wanted to type it out and let you know that I'm going to be okay. Things are getting better, but I still miss you. I still wish we would've had a chance to say goodbye. I suppose the blame for that can be placed at your feet, but I don't think I even care anymore. Being hurt and angry never stopped me from wishing I could call you when something important happened or when I needed advice. There are so many things I've wanted to tell you._

_You would have hated what I wore to my graduation, by the way. Jeans, Alice. I wore jeans and one of Charlie's old t-shirts under my robe, and I regret nothing. _

_I don't know if I'll ever write another one of these e-mails. Maybe after an important life event — like when I graduate college (um, if I manage to get there, that is) or lose my virginity. I hear the latter is something you're supposed to talk to your girlfriends about, so either I tell all in these undelivered e-mails or I make both Angela and myself intensely uncomfortable._

_Or I could tell my mom. She'd probably love that, actually, which goes a long way toward explaining why I'll probably prefer to keep the whole story to myself._

_Ahem. Anyway._

_I'm working on letting Edward go once and for all, but maybe I should try to let you go, too. I know you aren't ever coming back. Maybe you'll see this letter if I concentrate hard enough on the decision to send it. If you do, then goodbye. I'll never forget you._

_Love,  
>Bella<em>

After hitting "send," she stood up, grabbed her pajamas, and went to take a shower. She didn't have the patience to wait for the crawling dial-up connection to notify her that her message once again could not be delivered. While she scrubbed her hair beneath a jet of water that was hot enough to turn her skin pink, the computer went to sleep. It wasn't until the next morning that she realized something out of the ordinary had happened.

For the first time in months, the e-mail went through.


	5. All Things Bright and Beautiful

**4. All Things Bright and Beautiful**

Chewing on her thumbnail, Leah flung open Emily's fridge. "I don't know what to do," she said, sniffing a block of cheese that had somehow escaped the attention of the other wolves long enough to cultivate a layer of blue fuzz. "I mean, there's the thing Seth and Jacob put together, but my imprint's friend just died, so _I_ need to do something. When Dad died, people brought us food — casseroles and platters of sandwiches and stuff, but that won't work. What the hell kind of food could I take him? A moose?" Pausing, she grabbed a carton of butter pecan ice cream from the freezer and rifled through the silverware drawer for a spoon. "Or a person, really, considering he's not exactly on the all-quadriped diet — which, might I add, makes this whole thing even shittier."

Jake sprawled out on Emily's cramped sofa, struggling to find a position that didn't hurt his ribs and pretending not to listen to the conversation taking place in the next room. Leah talked big, but he'd seen her thoughts on the subject of her new bloodsucker. She was just as besotted as the rest of the poor saps who had imprinted, no matter how repulsed she was by Garrett's lifestyle or how her mind rebelled at the idea of loving one of her enemies.

Jake shuddered. Seeing the connection through his pack mates' thoughts hadn't done anything to change his mind; he still thought imprinting was a horrible fate. He hoped he would never be stripped of his free will and forced into slavish devotion.

Emily laughed. "Why don't you take some flowers for her grave? That would probably be appropriate. You can pick some from the garden, if you want."

"Yeah, maybe," Leah mumbled around a mouthful of ice cream. "Saves me having to figure out if he prefers the blood of innocents, or if he'd just as happily dine on a child molester or something. I don't think I have it in me to hunt down a fresh, screaming virgin for my not-boyfriend to eat."

At least Leah's new adoration of a homicidal monster carried one benefit: Leah and Emily could be around each other without _Days of our Lives_ type drama ensuing. Leah and Sam were another story, but Jake thought they'd get there eventually. Maybe. Someday. Within the next few decades.

"Ready?" Seth asked as he burst into the house.

"Yeah," Jake replied. "Did you bring it?"

Nodding, Seth held up the black plastic video tape. Jake could hardly believe what he was about to do. Bad enough they were going to a leech's funeral, but _this_. Well. It had been Seth's idea. The kid had developed an annoying soft spot for the Cullens ever since they saved him and Leah. As far as Jacob was concerned, they were only attending this ridiculous event to make sure the Cullens stayed true to their promise to leave town.

"I don't know about this," Jake said.

"Well, I do," Seth said. "It's the least I can do for Alice's family, considering."

Muttering under his breath, Jake began the arduous task of pulling himself to his feet. Seth hid the tape behind his back, as if that would keep Jake from taking it if he really wanted to.

"Do you think we should take something to play it on, too?" Seth asked. "I mean, what if they don't have a VCR anymore?"

"Pfft. They're all older than dirt. They'll have one. They probably even still have a gramophone in their attic."

A flustered Leah stomped into the room, smoothing out a few nonexistent wrinkles in her dark skirt and clutching a bouquet of flowers with a death grip.

"Right," she said, nodding as if to reassure herself of something. "Come on. I don't want to be late."

Groaning, Jake followed Seth and Leah out to the latter's car. Three werewolves attending a vampire's funeral. He never thought he'd see the day.

-oOo-

"Put these in," Esme whispered, pressing a little plastic case into Jasper's palm. "The wolves will be here soon."

Opening the lid, Jasper raised his eyebrows. He'd expected cloying worry and an excess of hugs from Esme. What he got was a pair of black contacts. Leaning over, he popped them in and tried in vain to blink away the feeling of having a pair of dinner plates lodged in his eyes.

Esme brushed her hands over his shoulders, straightening his suit jacket. "There," she said. "Now you just look thirsty. They never have to know."

The rattle of an old engine announced the arrival of the wolves. Garrett greeted Leah before they had a chance to knock on the front door, emanating curiosity as he went. Jasper didn't know how much Leah had explained about imprinting, but Garrett certainly seemed intrigued by her. Aside from the horrid taste of her blood, Jasper had to admit she wasn't quite as disgusting as the other wolves. Her smell was different, for a start — more woodsy than canine. Whether this was because she was the mate of a vampire or because she was female, he didn't know. The possibilities had Carlisle buzzing with scientific interest underneath the deep sorrow he felt for Alice.

"Sit with me," Esme said, taking Jasper's arm as Carlisle walked with heavy feet up to the podium Emmett had set up next to a table that overflowed with vases of flowers and photographs of Alice. Jasper allowed Esme to lead him to the first row of chairs, in front of their cousins from Alaska. Irina felt a murderous jolt of rage at the sight of the wolves, but she said nothing.

Jasper let out a breath from between pursed lips. He wasn't entirely sure he wouldn't rip Irina's head off if she dared to cause a scene at his wife's funeral — especially if it involved the young wolf Alice had died trying to protect.

As Jasper perched on the edge of his seat, Esme opened the black handbag that dangled from her arm with a sly flick of her wrist. Nestled amongst the useless packets of tissues were several extra sets of contacts.

"Help yourself when you need to," she said.

Never, in all the years he'd known her, would Jasper have described Esme as _fierce_, but that was exactly the word that sprang to his mind as she sat there, quiet and determined, doing what needed to be done to keep the remains of her makeshift family safe — what he hadn't remembered to do, drowned as he was by thoughts of Alice.

Carlisle's strong, clear voice rang out, beginning Alice's eulogy. Jasper kept his eyes focused on the photos of her smiling face as the story of how he and Alice introduced themselves to the Cullens was told for the 287th time in his memory, only looking away to sneak in a new set of contacts when his venom burned the first ones away.

Edward played a song he'd composed especially for her — light and happy, just as she'd been. A sombre tune wouldn't have suited. Rosalie read a poem they'd both loved during the '80's — the decade when they started to feel like true sisters. Instead of telling a joke and attempting to make the crowd laugh through their grief, Emmett surprised everyone by pulling out a violin. Hands that looked more suited to a bar fight drew the bow back and forth with astonishing gentleness, coaxing a heartbreaking melody from the strings.

The final note hung in the air. Smiling, Emmett tapped a finger against one of Alice's portraits. "Bet even _you_ didn't see that coming," he said.

"Does anyone else have anything they'd like to share?" Carlisle asked.

Jasper remained seated. He couldn't speak, couldn't move. If he stopped looking at those frozen images of happier times, he would be catapulted back to the moment her body landed in the fire. His perfect memory would replay it again and again until he lost his mind. Esme squeezed his arm, her tight grip almost painful. He shook his head.

If he spoke about his wife as though she no longer existed, she would truly be _gone_.

"Um," Seth said, standing up, "I have something. I didn't know Alice for more than a few minutes, but I'll be grateful to her for the rest of my life. I know Bella was close to her. Since I can't get around Sam's order not to tell her about Alice...well, this was the closest I could get to bringing Bella along. Do you have a VCR?"

After a dusty, cobwebbed venture up to the attic, Emmett managed to unearth a clunky, top-loading VCR that had escaped being donated to charity. Everyone gathered around the TV in the living room, waiting as Emmett connected the machine and Seth popped in the tape. A fuzzy image of Bella and Jacob sitting on a couch appeared on the screen, a line of static cutting across their chests.

Spending decades observing humans during his endless high school education hadn't made Jasper any more accustomed to how quickly they changed. In the space of a year, the girl he almost killed had faded away, replaced by this short-haired almost-woman of a stranger.

"Why don't any of your medications have labels?" Bella asked a few seconds after Seth hit play, rattling the pills in a translucent, brown plastic bottle.

"Got bored," the Jacob on the screen replied. "Not much to do, sitting around here all day. I think I peeled them off during a daytime TV marathon. It doesn't matter, anyway. I know how much to take."

Jasper had to hand it to Jacob: he was thorough. The prescribing doctor's name would have appeared on the label. If Bella saw "Dr. C. Cullen" printed there, it would have derailed Jacob's quest to keep Bella from learning of the Cullens' return.

"Hmm. I guess," Bella said. "Do you need anything else before I head over to Emily's?"

Jacob's gaze darted in the direction of the camera, just for a second. When he spoke again, his voice lacked enthusiasm, reluctance coloring every word.

"Yeah," he said. "You know what would make me feel better?"

"What?"

Pressing one hand against his injured ribs, he leaned over the edge of the couch and pulled a stack of paper from the bag at Bella's feet. "Sing something," he said.

She wrinkled her nose. "Seriously?"

"Yeah. You've been having lessons with Emily for months now. Show me what you've learned."

"Can't I just offer you another lifetime of servitude?"

"Nah. Don't have any candy hearts to pay you with, and as far as I know, you still only have the one lifetime to offer up. C'mon, Bells, indulge me. Let's see." Clearing his throat, he began to leaf through the papers in his hand — sheet music, Jasper realized. "_Over the Rainbow_...nope. _We'll Meet Again_...not likely. _Love Me Tender_...hell no. Hmm. Inappropriate, inappropriate, stupid, inappropriate — ah. Here. I guess this one will work."

Bella laughed at the yellowed, tattered paper that he tossed onto her lap. "A hymn? Really?"

"Yep. Now, less talking, more singing."

"Fine, but I think _you_ should be _my_ slave for life after this."

"We'll trade off. On days ending in Y, you'll be my slave. On all other days, I'll be yours."

"Ha, ha."

"Is that the beginning of the song? Huh. Weird. That's not the version I learned."

"Oh, fine. If it'll make you shut up, I'll do it." Sitting up straight, she drew in a deep breath. After a teasing nudge from Jacob made her laugh and swat his leg, she began to sing the hymn he'd chosen. "All things bright and beautiful, all creatures great and small, all things wise and wonderful..."

Her voice was weak and thready, rendered quiet by the same embarrassment that made a deep blush paint itself across her cheeks. So, not everything had changed. Jasper knew, even without sitting next to Bella and feeling the billow and swirl of her emotions, that she had been overcome by a gnawing mixture of self-consciousness and awkwardness: that feeling of not fitting in that so many teenagers seemed to think was unique to them alone.

A jolt of dark blue loathing, pointed inward, rang through Edward, threading together with his other emotions. His grief lightened as he watched the girl who once insisted that he _must_ have a soul sing unknowingly for Alice, who loved her dearly.

"Hey," Bella said, cutting the song short. "What's that?" Standing up, she marched forward.

"Crap," Seth's voice muttered, sounding unnaturally loud from his position behind the camera. The screen blurred into streaks of green and brown as he ran outside, his rapid footsteps and laughter ringing above Bella's voice.

"Seth Clearwater! You come back here!"

With one more laugh from Seth, the screen faded to static. After Bella's stolen performance, everyone milled around the house, talking about Alice in hushed tones. Jasper remained on the couch, nodding his head whenever someone drifted past to offer their condolences. He was only distantly aware of Edward asking Jacob if they could speak outside, though every whispered, strained word of the conversation that followed screamed loud and clear.

"I was wondering if I could ask you for a favor?" Edward said.

Jacob snorted. "Probably not."

"If I give you my word that we will leave Bella alone," Edward continued, unfazed, "will you make sure she stays safe?"

"I already do that, and it isn't for _your_ benefit."

"Ah, yes. I saw." Edward tapped a finger against his temple. "The motorcycles, the offer of cliff diving..." He sighed, irritation flowing through the thick pane of glass that separated him from Jasper. "But that's not what I'm talking about. The other wolves—"

Jacob's emotions took on a dangerous, angry edge. "What _about_ them?"

"You can't deny that some of your brothers don't share your talent for self-control. They're unpredictable, dangerous. Even Sam—"

"Do _not_ finish that sentence, leech."

Edward paced in front of the window. "Please, just make sure she's okay. _Please_."

Silence. Jasper listened to Edward's guilt and longing battle with Jacob's fury and spite, teal and dark blue crashing together and setting off little explosions of color in Jasper's mind.

"All right, fine," Jacob said, at last. "For her, though. Not for you."

"Thank you."

-oOo-

"What are you going to do now?" Rosalie asked as she stripped the sheets from the bed Jasper had shared with Alice in the house in Ithaca.

"Move to Tillamook with everyone else, I guess," Jasper replied. "Beyond that, I don't know."

The family had agreed to move to an entirely new house — somewhere that didn't have the ghost of Alice's memory lurking in every corner. Jasper suspected Edward's suggestion of the Oregon coast had been for Leah's benefit, since it wasn't too far for her to run to see Garrett now and then.

"You gonna do high school with us again?" Emmett asked.

Jasper let out a short breath of laughter. "Hell no. I've had enough teenage angst for several lifetimes."

As he spoke, he packed Alice's belongings into boxes. He cocooned each item in bubble wrap, moving at a human pace to avoid breaking anything while Emmett and Rose took care of his stuff.

"You and me both. I'm not looking forward to starting over as a fucking freshman."

"I don't know," Rose said. "I kind of like going to a new school."

Jasper allowed his lips to curve into the hint of a smile: the first he could recall since Alice's death. Rose _would_ like that. She craved the attention — the stares and whispers inspired by her beauty. The entranced murmurs and longing looks were never so intense as their first day in a new place.

"The house Esme and Edward found looks really nice," Rose said. "Did she tell you about it? There's a little cabin in the woods — far enough that you can't hear everyone in the main house."

"No, but dibs," Jasper said.

A cabin of his own sounded ideal. If not for his worries about his ability to stick to the Cullens' diet without their support, he knew he would probably leave the family entirely.

-oOo-

Drumming his fingers against his desk, Jasper glared at his computer. He counted off the seconds in his head, waiting for it to start up.

Two more minutes. That was all the time the damn thing was going to get before he threw it against the wall. Either way, he was going to buy a new one. Being repaired was too kind a fate for such a traitorous machine.

Frustrated, he ran to the spare room of the cabin — the one where he kept Alice's things. Emmett had once referred to it as a shrine. It took him the space of a few breaths to find her old, bright purple laptop. Returning to his study, he plugged it in and hit the power button. His own computer remained frozen on the loading screen the whole time, taunting him with false promises of working.

Alice's smile greeted him, making his breath lodge in his throat. Almost a year since her death, and he'd missed her every damn day. She'd changed her desktop wallpaper to a photo of herself with a speech bubble edited in, bearing a message to him.

_Check my e-mail. Love you!_

Shaking and off-balance, Jasper did as she asked. Her spam folder was full to bursting, but only one message waited for him in her inbox.

"Bella."


	6. Feelings for Something Lost

**5. Feelings for Something Lost**

One of Jasper's strongest human memories was the sensation of running. He remembered the burn of air whooshing in and out of his lungs, the racing thud of his pulse, the ache in his calves. Over a century had passed since Maria's bite transformed him, but running as a vampire still felt _off_. It was too easy; the effortless pumping of his legs and whirring speed wasn't how Jasper thought running should be.

Even so, as he sprinted through the woods in a blur, nothing about his motions felt _easy_. The significance of the date seemed to weigh down his limbs, rendering him as weak as a human. A whole year had passed since Alice's death. Retreating to the quiet center of the forest, far from his family's overwhelming emotions, he sat high in a tree and let himself feel the loss with his whole heart.

As dusk drifted in, casting everything in rosy light, two pinpricks of yellow appeared on the edge of his awareness. He knew their emotional signatures as well as he knew Carlisle's or Esme's. Peter and Charlotte. Hopping down from his tree, Jasper walked to meet them.

"Hey," Peter said, beaming sympathy. "We came as soon as we heard. I'm so sorry, man."

Jasper nodded. Charlotte inched forward, her emotions resonating with her usual, deep distrust and fear, tinged with an unfamiliar, sinking feeling of pity.

She had never quite forgiven Jasper. If his only crime had been trying to kill her, he thought she might have been able to let it go. In her eyes, the years he spent beating a newly changed Peter into shape were an unpardonable offense. The silvery crescents his teeth had carved into Pete's skin served as a constant reminder that Jasper hadn't always been a friend to her mate.

"I'm sorry for your loss," she said.

Coming from Charlotte, the overused words were practically a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

They had hunted recently — within the past hour, by his estimation. Jasper could see the stolen blood tinting their eyes bright red, bringing a slight flush to their pale cheeks. The tempting scent of their meal wrapped around him, prompting a fiery, aching thirst in the back of his throat.

Oh, how he longed to cheat. Drinking human blood would make everything else disappear, granting him a few precious seconds of sweet oblivion.

Biting the inside of his lip, he swallowed a mouthful of venom and forced the urge back. He had to make himself keep going — keep trying. It was what Alice would have wanted. It was what _he_ wanted, when he wasn't blinded by thirst.

Leah's scent reached Jasper's nose before Garrett's did, even though she had gone back up to Washington the day before. Woodsy it may have been, but it was also powerful. It seemed to always hover around Garrett in recent days, no matter how long it had been since they last saw one another.

Jasper still couldn't work out how the two of them _worked_. He felt instinctive hate eddying beneath the surface now and then on both sides, but it was always eclipsed by love and desire. They kept their relationship — if there _was_ a relationship — hidden, shrouded in secrecy. Jasper assumed it was out of courtesy, due to his recent loss, but he couldn't help being curious. Leah's emotions were like nothing he'd ever felt, and new experiences had been few and far between for him for many decades.

"Oh, hey, visitors," Garrett said as he jogged up to them. "Haven't seen you two in a while. How have you been?"

"Can't complain," Peter replied. Tilting his head up, he squinted at Garrett's eyes. "How about you? New diet?"

"Yeah." Garrett shrugged. "It's not so bad, actually."

Peter snorted. "Pull the other one, it has bells on. I tried it once. Never again."

Bells. Jasper frowned. After scouring his surroundings for any trace of Edward's emotions, he let his thoughts drift back to the e-mail from Bella. He knew Alice had instructed Edward to keep his distance, but she clearly had other ideas for Jasper. Her desktop wallpaper proved that much, at least. A week had elapsed since he read the e-mail, and he'd long since decided to answer it.

Only one thing was stopping him: he couldn't work out what to say — where to start.

"You all right?" Garrett asked, clapping a hand on his shoulder.

"Yeah," Jasper said. "I'm fine. There's just something I have to do."

Garrett nodded. "Sure. Take your time. I'll show Peter and Charlotte to the main house."

When he reached his solitary little cabin, Jasper sat at his desk and pressed the power button on Alice's old laptop. He puzzled over possible greetings in his head as he logged into his own e-mail. The girl had a right to know about Alice — he'd always thought as much — but how could he break such terrible news when they hadn't spoken in years? When they barely spoke before?

In the end, he chose the easiest, most obvious option for the subject line.

_I'm sorry._

-oOo-

Drawing her lower lip between her teeth, Bella resumed her staring contest with the new message that lurked in her inbox. _J. W. Hale?_ She knew only one person with the surname of Hale whose first initial was J. With a frustrated sigh, she opened the message.

_**From:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**To: **__Bella Swan  
><em>_**Date: **__06/07/2007_

_Dear Bella,_

_I know this apology is long overdue, but I hope you'll accept it in spite of the delay. I am so sorry for the way I behaved at your eighteenth birthday party. If my siblings hadn't been able to stop me, I never would have forgiven myself._

_So much has happened since I last saw you. By chance, I read the e-mail you sent Alice — the one in which you told her that even with Victoria gone, you didn't feel safe. I hope you still use the same e-mail address; it's been almost a year since you sent it. _

_I'm afraid I have some bad news. Well, "bad" doesn't even begin to cover it, really. Keeping this from you never sat right with me, but those among us who knew you better took charge of the situation and decided it was for the best. I was, in all honesty, in no state to oppose them at the time. For that, too, I'm sorry._

_We lost Alice. It happened not long before you last wrote to her — a year ago today. She was killed by another of our kind (who, I assure you, has been dealt with). In spite of everything that happened, you must know that she always cared for you. I felt how much she missed you every day after we left._

_I hope you're doing well, Bella. Take care of yourself._

_Sincerely,  
><em>_Jasper Whitlock Hale_

Slack-jawed, Bella pressed a trembling hand to her mouth. Alice was dead. Alice was dead. Alice was dead. No matter how many times she repeated the sentence in her mind, it didn't seem real.

How _dare_ Edward keep this from her? There was no doubt in her mind that it was his idea. "As if I never existed" would, of course, extend to not informing her when Alice no longer existed.

A scream tried to claw its way up her throat as tears burned her eyes, but she managed to stifle it into a whimper. An onslaught of tears made her shoulders shake. Her chest felt tight — like she couldn't draw in a full breath.

Alice was dead.

Sniffling, she hit the "reply" button.

_**From:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**To: **__J. W. Hale  
><em>_**Date:**__ 06/08/2007_

_Jasper,_

_Oh, my God. I am so sorry. Forget about apologizing to me; it doesn't matter. You were completely forgiven the night it happened, anyway._

_I don't know what to say. Nothing I could possibly come up with would ever be enough. How are you doing? _

_Ugh, I know that's probably a stupid question. It's only been a year. I can't even imagine what you must have gone through...what you're still going through._

_It doesn't matter that it's been ages since I last saw Alice or even spoke to her. I'll still miss her all the same. She was an amazing person._

_I'm so, so sorry, Jasper. I know there's most likely nothing I can do, but if there's anything you need, let me know. I need to get to class, so I'm going to have to cut this short. _

_Take care,  
><em>_Bella_

It seemed so inadequate. The man had lost his wife of over fifty years. Bella was out of her depth. That level of love and devotion was a foreign concept to her. Numbly, she wiped the tears from her cheeks and trudged down the stairs. Charlie sat on the couch in his classic pose: a beer in one hand and the TV remote in the other.

"Hey," he said. "You heading to school?"

"Yeah," she replied, silently willing her voice not to betray her with a telltale shake. In an effort to dodge Charlie's stare and keep him from noticing her reddened eyes, she fished her checkbook out of the table next to the front door and turned her back to him as she filled out her monthly rent check. She pressed the pen down too hard, almost tearing through the paper as she scrawled Charlie's name and tried to compose herself.

"Here," she said, ripping the check from the book and placing it underneath Charlie's keys in the bowl by the door. "And don't think I won't notice if you don't deposit it. I'm going to check my balance."

"Bells, you know it's not necessary. I like having you around. If anything, I should pay you for being my personal chef."

She forced a laugh. "It is so necessary. I need to pull my own weight. I can't rely on you forever."

"Hmph."

"I can't believe we're still having this conversation every month. It's been, what, almost a year?"

"Well, you're stubborn."

"Wonder who I inherited _that_ from."

The corner of Charlie's mustache twitched as his mouth curved into a lopsided grin. "Your mother, of course. I'm just saying, it'd be easier for you to save up all you need for college if you weren't always handing it over to me."

Unexpectedly, Bella felt a new wave of loss threaten to drag her under. She had to get out of the house before the sting of Alice's death made her start sobbing in front of Charlie. Tears would lead to explanations she didn't want to give. If she forced herself to speak the horrible truth of, "Alice Cullen is dead," she thought she would come apart at the seams.

"I'm saving plenty, especially since the Newtons gave me a raise. Just enjoy the extra money, Dad. Take a vacation somewhere and catch all sorts of new fish to bring home and put in the freezer." Grabbing her keys, she gave him a half-hearted wave. "See you later."

She went about her day as normal, driving her beloved gas guzzler to Port Angeles and sitting through her Intro to Psychology class, but every step felt surreal. She moved on auto-pilot, focusing all of her energy on swallowing back the sorrow until she could be alone and let it run free. She still couldn't believe it.

_Alice_ was _dead_.

-oOo-

_**From:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**To: **__Bella Swan  
><em>_**Date: **__06/09/2007_

_Dear Bella,_

_Thank you. I've wanted to tell you I was sorry for a long time now, so I'm relieved that you accepted my apology._

_As for how I'm doing: it varies from day to day. I'm not sure whether it would be better or worse if I didn't have a perfect memory. Remembering everything about Alice is both a blessing and a curse._

_I can't think of anything I need that you'd be able to provide, but it's kind of you to offer, nonetheless. _

_What about you? How are you doing? I'm not asking to be polite; I genuinely want to know. Are you in college now? Alice left me a note on her computer, telling me to check her e-mail, so she must have wanted us to talk for some reason. Yours was the only message I found. Is there anything you need?_

_I should go. Emmett will be here soon to drag me off on a hunt._

— _Jasper_

Bella rolled her shoulders, wincing at the tension that coiled at the base of her neck. She'd already been sitting at her computer for three hours when Jasper's e-mail arrived. Her entire body ached, rendered stiff and sore by inactivity. A pile of used tissues sat in the bottom of her wastepaper basket: casualties in her losing battle against crying over Alice.

Had Alice known she was going to die? She must have, given what Jasper had said. Why hadn't she prevented it — kept herself safe?

Briefly, she mulled over the possibility of asking Jasper what had happened, but she dismissed the notion almost as soon as it occurred. Perfect recall or no, she didn't want to ask him to relive his wife's death just to tell her things she probably didn't want to know.

_**From:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**To:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**Date: **__06/09/2007_

_Well, if Alice wanted us to write, we had better write. I'd never bet against her. We could be averting the apocalypse by e-mailing back and forth, for all we know._

_I'm doing...okay. Less okay since I heard about Alice, of course, but I'm glad you told me. I would rather know the truth than carry on as I was, believing she was still out there, living and breathing and being happy. It was a comforting lie (well, lie by omission), but all the same, I prefer knowing._

_I've been working part-time and taking classes at a community college part-time. I don't have any firm plans just yet. I haven't even chosen a major. Right now, my approach seems to be, "That subject looks semi-interesting. I'll take that class." I'm slowly thinning out my options for what I want to study when I start full-time education, though. I have it narrowed down to six options at the moment...maybe eight. Ten, at most. I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up, but I'll work it out._

_No, I don't need anything, but thanks for offering._

_Are you still in high school? I don't know how you do that day after day, year after year. The four years I spent going to high school was more than enough for me._

_Did you tell anyone else that you e-mailed me?_

— _Bella_

-oOo-

"Did you ever think about going against Alice's wishes and contacting Bella?" Jasper asked, focusing on his surroundings and taking extra care to keep his thoughts neutral. He let the rustle of wind through the trees and the scent of prey in the distance occupy his mind, only thinking Bella's name when he voiced the question.

"Every day," Edward said.

"Then why don't you?"

With an aimless kick at a pile of dry, brown pine needles, Edward sighed. "Alice must have had a reason for telling me to keep my distance. I can only assume that by leaving Bella alone, I'm protecting her — or making her life better, at the very least. As long as Bella is safe, I can handle it."

-oOo-

_**From:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**To: **__Bella Swan  
><em>_**Date: **__06/10/2007_

_Anti-apocalyptic e-mails? I've seen a lot of things, but that would definitely be something entirely new. _

_Your approach to community college sounds a lot like mine. No, I'm not going back to high school — ever again, if I can help it. I'm taking some community college classes myself and playing the part of slacker nephew who lives above the garage. I don't know what I want to be when I grow up, either._

_No, I haven't told anyone else that I've e-mailed you. Nor do I intend to._

— _Jasper_

-oOo-

_**From: **__Bella Swan  
><em>_**To: **__J. W. Hale  
><em>_**Date: **__06/11/2007_

_Slacker nephew who lives above the garage? Does that make you the Fonz?_

_It's reassuring to hear that you don't know what you want to be when you grow up, either, even if you were kidding. I can't blame you for avoiding high school. Wisest choice, if you ask me._

— _Bella_

-oOo-

_**From: **__J. W. Hale  
><em>_**To:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**Date: **__06/12/2007_

_Don't be silly; of course I'm not the Fonz. Fonzie wasn't the Cunninghams' nephew. And I don't actually live above the garage. I have my own cabin._

_But I have been known to make a jukebox work again by hitting it. Henry Winkler learned that from me. Honest._

_I don't think many people really know what they want to be when they're 19. Back in my other life, I wanted to have a military career — which I did, and I was good at it. I don't know what I would have done after the war ended, though. The plan was for me to take over my father's general store, but I don't think that life would have satisfied me. So, in a way, I suppose I wasn't kidding about knowing what I want to be when I grow up. And now, with Alice gone, I have no idea what to do next._

_What classes are you taking right now?_

— _Jasper_

-oOo-

They never spoke of Edward. It was as though they forgot about what little time they'd spent together before writing back and forth, save the parts that involved Alice.

"You writing a novel or something?" Charlie asked one morning in July as Bella gulped down scalding coffee before work.

"No, why?"

"Just hear you typing a lot, that's all."

"Oh. School stuff and e-mails."

He raised his eyebrows. "E-mails? To your mom?"

"Mm. Some of them." Bella popped a cereal bar in her mouth to give herself an excuse to stop talking.

"This isn't one of those Internet chat site things, is it? You haven't met some guy with three kids and a house in Iowa or something, have you?"

Laughing, Bella, clapped a hand over her mouth to keep from spewing crumbs everywhere. "No," she said once she'd swallowed her breakfast. "Just old friends from high school."

"Hmm." Charlie hesitated, smoothing his fingers over his mustache and taking a sip of coffee before he added, "Old boyfriends?"

"No. _Definitely_ not. Gotta go. I'll be late for work."

-oOo-

_**From:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**To: **__J. W. Hale  
><em>_**Date: **__09/12/2007_

_My teacher was less than amused when I quoted you during class today. I don't think he appreciated being corrected in front of everyone. Also, I panicked when he asked where I got my information. I told him my source was Wikipedia. I couldn't very well say, "From a guy who fought in the Civil War."_

_Well, I suppose I could have said that, but I think it would have gotten slightly more laughs than Wikipedia. Maybe._

_How's the new job going? _

— _Bella_

-oOo-

_**From: **__J. W. Hale  
><em>_**To: **__Bella Swan  
><em>_**Date: **__09/13/2007_

_HAPPY TWENTIETH BIRTHDAY!_

_You didn't think I'd forget, did you? I was going to send you an e-card, but then I remembered you get uncomfortable and self-conscious when people make a fuss. Shouting it at you in all-caps will have to do._

_You actually said, "Wikipedia?" Ha. _

_The new job is dull beyond belief. It wouldn't be so bad if I could move at a decent pace, but I have to be slow so the other workers don't suspect anything. Working in a factory is its own special form of hell. I don't know what possessed me to try it._

_Hope you have a good birthday. _

— _Jasper_

-oOo-

_**From:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**To:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**Date: **__09/14/2007_

_Thanks. My birthday was okay. I had to work, but after I was through earning a living I went out to dinner with Charlie and some family friends, and then I spent an hour on the phone listening to my mom talk while I said, "Uh huh. Yeah. Uh huh. Yep."_

_When is your birthday, by the way? If you're going to go all shouty-caps at me when I age another year, I should be able to return the favor._

_Well, I didn't think you'd find your true calling working in a factory. Maybe you should try writing history textbooks under a pseudonym. Then I could cite your book if I have another reason to correct a professor, rather than panicking and blurting out the first thing that comes to mind. _

_Also, you'd probably be good at it._

— _Bella_

-oOo-

_**From:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**To: **__J. W. Hale  
><em>_**Date:**__ 01/01/2008_

_HAPPY 164th BIRTHDAY! And happy New Year, too._

_I'm going to be having a piece of cake for you later. Completely in honor of your birthday, of course. Nothing to do with me wanting cake whatsoever. _

_How has your day been?_

_Hey, I just thought of something the other day. In that first e-mail I sent, what did I say? I have vague memories about including something potentially embarrassing, but it's been a while and I can't find the message in my sent items folder._

— _Bella_

-oOo-

_**From:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**To: **__Bella Swan  
><em>_**Date: **__01/02/2008_

_Thank you, and happy New Year to you, too. My day was all right. My old friend, Peter, stopped by, and he didn't bring his wife. That sounds horrible when I put it that way. She and I don't get along very well, so not having to tolerate each other was like a birthday present for both of us. It's the second time I've seen Peter this year, which is pretty unusual, for him. He usually only comes around twice a decade or so, if that._

_Milestones make me miss Alice more. Not that yet another birthday is very significant when you get to be my age, but Alice always made a big deal when one rolled around. I suppose you already know all about that, don't you? It doesn't seem like my birthday without her throwing a ridiculous party and buying some absurd gag gift to make me laugh._

_Your first e-mail? Hmm. Well, there was that bit about you wearing jeans to your graduation. Mortifying. And then there was some mild stuff about wanting to tell Alice when you lose your virginity, so nothing embarrassing there._

_In all seriousness, I think she would have surprised you with her opinion on your graduation outfit. She would have hated it and lectured you about your crimes against fashion, don't get me wrong, but she also would have felt a bit proud to see you asserting yourself. She always felt that way when you stood up to someone who was trying to mold you into their version of who you should be. Of course, she would have preferred you assert yourself into some designer clothes, but as long as you were happy, she was pretty happy for you._

_Time for a hunt. Hey, are you getting any closer to picking a major?_

— _Jasper_


	7. The Origins of Percival

**6. The Origins of Percival**

"Aren't you supposed to be spending your spring break in Mexico, drunk off your ass?" Jake said, grabbing a giant-sized handful of chips from one of the bowls Bella had laid out.

"Jake! Stop eating everything!" Bella swatted his hand, then cursed under her breath at the pain that shot through her fingers. It was like smacking a brick wall. "I'm already worried about there being enough food, between your appetite and Seth's. And, hey, shouldn't you be _happy_ that I'd rather spend my spring break in your company than do shots with a bunch of frat boys?"

"Hell no. I was going to invite myself along. When is everyone getting here?"

"Any minute now. Hmm. Is it weird that I'm kind of nervous? It'll be the first time I've really spent any time with my high school friends since we graduated. I hope you get along. I mean, you already know Mike, but you're hardly each other's favorite person. And, um, speaking of school...I've finally decided on a major."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yep. Math."

"_Math?_" Jake looked so baffled, Bella almost wondered if Jasper could feel his bemusement from wherever in the world he was.

Bella and Jasper were always careful never to disclose their respective locations in their e-mails, as though Charlie's worries had come to life and they really were two Internet friends who had met on a chat room. She knew that he probably knew she was still in Forks, but she never said it outright. The only clue she had about his whereabouts was the ocean; he mentioned it from time to time.

"Yeah," she said. "I like math, and I'm pretty good at it. And, um, I'm moving down to Portland. Starting in the fall, I'm going to Portland State."

Jake's teasing grin drooped into a forced smile. "Well, damn. I'm going to miss you, Bells."

He still looked at her the same way he had when she was a broken girl who sat in his garage and drank warm, generic colas, taking every opportunity to brush his hand against hers or to hug her longer than he should. More and more, she was starting to welcome his attentions, but she knew it couldn't come to anything. Not yet. She was moving away soon, and she would _not_ break the promise she'd made to herself to never again put her life on hold for a boy.

Portland seemed ideal for her needs. It was far enough from Forks to get some freedom and stand on her own, but close enough to still have that big, Charlie shaped safety net in case she failed spectacularly.

"Hey, before I forget," she said, "would you and the rest of the Pack be willing to help me out with some work around here? I can't pay much, but I wanted to fix a few things up while Charlie goes on that fishing trip with Billy. Something to thank him for putting up with me for the past few years."

"Yeah, of course," Seth said before Jake could answer, sitting next to Bella and resting his feet on the coffee table as if it was his house. "Just let us know the time and we'll be here."

"Thanks," Bella said, grinning at him. "Hey, is Leah coming?" Watching Seth and Jake exchange a meaningful glance, she frowned. "You invited her, right?"

Jake nodded. "Err, yeah. I think she's busy this weekend, though. Going out with some guy."

"Oh, really? Well, that's good. I hope it ends up going better than that mess between her and Sam."

"Mm." Jake pressed his lips together. The doorbell chimed, announcing the first non-wolf guest.

"Would you mind getting that, Jake?" Bella asked, bustling around the snack table and adding more bowls of pretzels and plates of cupcakes. "I don't want to leave my chips at your mercy."

Chuckling, Jake strolled to the front door and pulled it open. Jessica stood on the doorstep, a bright pink rainjacket and matching umbrella shielding her curly hair from the pouring rain. Tilting her head back, she shot Jake a wide, enthusiastic smile. Bella muffled a laugh.

_Guess her and Mike are in another "off again" phase, _she thought.

"Oh, shit," Jake said, backing away until he almost tripped over an end table. "No, no, no. _ Shit_. Fuck."

Scoffing, Jessica placed her free hand on her hip and glared at him. "Well, nice to meet you, too."

-oOo-

_Ring. Ring. Ring. _

Flopping back onto her bed, Bella counted as she waited for Jake to answer his phone. He was evading her with as much subtlety and finesse as he'd shown when he first phased into a wolf. Sighing, she propped her bare feet against the wall and walked them up toward the ceiling until her lower back left the mattress, the way she used to do when she was little.

"Gah," she said, slamming the phone back into its cradle. "You big jerk."

Everything had changed when Jessica arrived at the party. It almost made Bella wonder if something had happened — something involuntary and instant and..._mystical_.

No, that was a crazy idea. _Jessica?_ Jake hadn't looked at her the way Sam always looked at Emily. Mostly, he'd seemed horrified. Then again, Bella thought revulsion was a perfectly valid reaction to finding oneself in love at first sight with Jessica Stanley. She couldn't imagine she would feel any differently, in Jake's shoes.

An involuntary laugh escaped her lips. _Me and Jess,_ she thought. _Oh, _that_ would be a romance for the ages. She could moon over my ex-boyfriend while I tried to deflect Mike's attempts to talk us into a threesome._

A loud, rapid knock at the front door interrupted the disturbing turn her daydreams had taken. Still chuckling to herself, she made her way downstairs to greet the visitor. She expected the mailman or perhaps one of her friends who was still in town for spring break. What she got, to her surprise, was Leah.

"Hey," Leah said with something that might have passed for a smile. "Got a minute?"

"Um, yeah, sure. Come on in."

Leah's nose wrinkled as she trailed after Bella into the house. In spite of multiple open windows, the smell of fresh paint still hung in the air.

"Looks good," Leah said as she peered into the kitchen. The once yellow cupboards were now sky blue, blotting out Renee's attempt to bring the sun to Forks.

"Thanks. It was mostly Seth, Quil, and Embry, really."

"Jake didn't help?"

"No. He got called in to work at the last minute."

"Mm."

Leah's tall, slender body dwarfed a kitchen chair as she shifted a drop cloth aside and helped herself to a seat. Again and again, her gaze darted toward the window, as though she didn't want to get caught at Bella's house.

"I don't mean to be rude," she said, "but do you have anything to eat? I've just had a really long run, and I'm _starving_."

"Yeah, of course," Bella said, opening the fridge. "Hmm. Pastrami sandwiches okay?"

"Hell yeah. But hey, you don't have to make them for me. I can do it."

"Well, you _did_ put your life on the line to keep me safe from a psychotic vampire who wanted to kill me. The least I can do is make you a few sandwiches."

"Hmm. Good point. All right, sandwich wench." She clapped her hands. "Get to work."

Bella grinned. She wished things could be like this more often between her and Leah — easy and almost friendly. That seemed about as likely as Rosalie showing up and announcing to all and sundry that she adored Bella and wanted to be best friends forever. Bella took her time in retrieving a plate and knife from the boxes in the living room and washing them in the sink before she started assembling the sandwiches, not wanting the moment to evaporate right away.

"So," she said as she smeared mayonnaise onto several slices of bread, "was there something you wanted? Aside from the sandwiches, I mean."

"Yeah, but see, the thing is, I can't exactly tell you outright."

Bella groaned. "Not another Alpha thing."

"Yep."

"Ugh."

"It shouldn't be that difficult to guess." Grimacing, Leah traced a long finger over a splotch of blue paint on the tarp spread over the table. "Why would I, of all people, take pity on you? Just _think about it_."

Bella set her knife down on the edge of the plate with a soft _clink_. Bracing her shaking hands against the counter, she bit the inside of her lip so hard, it almost drew blood.

_Oh, no. _

"Jake imprinted," she said in a quiet, hollow voice.

Leah nodded.

"On Jessica?"

Another nod. "Yeah," Leah said, rolling her eyes. "And I thought Quil had bad taste. She's a real delight, that one."

"And he got Sam to order you not to tell me?"

"Nah, Sam decided that one all on his own. Last I saw Jake, he was sitting in the woods, being all emo and wondering how to tell you. Thought I'd save him — and you — the grief of dragging it out."

"Thanks," Bella muttered.

"No problem. So, how about those sandwiches?"

-oOo-

_**From:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**To: **__J. W. Hale  
><em>_**Date:**__ 03/27/2008_

_Today I had to let go of something. It was just a possibility, really — the chance for something more. I didn't even realize I was holding onto it so tight. It seemed like an inevitable part of my future. Once I got things together and figured out the best and worst of me, it was going to be there. Now I know that it's impossible._

_Gah. Sorry. I'm writing to you as if you're a journal who talks back instead of a friend. I guess I just don't know what to do. I have to let this thing go, and it hurts more than I anticipated. Can you use your gift via the computer to untangle my feelings, please?_

_Hey, did you realize we've been talking for almost a year? Well, of course you did...perfect memory. Which means it's been almost two years since Alice. It probably sounds silly, but I wish I could do something for you on that day. I don't even know what. _

_I'm glad you sent me that first e-mail._

— _Bella_

-oOo-

_**From:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**To:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**Date: **__03/28/2008_

_A journal that talks back? Would that make me the Tom Riddle, Jr. to your Ginny Weasley? (Yes, I've read those books. I find it useful to stay as current on pop culture I can, old man that I am.)_

_I'm sorry you're hurting right now. I'm guessing the thing you had to let go of was a boy. Here's hoping he was your Dean Thomas, rather than your Harry Potter. _

_Okay, now I'm just stretching the metaphor too far. I apologize._

_Emotions are tricky things. Untangling them via the Internet is next to impossible, but I'll give it a try. There. Did it work?_

_Sadly, even if I was sitting next to you, there's not much I could do. I could force you to feel happy for a while, but as soon as I was gone you'd be right back where you started. Time is better at taking care of such things than I could ever hope to be._

_It doesn't seem like almost two years since Alice died; it feels so much longer. It's hard to believe, even with a perfect memory._

_I'm glad I sent that e-mail, too. _

— _Jasper_

-oOo-

"Why didn't you just tell me?" Bella asked.

Jake looked up from his staring contest with the ground at the sound of the whispered question. Sighing, he leaned against Bella's truck and rubbed a hand over his face.

"I didn't want to break my promise _again_," he said. "I honestly thought that maybe...maybe I could just fight against it. If I made sure she was safe and happy, she'd never know the difference and I could keep living the life _I_ wanted."

"Didn't work out, huh?"

He shook his head, looking utterly defeated. Reaching out and grabbing her by the belt loops, he tugged her close enough to rest his forehead against hers.

"I wanted it to be you, honey," he said.

Bella swallowed against the tears welling up in her eyes. "I know." She exhaled a weak laugh. "Hey, didn't I warn you that you might find someone else? You should pay more attention to the advice of your elders."

"Elder, nothing. I aged about 40 years this week."

"Sure, sure. That puts you, what, a whole two years ahead of me now? So, have you told Jessica yet?"

"Not _exactly_. I was waiting for this conversation. If my plan didn't work out, I wanted to be able do _this_ one last time with a mostly clear conscience."

He brushed his lips against hers for just a second — soft and sweet.

"I'm still going to keep my promise," he said, "even if it's just as your friend. You can always count on me."

She smiled. "That still sounds corny."

"Yeah, well, so does your face."

The laugh they shared seemed to make some of the awkwardness surrounding them melt away. Grabbing her shoulders, Jake pulled her close for a warm, tight hug.

"I should go," he said. "Later, Bells."

"Bye."

-oOo-

"Hmm," Seth said, frowning as he knelt down to stow a box of blue tape and clean paintbrushes in Bella's closet. "That's weird. It shouldn't still smell like..."

As he trailed off, he dropped the box and ran his fingernails along the edge of a floorboard. It popped loose with little coaxing on his part, revealing a treasure trove of familiar items.

"What the hell?" Bella said, sitting down next to him and picking up the photo of her and Edward — the one he'd stolen from her album. Tucking her now shoulder-length hair behind her ears, she scowled at the girl in the picture. Had she always looked at Edward that way, with such bare, slavish devotion?

Of course she had.

It hit her hard, seeing the remnants of her first failed relationship. Her throat constricted, her chest aching from the recent semi-breakup with Jake.

"Hey," Seth said, wrapping a skinny arm around her shoulders. "You okay?"

"Yeah," she lied. "Fine. Sorry. I, um...I didn't know that stuff was there."

"Want me to get rid of it?"

"Yeah. Except this." She snatched up one of the airline vouchers. "Maybe I can still use this. It's been a long time since I saw my mom."

"Good idea." With a squeeze of her arm, he stood up. "Be right back."

Bella took advantage of his absence to sit at her computer and fire off an e-mail.

_**From: **__Bella Swan  
><em>_**To:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**Date: **__04/02/2008_

_Sorry, this is going to be quick. Have friends over and can't write much. Will respond to your e-mail later. I know we never discuss him, and I'm glad we don't, but I need to know something._

_Did you know that Edward hid my 18th birthday gifts underneath the floorboards of my bedroom at Charlie's?_

— _B._

-oOo-

Covering his face with both of his hands, Jasper let out an exasperated laugh. That sentimental bastard, trying to leave a piece of himself with the girl he loved. In all honesty, Jasper was surprised he _didn't_ know about it. He should have seen it coming, knowing Edward like he did.

_**From: **__J. W. Hale  
><em>_**To:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**Date:**__ 04/02/2008_

_No, I didn't know about that. Does that include the stereo from Emmett, Rose, and me? Did he really take it out of your truck just to put it under your floor?_

_How is your old truck, by the way? Still running?_

— _Jasper_

-oOo-

_**From:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**To:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**Date:**__ 04/02/2008_

_Okay. I'm glad you didn't know. I don't know why it would have bothered me if you did, but I guess you should know better than anyone that emotions aren't exactly rational things._

_No, the stereo wasn't down there. He left that in my truck. I, um, sort of took it out myself in a fit of rage. It wasn't pretty._

_The truck is great, aside from the whole stereo thing. Of course it's still running. Did you ever have any doubt?_

_I had my friend get rid of the gifts and the picture of Edward and me. I don't know what he did with them, which is probably for the best. I kept one of the flight vouchers on the off chance that I could still use it, but it's expired. Oh well._

_I should go. I still have a lot of cleaning up to do before Charlie gets home next week. I've been fixing some things around the house for him while he's off on a fishing trip with his friend. And having wild parties, of course._

_Sorry if I sounded all accusatory in my last e-mail. I was taken off-guard, and didn't really know what to think._

— _Bella_

-oOo-

_**From:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**To:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**Date:**__ 04/07/2008_

_JASPER PERCIVAL WHITLOCK HALE!_

_I got some interesting mail today. Oh, you are sneaky, aren't you? _

_You really shouldn't have sent me a new plane voucher. It's way, way too much. But, well, since you already did it...thank you thank you thank you! I haven't seen my mom in far too long. I miss her like crazy. You have no idea how excited I am to be able to visit her. I already called her and told her that I'm going to be there for a few weeks during summer break. My eardrum may never recover from the screaming._

— _Bella_

_PS: Did I mention THANK YOU?_

-oOo-

_**From:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**To:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**Date:**__ 04/07/2008_

_ISABELLA MARIE SWAN!_

_Percival isn't my middle name._

_And you're very welcome. _

— _Jasper_

-oOo-

_**From:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**To:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**Date: **__04/07/2008_

_Dear Mr. J. PERCIVAL Whitlock Hale,_

_It is now. :) _

_Love,  
><em>_Bella_


	8. Five Courses of Friendship

**7. Five Courses of Friendship**

"Bungee jumping."

"No."

"Street luge."

"No."

"Base jumping."

"No."

"Sky diving."

"Em, are you listening to yourself? Base jumping? Sky diving_?_ What if our parachutes don't open? How will we explain it when we get up and walk away without a scratch?"

"Hey, _you're_ the one who asked me for help thinking of new things to try."

Listening to his brothers bicker, Jasper chuckled to himself. He wondered if Alice included the suggestion to seek Emmett's assistance in searching out new experiences as her own way of teasing Edward from beyond the grave. He wouldn't put it past her.

"What about white water rafting?" Garrett asked.

"Yeah!" Emmett said. "Come on, Edward. We can do that one."

"Hmm. Maybe."

"You could always try eating a fish," Jasper said. "You've never done _that_ before — at least, not as a vampire."

Edward laughed. "You forget that I was standing next to you when _you_ tried it, so I saw exactly how disgusting you found it."

"It wasn't _that_ bad," Jasper said. "Come on. Just give it a little taste. We'll get you some trout to drink for dinner."

"Nice try," Edward said with a crooked grin, "but did you somehow forget that I have a built-in lie detector?"

Swallowing back the involuntary surge of guilt that rose up in his chest, Jasper focused his thoughts on naming every extreme sport he knew. Dark blue suspicion coated his skin, streaming from Edward in uncertain tendrils.

Edward shrugged. "All right, Em. White water rafting it is."

"Yeah! Good plan. We'll start small, work our way up to base jumping."

-oOo-

"Surprise!" Bella said, spreading her arms wide as Charlie walked into the kitchen.

Blinking, he let his cooler full of fish drop to the floor with a loud _thunk_. "What's all this?"

"I just wanted to thank you for letting me stay here while I figured out what I want to do with my life. I thought the old cabinets could use a face-lift. Um, if you don't like it, I can—"

"No, no." He grinned. "It's great, Bells. I'm definitely surprised. You do all this yourself?"

"Nah, I had a little help."

"Well, hell. Thanks."

Stepping forward, he wrapped his arms around her in a tight hug. He smelled like her childhood summers in Forks — like the leather of his sheriff's jacket and the sunscreen he slathered on her arms and legs before sending her off to make mud pies with Jake's sisters, even on the rainiest of days. Bella breathed in deep.

She was going to miss him.

-oOo-

_**From:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**To:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**Date:**__ 05/26/2008_

_Could you do me a favor?_

_If it wouldn't be too much trouble or make you sick, would you please eat something really, truly sinful? I'm talking about something the American Heart Association would ban, if they could. Something that makes your arteries harden just looking at it._

_I'm having trouble sticking to my diet. There is a new girl at work: 18, kindhearted, just earning some extra money before she goes off to college. She has her whole life ahead of her. I know all of this, and yet..._

_And yet, she smells more appetizing than anyone I've encountered since you. Sorry, there's really no polite way to say, "You made me want to kill you almost every day." I was sadly mistaken about scents being less appealing against the backdrop of the cheese factory. If it's possible, she smells even better surrounded by so much disgusting food. Not irresistible, but so, so tempting._

_So, can I live vicariously through you? Eat something forbidden, since I can't. Alternatively, if you could find some way to make that girl smell less like a five course meal to a starving man, that'd be great._

—_Jasper_

-oOo-

_**From:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**To:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**Date:**__ 05/27/2008 _

_Done. See attached photos for evidence._

_Love (even if you slip and eat the five course meal),  
>Bella<em>

-oOo-

Photographs. She'd attached _photographs_ with her e-mail. That was a first. Jasper's cursor hovered over the link to download all attachments for a full minute before he clicked.

The first image featured a smiling Bella with a plate in one hand and a big paper cup in the other. She'd included comments in bold white text, adding arrows that pointed to the food and told him what everything was.

_I did an Internet search for "most fattening foods," and THIS is the result. It wasn't number 1 on the list, but I didn't know where to procure a 72 oz. steak locally (something which is apparently served in a restaurant in your home state, by the way). This is my version of a specialty from Portland: the maple glazed bacon doughnut. The side-dish: a large chocolate chip cookie dough Blizzard from Dairy Queen. _

_Okay. Brace yourself, stomach..._

Laughing, Jasper opened the next picture. Once again, Bella appeared on his screen, this time wearing a pensive expression. A few bites had been taken from both the doughnut and the Blizzard.

_First thoughts: I am...unsure about the doughnut. Maybe the genuine one is better than my imitation, but I mostly just want to peel the bacon off and eat it separately. The Blizzard is ice cream, and is therefore delicious by default. _

_Oh, my God. I just realized that you've probably never had ice cream, have you? My heart weeps for you._

The third image featured Bella with half a doughnut and very little ice cream, her mouth twisted into a grimace.

_And now my heart weeps for itself. And for my stomach. Fair warning: I may explode. I can't eat another bite. Possibly ever. _

_Regret tastes like bacon with maple frosting. Remember that when you're tempted to cheat on your diet. _

_Also, I'm sure it seems improbable, given past events (and the look on my face in this picture), but for what it's worth, I really do believe you're strong enough to resist. I would take a picture of myself cheering you on, but at this point I think it'd be wiser to roll myself to the kitchen for dessert: a nice glass of Alka Seltzer._

_Don't give up. Next time you're tempted, just think of doughnuts with bacon, and I promise your appetite will run away with its tail tucked between its legs. _

-oOo-

_**From:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**To:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**Date:**__ 05/28/2008 _

_You're something else, kid. Consider us even for the plane voucher. That was worth about ten of them._

_I can't stop laughing. That look on your face in the last photo keeps getting me started again. I can feel the regret from here. No, wait, taste the regret? You're right; it has a definite hint of bacon with maple. And no, I've never had ice cream. It doesn't look at all appealing, so your heart needn't carry on weeping._

_Thank you for your faith in me, unfounded as it is. I'll do my best to resist Miss Five Course Meal's temptations. Thank you for cheering me up._

_Love,  
>Jasper<em>

-oOo-

_**From:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**To:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**Date:**__ 06/07/2008_

_Thinking of you today. And Alice, of course. Always Alice. _

_Two years...wow. I miss her. Not much else to say, really. I just miss her._

_Love,  
>Bella<em>

-oOo-

_**From:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**To:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**Date:**__ 06/07/2008_

_Me too. I keep waiting for more messages, even though I know I shouldn't. So far, all I've received is a cryptic letter, a note telling me she loved me, and the message that led me to your e-mail._

_Did Alice ever tell you how we met? It's a good story._

_I should go. The family is waiting for me in the main house._

_Love,  
>Jasper<em>

-oOo-

_**From:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**To:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**Date:**__ 06/30/2008 _

_Greetings from Jacksonville!_

_My visit has been great so far. My mom caused a huge scene by shouting and jumping up and down when she saw me at the airport, but I wouldn't have her any other way — no matter how embarrassing it can be. We spent the whole car ride back to their house talking nonstop, like we don't e-mail each other all the time. There was just so much more to say in person. She seems really happy here with Phil. It's good to see._

_Have I thanked you enough for this trip yet? _

_Anyway, enough about me. How are you and Five Course getting along? Is she still trying to flirt with you? Poor girl. If she only knew. _

_Well, even _that_ might not be a guarantee that she'd leave you alone. I would know, right?_

_Okay, I'm going to try to get some sleep. My body is still on west coast time, but if I know Renee, she will be up with the sun, ready to show me every touristy thing she can think of. Talk to you soon._

_Love,  
>Bella<em>

-oOo-

_**From:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**To:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**Date:**__ 06/30/2008 _

_I'm glad you're having a good time so far. I remember how excitable your mother is from the few seconds I spent around her after the incident in Phoenix (I've just about forgiven you for sneaking away from me in the airport, by the way), so I can imagine how she reacted upon seeing you. To be honest, I'm surprised she managed to restrain herself to mere jumping and shouting._

_Yes, I feel adequately thanked. And you're still very welcome. _

_Five Course is still pining away. I even tried being honest. The other day, I told her that I recently lost my wife and wasn't anywhere near ready to move on — that I didn't know if I would ever be ready. She said all of the right things, expressed her condolences, told me she understood, but her emotions were at odds with her words. Her ardor only seemed to increase._

_Truly, I don't understand your kind._

_I think I'm going to quit the factory, actually. And no, it's not because Five Course has defeated me. Getting away from her scent and troublesome emotions will be a bonus, but it's just time for me to move on. I'm wasting time there, and really, a slacker nephew wouldn't hold down a job that long, would he? Must play the part._

_Have fun on the rest of your visit._

_Love,  
>Jasper<em>

-oOo-

"Ooh," Renee said, "what about karaoke?"

Bella wrinkled her nose. "Seriously?"

"Well, why not?" Grinning, she bumped her hip against her daughter's. "I want to hear the results of those singing lessons you've been telling me about."

"_You_ I'll sing for, sure, but a bunch of strangers?"

"Oh, pft. No one cares how you sound when you sing karaoke. The really horrible people get the most applause."

Bella laughed. "As tempting as you make it sound, I don't think I have the nerve to sing in front of anyone I don't know just yet. Maybe eventually."

"Okay, but when we get back to the house, you're going to sing your tail off for me and Phil."

"All right, noted."

Arm in arm, they strolled through the muggy Florida heat. The sun felt oppressive after spending so much time under Washington's cool, gray skies, as though she'd never lived through an Arizona summer. As though she'd forgotten the sun existed.

"So," Renee said, "Charlie said Jacob is seeing someone — an old friend of yours?"

"He told you about that?"

"Mm. You okay?"

Bella nodded. "It's been months, and it's not...it's not how it sounds. Jake's a good guy. He really is. And Jessica is...well, she's still Jessica. It wasn't like she set out to steal him from me. We weren't even dating. Not really. There was just the possibility there, and now there isn't. It's fine. We're still friends."

Smiling, Renee tucked a strand of Bella's hair behind her ear. "You have a bigger heart than me, then. I don't think I could find it in myself to remain friends in that situation. I'm glad you're handling it so well. It's healthy."

The unspoken words hung between them, as heavy as the damp air: _It's healthier than what you did when Edward left_. Bella cringed. Before she could change the subject, Renee carried on talking.

"Is there someone new?"

"_No_, definitely not. I'm getting ready to move away to college. I'm not looking to start a relationship."

"Well, good. But if you do start anything, just make sure you're safe."

Oh, God. Not the sex talk again.

"I will, don't worry."

"I have to worry. It's in the job description. Ooh, look!" Renee stopped in her tracks, looking as easily distracted as a curious puppy as she pointed at a neon sign. "We could get tattoos."

"We_ could_."

"My daughter," Renee said with a chuckle. "Mention singing in public and she almost cowers in fear, but permanently marking her skin with ink is apparently no big deal." Pausing, she tugged Bella over to look at the display of overdone tribal armbands and Zodiac signs in the window. "What would you get?"

"Hmm. I don't know. I'm not sure I'd have the courage to actually get one at all. Needles and blood...ugh. But if I did, I wouldn't want any of this stuff."

"No, me either. I think I'd like our birth flowers — yours and mine. On the back of my shoulder, maybe. That, or Gonzo."

Bella giggled. "Either would be perfect for you." Chewing on her lower lip, she contemplated the possibilities for a few moments before inspiration struck. "I'd get an abacus."

Renee looked as though Bella had just announced her intentions to move to the moon and live on green cheese. "An abacus?"

"Yep. I'm majoring in math, right? I'd get an abacus—" reaching behind herself, she patted the small of her own back, "—right here."

"An abacus _tramp stamp_?" Renee said, doubling over with laughter. "Oh, Bella. Honey, now I think you have to. Not this place, though. I think Phil knows a guy..."

-oOo-

Hitching up her t-shirt, Bella turned at the waist to stare at her abacus for the thousandth time.

Days later, and she still couldn't believe she'd really done it. Perhaps, on some level, she'd been trying to prove to herself (and to Renee) that she was capable of acting like a twenty-year-old. _My middle aged daughter, _indeed.

It was fortunate that she ended up loving the result of her foray into impulsiveness. Choosing permanent body art on a whim was far from wise, and not something she'd be repeating.

Still, she _did it_. Even when the smell of blood permeated the air, she saw it through. Of course, the artist had been working on her back. Not being able to see the blood undoubtedly helped. And when Renee went under the needle, Bella had to look away and breathe through her mouth to keep from getting woozy.

No matter. It still counted as facing a fear, as far as she was concerned.

Satisfied, she sat on the edge of Phil's office chair, careful to keep her skin from touching the back. While the computer started up, she dug her fingernails into her palms. The only thing she didn't enjoy about her tattoo was the itching. Fantasies of raking her fingernails over her lower back tore through her mind.

With Renee hell-bent on cramming as many activities as possible into Bella's visit, it was the first moment of peace she'd had to sit down and write an e-mail for days.

_**From:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**To:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**Date:**__ 07/03/2008_

_Hey! Sorry I didn't write back sooner. Things have been busy busy here. Lots of fun, but very exhausting. I think Renee has more stamina than I do for running all over the place. _

_The other day, I faced one of my biggest phobias. It's not cured by any means, but hey, I didn't faint. Progress!_

_Well, naturally Five Course is still all twitterpated over you. Now she thinks you're not only good looking, but a sad, sensitive widower who needs to be taught to love again. _

_I don't understand my kind, either, most of the time. I'm just semi-familiar with people being both romantically interested in me and wanting to put me back together when I'm broken._

_I think quitting the factory could be good for you. You hate working there. It's about time you found something you actually enjoy. And yes, you have to keep up your Fonzie persona. Hit any jukeboxes lately? ;)_

_Gah, gotta run. Mom and Phil are ready to go out for dinner._

_Love,  
>Bella<em>

-oOo-

_**From:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**To:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**Date:**__ 09/20/2008_

_Happy moving day! Are you excited? Are you sick of people asking you if you're excited?_

_Let me know when you get there safely._

_Love,  
>Jasper<em>

-oOo-

Placing her hands on her hips, Bella surveyed the tiny room that was to be her new home. A handful of half-unpacked boxes surrounded the twin bed. Her old computer sat on the narrow desk, already hooked up and running. The tiny window was cracked open, letting in cool, rain scented air that fanned across her overheated face.

All in all, it didn't seem much different from her room in Forks — albeit more compact. Not bad. Not bad at all. At least she was in a single, where she wouldn't have to grow accustomed to the idiosyncrasies of a roommate.

Her phone chimed and vibrated in her pocket, announcing a text message from Jake.

_Hey, you get there okay? Jess is driving me crazy. She doesn't think the old truck can make it. I know better, but figured I'd check in order to shut her up. _

Stretching out on her new bed, Bella kicked off her shoes. Charlie, Renee, and Jasper had been notified of her safe arrival, though the latter didn't know where, exactly, she was going to school. She'd assumed Jake would be busy with Jessica and would get an update from Charlie or Billy later on. He went to Seattle to see his imprint every chance he got. Before Bella could respond to his first message, a second one arrived.

_PS: Miss you._

She sighed. "Yeah, I miss you too."

After telling Jake that she was fine and Jessica should never again speak ill of The Thing, she sprang to her feet to check her e-mail. No response from Jasper yet, but she did have one from Charlie. He'd written it from a computer at the station, and it seemed as though he couldn't be bothered with such trifling things as the shift key or punctuation. Chuckling to herself, she fired off a reply. If they still lived in the same town, Jasper could have given Charlie computer lessons — one old guy to another.

Thinking of her dad hunting and pecking his way through sending her the brief message made a guilty, uncomfortable feeling claw its way above her amusement. Not too long ago, she'd been so ready to give up her life, to rip her parents' only child away from them and make them believe she was dead and gone forever.

How could she have ever believed they would be able to spring back from that?

-oOo-

_**From:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**To:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**Date:**__ 10/31/2008_

_All right, you win. I'm going to my first college party. A Halloween party, at that. There weren't many costumes left at the store I went to, so I'm stuck going as a generic witch. It was either that, clown, or...vampire. Ahem. Yeah. _

_I'm not sure how long I'll stay. I don't know many people who are going, but I promise to behave like I'm young and irresponsible and do something other than study for a little while._

_And what about you, mister? Are you attending any wild community college parties? Gotta keep up appearances, Fonz._

_Love,  
>Bella<em>

-oOo-

_**From:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**To:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**Date:**__ 10/31/2008_

_Yes! About time. Have fun at the party. Not _too _much fun, though. We don't want Emmett catching you on "Girls Gone Wild." _

_Ah, no, there haven't been any parties for me, of late. Unless you count the lunch hours I spend with Carlisle (you shouldn't; Carlisle's idea of cutting loose is going barefoot around the house, and we always pass the hour by discussing my research for my history textbook)._

_I hope you have a good time. In case you are suffering from the after-effects of indulging in alcohol when you read this: I've heard fatty foods can be good for hangovers. Perhaps a bacon doughnut..._

_Love,_

_Jasper_

-oOo-

_**From:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**To:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**Date:**__ 10/31/2008_

_Evil man. :P_

_Really going now. _

_Love (even though you taunt me with meat-based pastries),  
>Bella<em>

-oOo-

The pounding bass of the music vibrated in Bella's chest. Sipping her plastic cup of weak beer, she meandered through the crowded room. Nearby, two girls dressed as a cat and a devil kissed each other while a zombie and Buzz Lightyear looked on and cheered. Just as she finished off the last of her drink, someone tapped her shoulder.

"Bella? Is that you?"


	9. Beautiful Equations

_**A/N:**__**Huge**__ thanks to the ladies who helped me decide on a canon human male. I don't think I would've found someone who wasn't Mike, Ben, Eric, or Tyler without them (I didn't even recognize the name of the character when he was first suggested to me, to be honest, but he __**is**__ in the books)._

* * *

><p><strong>8. Beautiful Equations<strong>

Bella squinted up at the man who smiled at her like they were old friends. His disguise of choice for the party was a pirate costume, but behind the eye patch and captain's hat she could see features that looked almost familiar: the arch of his brow, his slightly crooked front tooth, the tuft of light brown hair sticking out from beneath his wig.

"Austin?" she said, breathing a sigh of relief when his nod confirmed her guess. "Hi! How have you been?"

"Good, good. You? I thought you were still living in Forks."

Bella was surprised to hear that Austin Marks had thought of her at all since graduation. She'd only really known him as Ben Cheney's best friend and the former owner of her motorcycles. They'd never interacted on any meaningful level.

"I was," she said. "I just started at PSU last month."

"Yeah? I _thought_ I saw you around town a couple of weeks ago. I'm at the University of Portland. What's your major?"

"Math."

He grinned. "Nice. Mine's history." Standing on his tiptoes, he craned his neck to see over the crowd of people. "Wanna step outside? I don't think my ears can take much more of this."

"Um, yeah. Sure."

After grabbing another beer each, they made their way out to the tiny square of grass ringed by a chain link fence that passed for a backyard. A few people milled around, leaning against the white siding — smokers, mostly. Crossing the damp, leaf-strewn lawn, Austin set his drink on the ground and opened a rusty shed door. Somewhere within the clutter, he managed to unearth a pair of lawn chairs.

"Ah," he said, plopping down in his chair and stretching his legs out in front of him. "That's better." Shooting Bella a smile, he added, "I'd leave, but I live here."

She was much more cautious in lowering herself into her own chair. He'd given her the sturdier one, but it still looked as though it was held together with hope and a dash of luck.

"You do?" she said.

"Yep. I rent it with my cousin and a couple of other guys. I believe you know my cousin as the ass who showed up at your house on prom night during our junior year."

"_Oh_. I didn't know Tyler was your cousin...or that he was here, for that matter."

Austin chuckled. "Would you have avoided the party, if you knew?"

"Hmm. Maybe." She laughed. "At least I know he won't have to drive home, so I'm safe there."

"Oh, you're underestimating him. I'm sure he can find a way to almost crash into you without ever getting behind the wheel. Of course, he's visiting Lauren in Eugene this weekend, so it'd be quite an achievement, even for him."

Bella smiled into her beer as she took a sip. "I'll keep my guard up, just in case."

"Probably a good idea. Hey, speaking of getting behind the wheel, do you still have that old truck?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Just wondering. I always liked it. I don't know...it suits you."

Even in the dim glow of the porch light, she could see his cheeks darken into a blush. Her own face heated up: a sympathetic reaction borne from a lifetime of bashful awkwardness.

"That hasn't been the general consensus," she said.

With a boyish shrug of one shoulder, he downed a huge gulp of his drink. "No accounting for taste, I guess."

As the night wore on, Bella's head grew pleasantly fuzzy from the beer. Austin volunteered to brave the wilds of the house to get her more, claiming he needed to check to make sure he'd locked his bedroom door, anyway, in case anyone had decided to try to sully his sheets. When he returned, he carried not only beer, but a couple of blankets. Bella cocooned herself in the one he offered her, until her whole body was warm except her ankles and the tip of her nose.

Because they'd never talked much back in Forks, most of their conversation centered on the present. At one point, during a discussion of their respective majors, Bella drew symbols in the air with her finger and tried to explain why she thought Euler's Identity was one of the most beautiful equations ever derived. When she produced a Sharpie from her purse, but no paper, Austin let her scribble it onto his forearm.

"It's probably what a lot of mathematicians would say if asked to name the most beautiful equation, but it's for good reason," she said, only half-realizing that her voice was far too loud for the late hour. "A lot of others would probably turn their noses up and name something less well-known."

"Hipster mathematicians?"

She snickered. "Sort of, I I hadn't gotten my abacus, I might've chosen this as my tattoo. Maybe written a bit neater than this, though. God, my handwriting is awful."

"You have a tattoo?" Austin asked, one corner of his mouth turning up.

"Yep. I got it over the summer when I was visiting my mom."

"Wow. I think my mom would kill me if I got a tattoo. I know I'm of age and all, but she'd probably still try to ground me."

"Yeah, not mine. If you met her for even five minutes, you'd understand why."

During her scrawling of mathematical graffiti on his skin, they'd ended up sitting close enough that his exhaled breath of laughter ruffled her hair. "Can I see it?" he asked.

"My tattoo?"

"Yeah."

"Um. Maybe later. I'd have to move my blanket to show you, and I'm not particularly inclined to do that right now. I'm cozy."

Austin's smile grew wide enough that a dimple she hadn't noticed before appeared on his left cheek. "Okay."

Bella had to wonder: if she hadn't been so preoccupied with the loss of her relationship with Edward, would she and Austin have talked like this during their senior year of high school? Perhaps he would have ended up befriending her the same way Angela did — simply and without agenda. As she ruminated over a past that never was, a lip-locked couple stumbled out of the house, their hands moving in a wild frenzy over one another's bodies.

"I think locking your bedroom door was the right choice," Bella said.

"Yeah, but I didn't count on that choice meaning we'd catch the live show. I'm really not in the mood to witness an accidental pregnancy tonight."

Bella giggled. Her blanket fell off of her shoulders as she swayed in her seat and enjoyed the woozy, tingling feeling of alcohol bubbling through her veins.

"I should probably be getting home, anyway," she said, glancing at her watch.

"Want me to call a cab?"

"No, thanks. I'm going home the same way I got here: the bus."

"Oh." Frowning, Austin scuffed the toe of his pirate boot against the grass. "Can I use your Sharpie for a minute?"

When she placed the marker into his open palm, he cradled her wrist with his free hand and wrote a phone number on her skin.

"Call me when you get home safely, okay?" he said. "Or if you run into any trouble. Doesn't matter how late it is. I'd offer to accompany you, but let's be realistic." With a grin that brought his dimple back, he pointed to his bicep. "_This_ isn't going to protect anyone."

Her responding laugh was loud enough to make one member of the passionate couple surface for air and glance in her direction — at least for a second.

"I _will_ go, though, if you want me to," Austin said, his expression turning serious. "It'd be no trouble."

She hesitated, twisting the satin binding of the blanket between her fingers. It _was_ late, and Portland was still, for the most part, unfamiliar to her.

"Nah, that's okay," she said. "It's a long way for you to go just to see me home. I'll be fine. I'm not _that_ drunk. But thanks for the offer."

A very bitter corner of her mind wanted to add, _"Thanks for giving me the option to refuse instead of deciding unilaterally that I can't take care of myself,"_ but she managed to suppress it.

"All right, if you're sure." He raised his eyebrows, waiting for her nod of confirmation before he continued speaking. "Come on, then. I can at least walk you to the bus stop."

-oOo-

"Hello?"

"Austin? It's Bella. Did I wake you?"

"Mm, no," he said, a loud yawn belying his words. "I was wide awake. Playing video games."

She could hear the tinny music in the background over the dwindling noise of the party outside his bedroom, but that only proved he'd been trying to keep himself awake, not that he'd succeeded.

"Uh huh," she said. "Well, I'm home now, in one piece and un-assaulted."

"Good. That's good." Another yawn, then a gasp. "Oh, hey! Bella."

Muffling a laugh against her hand, she kicked off her shoes and threw her witch's hat onto the bed. "Oh, hey! Austin."

"Do you want to meet up for coffee tomorrow? Afternoon. I don't do mornings unless I have to be up for class."

"Yeah, sure. How about I give you a call when we're both more awake and less inebriated?"

"Okay. I'm gonna go back to my video game now."

"Uh huh. Have a nice sleep."

-oOo-

_**From:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**To:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**Date:**__ 11/01/2008_

_Hello! I'm drunk. Well, not drunk, exactly. Tipsy, though. Definitely._

_I think I made a new friend tonight. Well, he was already an acquaintance from a long way back, so maybe not so new. It's good, because I didn't really know anyone here aside from the girl who invited me to the party, and I think she was just being nice._

_Hey, my spelling is pretty good for not being entirely sober, isn't it? _

_Anyway, back to my friend. He's a pirate. No peg leg, but I guess that'd be a bit far to go for a costume. And, oh! He's a history major. We sat in his yard and talked about Euler's Identity and saw a stranger maybe get knocked up. But don't worry...no "Girls Gone Wild" stuff for me. Emmett can continue watching without fear of his eyes being irreparably (that was a hard word to type) damaged._

_If I was him, I'd be afraid of my wife if I watched that sort of thing, though. Just saying._

_I almost fell asleep on the bus ride home. Some cop's daughter I am. I probably should have taken my new friend up on his offer to escort me. Oh, well. Nothing happened. I just won't mention a few of my choices to Charlie. Or Renee. She made me take a self defense class once (Charlie egged her on, of course), but you know, I don't think I'd really have it in me to stab a guy in the neck with a ballpoint pen. I only had a Sharpie in my purse, anyway. Well, that, and my pepper spray._

_Do you ever miss sleep, or do you just not remember what it's like? I am going to go enjoy some sleep right now. Talk to you tomorrow._

_Love,  
><em>_Bella_

-oOo-

_**From:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**To:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**Date:**__ 11/01/2008_

_Hello, yourself! I'm sober. I take it you had a good time at the party? _

_Yes, excellent drunken spelling. I am suitably impressed. What's it like to be drunk? I've picked up emotions from intoxicated people before, of course, but I don't know if I ever experienced it myself. If I did, I can't remember it. The feelings of intoxicated people tend to swing wildly between one extreme and the other, and it varies from person to person, so I've never been able to decide if it was something I'd find pleasant. The smell isn't at all appealing, but that doesn't mean much, coming from me. Is it any better to your nose?_

_What kind of party WAS this that you "maybe saw a stranger get knocked up?" Did you see a group of people putting their keys into a bowl? _

_Your mother wanted you to learn to stab an attacker in the neck with a pen? I knew I liked her._

_I'm glad you're starting to make friends. See? I was right about going out and having fun. I should probably follow my own advice, though I'm not sure where I'd accomplish such a thing, given my limitations. Emmett wants to go skydiving. The idea is intriguing, I have to admit, but it could also end up going very, very badly._

_I have a vague memory of waking up as a child and seeing my mother's face, but that's the closest I get to remembering sleep. It seems very peaceful, from what I've observed. Sometimes I think I'd like to try it, just to see what it's like, but I wouldn't say I miss it. Well, maybe sometimes, when it's 2:00 AM and I'm bored out of my mind and rearranging my sock drawer for lack of anything else to do._

_Hope you don't have a hangover when you read this. If you do, feel better soon._

_Love,  
><em>_Jasper_

-oOo-

"What does OMSI stand for, anyway?" Bella asked.

"Um. Something...Museum of Science...and something," Austin said. "I think. Oh! The O probably stands for Oregon. I'm sure it's on a sign around here somewhere."

She laughed. "It's probably on the outside of the building, and we just didn't notice."

"We're observant like that," he said with a nod and a lazy grin.

In the weeks since she ran into him at the party, Austin had taken it upon himself to show her around Portland. Already, she was learning how to distinguish born and bred Portlanders from those who were transplants from elsewhere. She'd traded her umbrella for a hoody, started returning the cheery greetings of the strangers who passed her on the trails in Forest Park, and learned the name of every bridge that spanned the Willamette River.

"Ooh, look at this one," Bella said. Wading through a crowd of excitable elementary school students on a field trip, she made her way toward the exhibit that had grabbed her attention. "_The Amazing Feats of Aging._ You can see what you'll look like in 25 years."

"Just what I've always wanted. Oh, hey, by the way, are you going home for Christmas?"

"Yeah. I kind of have to, since I skipped Thanksgiving. Why?"

"I was thinking we could drive up together, split gas money."

"Mm, that depends. Will Tyler be joining us?"

"Nah, he's getting a ride with Lauren."

"Then sure. But you have to promise you'll come rescue me if Jessica starts driving me crazy."

Austin tilted his head to one side in confusion just as the exhibit snapped a picture of him. "Jessica? As in Jessica Stanley?"

"Yep. Her parents are going to see her aunt in Vermont or something, so guess where she'll be come Christmas Day."

"Huh. Didn't realize you two were that close."

"We're not. I mean, we're friendly. If I saw her in town I'd ask if she wanted to go get coffee and catch up, but sometimes she just..."

"Makes you want to introduce her face to a sledgehammer?"

Bella laughed. "A little bit. I think the word _frenemy_ was invented with that girl in mind."

"Yeah, she's kind of always been like that."

"I can imagine. Anyway, she's only going to be at my dad's because she's tagging along with her boyfriend, who is a friend of the family. I don't know; maybe Jess won't chatter so much with Jake there, since her lips will be otherwise occupied."

In truth, it was the possibility of watching Jessica and Jake paw at one another that made Bella's stomach tighten with dread. She knew she was being petty and unfair, insulting Jessica. If she'd been faced with the old Jessica who was still hung up on Mike, Bella probably would've been glad to have her company. But this new girl — Jacob Black's imprint — was something else entirely.

Chuckling, Austin nudged Bella's elbow with his own. "There you go. Way to look on the bright side. I promise I will come racing across town to pick you up and take you away to a Jessica-free zone at the first sign of you being driven insane."

-oOo-

Glancing back over her shoulder, Bella waved at Austin as he reversed out of Charlie's driveway. He paused long enough to flash her a bright smile before taking off in the direction of his parents' house. Too late, she heard the crunching of feet on frost-crisped grass that signaled the approach of the woman who had been watching from the living room window.

"Was that Austin Marks?" Jessica asked, squinting at the car as it disappeared around a corner.

"Yeah," Bella said. "We drove up together."

"_Oh._" Smirking, Jessica crossed her arms over her chest. "Are you two...?"

"No, no. We're just friends."

"Hmm. Too bad. He's sort of cute, in a nerdy way. He had a huge crush on me from, like, kindergarten through third grade."

Bella fought back the irritation that rose up like bile in her throat. She didn't have time to dwell on her reaction, because suddenly Jake was there, sweeping her up into a tight hug and spinning her around.

"Good to see you, Bells," he said.

"You too," she said, wobbling a bit as he returned her feet to the ground and her sense of balance continued to spin. "How have you been?"

"Pretty good."

Jake kept talking, but Bella didn't hear any of it. Her attention focused on his hand as his fingers laced together with Jessica's. The two of them moved closer without seeming to think about it, as if drawn by magnets. Jessica looked softer, somehow. Happy. _Complete_.

Bella waited for the ache, the piercing feeling of _this isn't fair_, but it didn't come.

Huh.

"Bella?" Jessica said. "Did you hear me?"

"Sorry, what?" Bella said.

"I just asked if you wanted something to drink, then I said that I knew it was weird to be offering you a drink in your own house, but I figured you probably want to freshen up after sitting in a car for four and a half hours, so I could get you something while you go upstairs, if you want. Jake and I have been baking cookies and fudge all morning, by the way, but we didn't make any pies because Jake said you make really good pie, so I thought we'd leave that for you. But if you want to just relax or spend time with your dad or whatever, we can take care of it. Or it could wait for another day. There's no rush, obviously."

Bella blinked. Had Jessica paused to breathe during any of that?

"Uh, is there coffee?" Bella asked. "I could use some caffeine."

"There isn't, but I'll make some," Jessica said, scurrying back into the house.

Jake chuckled. "She's kind of nervous."

"_Why?_"

"Because you're still one of my best friends. She's seen how often I text you. She wants you to like her. Being the friend who, y'know, pretty much stole me away from you doesn't make for a promising future in that department."

"Oh. It wasn't her fault. She doesn't need to be nervous." Bella shrugged, maintaining a stubborn grip on her bag as Jake attempted to carry it for her. "We're good."

-oOo-

_**From:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**To:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**Date:**__ 12/23/2008_

_I've been wondering: do you do anything special for Thanksgiving and Christmas, food-wise? Drink a wild turkey or a pig, maybe? _

_These are the things I think about when it's late and I can't sleep._

_Also, what did I do in Forks before I moved away? I've been here all of two days, and already I'm at a loss._

_You know what fascinates me? Odd couples. My friend (not Pirate Guy — a different friend) is dating this chatterbox of a girl. Oh, hell, I may as well tell you, so you can get the full impact. Jessica Stanley. He's dating Jessica Stanley. He's generally pretty laid back, and seeing them together is just...strange. It's one of those couples that, even if you didn't know them, you would look at them and think, "How did THAT happen?" But in an odd way, they actually kind of work. _

_Doesn't make it any less weird, though._

_She's here for Christmas, and she is working my last nerve. I can't pin down what it is, exactly, but some of her comments have this way of getting under my skin and shooting straight to the part of my brain that controls rage._

_Have you ever met someone whose face you wanted to introduce to a sledgehammer? _

_Love,  
><em>_Bella_

-oOo-

_**From:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**To:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**Date:**__ 12/23/2008_

_I tried a wild turkey once, actually. Disgusting. For Thanksgiving, Esme likes to take all of us to volunteer at soup kitchens and the like (weather permitting), so we don't do much eating on the actual day. Christmas usually finds us traveling overseas, so we're limited to whatever we can find locally. _

_Well, you read a lot before you moved away from Forks, but that's probably no help. You still read a lot._

_I think Emmett and Rose are a bit of an odd couple. I can read both of their emotions, and I _still_ don't understand it, so you aren't alone._

_Jessica Stanley? If she says anything that is absolutely unforgivable, let me know. I'll be happy to have her for Christmas dinner._

_(Just in case it doesn't come across in text and you get worried about me falling off the wagon: that was a joke.)_

_I've been alive for nearly 165 years. If I didn't occasionally want to smash some faces in with a sledgehammer, I'd have the patience of a saint._

_Love,  
><em>_Jasper_

-oOo-

"Hey, it's almost midnight," Austin said. The screen of his cell phone cast his face in a blue-white light for a few seconds before it faded back to black.

"Really?" Bella said. "We've been sitting here that long?"

"Yep. Just a couple of minutes left."

The windows of his car were fogged over, water-beaded from three hours of conversation. Leaning back in his seat, he wiped a circle on the driver's side window with his sleeve.

"Wanna take a quick walk?" he said. "The Fords usually set off fireworks at midnight; we're just a couple of blocks away."

"Sure."

After the warmth of Austin's car, the cold air outside made Bella draw in a sharp breath. Rubbing her hands up and down her arms, she followed Austin as he cut across a neighbor's lawn.

"Thanks again for rescuing me," she said. "Sorry if I ruined your plans. I didn't think we'd stay out this late."

"My plans consisted of dodging my brother's requests to buy him beer, so hey, you rescued me, too. What was Jessica saying that was so bad, anyway?"

As he waited for her to formulate an answer, Austin smiled down at her. Always so patient and calm. In the yellow glow of the street lights, his hair seemed more blond than brown.

It was then that she realized that each time Jessica had inspired a burst of annoyance, there had one common theme: Austin. Most of Bella's stories about Portland involved him, and Jessica had a mountain of opinions to offer.

"Um," she said. "It wasn't any one thing in particular. I just prefer her in small doses."

"Ah. Understandable."

"Did you have a crush on her when you were little?"

The question slipped through her lips before she could engage her mental filter enough to stop it. Austin's laugh came out in a puff of steam, echoing in the wintry quiet.

"_Hell_ no. I couldn't stand her. I was kind of horrible to her, actually. I used to chase her at recess and try to put spiders in her hair. Ben did, too. We had a points system worked out based on how loud her screams were. God, we were awful."

Bella felt her lips pull into a grin. Of course Jessica would mistake such treatment for an expression of frustrated love. Austin paused, pointing at the driveway next to a tiny gray house up ahead. Shrieking whistles rang out as a fountain of silver and blue sparks sprang up near a crowd of cheering people.

"Guess it's midnight," he said, bending down to give her a hug. He didn't whirl her around and make her dizzy, nor did he touch her as though she was made of spun glass. The unfamiliar arms encircling her waist were like their owner: steady and warm.

"Happy New Year," he said.

"Happy New Year."

-oOo-

"A vegan strip club?" Bella said.

"Apparently." With a gentle hand placed on the small of her back, Austin directed her out of the path of the jogger who approached them from behind. "Somewhere on the northwest side of town."

"That is so...so _Portland_, it almost hurts. Did you go?"

"Nah. I had a paper to write. Tyler did, though. He said the vegan sloppy joes were surprisingly good."

As they strolled through the blossoming cherry trees in Waterfront Park, the back of Austin's hand brushed against hers with every step. Bella bit her lower lip. _ Brush, brush, brush._

"You doing anything this weekend?" he asked.

"I don't think so."

"Wanna come over and watch a movie or something? Tyler's going to Eugene and David's visiting his parents, so it'll be quiet, for a change."

"Yeah, sure. Sounds good."

_Brush, brush, brush._

She looked up at him, knitting her eyebrows together as if confused. Her gaze wandered from his singular dimple to his smattering of freckles to his blue eyes, studying him, trying to analyze the fluttery excitement she felt every time she was waiting to see him.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

She shook her head. "Nothing."

Only one way to test the theory that was brewing in the back of her mind. Balancing on her tiptoes, she placed her hands on his shoulders. Comprehension flickered across his face, followed by a nervous smile that gave her faltering bravery the final push it needed.

She kissed him.

-oOo-

_**From:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**To:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**Date:**__ 04/04/2009_

_I think I just got myself a boyfriend.___


	10. Walking in the Light

**9. Walking in the Light**

_**From:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**To:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**Date:**__ 04/04/2009_

_A boyfriend? Really? Did Pirate Guy finally get his act together and ask you out? I've been wondering when he would._

_That's great! From what you've told me of him, he sounds like a good guy. I'm happy for you. Unless it's not Pirate Guy, of course. If that's the case, my response is a confused expression and the following question: why are you dating someone who isn't the man you've been talking about for months? Perhaps you should consider dumping him and becoming Pirate Guy's wench instead._

_Is "wench" offensive? I'm no good at political correctness. _

_Love,  
><em>_Jasper_

-oOo-

_**From:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**To:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**Date:**__ 04/05/2009_

_Yes, really. And yes, it's Pirate Guy, but I'll have you know that I asked him out. Well, sort of. I kissed him, and then there was a conversation. But I initiated it, so I insist on being given points for bravery._

_Is this weird for you? I don't want to make you uncomfortable, given my past with your brother. I know that if my friend dumped Jessica and she and I started corresponding through e-mail, I'd feel a bit odd chatting about her new boyfriend. So if it's not something you want to discuss, just say the word._

_"Wench" is probably not the most PC word out there, but I don't care. I'm not offended. :)_

_How's the book coming along, by the way? I keep forgetting to ask: are you writing it under a pseudonym? I'm sure Pirate Guy would love to read it, but I've held off telling him about it. He's originally from Forks. I'm not sure how to explain if he sees a familiar name on the cover and starts asking questions about how someone who is supposed to be just a year older than us came to write a history textbook._

_Love,  
><em>_Bella_

-oOo-

_**From:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**To:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**Date:**__ 04/06/2009_

_Absolutely. Full points awarded for bravery. It's never easy to be the one to make that first leap, even if it _was_ blatantly obvious that he felt the same way._

_It is a little strange to discuss your new boyfriend, I suppose. Even stranger is the fact that I don't really think of you as _that_ Bella anymore. I know you're the same person; I'm not delusional. It's just difficult, at times, for my mind to reconcile its image of the woman you've become with the memory of the insecure little girl who thought she wasn't worth the effort we put forth to save her life. I think it's always that way, once you get to be a certain age and the children around you start growing into remarkable adults without warning. It makes you do a double-take, asking yourself, "Is she really the little one I knew?" Kids seem to grow up faster when you're old._

_You can continue to tell me about Pirate Guy, if you want. It's up to you. If listening and being happy for you is a betrayal of Edward, then the blame rests with me. He'd probably consider it a betrayal if he knew how long we've been corresponding, anyway._

_The book is nearing completion. Yes, I'm going to publish it under a pseudonym, but I've been struggling to choose one. Perhaps I should go with J. Percival Whitlock. Or maybe J. Percival McCarty (Emmett's surname)? J. Percival Platt (Esme's)? Well, J. Percival Something, at any rate._

_Love,  
><em>_Jasper_

-oOo-

_**From:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**To:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**Date:**__ 05/24/2009_

_Guess where Emmett is taking me today._

-oOo-

_**From:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**To:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**Date:**__ 05/24/2009_

_Funkytown?_

-oOo-

_**From:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**To:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**Date:**__ 05/24/2009_

_Ha. No, not quite. We're going skydiving. It's his birthday, and he's been saying for weeks that this is all he wants._

_I'll send you a message when I get back, so you know I haven't crashed into a mountain._

-oOo-

Jasper laughed. The wind buffeted his body as he floated above a patchwork quilt of fields. Stretching out his arms and legs, he wondered how this must feel to humans, with the adrenaline that pounded through their breakable bodies. Even for someone who was accustomed to moving quickly, it was exhilarating. Running never felt like this.

Reluctantly, he activated his parachute and ended his free-fall. When he landed on the soft grass of his target, he found his family waiting for him.

"How'd you like it?" Emmett asked. "Great, right? I'm thinking it should be an annual tradition. Emmett Day is now also Skydiving Day."

Jasper grinned. "What about all of the other activities you had planned? Street luge? Base jumping?"

"Oh, yeah. Okay. Scratch that. Emmett Day is now also Make Edward Try New Extreme Sports Day."

Jasper basked in the lingering excitement that bounced around from person to person. Looking up, he smiled to see the bright red of Edward's parachute. Edward had insisted upon being the last to leap from the plane piloted by Esme. Until that moment, Jasper had wondered if he was really going to jump at all.

Everyone rushed to greet Edward as he touched down, all smiles and shouted greetings.

"I can't believe you actually did it!" Rosalie said.

"Yeah he did!" Emmett said. "Told you he would. Pay up, babe."

"See, Edward?" Leah said. "It was fine. I _told_ you there was no reason to be such a giant pussy."

Edward laughed, his eyes bright and his emotions lighter than Jasper had felt in years.

"When can we do that again?"

-oOo-

Peeling off her yellow rubber gloves, Bella slumped onto her bed. That was it. There was officially nothing left in Charlie's house to dust, scrub, or polish. When she looked at the digital clock on the desk, her tired eyes saw a fuzzy halo around the glowing red numbers.

Not surprising, as the time was apparently almost 4:00 AM. She'd been on a cleaning spree for three hours, trying to quiet her racing mind and wipe her worries away with the scent of lemon furniture polish and Windex.

It hadn't worked.

Her first instinct was to press the power button on her computer and write to Jasper, but she recoiled from that idea. She couldn't turn to him for this. As open as they were with each other, there were some things that were still too personal. This was one of them.

Leaning over the side of the bed, she fished a notebook and pen out of her desk drawer. Maybe it would help to get her thoughts out on paper.

_Alice,_

_You couldn't have seen my decision to write this letter before you died, so I don't know why I'm addressing it to you. I could make it an entry in a journal I don't keep or write a note to Angela or my mom. Instead, here I am, creating undeliverable mail. Even if I had a hundred girlfriends to offer me advice on this subject, I'd probably still want to talk to you. _

_I think my boyfriend wants to have sex._

_No, actually, I know he wants to have sex. Not that he's pressuring me or anything like that. He's really sweet — you'd like him. _

_The thing is...I want to sleep with him. Everything we've done so far has felt good and right and...ugh, did I mention __good__? I've never been uncomfortable or thought, "I'm not ready for this." We're both home for the summer, and now is the perfect time for this to happen, since his parents are away for a couple of weeks._

_So why am I so damn scared? I feel ridiculous. I'm 21, not 15. I shouldn't be scrolling through Yahoo Answers to find personal accounts of how much the first time hurts for a girl. _

_Yeah, I actually did that. Then I laughed at myself. _

_I know the mechanics, how to be safe — all of that good stuff. And yet, part of me is apparently still a teenager, because when he put his hand under my shirt earlier tonight, I started worrying about whether I'd be any good. There he was, __groping me__, and even though I was enjoying it, I thought, "Is he disappointed? There isn't much there to feel." _

_Like he didn't already know that before we got to...what base is that? Second? It doesn't matter. The point is: he knew what was there (or, well, what __wasn't__ there) from the start. He has eyes. So I shouldn't worry about it, right? He's clearly attracted to me — flat chest and all._

_As frustrated as I am and as much as I want more (as much as I want __him__), I can't seem to force my insecurities away. I mean, what if I'm one of those rare women who bleeds like crazy, and then I see the blood and pass out? I've come a long way in conquering my blood phobia, but I think something like that would definitely cause a setback. It'll be his first time, too. Which I guess means he won't be able to tell if I'm horrible, but I want it to be good for him. _

_I don't know. I can't stop thinking about it. I'm forever daydreaming of sex with Austin. My mind wanders in the supermarket, in the shower, when boring people are talking to me...__all the time__. I'm a lot bolder in my daydreams, with none of the hang-ups or baggage. Stupid, confident Daydream Bella. Where is she when I need her?_

_I'm not sure writing this really solved anything, but I think I needed to get it out. I wish you were here. Not because I'm lacking a confidant/sex therapist, but for Jasper. For __you__. _

_I miss you. _

_Love,  
><em>_Bella_

-oOo-

Sniffling, Bella scrubbed at her damp cheeks with the back of her hand. A sob shuddered its way through her body. Crumpled bits of pink tissue paper littered her bed: shrapnel from the white box that held the scraps of lace that had brought her to tears.

She knew, even before reading the enclosed card, who had sent them. A gift of expensive lingerie resulted in only one name on her list of suspects. If death was taken into account, the list dwindled to none.

With trembling hands, she picked up the card.

_Dear Bella,_

_I hope I got the timing right on this one. It's really, really hard to tell. So many factors to consider, so many decisions yet to be made. This is my best guess. I don't even know who the lucky guy could be. If I'm too soon, then just put these away for when the time is right. If I'm too late, then I am __so__ sorry. No one should be caught wearing sensible white cotton briefs on the night they lose their virginity. _

_If I know you (and I think I do), you're slipping back into the old habit of doubting your self-worth. Don't. Not even for a second. Letting someone see you naked and vulnerable can be a daunting prospect, but remember: he thinks you're beautiful, even if you don't (crazy girl; you should get your vision checked). _

_Oh, and Bella...he's a guy. __He's going to have a good time__. I promise. Just do what feels right, and try to relax. And wear the enclosed bra and panties, of course. Wearing sexy things under your regular clothes can go a long way toward making you feel confident and desirable. Confidence, by the way, is always hot._

_Please don't cry. I love you. Always, always, always._

— _Alice_

Part of Bella wanted to race to her computer and tell Jasper that she'd received mail from Alice, but she decided against it. This seemed like something that should belong to Bella and Alice alone. One final secret, shared between them.

As she fell back against her pillows, she let out a choked laugh. Alice had written more on the back of the card.

_PS: Get some cucumber slices or chilled spoons to help with those puffy eyes. Didn't I tell you not to cry?_

_PPS: I can't really talk. I'd cry if our situations were reversed. My body can't produce tears, but I'd find a way. _

-oOo-

With a happy sigh, Bella wrapped her arms around Austin's shoulders and pulled him down for another kiss. Rosy light from the rising sun spilled over his bare chest, highlighting every freckle. She let her hands wander down his back until they rested on the waistband of his pajamas, slung low on his hips.

"You sure you don't want me to get dressed and drive you home?" he said.

"I'm sure, but thanks."

As they stood on his parents' front porch and shared ten times more goodbye kisses than they usually would, Bella allowed her mind to drift back to the night before, focusing on the details.

The heartbroken expression that flitted across his face when she winced in pain. The unexpected discoveries: his ticklish belly, the way he reached out for her in his sleep. His unskilled touches — not rough, but not reverent, either. His hands moved over her like she was _real_ — his equal. The way he gasped her name. His transfixed stare when Alice's gift was revealed. The whispered declaration of love that he saved for after the fact. His brilliant smile when she said it back.

"I wish we were back in Portland already," he said, his voice bringing her attention back to the present. "I hate having to sneak around like a couple of kids."

"Me too. Is it okay if I come back after Charlie goes to work? I have the day off, and we only have a few more days of privacy before your parents and brother get back..."

He grinned. "Of course. See you then."

"Bye."

Another five kisses, and she was on her way. As she wandered through the streets of Forks, she fell back on her old habit of wrapping her arms around her middle — not because it felt as though a gaping hole had appeared in her chest, but because she thought she might burst at the seams if she didn't hold herself together. Cautious hope bloomed underneath her skin, too beautiful to contain. Looking up at the brightening sky, she hummed one of her favorite songs from Emily's sheet music.

This was no walk of shame.

She was so absorbed in her happy thoughts, she didn't realize she wasn't alone until it was too late.

The two moved as one. Black eyes narrowed and mouths stretched into feral grins as they landed in front of her. The female half of the pair was short to the male's tall — delicate and deadly. A breeze fluttered through their white-blond hair, carrying their intoxicating scent to Bella. Early morning light set their skin sparkling.

Bella tried to say something — to mention the wolves or even the Cullens, but fright made the words freeze in her throat. One thought screamed through her mind again and again.

_Not now._

The male chuckled.

"Hello."


	11. Keep Me Safe

**10. Keep me Safe**

"Do you know the Cullens?"

It came out as a squeak, but Bella found her voice at last. The pair halted their advance.

Frowning, the female vampire tilted her head to one side. "Yes."

The male sniffed the air. "It's very faint, but she almost smells like Alice, doesn't she? Like she's wearing something of hers."

"How can you tell?" the female asked with a snort. "She reeks of sex."

"I'm under the Cullens' protection," Bella said, hoping the lie sounded more convincing to them than it did to her.

_Jake,_ she thought. _ Where are you? Help me. _

"But...they aren't here," the male said. "They haven't been here for years."

Knowing she couldn't outrun them didn't make a difference. Bella still backed away, as though she had a prayer of escaping. "Ask Jasper!" she said. "Tell him you killed Bella Swan, then see what he does. The last two vampires who tried haven't lived to tell about it."

_Well, _she thought, _the last two vampires who weren't Jasper himself, at least._

"Bella Swan?" the male said. "You're Edward's Isabella?"

_Hell no._

"Yes," she said.

"Ah," he said. "That's a surprise. We didn't expect you to...well, to smell so strongly of another man. Our mistake."

With a mischievous smile, he mimed tipping a hat to her. Taking his companion's hand, he moved toward the shadows cast by nearby trees.

Dozens of faces flashed across Bella's mind as the pair turned away from her. Charlie. Austin. Angela's little brothers. Jessica. Her former teachers. Mr. and Mrs. Newton.

"Wait," she said, reaching a hand toward them.

They looked at her, eyebrows raised. Her entire body quivered, her racing heart protesting as she pressed her luck.

"Please don't hunt in this town," she whispered, hating herself for dooming someone else's Austin or Charlie to die in order to save her own. "_Please_."

The female scowled, but the male laughed and shook his head.

"Food that bosses me around," he said. "No wonder Alice liked you so much. All right, Little One. We'll leave."

Bella stood in the middle of the road, holding her breath until they were out of sight. Taking her phone out of her pocket, she fumbled with the buttons until her shaking hands managed to dial Jake's number.

"Huh?" he said in lieu of a more traditional greeting. Bella thought she could almost hear the echo of his last snore.

"Vampires," she breathed. "In Forks. Human drinkers."

_That_ woke him.

"What?" he said. "Dammit. I _told_ Sam that Brady and Collin weren't ready to patrol on their own. They never want to make the full circuit. Fucking irresponsible, lazy—"

"What's going on?" Jessica's voice drifted through the phone, thick with sleep.

"Wolf stuff. I have to go out for a bit. I'll tell you all about it when I get home, okay? Get some rest."

"They said they were going to leave," Bella said, "but I don't know if—"

"Oh, they're leaving, all right. On the next bonfire out of town. I'll be there soon, Bells. If Collin and Brady know what's good for them, they'll be there sooner."

Raking her fingers through her hair, Bella tried to slow her rapid breaths. The wolves were coming. She was going to be okay.

But what if the vampires had already fed in Forks? How much blood did it take to turn their eyes from black to red? Frantic, she called Charlie's house. Each ring that wasn't followed by his voice felt like a knife twisting in her belly.

"Hello?" he said after the fifth ring.

_Finally._

"Dad!"

"Bells? What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I, uh..." Damn. She hadn't thought this part through. "I...just decided to take up running, and I realized I didn't leave you a note. I knew you'd be getting up for work soon, so I thought I'd let you know where I was. Didn't want you to worry."

"Running."

"Um. Yeah."

Charlie heaved a long sigh. "Bella, you're 21. If you want to spend the night with your boyfriend, just say so. It's not like I can ground you. Might ground _him_ if you end up with any little Bellas or Austins running around..."

In spite of the fear that lingered and coiled itself around her, Bella felt a blush flood into her cheeks.

"_Dad!_"

"Seriously, Bells, it's fine. You're an adult. Just tell me the truth. And, um, y'know...be safe."

"Okay," she said, eager to bring the conversation to a close. "Will do."

After she hung up with Charlie, Austin was next.

_Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Hi, this is Austin. Leave a message..._

Clapping a hand over her mouth to stifle the scream she wanted to unleash, Bella ran as fast as she could. Had they snatched him off of his porch as she walked away from him, blissful and oblivious? Perhaps they'd thought it would be amusing to break their promise by hunting the man whose scent clung to her skin.

Her muscles burned with each step, her feet pounding against dew-speckled grass as she cut across lawns and took as many shortcuts as possible. Her lungs felt like they would burst. At last, she reached Austin's house.

"_No_," she said when banging her fist against the front door failed to produce him immediately. "Oh, please, no."

Another round of knocks left her knuckles raw and her eyes flooded with tears. She tried the doorknob. Locked.

"No, no, _no_."

Just as she was about to attempt to force a window, the door swung open. Austin stood before her in his bathrobe, rubbing a towel over his damp hair.

"Bella? What—_oof_!"

His words cut off with a grunt as she flew at him. She couldn't speak. Clinging to his shoulders, she buried her face in the soft terry cloth of his robe. It was only when his arms closed around her that the tightness in her chest eased and she felt able to breathe again.

"Hey," he whispered, rubbing a soothing hand up and down her back. "Shh. What's wrong?"

Again, Bella didn't know how to explain herself. Her hysterical sobs wouldn't be easy to brush off with a fib about something inconsequential. Looking up at Austin's earnest, concerned face, she found that she couldn't bear to tell him a _complete_ lie.

"My friend died."

"Oh, no. I'm so sorry."

After pushing the door closed, he held her tight and kissed her forehead. She let him guide her to the couch, curling up on his lap when he sat down.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?" he asked.

"Do you remember Alice Cullen?" Fiddling with the tie on his robe, she waited for his nod of confirmation. "I was checking my e-mail on my phone as I was walking home. There was an accident...she's gone."

"I'm sorry," he repeated, smoothing a hand over her hair. "Do...um. Do you want me to go with you to the funeral?"

She shook her head. "It happened years ago. I only just found out. See, Alice and I hadn't talked in ages, because..."

"Because you used to date her brother?"

"Err, yeah. That. But I wrote her an e-mail right after we graduated from high school, since I missed her. Her boyfriend—"

"Jasper?"

"Yeah. Jasper just found it and wrote back, telling me what happened. She was dead before I even wrote the stupid e-mail."

"It happened _years_ ago and no one contacted you until now?"

Bella chewed on her lower lip. She didn't want Austin to be angry with Jasper and start to form a grudge. Edward, on the other hand...

"Edward was supposed to tell me, I guess," she said. "He never did."

"Hmm." His lips looked all wrong twisted into a scowl. That mouth was built for laughter. "I know I'd probably get beaten to within an inch of my life, but if you want me to try to kick his ass...or, more likely, punch his fist with my face—"

All of the remaining tension seemed to lift from her shoulders, evaporating with the giggle his words inspired. Through the filter of sheer curtains and thick trees, she saw the huge form of a werewolf prowling around outside, keeping them safe.

"He isn't worth the pain," she said.

"Mm." With tickling, barely-there touches, Austin's hand drifted up and down her arm. "She was nice. Alice, I mean."

"She was."

"She rescued me, once."

"Huh? When?"

"Before you moved here. Ben and I were riding those old bikes — the ones you took. I crashed and got banged up pretty bad. We were in the woods, and Ben started panicking, because I'd passed out and he didn't know how he was going to get me to the hospital. Neither of us had phones. Alice and Emmett showed up...I guess they'd been hiking, or something, and they heard him shouting for help. When I came to, she was there, leaning over me and grinning." He laughed. "I think I screamed. Startled the hell out of me. She stayed with us while Emmett went to get Dr. Cullen. She made sure I was comfortable and told us stories about Alaska while we waited."

"Wow. I never knew about that."

Austin stared off into the distance with a smile, as if lost in the memory. "Our parents banned us from riding as soon as we got home, which is how the bikes eventually came to be yours, of course."

Bella rested her ear against his chest as they lapsed into silence, listening to the _thump-thump-thump_ of his heart and relishing the proof that he was still alive and well and _hers_. One of his hands settled on her shoulder, holding her in a warm embrace, while the other rested on her thigh — intimate and possessive. Snuggling closer, she pressed a kiss to his neck. The light dusting of stubble on his face scratched her nose where it rubbed against his jaw.

"Austin?" she whispered.

"Mm?"

"Take me upstairs."

-oOo-

The vibrating ding of a text message startled Bella awake. Gasping, she sat up in bed. Her nerves were still raw, ready to make her jump at the slightest provocation. Austin burrowed further under the covers next to her, a sleepy grumble the only indication his sleep had been disturbed at all.

The message was from Jake.

_Didn't catch them, but they're gone. Do you know them?_

Slipping out from between the sheets, she padded across the room to sit at the desk. While Austin's computer started up, she sent a reply to Jake, letting him know that she had no idea about the vampires' identities.

As she logged into her e-mail and started writing a message to Jasper, she kept glancing back over her shoulder to make sure Austin was still asleep. Guilt churned her stomach. She hated keeping secrets from him, but there were some things she had to say that couldn't easily be explained.

-oOo-

Jasper read Bella's e-mail twice, just to be sure he got it right. Leaning back in his chair, he let out the breath that had lodged in his throat when he saw the first line.

_You saved my life again today._

It had to have been Peter and Charlotte. No one else would have known her as _Edward's_ Isabella. No one else would've backed off without some sign that the Cullens were actually nearby, protecting her. Even Charlotte probably would have gone through with the hunt, if she'd been on her own. It was all down to Peter, really, which meant that the next time Peter and his mate came to visit, they'd bring up the incident. They would want to know why Bella Swan mentioned him, _Jasper_, instead of Edward.

"Shit," he muttered.

It was time to come clean.

-oOo-

_**From:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**To:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**Date:**__ 07/10/2009_

_I'm so glad you're okay. I think I aged another hundred years just reading about that. How are you doing? Do you need anything?_

_I think I know who it was. Do you remember me mentioning Peter — the friend whose wife can't stand me? The description you gave sounds like them. _

_Since you mentioned my name, Peter and Charlotte will undoubtedly ask about it when I see them next. It's _good _that you told them to ask me to confirm your story. Doing so saved your life. Unfortunately, it also means that I should tell Edward about our correspondence. It'll be better if he hears it from me now, before I'm forced to explain Peter and Charlotte's story. I just thought I'd warn you, in case he does anything...well, anything typical of Edward. I'll let you know how it goes._

_Stay safe._

_Love,  
><em>_Jasper_

-oOo-

Slowing to a walk as he neared the main house, Jasper singled out his brother's deep blue emotional signature. He found him sitting at his piano, his tongue sticking out of one corner of his mouth as he focused on composing a new song.

This was not going to be pretty.

"What isn't?" Edward said.

Stalling wouldn't accomplish anything. Jasper dived in.

"We need to talk," he said.

Out of respect for Bella's privacy, he didn't let Edward see everything. The basics would have to do. Not wanting Edward to go storming off to act as Bella's bodyguard, he kept Peter and Charlotte out of his mind as well. _That_ could be dealt with once Edward's inevitable flare of temper had cooled. Instead, he concentrated on dredging up the long-suppressed memories of receiving Alice's instructions and reading Bella's first e-mail before fast-forwarding his thoughts through their budding friendship and into the present day.

Edward's mouth dropped open. Of the myriad emotions streaming from him and tightening around Jasper's chest, betrayal was the strongest.

"How _could_ you?" Edward whispered. "We were supposed to leave her alone! It's what Alice said was—"

"Alice never told _me_ to stay away. She practically left me a note saying, 'Write to Bella,' or did you not notice that part?"

"You had no right."

"I'm old enough to be your ancestor, so you'd best stop trying to act like my father. You don't get to dictate who my friends are. I'm sorry I kept it from you for so long. I truly am. I'm _not_ sorry for befriending Bella. I had every right."

Horror crept in at the edge of Edward's emotions, cold and deep.

"You love her."

Jasper scoffed. "Of course I do. How could I not? But I don't love her like _that_. You've seen me in love. You know better."

With a reluctant nod, Edward tapped out a discordant string of notes on the ivory keys.

"I'd like to think that being friends with me has improved her life," Jasper said, ending the statement on a sigh. "I know it improved mine. I think Alice saw that. I'm sorry. If you want to talk, you know where to find me."

-oOo-

_**From:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**To:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**Date:**__ 07/14/2009_

_I've been thinking. Would you object to me sending you something? I'll send it to Charlie's, so you don't have to tell me your school address. Even though the only thing Edward has done so far is sulk, it's still probably best to not give me the exact location of your school if you don't want him showing up there. I've done my best to not let on that I know you're currently in Forks. _

_Now, about the gift. Don't worry; I'm not going to spend any money. It was Alice's. And before you say I shouldn't be giving Alice's things away: I have no use for this, and I have enough mementos. You should have one, too._

_The thing I want to send is a locket. It would be more for your protection than anything. I'm notorious enough that if I put a lock of my hair inside, others of my kind might leave you alone. Having my scent on you wouldn't save you from the Jameses of the world, but it could be quite effective among those who are familiar with me. They wouldn't want to risk having me come after them if you went missing._

_I apologize if this proposal sounds strange or makes you uncomfortable. There's really no good way to say, "Hey, let me mark you for your own good!" _

_Love,  
><em>_Jasper_

-oOo-

_**From:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**To:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**Date:**__ 07/15/2009_

_It didn't sound strange. Well, okay, maybe a little. You didn't make me uncomfortable, though. I'd do the same for you if the situation was reversed._

_So, yes, please. I'd love to have Alice's locket. I think it'll make me feel a lot better to have some sort of protection. I've been having a lot of nightmares lately. Thank you. :) _

_Why are you so notorious, though?_

_And wait a minute. Can you cut your hair with regular scissors? Does it grow back? Do you need to shave to keep yourself from growing a beard? Hmm. At least you wouldn't have to worry about nicking yourself._

_Anyway, thanks again. _

_Love,  
><em>_Bella_

-oOo-

_**From:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**To:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**Date:**__ 07/15/2009_

_I hope it does make you feel better. Alice would want you to have it, anyway. I should have given you something of hers a long time ago. I'm going to change the picture she kept inside the locket before I send it. I don't think you want a photo of me from the 1970's. Not my best decade. I'll give you one of her instead._

_I'll tell you about my reputation some other time, I promise._

_No, I can't cut my hair with regular scissors, and I don't need to shave. Getting a lock of my hair was...interesting. I got my friend Garrett to bite it off. You'll probably smell a bit like him as well, which can't hurt._

_You're very welcome. I'll be putting the locket in the mail later today._

_Love,  
><em>_Jasper_

-oOo-

"I'm going on a hunt. Are you thirsty?"

The words took Jasper by surprise. Edward had passed by Jasper's little cabin more often than usual in recent days, but he always carried on running into the woods, leaving a cacophony of emotions in his wake.

"I am," Jasper said.

Peeking through the window, Edward motioned for Jasper to join him. Together, they ran through the dense, evergreen woods that surrounded their home, their feet barely touching the soft cushion of pine needles that carpeted the forest floor. Out of habit, Jasper pushed himself to keep up, challenging Edward to a race. They tilted their heads up in unison, sniffing the air for their prey and listening for the slow thud of large hearts.

"I don't want to know about your conversations with Bella," Edward said, radiating possessiveness. "Please continue to hide them from me. It'll only make it harder to stay away and keep my promise of giving her a human life if I'm constantly seeing her in your mind. If I go back, I won't be able to resist being with her again, and then she'll start asking me to change her. That is assuming she forgives me, which I think is increasingly unlikely as time goes on."

Jasper focused his attention on the world around him — on the crisp morning air and the birds that trilled out alarms at his approach. He refused to let his mind wander to Edward's competition. If Edward was going to leave Bella alone, he didn't need the heartache of knowing she'd fallen in love with another.

"All I ask is that if anything...if anything _happens_ to her — eighty years from now, I hope — you tell me," Edward said.

Jasper nodded. "You know I will." Pausing, he glanced back toward the main house. "All I ask in return is that you consider Carlisle and Esme before you make any tragic romantic gestures, Romeo. It would break them."

_Not only them_, Jasper thought. _Don't do that to me. I'll kick your ass if you kill yourself because of news I bring you._

Edward went silent. Slowing his strides to match Jasper's, he sighed.

"You never considered it?" he said after a few minutes had passed.

"Nope. Not my style."

"But an eternity without Alice..."

Jasper laughed. "You trying to talk me into offing myself?"

"Of _course_ not."

"Being without her is difficult." Hesitantly, Jasper allowed Edward to see the lonely, sad hours he'd spent on his own — the days during that first year when Esme, Carlisle, and occasionally Rosalie carried deer to his cabin and forced him to drink. "Even so, I know she would've wanted me to live. For all I know, she could have orchestrated the whole thing so she died in my place. It's...something she would have done, you have to admit."

Fondness billowed from Edward. "She would have."

"Bella would do the same for you, if she could, whether you were together or not. It's her way. Probably why she and Alice were such fast friends." Giving up the pretense of hunting, Jasper came to a stop and leaned against a nearby tree. "I'll tell you what: if it looks like it's the end for Bella, I promise I will take you to see her so you can make your peace and say goodbye."

"I'd appreciate that. Hmm. If you're invited to her wedding, do me a favor and try to make me believe you're only going on vacation somewhere, would you?"

"I'll do my best," Jasper said with a chuckle. "It might not be necessary, though. I don't think Bella is the marrying kind."

"Things change."

"True. Is this one of your attempts at trying something new, by the way?"

"What do you mean?"

"You're being _reasonable_. Not something I've seen from you before."

Grinning, Jasper ducked out of the way as Edward's hand shot forward. He returned the attack with an attempt to sweep Edward's legs out from underneath him. They sparred their way through the forest, knocking into trees and decimating bushes when one of them managed to land a hit. Snarling and laughing, they made enough noise to frighten any nearby prey into the next county.

By the time the sun was blotted out by the sudden appearance of dark gray rainclouds, they agreed to call it a draw and made their way back home. Rosalie looked up from the magazine on her lap as they entered the living room.

"Did you leave any trees still standing?" she asked.

"A few," Edward said.

"Hmm. Em isn't going to be pleased. Not only did he miss your little _Fight Club_ imitation, but now he's going to owe Garrett a lot of money. He bet on you giving Jasper the silent treatment until Christmas."

Edward smirked. "I know."


	12. Empty Orchestra

**11. Empty Orchestra**

_**From:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**To:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**Date:**__ 11/27/2009_

_Oh, my God._

_Oh, my GOD._

_Remember the friend of mine who is dating Jessica Stanley? Yeah. They're getting married. MARRIED. In January. On your birthday, actually. They're both so young. He won't even be old enough to drink at his own reception. _

_Is it cruel of me to say I think they've lost their minds? Because I do._

_They just told me earlier today. We met up for lunch, and I have been periodically saying, "Oh, my God" ever since. He asked me to be his best woman, too. I guess that means I get to plan a bachelor party. That should be interesting._

_Married. Wow. Crazy._

_I may still be in shock. How are you?_

_Love,  
>Bella<em>

-oOo-

"I don't get it," Bella said, opening a beer and flopping down on Embry's threadbare orange couch. "Isn't hiring a stripper kind of the point of a bachelor party? Why'd you shoot down my idea?"

"I thought it was a great idea," Embry said. "One of your best. You should plan my next ten birthday parties with ideas like that. It wouldn't have made much of an impact on these two, though." Wrinkling his nose and pitching his voice higher, he added, "They've _imprinted_, they don't even _see_ other girls."

Quil laughed. "Nah, we just didn't want Austin tagging along. If there was any chance of you getting a lap dance from another woman, Bella, he would've insisted on being here. Couldn't have that. We're supposed to leave the wives and girlfriends at home."

"Or at daycare, in your case," Embry said, earning himself a smack on the back of the head from his friend.

"Ah, well," Jake said, flopping down next to Bella and resting his feet on the coffee table. "At least we have beer."

"Which I will thank you to avoid mentioning anywhere near a certain police chief," Bella said. "Bachelor party or not, he wouldn't be happy about me supplying minors with alcohol. Anyway—" she raised her beer can up in the air, "—we're supposed to be here celebrating, not bemoaning the lack of scantily clad ladies."

Embry tapped his beer can against Bella's. "To Jake's last months of freedom."

"Months? What are you talking about? He's getting married on Friday. If you show up at the church months from now, you're going to miss the wedding. Ooh, or is that your plan? Is Jessica making you wear pink too?"

"Uh," Quil said. "You didn't tell her?"

"Tell me what?"

Shooting his friends a look that clearly said, "Thanks a lot, guys," Jake cleared his throat.

"Jess is pregnant," he said. "I was going to tell you soon — I _was_ — but she wants to wait until after the wedding to let people know."

"_Oh_." Bella's hand flew to her chest, her fingers seeking out the cold metal of her locket before she remembered that she'd left it at home and and rinsed the scent from her skin for the sake of Jake, Quil, and Embry's noses (and, if she was honest with herself, to hide her contact with one of the Cullens from Jake). Dragging it back and forth across the chain had become her favorite nervous habit.

She should have known Jessica was pregnant. Why else would she and Jake marry so young?

"Um," she said, "congratulations?"

Jake's hand clapped her shoulder as he doubled over with laughter. "Don't worry. I'm happy. It's gonna be great. A little ahead of schedule, but hey."

Wistfulness colored Bella's smile. She couldn't help but wonder what the old Jake — the one who made his own choices instead of being guided by some weird wolf instinct — would have made of this. His grin was just as wide and genuine as it had ever been, but it seemed to lack that warm quality — the one that had caused her to call him her personal sun.

"Then I'm happy for you," she said, wrapping an arm around him in an awkward half-embrace. "Congratulations."

-oOo-

Closing her eyes, Bella rested her head on Austin's shoulder as they swayed back and forth. The smooth dance floor felt blissfully cool under her sore, tired feet. Not even halfway through the reception, and already she was formulating a plan to burn the two torture devices that Jessica had the nerve to call shoes — assuming she remembered where she left them. Were they under a table somewhere? She couldn't be sure.

"Prettiest best man ever," Austin said, kissing her forehead. "I still can't believe someone from our class is actually _married_."

"I know. It's so bizarre. Seems way too grown-up for me."

The life-altering importance of Jake and Jessica's marriage struck an even deeper chord when Bella factored in the reason for their haste. Try as she might, she couldn't picture them as parents.

On some level, she envied them. Not the unexpected pregnancy, but their certainty. Forced as the connection was, Jessica had the security of knowing Jake was in it for life. Holding tighter to Austin, Bella blocked out all shadowy, ominous thoughts of what the coming year would bring. She tried to make herself forget that Austin would be graduating in June. It wasn't a guarantee that he'd move away from Portland. It wasn't. Best to keep her panic and dread locked away until — _unless_ — they were needed.

"I think they're getting ready for the bouquet toss," he said.

"Crap. Hide me."

Laughing, he took her hand and sneaked over to a dark corner near an empty table. She leaned back against the wall as he placed his body in front of hers, blocking her from view.

"How much longer do we have to stay?" he asked, casting a quick look over his shoulder — for Charlie, she assumed — before trailing soft, slow kisses along her neck.

"Pretty sure we have to wait until the bride and groom leave. Best woman duties and all."

"Damn."

The way he caught his lower lip between his teeth and brushed his thumbs back and forth over her hips made her giggle. She knew that look.

"You cannot seriously be attracted to me when I'm wearing this dress_. _I look like cotton candy."

"Yeah, but _hot_ cotton candy."

"Ew. That sounds sticky."

"Bella Swaaaaan," Jessica said. "I see you hiding over there."

"Forget what I said before," Bella whispered. "We can leave now."

Austin grinned. Peeling off his suit jacket, he said, "Okay, you put this over your head and climb on my back. No one will notice. They'll think I've just started to look like my aunt Rita." He gave her skirt a tug. "Though they may question my fashion choices."

Bella groaned. "Very tempting. I don't think Jess will give up that easily, though."

"If history is any indication, then no."

"Hmph. May as well face the music."

"I say you go all in. Tackle other women and bite anyone who tries to lay a hand on those flowers. If you're going to be forced to take part in the tradition, you may as well have fun. I mean, when do you think you'll get another chance to rip out Lauren's hair, shove her to the ground, wave a bouquet over your head, do a Xena yell, and shout, 'Suck it, bitch'? Quite frankly, I'm jealous."

In between chuckles, she pressed her lips to his. Oh, she loved this man. The feeling shot through her like laughter — bright and irresistible.

After tearing herself away from her boyfriend, she waded into the throng of women who were poised to catch the bouquet. Lauren already had her arms extended. The wink that Bella shot Austin over her shoulder lasted just long enough for her to miss the launch of the bouquet. Ribbons and roses fluttered over her head. Lauren made a grab for it, but the bouquet landed in the arms of a very surprised Angela.

"Pft," Austin said when Bella returned to their corner. "That was anti-climactic. Lauren didn't even put up a fight."

Without a word, Bella nestled against him, her back to his front. His arms wrapped around her, his fingers tapping her elbow, dancing across her wrist.

"I don't have to go," he said suddenly, his voice a rough whisper. "To Chicago. I don't have to go if I get in."

Bella swallowed hard. Apparently the atmosphere of the wedding got him thinking along the same lines as her.

"Yes, you do," she said. "It's been your plan since before we were even friends."

"Do you know what the job market is like for history professors right now? It's abysmal. I'm crazy to even think of trying it. I should cut my losses, stay in Portland, get a Master of the Arts in Education, and become a high school teacher."

"What about after I graduate? I don't know where I'm going, what I'm doing."

He grimaced, uncertainty making itself evident in the tensing of his posture and the way he ceased all fidgeting. "We'll deal with that when the time comes."

"Austin...you can't..._I_ can't..." Allowing her voice to trail off, she blinked back the tears that threatened to spill over. "Would you even be considering this if not for me? Be honest."

"Probably not, but I _love_ you."

"Can we please not talk about this right now? I don't want to start crying here."

"I don't want you to start crying, ever."

Struggling to keep her voice steady, Bella turned in his arms and pressed herself as close as she could get to him.

"I can't stand the thought of losing you completely. If you stay because of me, you'll eventually start to resent me because of the opportunities you gave up. You _will_. And maybe...maybe we won't even be able to remain friends. That'd be worse than a breakup — at least to me. Just because you stay, it doesn't mean we'll last. We're still so young. The odds are against us."

Austin's mouth twitched into a smile. "You're not about to give me a lecture on probability or statistics or whatever, are you?"

"No," she said with a wet laugh, "but you know it's true."

The warmth of his defeated sigh breezed over her temple. Inching his hands up her back, he played with a few rebellious strands of hair that had escaped from the ruthless bobby-pinning of Mrs. Stanley. The gentle touch sent a pleasant shiver racing up her spine and down her arms.

"Yeah," he said. "But hey, we're getting ahead of ourselves. I might not even get in."

Somehow, she knew he would.

-oOo-

_**From:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**To:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**Date:**__ 03/08/2010_

_A little boy slipped and skinned his knee in front of me today._

_I say, "little boy," but really he was probably about 17. Almost a legal adult. He was riding his bike on the road past our property. I was on my way home from donating old clothes._

_I should have hunted. Being around humans when I'm that thirsty is dangerous at the best of times. Add in the scent of blood, and it's a disaster. I should have hunted._

_It was like that moment the paper sliced your finger, when I forgot who you were — forgot who I was. He didn't stand a chance. I just attacked._

_We have to move now. I don't even know the poor kid's name. I'll find out, after Carlisle finishes cleaning up my mess. I wish I could apologize to his family. It wouldn't make it right, but I want to give them the closure of knowing why it happened, if nothing else. I can't, of course. _

_I've apologized to my own family enough. I love Rosalie — I do — but if she doesn't stop with the holier-than-thou, perfect track record nonsense, I may snap. _

_I should have hunted._

_Love,  
><em>_Jasper_

-oOo-

_**From:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**To:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**Date:**__ 03/08/2010_

_You're a good man. If you weren't, you wouldn't regret what happened. You'd stick to your natural food source with no guilt whatsoever._

_You can beat yourself up for ages thinking of ways you could have prevented it, but it won't bring him back. All you can do is mourn the lost life and keep trying._

_For the record, if I had lived on dry, stale bread for decades and a piece of pizza skinned its knee in front of me, I would attack, too. Hell, I'd even eat a maple bacon doughnut again if I was hungry enough. _

_And no, I don't know where a pizza's knee is, or how it'd skin it, exactly. The comparison just falls apart if we look at it too closely, since pizza isn't sentient and I wouldn't be hurting anyone if I ate it. Well, I guess I might end up accidentally biting the hand of the person holding it. _

_My pathetic attempts to make you crack a smile aside: it has to be hard to resist human blood as often as you do. I don't know if I'd be able to. Most of your kind couldn't — or wouldn't — even try._

_The boy's death is tragic, of course. You _should _be upset. If you weren't, you wouldn't be the person I've come to know. You'll find out his name and make amends in your own way, I'm sure. And you'll keep trying, because you're a good man._

_Love,  
><em>_Bella_

-oOo-

_**From:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**To:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**Date:**__ 07/17/2010_

_Tell me long distance relationships are a bad idea._

_I keep trying to tell myself this, but it isn't working. See, I didn't mention it to you when it happened (I sort of lived in denial for a bit), but Pirate Guy got into his first choice for grad school. Which is great. I'm happy for him. I'm sad for us, though, because it's halfway across the country. Since I was such a slacker in getting my life started after high school ended, I'm stuck here for another year. He's moving soon, and I'm not ready to let him go._

_I promised myself I'd never again put my life on hold for a guy, but oh, I want to. I want him to give up everything he's been planning and stay with me. I want to abandon everything I've built and follow him. _

_Tell me we shouldn't do either of those things, because we're only 22. Tell me we should focus on our educations now, and maybe we'll find our way back together someday. Tell me that if I want to salvage any chance of us being friends, we shouldn't try to keep this relationship going through Skype and e-mail._

_Tell me I'm not going to turn back into the zombie I became when Edward left._

_If it was just a one year separation with a good chance we could be together at the end of it, I'd say we keep the relationship going. But the thing is, I don't know if it will be. I don't know where I'll end up going after I'm done with the undergrad stuff. I could plan to go to school somewhere near him, but there's no guarantee I'll get in. It's better this way, right? _

_Tell me this isn't going to hurt as much as I think._

_Ugh. Sorry for the e-mail full of whining. You're the best friend in the world if you made it through all of that._

_Love,  
><em>_Bella_

-oOo-

_**From:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**To:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**Date:**__ 07/17/2010_

_First, let's get something straight. You don't need to apologize for venting about your troubles to me. If you say something that annoys me or upsets me in any way, I'll tell you. I expect you to do the same with me. And I'd say going through a breakup with Pirate Guy is a perfectly valid reason to talk to a friend about how upset you are. I only wish I could do something to make you feel better._

_Second, I can tell you that long distance relationships usually don't work out, that you're both very young, that your educations should come first, and that you won't turn into a zombie, but I can't tell you that it won't hurt as much as you think. I wish I could._

_It seems like you already know what you should do. I'm so sorry. _

_Love,  
><em>_Jasper_

-oOo-

_**From:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**To:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**Date:**__ 07/31/2010_

_Well, tomorrow is it. Pirate Guy is moving. We're going to spend one last day together before we have to say goodbye._

_My mom and Phil are coming to visit next week. I think she's worried about me pulling a re-zombification (totally a word). I'd rather be alone, but at least I've already managed to make her promise not to try dragging me to a karaoke bar. That wouldn't be fun for anyone._

_Love,  
><em>_Bella_

-oOo-

_**From:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**To:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**Date:**__ 07/31/2010_

_I'm sorry. If I was there, I'd give you a hug. I don't think I'd even be tempted to kill you. At least, not as much as usual._

_I doubt a re-zombification (nice word) will occur. You have plenty of warning this time, and it's a mutual split. You'll have closure. I hear that's important. That, and comfort food._

_Why wouldn't karaoke be fun? Being silly with a group of strangers can be a good way to blow off steam, and you have a nice singing voice._

_Love,  
><em>_Jasper_

-oOo-

_**From:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**To:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**Date:**__ 07/31/2010_

_Pirate Guy is almost here, so I have to go soon, but I'm confused. When did you hear my singing voice?_

_Ah, there he is. Gotta run._

_Love,  
><em>_Bella_


	13. A Suitcase of Memories

**12. A Suitcase of Memories**

There wasn't enough ice cream in the world.

Bella clutched her bowl of frozen comfort in one hand, slumping down on Charlie's sofa. The chill that tingled down to her belly with each bite of caramel and vanilla contrasted with the heat of Jake's arm slung around her shoulders — like getting a simultaneous hug from a werewolf and a vampire. A tiny smile found its way onto her lips at the thought of Jasper and Jake snarling at each other and holding their noses as they attempted to hug her at the same time. Somehow, she didn't think it'd end well.

"Thanks for being here," she said, sniffling as she rested her head on Jake's shoulder.

"Hey, no problem. Jess wanted me out of the house, anyway. I guess having a werewolf lying next to you in August when you're so pregnant you look like you're going to pop doesn't lead to a restful night's sleep. She's attempting a nap at the moment." Pausing, he set his empty bowl on the coffee table and stole a bite of Bella's ice cream. "And it's the least I can do for my best woman."

Instead of scenes featuring the buddy-cop antics of the movie Jake had brought over, Bella's mind swam with images of her last day with Austin. Walking along First Beach, trying to laugh and have fun like it was any other day. The bittersweet hours spent in bed, huddling together against the impending separation. The way his voice cracked when he said, "I love you. I'll let you know when I get there."

Already, she missed him. With Edward, everything had been sudden: falling in love, saying goodbye. As fast and disorienting as clinging to his back while he ran. She hadn't known love could be like it was with Austin: slow and steady, building on friendship and seeping into her bones.

And here she was, giving it up because of distance and timing.

"I made the right choice, didn't I?" she said.

"Yeah. Of course. Yeah."

Laughing, she poked Jake in the ribs. "_That_ was convincing."

"Well, I don't know, Bells. I mean, I actually _like_ him, which I didn't think would ever happen with one of your boyfriends. And you seemed pretty happy with him."

"I was. But I'd rather have him as a friend than nothing at all."

He nodded. "Makes sense."

"I don't know. I wish we had a guarantee, like you and Jessica."

"You're joking, right?"

"No. I—"

"That thing about the grass always being greener must be true, because _I_ wish Jess and I had a choice, like you and Austin." Shaking his head, he barked out a hollow laugh. "Don't get me wrong; I still would've chosen her if I'd gotten the chance to get to know her first, but I wanted it to be _my_ decision, not something that was decided for me. No stupid mythology or destiny or whatever."

Bella smiled. "You should tell her that when you get home. That you would've chosen her anyway, I mean. You'll get major bonus points."

"She already knows. It was sort of part of my proposal."

"_Aww_."

"Oh, shut up," he said, tousling her hair.

Bella held her bowl of ice cream closer. She wanted to wrap herself in its cold, let it soothe the ache left by Austin's absence. She wanted Jasper there, using his power to help her to feel something else, even if only for a few minutes.

"We're quite the pair, aren't we?" she said. "I'm sorry you didn't get a choice, Jake."

"Yeah. And I'm sorry you had to make that choice."

Something vibrated against Bella's leg. Shifting to one side, Jake pulled his ringing phone out of his pocket.

"Ah, I have to take this. It's Jess."

"Of course, go ahead. Take your time. I'm going to go splash some cold water on my face."

Once Jake stepped onto the porch to talk to his wife, Bella trudged up the stairs. Her entire body felt heavy, worn out. Sitting down at her desk, she logged into her e-mail account.

What she found there made a new emotion force its way above her feelings surrounding Austin, claiming more than its fair share of her attention.

_Anger_.

-oOo-

_**From:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**To:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**Date:**__ 08/01/2010_

_Oh, wow. I thought you would've put it all together when I told you the date of Alice's death. All this time, I thought you must've asked the wolves about it. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have assumed. It was selfish on my part, as I never really wanted to talk about it._

_Alice died in the fight against Victoria. I don't know if you know this, but Victoria gathered an army of newly changed vampires. We banded together with the wolves (temporarily) to defeat her. Because Alice saved Seth Clearwater's life, he brought a tape to her funeral. On that tape, there was a recording of you sitting on a couch with Jacob Black and singing. Seth knew how much you and Alice cared for each other, and his Alpha ordered him not to tell you of her death. And, well, you know what happened after that. I took far too long to tell you about Alice myself, and...here we are._

_So, that is how I know you have a nice singing voice. I should have realized you didn't know._

_Aside from the knowledge that I've heard you sing (which I'm sure has you ready to combust with embarrassment), how are you doing? Pirate Guy must be gone by now. Let me know if you need anything._

_Love,  
><em>_Jasper_

-oOo-

"Jacob!" Bella said as she barreled down the stairs. Her fingers twitched, aching to grab her phone and call Austin — to take solace in him one last time. Biting the inside of her cheek, she fought to swallow the urge.

Jake raced into the house, eyes wide. "Bells! I—"

"How _could_ you?"

"How could I what? I need to—"

"How could you not tell me Alice was dead? You knew I would want to know something that huge. You _knew_."

"Bells—"

"I can't believe you kept it from—"

"Bella! For fuck's sake. _Listen to me_! Jessica is in labor!"

-oOo-

"Do you want to hold her?" Jake said.

"No!" Bella said, looking to Jessica for support.

No such luck. Snores rumbled from Jessica's open mouth, loud enough to rival Charlie.

Traitor.

Jake chuckled. "I promise I won't let her hurt you."

"Seriously, I wouldn't know what to do. I don't want to break your baby."

"Pfft. Everyone knows the first kid is just for practice, anyway. We're bound to screw her up." Bending over the little aquarium-like crib that held his daughter, he picked her up as though he'd been handling infants all his life. "Come here, Sarah. Let's go see Auntie Bells."

Cradled in Jake's massive hands, the baby looked even smaller and more fragile than before.

"Here." He nodded toward one of the mint green chairs near the window. "Sit down. That way, she won't have as far to fall."

"I'm so telling Jessica that you endangered her child," Bella said, though she perched on the edge of the faded seat cushion and held her hands out in preparation.

"There you go." He transferred a much more wiggly baby than she had expected into her arms. "See? She's not so scary."

"Yeah." Chewing on her lower lip, she traced her thumb over one of the tiniest fingers she'd ever seen. A gummy yawn from the bundle in her arms made her grin. "Don't think this means you can ask me to baby-sit, though."

"Wouldn't dream of it. Listen, about the blood—about Alice..."

"Oh, that's a dirty trick. Wait until my arms are all full of baby so I can't hurt you."

A strained smile flitted across his face. With a sigh that seemed to leave him even more exhausted than before, he pulled the second chair over so he could sit facing Bella.

"I didn't want to lose you," he said.

She scowled. "To Edward? He didn't want me. And anyway, I wouldn't have taken him back, even if he did."

Even as she spoke the words, she wasn't certain they were true. She could just as easily have forgiven him within the space of a heartbeat and followed him into forever.

Jake shook his head. "To _yourself_. I didn't want you to go back to the way you were before."

"That wasn't your choice to make. This 'it's for your own good' crap isn't going to cut it. I'm not a child. I deserved to know."

"I know. I know. I'm sorry."

Silence drifted in, broken only by the buzzing of Jessica's snores and the occasional mewl from Sarah.

"How did you find out, anyway?" Jake asked.

"Jasper told me."

"The empath?"

"_Yes_, the empath. He's my friend. And by the way, it sucks that he had to be the one to tell me about his wife's death. Bad enough he has a perfect memory of the event."

"Would it help if I asked you to be Sarah's godmother?"

In spite of her annoyance, a laugh slipped out. "Are you only asking to bribe me into forgiving you?"

"No, Jess and I talked about it months ago."

"Then my answer is yes, but it's still going to be a long time before...if..._gah_. Dammit, Jake." Angry tears burned her eyes, making her voice wobble. "I don't think I've ever been so upset with you. You had no right. None at all."

"I'm sorry, honey."

"Yeah, well, you keep saying that. I don't know if I can even trust you anymore, and _that_ hurts more than anything. I thought I could always trust you. I don't know how things are going to go back to the way they were."

"I know it was wrong, okay? If it happened now, there's no way I'd keep it from you. Bear in mind I was all of sixteen years old at the time. Not that it's an excuse, but I was just a kid, doing what I thought would keep you from falling apart again. How about I offer you a lifetime of servitude? Would that make up for it?"

She let out a wet laugh. "It's a start, I guess."

-oOo-

_**From:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**To:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**Date:**__ 08/02/2010_

_Yeah, I _definitely_ hadn't put that together. Thanks for telling me. _

_I'm...okay. Beyond angry at a certain werewolf right now, but that's to be expected. And I miss my boyfriend. Ex-boyfriend. So much. That's also to be expected, though. I just want to curl up and go to sleep until this feeling passes and I'm normal again. _

_I'm going to be normal again, right? At the moment, it doesn't feel like it._

_Ugh, I remember that tape of me singing. It was a hymn, right? "All Things Bright and Beautiful?" I knew something was up when Jake asked to hear that and Seth taped it, but I guess I just forgot about it after a while. I'm sorry you were all subjected to that. I promise my singing has gotten better since then._

_Which doesn't mean I'm going to do karaoke with my mom, mind you._

_Oh, guess what. My friends had a baby girl, and I'm now godmother to the most adorable newborn ever. And no, I'm not biased at all._

_Love,  
><em>_Bella_

-oOo-

_**From:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**To:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**Date:**__ 08/03/2010_

_Yes, you're going to be normal again. I can't say when, but it'll happen. I promise._

_Well, as normal as a woman who doesn't run away from my kind can ever be. _

_Hibernating until your emotions leveled out would be useful, wouldn't it? If you could do that, then I'd definitely miss being able to sleep. But then, you'd have to worry about your friends sneaking in and drawing embarrassing things on your face while you're out cold. They'd claim it was to give you a laugh, of course, but that wouldn't help when you wander into class, half-awake after your long sleep, with genitalia or vulgar words (or both) on your forehead in permanent marker. _

_Or maybe I just think that would happen because I'm friends with Emmett. It's something he would do to any of us if we slept. Well, maybe he wouldn't draw on Esme or Rosalie. Maybe._

_Your singing has gotten better? I think you'll have to prove it._

_Congratulations on the new goddaughter! That's wonderful. I'm sure she's every bit as adorable as you say._

_Love,  
><em>_Jasper_

-oOo-

_**From:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**To:**__ Jasper Hale  
><em>_**Date:**__ 08/04/2010_

_Ha. Yeah, I don't think I'll ever be completely normal, but I do want to get back to what is normal for me. I know it's going to hurt for a while, as much as I wish it wouldn't._

_I can so see Emmett doing that. I wouldn't put it past him to try to draw on you even though you don't sleep._

_How is he? And Esme and Carlisle? _

_Prove my singing has gotten better? Okay, fine. I'll take the challenge. What do you want to hear?_

_Love,  
><em>_Bella_

-oOo-

_**From:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**To:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**Date:**__ 08/04/2010_

_Yeah, Emmett would definitely try that. It's a good thing we aren't easily distracted._

_He's good. Our new house has two outbuildings — a barn and a little cabin. He and Rose claimed the barn and have remodeled it into a house for themselves. Esme and Carlisle are also doing well. They miss you, though. They all send their love. _

_You'll take the challenge? Well, well. Look who's gotten all brave. How about something from the decade you were born? There's a challenge._

_Love,  
><em>_Jasper_

-oOo-

_**From:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**To:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**Date:**__ 08/05/2010_

_I miss them, too. I'm glad they're doing well. And I send my love right back. _

_The '80's? Oh, dear. Well, fine. I'm attaching a file of me singing, with deepest apologies to Cyndi Lauper._

_Still better than the squeaking that Seth recorded years ago, though. I hope._

_Love,  
><em>_Bella_

-oOo-

Leaning out of his office window, Jasper listened for any sign of Edward. They had learned during their first few months in the new house that if the forest was quiet, noises from Jasper's cabin could be heard in the westernmost portion of the main house. Hearing Bella wouldn't do Edward any good. It would only rekindle that spark of longing that ate away at him.

Finding no trace of his brother, Jasper hit the play button.

"All right," Bella's voice said. "Just so you know, if you ever, _ever_ share this with anyone, I will hunt you down and kill you. Don't ask how. I have my ways. Okay. Um. You said you wanted something from the '80's, so here we go."

She was right. Her singing had improved. With a smile tugging at his lips, Jasper listened to her rendition of "Time After Time."

A lonely feeling built in the pit of his stomach as the song drew to a close. Strange. He'd never really spent much time with Bella in person, due to his struggle with his thirst, but the emotion sweeping over him was unmistakable.

He missed her.

-oOo-

_**From:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**To:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**Date:**__ 10/29/2010_

_So, on a scale of 1 to 10, how bad an idea is it to visit an ex and sleep on his couch when you're trying to remain friends?_

_Love,  
><em>_Bella_

-oOo-

_**From:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**To:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**Date:**__ 10/29/2010_

_Hmm. I'm not certain. I can tell you that humans often seem to slide back into a relationship when they are in close contact with former lovers, and it seldom ends any better the second time around, but I don't have any personal experience in that area. I only have one ex, myself, and she's a bit of a special case. Or maybe "head case" would be a better term. When we parted ways, she'd been plotting to kill me. I'd be more worried about ending up as a pile of ash than falling back into her bed._

_Has Pirate Guy extended an invitation?_

_Love,  
><em>_Jasper_

-oOo-

_**From:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**To:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**Date:**__ 10/30/2010_

_SERIOUSLY? You're, what, 166 now, and you have ONE ex? Wow. That's impressive._

_Yeah, Pirate Guy asked me to visit him next month. I'm tempted. I miss his company, and I think it will have been long enough that we can try this friendship thing in person. Maybe. Also, I've never been to his new city, and he offered to show me around. I can just about afford a ticket, too._

_I don't know whether I should, though. What do you think?_

_Love,  
><em>_Bella_

-oOo-

_**From:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**To:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**Date:**__ 10/30/2010_

_Ha. Yes, SERIOUSLY. The ex, Maria, is the one who changed me. I was with her for decades before I ran away with Peter and Charlotte. Alice found me not long after that._

_Hmm. I think this is a decision you have to make on your own. If you do end up going, just remember why you split up in the first place. It can be very easy for romantic feelings to resurface and cloud your judgment._

_Love,  
><em>_Jasper_

-oOo-

Slumping forward, Bella rested her head on Austin's chest. Sweat made their skin stick together in old, familiar ways. As their rapid breaths slowed and reason began to creep back in, he brushed a tentative hand over her back.

"I, um, didn't plan on doing that," he said.

"Neither did I."

"It was..." He frowned, as if lost for words.

Kissing his cheek, Bella rolled off of him and covered their naked bodies with his sheet. "It sort of felt like goodbye, didn't it?"

"Yeah. Yeah, it did." Pausing, he snorted. "A really _good_ goodbye. You pretty much just blew all other goodbyes I've ever had out of the water."

She smiled. "Likewise."

"Friends, though?"

"Yeah. Always."

-oOo-

"Hello?" Charlie's muffled voice drifted through the phone. Bella could tell she'd caught him during dinner; she could practically see the slice of pizza hovering in front of his mouth.

"Hi, Dad."

"Bells! How are you?"

"I'm good. Um, listen..."

"Uh oh."

"No. No _uh oh_. Everything is fine. I was just wondering, y'know, um, exactly how many strokes would you have if I decided to go to grad school overseas?"

He laughed, but it wasn't his usual, rich, full-bellied chuckle. The sound was strained, edged in nervousness.

"I don't know, maybe five? Why do you ask?"

"Because, well, I sort of applied to the University of Nottingham. In England."

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN:**__ The chapter title comes from the Cyndi Lauper song that Bella sent to Jasper. And my apologies go out to her for my drunken rendition of it the other week when I was thinking about this part of the story. ;)_


	14. Across the Pond

**13. Across the Pond**

Nottingham was not what Bella expected. Of course, almost nothing about her move to England had been what she expected. Movies and books made it seem so easy. No one ever had to get a visa in fiction; they could pack up and move to a foreign country whenever they pleased, red tape be damned.

She'd spent hours staring at pictures of the city prior to hopping on the plane at Sea-Tac, but now that she was actually there, those images seemed idealized. The fairy tale, forest-ringed land of Robin Hood she'd imagined was nowhere to be found.

Dragging her suitcase over bumpy sidewalks, she followed the route she'd traced out online time and time again. It was warm for September — sunnier than it had been in Seattle. Fatigue slowed her steps. Including the layover in Frankfurt and the bus journey from East Midlands Airport, she'd been traveling for 18 hours.

"Oh, sorry, duck," a man said as he jostled her shoulder.

Duck?

At last, she came to a narrow, one-way street lined with brick row houses. _Terraced houses_, the woman she'd spoken with had called them. Taking a deep breath, she rang the bell for number 13.

"Hi, Gemma?" she said when a tall woman with dishwater blond hair opened the door.

"Bella? Hi! Come on in."

New country, new experiences. Since Bella had already had more than her fill of dorm life, she'd chosen to try at least one school year in a shared house off-campus. Gemma chattered as she led the way through the living room and into the kitchen.

"If you want to take the bus to uni, there's a stop about a two minute walk from here. Just head down the alley at the end of the street, and you can't miss it. I cleared a shelf for you in the fridge and a drawer in the freezer, but I don't mind sharing my stuff as long as you do the same."

Bella blinked as Gemma opened the fridge and freezer doors to demonstrate. They were so _tiny — _tucked underneath the counter next to a front-loading washing machine. Almost like the mini-fridge Austin and Tyler used to keep in their living room for beer.

"That's great, thanks," Bella said. Peering through the window over the sink, she frowned. "Did I misread your e-mail? I thought my room was on this floor."

"No, it's on the first — oh! American. Sorry. This is the _ground_ floor." Grabbing one of Bella's bags, Gemma motioned toward the steep, carpeted stairs in the corner of the room. "What you call the second floor, we call the first floor."

The "first" floor consisted of two bedrooms with armoires instead of closets and a bathroom with a bizarre electric shower.

"I'll leave you to get settled," Gemma said. "I'm sure you're exhausted. If you need anything, I'll be downstairs."

"Thanks."

Standing in her new room, staring at the empty spaces on the nightstand and bookcase, the reality of the situation crashed over Bella.

She'd really done it. Twenty-four hours ago, she had no stamps in her passport. Now, she lived with a virtual stranger in a foreign country.

"Holy crap."

-oOo-

_**From:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**To:**__ Jasper Hale  
><em>_**Date:**__ 09/21/2011_

_I think the appliances are rebelling against me._

_The oven doesn't have words on the dial. Temperatures, yes, but no "bake, broil, defrost," and such. It has pictures. Pictures that make NO SENSE. I'm pretty sure I'll be cooking everything on the stove top for a while. My roommate explained which picture is which (through a fit of laughter at what I'd created), but last night's attempt at making dinner has traumatized me. _

_Also, the washing machine. Why would a washing machine have a setting that makes it go and go and go until you tell it to stop? I have half a mind to find the person who designed it, shove them inside, and put it on that setting until they learn their lesson._

_I'm telling you, they're banding together. If I need to be protected from a mutant, rampaging fridge, you'll come to my rescue, right?_

_Love,  
><em>_Bella_

-oOo-

_**From:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**To:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**Date:**__ 09/21/2011_

_I'm not laughing. Nope. I didn't just spend five minutes chuckling over the mental image of you running from a rabid dishwasher. Honest._

_But yes, of course I would come to your rescue. I'd band together with an army of Maytag repairmen, and we would conquer the rampaging appliance horde._

_Just make sure you don't look when they bend over._

_Love,  
><em>_Jasper_

-oOo-

"Oh, my God," Bella said. "I am never going to be able to eat American cheese again."

Gemma giggled. "Just wait till you try the chocolate. My cousin brought some Hershey's back from Florida once. Ugh. Vile stuff. I liked that peanut butter one, though. What's it called?"

"Reese's?"

"Yes! That was gorgeous, but the rest doesn't deserve to be called chocolate."

"It's clearly a language barrier," Gemma's boyfriend, Dan, said. "They must mean something different by the word 'chocolate.' Like when they call trousers 'pants.'" Pointing at the window to his left, he added, "See that thing out there, where the people are walking? That's a pavement, not a sidewalk. _Paaaaaavemeeeeent_."

Rolling her eyes, Bella made a silent vow to always call it a sidewalk in Dan's presence.

"Where in America are you from?" Dan asked.

"Washington."

"Oh, are your parents in politics?"

Gemma laughed. "Not Washington, D.C. She's from Washington _State_."

"Oh, right. Where is that, exactly?"

"On the west coast, right above Oregon," Bella said. When this was met with a blank stare, she added, "Which is right above California."

"_Oh_."

As she sat in her new living room, making small talk with Gemma and Dan, Bella found herself wishing for the ease and comfort of chatting with someone who already knew her. With so many new things — words, food, mutant appliances — bombarding her every day, she was starting to feel overwhelmed. She longed for the security blanket coziness of the familiar — of someone like Angela or Austin or Charlie. Or Jasper.

Maybe she could convince her penpal to visit. Of course, she'd have to tell him where she was, first. She hadn't even revealed that she lived in England. If he knew, Edward could find out. Fuzzy, half-formed fantasies of showing Jasper around Nottingham shattered and blew away.

As far as she'd come, she was still wary of facing Edward. She didn't trust herself — not where he was concerned. It had been hard enough to walk away when he was just a voice.

Tumbling back into Austin's arms had taken less than three hours, and _that_ was with an amiable split. If Edward returned, she didn't know what would happen.

It was silly, she knew. Throughout her correspondence with Jasper, she'd never made it a secret when she visited Forks. Jasper wouldn't betray her location, just as Edward wouldn't care enough to come searching. Still, she held back. The way she'd fallen so fast, then sank so deep — she couldn't go through that again.

She couldn't be that girl again.

-oOo-

_**From:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**To:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**Date:**__ 10/06/2011_

_I've been thinking (frightening, I know). When I'm finally finished with school, do you want to meet up somewhere? I'm not sure where, exactly. A place I've never been. Obviously with a decent amount of rain, for your sake. I was just thinking that it'd be nice to spend time with you in person for a change and talk to your face instead of words on a screen._

_This is, of course, assuming I'm able to get a job. _

_So, what do you think?_

_Love,  
><em>_Bella_

-oOo-

_**From:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**To:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**Date:**__ 10/06/2011_

_That sounds great to me. I have a few ideas about where we could meet. _

_If you want to talk to my face, how about this weekend? Most of my family is going our of town to visit some friends of ours, and I've been thinking about suggesting this for a while. Do you have Skype?_

_Love,  
><em>_Jasper_

-oOo-

Bella paced back and forth across her room, her breath coming in rapid, shaky bursts. Glancing at her clock for the hundredth time, she groaned.

_Stop being so ridiculous and calm the hell down_, she told herself. _It's just Jasper. Just my friend. There's no reason to be so damned nervous._

A musical ringtone chimed from her laptop. Her stomach did a backflip. After checking her appearance in the mirror and shaking her head at her own absurdity, she sat down to accept Jasper's call.

"Hello?" she said, worrying her lower lip between her teeth as her face appeared on the screen, courtesy of the webcam.

"Hey," Jasper said. A second later, his smile flickered into view.

She'd known he would look the same, but somehow, it still made her jaw drop. Every blond curl, every inch of pale skin was just as it had been in high school.

"Oh, wow," he said. "You grew up!"

Bella laughed. "A little bit, yeah."

Silence.

"So," he said.

"Yeah. _Sooooo_."

A giggle slipped from her lips, slicing through the awkwardness. Jasper grinned.

She couldn't remember him smiling so much before. The old Jasper — the one she didn't really know — was always so reserved and solemn. Perhaps the alluring scent of her blood had been to blame for that. It must've been difficult to cut loose when slipping and killing her was a constant concern.

"This is easier when we have time to think about our responses and type them out, isn't it?" he said.

"Yeah. It's still good to see you, though."

"Likewise."

"Bella?" Gemma's voice floated in from the hall. She didn't wait for her soft knock to be acknowledged before opening the door. "I was—oh." Eyes wide, she stared at Bella's laptop and mouthed, "Sorry. Who is that?"

"An old friend from high school," Bella said.

Nodding in approval, Gemma mouthed only one word in response before she made her retreat: "_Fit_."

"Sorry," Bella said once the door clicked shut. "That was my roommate. And now that she's caught a glimpse of you, I'm suddenly glad she has a boyfriend."

Jasper chuckled. "Oh?"

"Mm. It means I won't have to think up a reason for refusing to set you up with her."

"Ah. I would suggest a modified version of the truth, but we saw how well that worked with Five Course."

"Oh, good old Five Course. I haven't thought about her in ages. Indigestion always reminds me of her, though. And bacon." Her mouth kept moving without her consent, babbling to fill the silence that threatened to creep back in. "Anyway, I'd probably just make up a lie about dating you in high school or something. No one would expect someone to play matchmaker for an old boyfriend. Hmm, but then she might start asking what possessed you to go out with me in the first place."

Frowning, he tilted his chair back. "Why?"

"Oh, come on. You have to know that you're too good looking for the majority of people on the planet. You're sort of out of everyone's league."

"I guess some things never change." He scoffed, but the sound was halfway to a sigh — soft and almost affectionate. "You're still wrong, you know. No one in their right mind would think you aren't beautiful enough to be with me."

Heat rose up her neck and into her face, showing on screen in a deep blush.

"I'm sorry," he said, smiling. "Did I embarrass you?"

"No." As the lie left her lips, her fingers revealed the truth by twitching toward her necklace and pulling the locket back and forth across the chain.

"Is that the locket I sent?"

"Oh, yeah. I still wear it every day."

"Good. I'm glad."

-oOo-

Grumbling, Bella picked up her phone and jabbed the button to accept the call.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Bells! How are ya?"

"Jacob? Someone had better be dead or hospitalized, because if this is a social call, I'm going to hurt you."

"Oh, crap. Did I wake you? I waited until noon your time—"

"Gah. I'm eight hours ahead of you, not eight hours behind. It's 4:00 in the morning here!"

"Well, hell."

Laughing, Bella shoved a third pillow under her head to prop herself up. "At least you did it on a weekend, when I don't have to be up for class. Fat chance I'll be able to get back to sleep now, though. How are Jessica and Sarah?"

"They're great. Sarah loves that noisy-ass toy you sent, so thanks for that."

She smirked. "My pleasure."

"Oh, that reminds me, I need to send you some new pictures. You won't believe how much she's grown."

"I bet. Aww, I'm missing everything."

"She'll still be here when you're through seeing the world. How is England, anyway? Do you like it there?"

"I love it. The culture shock was a bit hard at first, but now that I'm getting over that, things are great."

"Yeah? Do you still talk to...to Jasper?"

Bella narrowed her eyes. "Yes."

"How's he doing?"

"Are you seriously asking about the well-being of a Cullen? You feeling okay, Jake?"

"Hey, I'm trying here. Believe me, it turns my stomach, but I know he's your friend, and after, y'know, _everything_, he was in a bad way."

"Hmm. Well, he's okay."

"That's..._good_."

With a dark chuckle that faded into a yawn, she rolled over and snuggled deeper into her quilt. "You sound _so_ genuinely concerned for him."

"I think apathy is the best you can hope for from someone like me. Well, except for Seth and Leah, but I maintain that they're freaks of nature. Even more so than the rest of us. Anyway, I'll let you get back to bed. It was good talking to you, even if you were half-asleep. I miss you."

Closing her eyes, she blew a breath from between pursed lips.

"I miss you, too."

-oOo-

_**From:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**To:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**Date:**__ 07/20/2012_

_I am never going to finish this dissertation. They're going to take my scholarship away and send me home. _

_I just spent two hours teaching myself to shuffle cards instead of writing anything. And now I'm writing to you. Hmm, what other ways can I waste time? Maybe I'll learn a new language. Then I can get a bachelor's degree in that language. Then I can start the time-wasting process all over again with a second incomplete dissertation._

_Do you think if I ask really nicely and bat my eyelashes, the university will give me my degree without this stupid paper?_

_And I'm going to subject myself to getting a PhD after this? Have I lost my mind?_

_Love,  
><em>_Bella_

-oOo-

_**From:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**To:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**Date:**__ 07/21/2012_

_You'll finish it. You will. The chances of getting your degree without it, however, are slim to none, no matter how adorable your eyelash batting may be. Universities are seldom swayed by adorableness. _

_In fact, it might be a good idea to stop reading this and go work on the dissertation for an hour. Then reward yourself with a treat of some sort. Lather, rinse, and repeat until the paper is complete. _

_Love,  
><em>_Jasper_

-oOo-

"Shouldn't you be writing?" Jasper said with a challenging quirk of his eyebrows.

In a startling display of maturity, Bella stuck her tongue out at him. "I needed a break. Didn't you say I should reward myself with a treat of some sort now and then?"

He couldn't help the grin that spread across his face. "Talking to me on Skype is a _treat_, is it?"

"Oh, shut up," she said, though she smiled back.

"That'd kind of defeat the purpose of a video chat, wouldn't it?"

"I don't know. My roommate is home. I could go get her and let her stare at you." To punctuate the statement, she fluttered her eyelashes and let out an exaggerated version of a dreamy sigh.

Before Jasper could respond, a burst of friendly, sunny yellow emotions roared on the edge of his awareness.

"Aww, hell."

Bella frowned. "What's wrong? I wasn't actually going to get her. Friends don't let friends objectify their other friends. Or something."

"No, it's not that. How would you feel about seeing Emmett?"

"Um, fine, I guess. Why?"

"Because you're going to in about two seconds, if he keeps up his current pace."

"Jasper?" Emmett said as he let himself into the cabin. "D'you want to..." Trailing off, he smirked. "What's that? Are you looking at _porn_?"

Bella giggled. "If he is, I have a bone to pick with him." Wrinkling her nose, she added, "Um, bad phrasing. I meant I'd have a complaint. It's not polite to look at porn when talking to your friends. Unless they know and are fine with it, I guess. And I'm not, for the record."

Fond amusement swirled through Jasper's chest. Watching her face turn more and more pink was far more enjoyable when he couldn't smell the blood rushing into her cheeks.

Emmett's eyebrows shot up. "Is that..?"

Nodding, Jasper rolled his chair to one side to give Emmett a better view of his computer screen. Emmett wasted no time in placing his face too close to the webcam.

"Hey, Bella!"

She gave a shy little wave. "Hey."

"Don't worry, bro. I won't tell her you were beating it to photos of a donkey show." Pausing, Emmett clapped Jasper on the shoulder. "I wouldn't embarrass you like that."

This time, Bella's cheeks flushed due to uncontrollable laughter.

"Oh, Emmett," she said, wiping tears of mirth from her eyes. "I've missed you."

-oOo-

_**From:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**To:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**Date:**__ 08/24/2012_

_I AM FINISHED!_

_I'm going to go sleep for about 17 years now. _

_Love,  
><em>_Bella_

-oOo-

_**From:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**To:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**Date:**__ 08/25/2012_

_Congratulations! See? I told you that you'd finish. I'm proud of you._

_Seventeen years? What about that PhD?_

_Love,  
><em>_Jasper_

-oOo-

"Does he really?" Gemma asked.

"Yep," Bella said. "Every time I talk to him."

"But you've been living here for a year now! He has to be joking."

"I'm not sure. I mean, I _think_ he's taking the piss—"

"Aww, look at you, picking up our slang."

"Bah. Shush."

"Never."

"I honestly can't tell if he's serious. Every time I call him, he says, 'Hey, Bells, how's London treating you?' I'm going to start replying with, 'Fine, Dad, how's Seattle treating you?'"

Giggling, Gemma refilled both of their wine glasses. "It's probably a dad thing. Like bad puns. It's just what fathers do. I'm sure my dad would ask silly questions on purpose if I lived in America."

"If he didn't, then Dan would. Though, in that case, it would definitely not be a joke."

"Ugh. I thought we agreed to never again mention He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named."

"Not my fault you dated Voldemort."

Gemma's mouth twisted into a grimace. "Eww. That mental image just took me to a bad place. A place without noses."

-oOo-

_**From:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**To:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**Date:**__ 01/17/2013_

_I cannot believe what happened today. _

_I went hunting alone, as I often do. When I was through, I felt like taking a run. A few minutes after passing the boundary between our property and the National Forest, I heart a weak heartbeat and smelled human blood._

_Ordinarily a disaster in the making, but not today. I managed to retain enough control to cover my mouth and nose and run back to the house. I didn't attack. Instead, I sent Carlisle out to the forest to help the human._

_Truly, I never thought this would happen. Especially after your paper cut._

_I think I may be in shock._

_Love,  
><em>_Jasper_

-oOo-

_**From:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**To:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**Date:**__ 01/18/2013_

_That's wonderful! I'm so proud of you. Not only did you resist, you probably saved that person's life by sending Carlisle to help. You may not be able to believe it, but I definitely can._

_I feel like I should send you an e-card to celebrate, but somehow I don't think I'll find any "Congratulations for not going all murder-y" cards. Though you never know. They make a card for everything, these days._

_Are you still in shock?_

_Love,  
><em>_Bella_

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN:**__ "Duck" is a form of address in the area of England where Bella is living. The guy who bumped into her wasn't implying she was waterfowl. _

_Credit for many scenes in this chapter should really go to my family, friends, and acquaintances for providing me with no end of material. I don't usually pull events directly from my life for my fics, but I couldn't resist with this one. I'm from Washington State, and I live in England. An alternative title for this chapter could be, "Stuff that happened when I moved to the UK." ;) Sadly, my relatives who ask how things are in "London" aren't joking. _


	15. The Rhythm of my Heart

**14. The Rhythm of my Heart**

It started with a paper cut.

Leah sat with her back against the sofa, between Garrett's legs. The _click-clack_ of Emmett's fingers against his laptop keys mingled with soft breaths, the whispery shuffle of papers, and the thrum of a single heartbeat.

The sharp scent of crushed pine needles and damp earth filled the air: Leah's blood. Cursing under her breath, she set her papers down and wiped the red smear from the pad of her thumb. The paper cut healed almost instantly, but the curiosity it inspired from Garrett remained.

Jasper chuckled. "I wouldn't, Garrett."

"Wouldn't what?" Leah said.

"Sample your blood." A shudder raced through Jasper's body at the too-bright memory of the scalding, thick mouthfuls he'd spat onto the ground after sucking the venom from her body. "No offense, but it was worse than any animal I've ever tried. Even worse than fish."

Laughing, she crumpled a piece of paper into a ball and lobbed it at Jasper's head. "You not wanting to drain me isn't exactly an insult."

Edward flinched.

"Sorry, man," Emmett said. "It slipped."

Jasper didn't have to ask why Emmett apologized. Hiding thoughts of Bella from Edward was an art form — one Emmett had yet to master, even though he'd only barged in on one Skype call and asked Jasper how Bella was doing, now and then.

"It's fine," Edward said, his conflicting emotions strung as tight as his voice.

Skimming his fingers across the blue veins that branched up Leah's wrist, Garrett leaned closer for a sniff.

"You can try it if you really want," Leah said, her deep red feelings tumbling toward fond exasperation. "I know you won't stop wondering until you see what it's like for yourself."

"You sure?"

"Yep, but be careful with the venom. I'd rather not die just to give you a drink of something you'll undoubtedly think tastes like shit."

In the most affectionate move Jasper had ever witnessed between the mismatched pair, Garrett feathered a kiss over Leah's pulse point. All other activity in the room slowed to a halt as everyone turned to see Garrett's fingernail slice open Leah's wrist. Before her skin could knit back together, he latched on with his mouth and drew in a few gulps.

"Ugh." Pulling away, he grimaced. "Sorry, but you really do... taste..."

As Garrett's voice trailed off, his amber eyes clouded over with milky blue. Edward shot out of his chair just in time to catch him as he convulsed and lurched forward. Clawing at his own chest, Garrett screamed — the sort of all-consuming scream vampires usually reserved for watching a mate go up in flames.

"Garrett?" Leah said, placing her trembling hands on either side of his face. "_Garrett? _Say something, please." When his only response was a pained gurgle, her voice rose to a shriek. "Carlisle! Help!"

Carlisle dashed from his office, vaulting over the upstairs railing and landing a few feet from the scene of Leah's nightmare. While he examined Garrett, Jasper blanketed the room with calm, hoping to ease some of the fear that streamed from his old friend.

"What's he thinking?" Leah asked. "Can Carlisle fix it?"

Edward frowned. "Right now, Garrett is thinking that he's cold. It's similar to the way humans feel when exposed to extreme temperatures. It hurts. He's worried about you."

Sharp concern shot through Carlisle, finding its twin in Jasper's stomach. Carlisle was a _human_ doctor. Garrett didn't have a pulse to check. Injections couldn't penetrate his skin. Pills would have no effect. Jasper could put someone back together without looking; his hands would find the way the pieces slid together, assemble the puzzle into a vampire. He'd done it often enough back when he'd severed the limbs of newborns like a principal handing out detentions. But this was new and frightening in a way few things had been since his first days in Maria's army.

"Why didn't this happen to Jasper?" Rosalie said.

"I spat it out."

"I feel like I should make a joke about spitting versus swallowing, but I'm not sure I can right now," Emmett said.

Leah turned her back to them, clenching her fists as she watched Carlisle scramble to help Garrett. With each heave of her shoulders, the salt water scent of tears flowed into the room. Red emotions pierced a hole in Jasper's chest, leaving behind the ragged edges of desperation and grief.

"Too bad," Leah said. "I'd kick your ass for it, and I could really use something to punch right now."

"You can anyway, if you want. Go on, give me your best shot. Or hey, here you go." Grabbing Edward's arm, Emmett took a few steps forward. "An even better punching bag. C'mon, don't pretend you haven't always wanted to smack him around."

"Not now, Em," Edward said. After a moment's hesitation, he reached forward, suppressing his instinctive hatred to brush his fingers against Leah's. She squeezed his hand, tightening her grip until his flesh began to give.

"Afraid, huh?" she said, sniffling. "Knew you were a pussy."

With a hiss, Edward snapped his gaze toward Carlisle. "_No_."

"It was a passing thought," Carlisle said. "I'm not going to contact Aro. I wouldn't do that to Leah. I wouldn't do that to _us_. I was merely wondering if he'd ever seen anything like this." Sighing, he raked a hand through his hair. "I'm so sorry, Leah, but I don't know what to do. My medical training is useless here. Jasper, if you could keep him as comfortable as possible, I'll try calling Tanya. Perhaps one of her coven can offer advice. Leah, do you think—"

"I'll call Old Quil," Leah said. "There isn't anything about this in any of the stories I've heard, but maybe..."

-oOo-

"It's been almost three days."

"He's not getting any better."

"How long can this last?"

"I don't know what else we can do."

"He smells different. Did you notice? I mean, he always smells like her, a little, but this is almost like..."

Even though it wouldn't help to drown out his family's whispers, Jasper nudged Garrett and Leah's door closed with his foot. The occasional whimper escaped Garrett's lips, echoed by Leah as she slept curled up against his side. Drawing in a deep breath and holding it, Jasper placed a hand on Leah's arm. Singed by her skin, he fought to project peace and calm. She needed the rest.

Gasping, Garrett arched off of the bed. His strangled scream faded into a whine as a rapid _thump-thump-thump_ reverberated through his chest.

His heart.

As Leah sat up, radiating disbelief, the rest of the Cullens hurried up the stairs and into the room.

"Carlisle?" Leah said, running her hands over Garrett's chest and arms. "Is he...? He feels... and smells like..."

"Incredible," Carlisle said.

"Hmm?" Garrett's eyes fluttered open, revealing blue irises. "Hey, sweetheart. You look different. Did you—"

She silenced him with a kiss. In spite of the years that had passed since Leah imprinted on Garrett, Jasper had never seen their lips touch — not once. They hardly even hugged. Little brushes when they sat close, now and then, but no lingering embraces. Certainly nothing like _this_.

By the time she pulled back, happy tears streaked down Leah's face. Garrett's lazy, love-drunk smile vanished the instant Carlisle's fingers closed over his wrist.

"Jesus, Carlisle! You're freezing." Blinking, Garrett placed a hand over his own chest. "Th-this isn't possible. Is it? I'm..."

"Human," Carlisle said with a nod. "It would seem so. Your temperature is slightly elevated — perhaps from lying next to Leah. I'd like to examine you, if you don't mind."

"Yeah, sure, but can you do it in the kitchen?"

"The kitchen? Why?"

"I'm not sure, but I think I'm _starving_."

-oOo-

"Oh, my God." Garrett moaned around a mouthful of pizza. "Food is amazing. This is the best thing I've ever eaten."

"It's astonishing," Carlisle said. "How much do you remember of your life as a vampire?"

"Hmm. Quite a bit, though it's not as clear as it used to be. I remember being changed, meeting Jasper and Alice, meeting the rest of you." He grinned. "Meeting Leah. Hey, Lee, this means you can stop phasing, if you want to."

Joy bounced between them, accompanied by a look so intimate that Jasper turned away.

"Damn," Leah said with a wet laugh. "My stupid eyes keep leaking."

"Well, you've been worried sick for the past three days," Esme said. "You're exhausted, and this is overwhelming."

"Still no reason to turn into such a _girl_." Frowning, she added, "And Blondie, you'd better stop staring at me like I'm the last egg roll at the buffet."

Rosalie shook her head. "I was looking at Garrett, actually. I can't get over the transformation. To think, we've had a cure for vampirism sleeping in our house almost every weekend."

"Good thing Jasper spits," Emmett said. "If he'd started changing into a human during the fight with Victoria, things could've gone a lot worse than they did."

Linking her arm with Jasper's, Esme rested her head on his shoulder, as if to protect him from the past that could have been.

"I wonder if it's a characteristic that all werewolves share, or if this is something unique to Leah," Carlisle said, tapping a finger against his chin. "Perhaps it has something to do with being a female wolf."

Esme beamed at Leah. "I think she's just special."

Dashing the tears from her cheeks, Leah snorted. "Yeah, this is really special. I bet it'd have normal vampires quivering in fear."

"Maybe you have a gift," Emmett said. "If some vampires do, why not wolves?"

"Could be," Carlisle said. "Leah, I know it's a lot to ask, but would you be willing to give us—"

"God, yes. Of course. Less vampires in the world, and I don't have to tear them apart with my teeth? Break out the needles, Doc. I'll give you as much blood as I can."

-oOo-

Six vials of pungent blood sat on the polished, seldom used dining room table. Almost vibrating with longing and excitement, Rosalie traced her fingers along the raised crescent moon on her neck — the mark left by Carlisle, years ago. Fiery, aching thirst flared up in Jasper's throat. He hadn't hunted in days.

One drink of Leah's blood, and it would be gone forever. No more animal blood. No more fighting against his natural urges. Peace was only a sip away.

"I'll go last," Carlisle said. "After everyone else has changed. It's entirely possible that Garrett was a fluke, since Leah imprinted on him. I want to be sure everything goes smoothly. I'm less worried about Jasper and myself, but the rest of you were near death when I found you. If anything should happen — any adverse reactions — what do you want me to do? Rose?"

The sudden, crushing weight of panic, courtesy of Emmett, made Jasper's breath stutter. Folding her hands in her lap, Rosalie gave her husband a weak smile.

"Bring me back," she whispered. "Turn me again, if there's absolutely no other way. For Emmett."

Emmett grinned. "Me too."

"And me," Esme said.

Remembering the wild, bloodthirsty monster he'd been as a newborn, Jasper hesitated. "Bring me back," he said, "but take me to the most remote place you can find before I complete the change. Don't let me near people. Find Peter; he can help." Glancing at Edward, he added, "And if something goes horribly wrong and nothing can be done, tell Bella what happened to me, please."

"I will," Carlisle said. "You have my word. Edward?"

"I'm sorry. No. If I'm dying, let me die. I won't risk having a newborn me in the same world as Bella."

"Very well." Carlisle's ever-kind voice remained steady in spite of the soul-deep sadness that drowned out his other emotions. "Rose? Emmett? Would you like to go first?"

-oOo-

As he settled onto a wide, hotel-soft mattress between Edward and Esme, Jasper felt like a child climbing into his parents' bed after a nightmare. Esme downed her portion of blood without preamble, her shrieks mingling with Rosalie and Emmett's.

"Cheers," Jasper said, tapping his glass against Edward's.

Edward smiled his crooked smile. "To your health. Together?"

"On three. One, two..."

The taste was worse then he remembered. Fighting against every instinct he had, Jasper forced the putrid blood down his throat. A trail of ice followed in its wake, splintering his marble-hard body from within. Something tore him apart at the seams, ground him to dust and scattered the remains to the wind. A steady, familiar voice whispered assurances, but he couldn't make sense of it.

_It's going to end_, he told himself as the torture dragged on and on. _It's no worse than changing from human to vampire. I survived that_.

Two new heartbeats picked up somewhere beyond the haze of pain, almost at the same time. Carlisle's soothing voice moved toward them. Someone sobbed, but it was a happy noise, painted bright with relief. Jasper wanted it to come closer. He couldn't feel the emotion flowing through the air, couldn't see the flashes of purple and yellow in his mind that meant Rosalie and Emmett.

Another heartbeat, next to him. Esme, but she wasn't copper anymore. Edward wasn't dark blue. The colors were gone — vanished like wisps of smoke. Jasper opened his mouth to ask where they went, why they abandoned him, but a scream swallowed the question. Something frigid stabbed through his chest. With a creak and a shudder, his long-dormant heart pounded back to life.

"It's alive! It's aliiiiiiive!" Emmett said. At least, Jasper _thought_ it was Emmett. The voice was rougher, less musical, but the mischievous chuckle was nearly the same.

Next to him, someone who sounded vaguely like Edward laughed. "Oh, the silence is fantastic. My head is my own again. And everything is blurry! I used to wear glasses. I'd forgotten."

"Jasper," Esme said. It had to be Esme. The gentle fingers that touched his arm couldn't belong to anyone else. "Aren't you going to open your eyes?"

When he did, the world looked softer, muted. The scars littering his forearms were reduced to faint white half-circles. His head ached, thoughts crawling by at a maddening pace. Nothing smelled right; it hardly smelled at all. A smile spread across Esme's changed face.

"You have brown eyes," she said.

"Do I? So do you."

"What color are yours?" she asked Carlisle as she stood up and stroked a finger along the deep shadows above his cheekbones. Her movements were jerky and clumsy, as if she almost didn't remember how to walk in her human body.

"I don't remember, I'm afraid." He pressed a kiss to her palm. "I suppose we'll find out in a few days."

"I can't wait."

_What color were Alice's eyes?_ Jasper wondered.

Some things hadn't changed. Never would, he imagined. He'd always miss her.

The rumble of his stomach cut off his morose thoughts. Oh. _Hunger_. So different from the thirst for blood, and still so distracting. A flash of memory, warmed by friendship, almost made him smile.

_Oh, my God. I just realized that you've probably never had ice cream, have you? My heart weeps for you._

"Do we have any ice cream?" he said.

"We do, unless Garrett or Leah have devoured it," Carlisle said. "Oh, and by the way, Edward, happy eighteenth birthday."

-oOo-

"This must be why Alice told me to stay away."

Stirring his bowl of cookies and cream the way Leah had shown him, to make it soft, Jasper spared Edward a momentary glance. "Stay away from what?"

"Bella, of course. If I'd changed her, she would've had to say goodbye to her family. A pointless loss, since we found a cure. Alice told me to keep Garrett around. She couldn't see why he was important, thanks to Leah, but she knew we needed him to get to this point."

"Mm. So you're going to go after Bella?"

"I am. All of the reasons I left her no longer apply. Do you think she'll ever forgive me?"

Jasper rubbed his forehead. Either his dessert gave him his very first brain freeze, or the thought of Edward pursuing Bella gave him a headache.

"I don't know," he said. "We avoid talking about you."

"Have you told her about becoming a human?"

"Haven't had time yet. Just woke up and all. I'm going to, though, as soon as I get back from England." He scowled, his appetite gone. "She's 25 now. She's in the middle of working toward a PhD—"

"She is?"

"Yes. Just... don't expect too much, okay? She's different. An adult. And if you hurt her again, I think I might have to kick your ass, brother or no."

"Get in line," Emmett said. "Hey, about England: how about we go with you? Edward and me, I mean. Could be fun. It's been a while since the three of us did something like that."

"Since your last bachelor party, at least," Edward said. "Which I suppose we'll be repeating soon. I can't imagine Rosalie passing up the chance to finally get married as a human."

Emmett smiled. "Maybe. So, what do you say, Jas? Can we tag along on your mysterious journey of mysteriousness?"

It _would_ keep Edward from Bella until Jasper could prepare her, and Emmett was right. It'd been far too long since he went on a trip with his brothers.

"Of course."

-oOo-

With the exception of Garrett, whose change had been tainted by the fear of the unknown, Carlisle's screams were harder to take than the others. Sitting in the living room, knowing he couldn't do anything to help his adoptive father, Jasper cringed and focused on the words on his screen.

Carlisle had been right. As a human, Jasper was synesthetic. He read words like he used to read emotions; his mind assigned a distinct color to each arrangement of letters.

He couldn't wait to tell Carlisle.

When he opened his inbox, he found only one two-day-old message that he wanted to read, buried under the spam.

-oOo-

_**From:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**To:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**Date:**__ 06/18/2013_

_Is everything okay? Haven't heard from you for a while. Did something happen?_

_Love,  
><em>_Bella_

-oOo-

_**From:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**To:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**Date:**__ 06/20/2013_

_Yeah, everything is fine. More than fine. I'm so sorry if I worried you. Haven't been able to get to a computer for the past few days._

_I have some big news, but I have to go on a trip. I'd like to see your face when I tell you what's been going on. Can we talk on Skype when I get back?_

_Love,  
><em>_Jasper_

-oOo-

_**From:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**To:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**Date:**__ 06/20/2013_

_Of course we can. I'll probably be pretty busy for the next week or so, anyway. I have a job interview coming up. Nothing major, just something part-time for the summer. Not ideal, since I'll have to take a train to get there, but they're the first place to actually call me back for an interview._

_I'm glad you're okay. Have fun, wherever you're going. Talk to you soon._

_Love,  
><em>_Bella_

-oOo-

A sea of mangled bodies lay at Jasper's feet. Bullets whizzed past, tearing through the men he was too young to lead. Maria and her dead sisters fed on the wailing survivors, sinking their teeth into soft skin and drinking deep. Alice and Bella backed away as he advanced. Love tangled with their fear on his tongue. No matter how he struggled to restrain himself, his body betrayed him, lunging forward, fighting to reach the life that pulsed in their necks.

"Jasper," a Rosalie-pretty woman said, grabbing his arm. "Jasper, wake up."

The massacre dissolved into blackness as the screams solidified into a single voice: Carlisle's. Jasper sat up, his heart pounding. Cold sweat beaded on his forehead and trickled down his neck. Rosalie stood next to the couch, clad in fuzzy terry cloth and holding a bowl of grapes.

"It's just me," she said. "Are you all right?"

"Y-yeah. This sleeping thing isn't all I hoped it'd be, though."

She let out a humorless laugh. "Tell me about it. I'm guessing there will be a lot of midnight snacks in my future. Even after Carlisle is finished changing, I won't get much peace and quiet. Emmett snores like you wouldn't believe."

"Somehow, that doesn't surprise me. Did you have bad dreams, too, or did you not get that far?"

Flopping down on the cushion next to him, she tucked her legs beneath her body. "I got far enough to wish that you still had your gift."

"It _would _be handy. You'll get by without it, though. Soon, you'll be the one keeping Emmett awake with your snoring."

"I do _not_ snore."

"Pfft. As far as you know."

Taking his hand in hers, she gave his fingers a squeeze — just as she'd done when Alice died.

"It'll fade, right?" she said. "We'll get over it. That's what humans do. They change. They move on."

"Yeah." He gulped down his uncertainty, suppressing it for her sake. "We'll be fine."

-oOo-

Carlisle's eyes, as it turned out, were blue. A few hours after making this monumental discovery, Esme approached Jasper with a pale green envelope clutched in her hand.

"Alice left this in my care," she said, pressing it into his palm. "She said I'd know when the time was right to give it to you. Becoming human again certainly seems important enough, doesn't it?"

"I'd say it does."

Standing on her tiptoes, she kissed his cheek. "Edward and Emmett are ready to go to the airport, but you take your time. Go ahead and read this."

_Dear Jasper,_

_I wish I could have seen you wake up as a human. I don't know how it's going to happen, but I do know it's going to be wonderful. _

_You were probably pretty angry when you got your first few messages from me. I don't blame you. I've started and stopped this letter again and again. I'm running out of time to write it. Words aren't enough for everything I want to say. I can't condense what I feel into a few pages, but you already know how I feel, anyway. Better than anyone._

_If you start to feel guilty about moving on, ask Emmett to smack you upside the head on my behalf. If your life is moving forward and going to good places, there's no need for regret. Just be happy, okay? I love you._

_Always,  
><em>_Alice_

-oOo-

"Are you gonna puke again?"

"No."

"You look like you're gonna puke again."

Jasper scoffed. "I only did it the first time because Edward still drives like he's invincible."

"I thought it was awesome." Grinning, Emmett hooked an arm around Edward's shoulders. "The driving, I mean. Not the vomit. You could make a career out of it, Edward. Drive in races."

"It wasn't _that_ fast," Edward said. "And we got to the airport on time, didn't we?"

"That we did." Jasper exhaled a quiet laugh. "I just wasn't expecting the motion sickness. I guess my body isn't used to that sort of thing."

As commuters sped toward the ticket barriers, Jasper examined each one for a sign — for some clue that would explain why Alice sent him here.

"Dammit," Emmett said, shifting his weight from foot to foot. "Speaking of bodies not being used to things. Stupid bladder. Where's the bathroom?"

"I think they're all on the platforms," Edward said.

"No way! I have to buy a ticket to pee? That's bullshit."

"You could go down the road," Jasper said. "To the Broadmarsh Center or whatever it was called."

"Nope. Too far. This is becoming an urgent situation. I'll just buy a round trip ticket to Beeston. That'll get me onto the platform. Don't let anything interesting happen; I'll be right back."

As Emmett dashed off to an automated ticket machine, Jasper leaned against the wall and wiped his sweaty, shaking hands on his jeans. Edward offered him a sympathetic smile.

"Want a drink?" Edward asked, jerking his head in the direction of the AMT coffee stand. "Tea?"

Jasper's anxious stomach lurched. "Something cold, please."

"I think they have milkshakes."

"Perfect."

While Edward dug his wallet out of his pocket and walked over to the stand, Jasper checked his watch. It was well past 10:00. Had he missed it? He'd been at the station for almost an hour. Alice told him to be on time.

And then, there she was: bedraggled, rain-soaked, and beautiful. Bella.

Jasper bit the inside of his cheek. What was Bella doing in Nottingham? What was she doing in _England_, for that matter? Before he could get her attention, Edward backed into her and splattered coffee and milkshake everywhere.

"Oh, shit," Jasper murmured.

So much for not letting anything interesting happen.

"What'd I miss?" Emmett said. Following Jasper's line of sight, he added, "Oh, shit. Did you know she was here?"

"No. She never tells me where she is. Well, sometimes she lets it slip when she visits Forks, but she definitely didn't mention this. I had no idea."

From his position on the opposite side of the coffee stand, Jasper couldn't hear Edward and Bella's conversation, but he could read Edward's lips all too clearly as they formed a panicked lie.

"I'm Peter."


	16. And the Endless Skies

**15. And the Endless Skies**

The departures board flickered as Bella's intended train disappeared from the screen. Perfect. If she wanted to make it to Attenborough, she'd have to either wait another hour, spend too much on a taxi, or run to the bus station.

"So much for that," she said. "Looks like I just missed my train."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"Not your fault. I doubt I would've made it, even without running into you." Half laughing, half groaning, she swiped a hand down her face. "It's just not my morning. I should've stuck with my instincts, gone back to bed, and hid until the day was over."

Peter led her to a recently vacated table, his fingers hovering over the small of her back. Suspicion teased at the back of her mind, building into a dark cloud as he held a chair out for her and scurried to clear the paper cups, crumb-coated muffin cases, and tea-stained napkins left behind by the previous occupants.

"I'm glad you didn't follow your instincts, then," he said, adjusting his glasses and flashing her a shy smile.

Bella said nothing.

"So, this doppelgänger of mine—"

"Ugh. Don't ask."

The almost-Edward winced. "Was he that bad?"

"Just an ex-boyfriend. It's complicated."

"I can't do this." Sighing, he trailed his fingertips along her arm. "I'm sorry. You have no idea how sorry I am — for everything. Just now, when you saw me, you looked so horrified that I panicked and said the first thing that came to mind. I fear I've made everything even worse."

"I'm sorry? What are you trying to say?"

"Bella, it's me. I'm Edward."

Everything stopped. The harried commuters, the tinny voice announcing a delayed train, the shout of a mother racing after a runaway toddler. All of it faded as her mind tried to rearrange itself to accommodate this impossible bit of new information. The blood drained from her face. Bella leapt up, toppling her chair.

"I have to go," she said.

Without waiting for a reply, she ran toward the exit, her too-big shoes clip-clopping and her ankle throbbing the whole way.

"Bella, wait!" someone said. It didn't sound like Edward, but she didn't stop. Darting into the throng of people that flowed in a constant rush between the station and the shopping center, she aimed herself toward home and didn't look back. Only the threatening shimmer of broken glass on the sidewalk prevented her from flinging her shoes into a nearby bin and traveling the rest of the way with bare feet.

As she turned onto her street, her pulse still thudding in her ears, her phone rang. The display flashed with the garble of digits that always came up when someone from the US called her. Stupid thing. She had all of their numbers saved in her contacts list, but it didn't seem to care.

"Hello?" she said.

"The Cullens are human."

"Huh? Jake? Is that you?"

"Yeah. Sorry. Hi. I just found out, is all, and I thought you'd want to know."

She snorted. "You have _great_ timing."

"Shit. Did I get the time zones wrong again?"

"No, it's not that. The information is just a bit too late, but thanks for trying. How did it happen - do you know? And how did you find out?"

"I saw it in Leah's head a few minutes ago. She's the one who changed them."

"Really?"

"Yeah. She imprinted on one of them ages ago — one of the single ones, thankfully — but they only just worked out that her blood can make vampires human again. Pretty weird, huh?"

Fumbling around in her purse, Bella dropped her keys. "Leah imprinted on _Edward_?"

"No way. I would've told you way before now if that was the case." At Bella's disbelieving hum, he let out an indignant laugh. "I _would've_. Honest."

Her stomach sank. "Then... she imprinted on Jasper? He never told me—"

"No, no. The other one. Garrett."

"_Oh_. Him. Okay. Jasper mentioned him a few times, but I didn't realize he was a member of their family now."

"Yeah, he—"

"Daddy!" Sarah's little voice interrupted him.

Jake groaned. "Sorry, Bells. I gotta go. Looks like I woke the monster."

"Okay. Give her a hug and a kiss from me."

"Will do. Talk to you later."

"Bye."

After ending the call and taking a steadying breath, Bella scooped her keys up from the ground. Gemma greeted her with a yellow packet wrapped in what looked like an entire roll of clear packing tape. As Bella set her handbag on the floor, one of the ruined heels she'd been wearing earlier tumbled out. Toeing off the replacement flats, she kicked both sets of shoes under the table and glared at them.

"What's this?" she asked, turning the padded envelope over in her hands.

"Came for you while you were out," Gemma said. "Christ, you did a number on that shoe, didn't you? Anyway, the courier was really weird. American bloke — very jumpy. He asked me about ten times if I was sure Isabella Marie Swan from Forks, Washington lived here. Said it was of the utmost importance that this reached you. I thought he was going to force his way in and wait to see you for himself. You don't have any enemies, do you? Maybe we should ring Dan and make him open it, just in case it's full of anthrax or dirty underwear or something."

"Oh. No, I think I know who sent it."

"Well? Aren't you going to open it?"

Bella gave her a strained smile. "I will. Later. First, I desperately need a shower."

Retreating to her bedroom, Bella rested the parcel on her pillow and shed her clothes. The little electric shower had as much water pressure as a leaky roof, but the heat soothed her. She slowed her breaths, drawing in lungfuls of steam as she rinsed the sticky sweetness of milkshake from her body.

Edward was human. _Jasper_ was human.

Well, Jasper did say he had big news. Bella laughed. Such an understatement.

With a towel wrapped around her chest, she sneaked back to her bedroom to open the envelope in private. Inside, she found a white box, cushioned with layer upon layer of bubble wrap. It took three minutes of ripping and picking at tape to get through to the actual contents: a thick sheet of ivory paper, folded twice and attached to a red cloth box with a length of sheer ribbon.

One end of the box was open, revealing the timeworn spines of two books: _Alice's Adventures in Wonderland_ and _Through the Looking Glass_. With that mystery solved, she turned her attention to the accompanying letter.

_Dear Bella,_

_Ha HA. You can't refuse any of the presents I want to give you, since I'm dead. Take that! _

_Carlisle and Esme gave these books to me when I joined the family, and now, I'd like you to have them. Just a little something to help you remember me. Read the books to the important children in your life someday, and tell them about the few adventures we were able to have together._

_Well, maybe edit the stories about us, just a bit._

_This will be the last letter you receive from me. By the time you get it, you won't need me anymore — if you ever truly did._

_Oh, by the way, I have a confession. A few confessions, actually. The interview you were supposed to attend today wasn't real. I had my lawyer place the ad, tailoring it to attract you. And you know that pamphlet about studying abroad that prompted you to apply to the University of Nottingham? Yeah. Me again. But the scholarship I'm sure you got was all you, I promise! I didn't contribute any money toward your education. You earned it._

_Sorry about tricking you, but being dead will be no fun at all if I can't give you and Jasper a few surprises from beyond the grave. It was the best way to make sure you were both in the same place at the same time. Speaking of Jasper, I hope you're reading this after spending the day showing him around town, but just in case something went wrong, I'm going to write his phone number on the back of this letter. It should still be the right one. I think. If not, I'm sure you can contact him via e-mail._

_Ever since we left Forks, I've wanted to tell you why I didn't ignore Edward's command to leave you alone. It had nothing to do with him at all. It was because of what I saw for you. I knew you'd struggle, at first — in a big, heartbreaking way that almost brought me running back to help you a thousand times — but I also saw you eventually becoming the woman you are today._

_It was the same for the others; they kept their distance because I told them it was best for you (Emmett and Esme, in particular, took some convincing, let me tell you). It wasn't my decision to make, really, and you should've had a say in it, but I'm not sorry. Can't be, when I'm so damn proud of you._

_As far as I can see, there are good things in your future. Make the most of them, and stay happy. _

_Love (always, always, always),  
><em>_Alice_

-oOo-

"It's not funny," Edward said, sulking his way over to the sofa.

Emmett stifled a chuckle. "Oh, come on. Even you have to admit that it's a _little_ funny."

"I do not."

"Why the hell did you call yourself Peter?" Jasper said.

Edward shrugged. "I don't know. I said the first name that popped into my head that wasn't a member of the family. It's a miracle I didn't say I was Charlotte or Tanya."

"Oh, man." Clutching his stomach, Emmett doubled over with laughter. "I need a time machine, so we can go back to that moment and I can see her face when you say, 'Hi, I'm Carmen.'"

Jasper's phone vibrated in his pocket, drowning out Edward's grumble with a stream of music. The number that flashed across the screen was long — someone in the UK, judging by the first few digits.

"Hello?" he said.

Even though he last heard her voice through different ears, he recognized her the instant she said his name.

"Jasper? It's Bella."

-oOo-

No hotel for the Cullen boys. They'd rented a furnished flat. Before she could second-guess herself and walk away, Bella pressed the button to ring the flat number Jasper had given her.

"Hello?"

"Hey, it's me."

"Come on up."

With a buzz and a click, the front door allowed her inside. The building was new — all fresh paint and carpet fumes. Padding up the stairs, she kept a white-knuckle grip on the railing. The closer she got, the tighter the knot in her stomach became. As she reached the third floor landing, the door of the Cullens' flat swung open.

Her heart picked up speed, pounding hummingbird fast until she realized Jasper's dark eyes were brown, not black. A ray of sun broke through the skylight overhead, catching him. No sparkles.

"Hi," he said.

"Hi."

She'd written novels to him throughout the years, but now, words abandoned her. This human man seemed like the Jasper of old — the enigmatic stranger who had lingered in the background of her life for a few months before he lost control.

The corners of his lips lifted into a bright smile. That was all it took for past and present to merge, transforming the stranger into _her_ Jasper.

Holding his arms open, he raised his eyebrows in a silent question. Bella leapt at him. Clinging to his shoulders, she closed her eyes. They swayed in a slow circle, her feet dangling a few inches above the floor and his arms tight around her waist. The tangle within her melted into a laugh. After six years of friendship, he was warm and real and close.

"I have to admit," he said, "I was worried about this part before I changed."

"You wouldn't have hurt me."

"No, I don't think I would have." Setting her down, he held her at arm's length. "You look different. I didn't get the full impact on Skype."

"_I_ look different? You're one to talk. I take it this is your big news?"

"Nah. This is nothing. The really big news is that I had ice cream. I'm not entirely certain I didn't try it when I was younger, though. Seemed sort of familiar."

"Ah, but have you tried a maple bacon doughnut?"

"Not yet, no. I probably should, since you suffered through it for me."

With a grin and a shake of her head, she tugged a curl near his ear that was shorter than the rest. By way of a response, he tapped the locket resting on her collarbone.

"Guess it'll start growing back," he said.

"Yep. You'll even have to get it cut, from time to time. Lots of maintenance required with these bodies."

"Tell me about it. Shaving is such a hassle. I wouldn't mind doing it once a week, but every day?"

A throat cleared from within the flat, followed by the shuffling of feet.

"I think someone is anxious to see you," Jasper said. "You okay? I can't tell anymore. If you want to go somewhere else..."

Straightening her shoulders, Bella renewed her resolve to be the person Alice thought she'd become. Someone strong, deserving of Alice's pride.

"I'm fine," she said.

Inside the flat, Edward was nowhere to be seen. Emmett, on the other hand, made his presence known the instant she crossed the threshold, sweeping her into an embrace. It was gentler than she would've expected, coming from Emmett — as though he was still getting used to the different strength of his new body.

"Good to see you, kiddo," he said, bristly stubble scratching her cheek with each word before he released her.

"You too. Are you growing a beard?"

He rubbed his chin. "Yeah. Thought I'd try it out. What do you think? Rose hates it."

"Hmm, I like it. I think it suits you."

Edward appeared in the archway between the living room and kitchen, his steps as quiet as any vampire.

"Hello, Bella," he said.

An unexpected burst of mischief formed her reply. "Hi, Peter."

"Ah. I suppose I deserved that, and worse. I really am sorry."

"Forget it. Water under the bridge."

It wasn't. Not really. But she could pretend and be the bigger person, if she gritted her teeth and didn't let herself think too much.

"_Anyway_," Emmett said, "I was just about to make lunch. Are you hungry?"

"You're going to cook?" Bella said.

"Hell yeah. Less than a week as a human, and already I've created some culinary masterpieces. I'm well on my way to being the family chef."

"Some of them were more like culinary _experiments_," Jasper said.

Bella laughed. "Yeah, I could eat. Do you want some help in the kitchen?"

"Sure. Now that we don't have to worry about either of these two trying to have you for dessert, I'll put you to work chopping."

Three people working on a meal for four bordered on ridiculous, but Edward offered his assistance as well. Emmett assigned him the task of dicing onions, while Bella worked on the tomatoes. She devoted half of her attention to Edward's shaky movements, gasping as his knife slipped and cut a red streak along his index finger.

"I'm sorry!" he said, scrambling to hide the wound from her.

"Well, _this_ seems backwards," she said with a rueful chuckle.

"Tsk, can't take you anywhere," Emmett said. "Hold on; I think I saw some band aids in the bathroom. Don't bleed on the food. I'm not into that anymore."

Suppressing her dizziness, Bella grabbed Edward's elbow and led him to the sink. Thick, red splatters against stainless steel set her stomach roiling, but she breathed through her mouth and willed herself to remain conscious.

"The blood doesn't bother you?" he said.

"I forced myself to get over it."

Within the safe confines of her mind, she added, _I forced myself to get over you_.

"Bella, I lied."

"Mm. I think we covered that earlier."

"No, I lied about far more than my identity. When I left, I was trying to keep you safe and let you live a full, happy, human life. I lied when I said I didn't want you. You have to know I never stopped loving you. Never. I swear it."

The ghost of the girl with the hole in her chest flared to life, taunting her with long-buried memories. Bella ignored it. The muted ache held no sway over her.

"You don't love me now," she said. "You don't even _know_ me."

Sighing, he lowered his voice to a hopeful whisper. "Can I?"

"Can you what?"

"Know you."


	17. Last Orders

**16. Last Orders**

_**From: **__Austin Marks  
><em>_**To:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**Date:**__ 06/26/2013_

_Hey, how's it going? It's been a while since we last talked. How's everything over there in England?_

— _Austin_

-oOo-

_**From:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**To: **__Austin Marks  
><em>_**Date:**__ 06/26/2013_

_Everything is... confusing. That's the best word for it, I guess. I ran into Edward yesterday. You'd think I'd be safe from random encounters with exes, since I live in another country. Apparently not. I hadn't seen him since we split up._

_Blah. Anyway, how are things with you?_

— _Bella_

-oOo-

_**From: **__Austin Marks  
><em>_**To:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**Date:**__ 06/26/2013_

_Shit. A run-in with the ex, huh? That must've been a shock. Did Edward manage to leave with his virtue intact?_

_(Hey, if we can't joke about our little backslide when you visited me, it'll just be the elephant in the room, right?) _

_Things with me are pretty good. Did you know Angela moved to Chicago a couple of months ago? We've been hanging out a lot. Other than that, there isn't much going on over here._

— _Austin_

-oOo-

_**From:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**To:**__ Austin Marks  
><em>_**Date: **__06/26/2013_

_Ha! You are terrible. You know that, right? But I guess it _is_ better that we're able to joke about what happened._

_And for the record, yes, I left his virtue intact._

_I did hear about Angela, yeah. She e-mails me now and then. Give her a hug from me, okay?_

— _Bella_

-oOo-

_**From: **__Austin Marks  
><em>_**To: **__Bella Swan  
><em>_**Date:**__ 06/26/2013_

_I will._

_Okay. Confession time. I did want to catch up, but I also had an ulterior motive in writing to you. I probably should have called you to do this, but it's expensive and I'm broke._

_Like I said before, Angela and I have been hanging out a lot. A lot. I'm going to ask her out. Since I'm your ex-boyfriend and she's your friend, I realize that her going out with me will probably violate some unwritten girl code, so I thought I'd give you a heads-up. _

_I already talked to Ben about it since he's my best friend and all, and he's fine with it. If you aren't, just say so. Our breakup is more recent than theirs; they have a lot more practice doing the friends thing. _

_If it does upset you, just know that my offer to attempt to kick Edward's ass for not telling you about Alice's death still stands. Not sure if that helps or not, but it can't hurt. Well, can't hurt YOU, at least. Me, on the other hand..._

— _Austin_

-oOo-

_**From:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**To:**__ Austin Marks  
><em>_**Date: **__06/26/2013_

_I'm fine with it. :) Really. No friendships are in danger whatsoever. Thanks for letting me know first, though. You didn't have to do that. _

_Go ahead and ask her out. No pulverizing of my other ex will be necessary, but thanks for the offer._

— _Bella_

-oOo-

_**From:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**To: **__Bella Swan  
><em>_**Date: **__06/26/2013_

_I know I could call you, since I have your number now (not to mention it'd be much easier than typing this on my phone — blasted auto-correct), but it feels strange to go so long without e-mailing you._

_Do you want to meet up somewhere for lunch today? Just you and me._

_Love,  
><em>_Jasper_

-oOo-

_**From:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**To: **__J. W. Hale  
><em>_**Date:**__ 06/26/2013_

_I know what you mean. I kinda miss my e-mail buddy, even though you're currently in the same city as me. I've been checking my inbox even more often than usual. It's like I'm one of those rats that has been conditioned to press a lever to get a food pellet. The scientists have taken my pellet away, but I keep on hammering at the lever._

_Um. That was a weird comparison, wasn't it? It's been a weird couple of days, though, so I guess it fits._

_Anyway, lunch sounds great (not food pellets). How's 11:30?_

_Love,  
><em>_Bella_

-oOo-

Jasper craned his neck to see over the iron railing next to the table. Murky, gray-green water slapped against the bricks below. Strange, to build a pub with the canal running through the middle. An arched wooden bridge spanned the width of the canal, leading to the bar.

Ice crackled and popped in his glass. Everyone else in the pub had honey colored ale, dark brown cola, or clear lemonade. Not even Bella's green soda water and lime looked as nuclear as his bright orange drink. Cautiously, he took a sip.

"Hey," he said, "this is pretty good."

Bella laughed. "Did you order it because you were expecting it to be bad?"

"No, I ordered it because the name sounded interesting. I just wasn't sure about the color. It's a little unsettling."

"Mm. Irn Bru _is_ pretty luminous. So, how long are you going to stay in the UK, anyway?"

"Not sure. Another week, at least. That reminds me: Carlisle and Esme called last night, and Emmett filled them in on what happened. They'd like to see you, if you're up for it."

"Of course I am." She gave him a shaky smile, leaning back as a server brought them two plates heaping with fish and chips. "That'd be great, but I hope they aren't planning to go to any trouble."

"Only if flying over here tomorrow counts as trouble."

"It does."

"Well, I guess you'll just have to deal with it, because that's what they're doing." Grinning, he squeezed blobs of brown sauce, ketchup, mustard, and mayonnaise onto his plate and sampled the ketchup with a chip.

Human food was a thousand times better than he'd anticipated. No more suffering through gulps of muddy animal blood. No more sharing his prey's fear and dismay when he slipped. Now, his meals were equal parts experimentation and enjoyment. Bella watched him eat with her lower lip caught between her teeth and a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

"Here," she said, picking up a little glass jug on the edge of the table, "if you're going to try everything, you should have some vinegar as well. Not too much, though, since we don't know if you like it yet. My housemate drowns her chips in vinegar. I'm convinced her insides are going to be pickled by the time she's forty."

As it turned out, he did like it. The sourness complemented the salt Bella sprinkled on top. If Bella's housemate ended up pickled, Jasper was going to join her. He wasn't entirely sure it wouldn't be worth it. In between watching him create what amounted to a vinegar swimming pool for his chips, Bella picked at her own food.

"Careful," she said as he scooped up a generous dollop of mustard, "that's—"

She was too late. Jasper coughed and sputtered, reaching for his drink as the burn on his tongue traveled up to his nose and stung his sinuses.

"Sorry," Bella said, giving his shoulder a sympathetic pat. "I tried to warn you. English mustard is hotter than the American stuff."

"Haven't tried the American kind yet. Wow." A shiver started at the base of his spine and tingled its way up to his scalp. "That was almost like being shocked by Kate on her lowest setting."

"Kate?"

"Friend of the family — a vegetarian friend. From Alaska. She has a gift."

Bella frowned. "And she used it on you?"

"Just a couple of times, when we first met." He shrugged. "We were curious to see who would win in a fight."

"Ah. And who won?"

"Me, but not by much. If it had lasted a few more seconds, I would've given up. Could've just as easily been her."

"She must be quite the fighter."

"She is. I think she would've been pretty evenly matched against Edward, if he hadn't refused to fight her. His talent always gave him an advantage, but she's been fighting since she was a young girl. That was a very long time ago. Makes Carlisle look like an infant. She has had a _lot_ of practice."

At the sound of Edward's name, Bella's eyebrows knit together. Jasper didn't try to keep the conversation afloat when they lapsed into silence, allowing her time to think as they ate.

Wiping her mouth with her napkin, she sighed. "Did I seem incredibly young to you when I was eighteen? Because when I see Edward now... my God. He looks like a _kid_."

Jasper chuckled. "You did. Very much so."

"I don't know what to do about him. He wants to try getting to know me again, but I'm not sure. If I do let him back into my life, there will definitely be some ground rules. No sneaking in to watch me while I sleep and no making unilateral decisions about my future, to start."

"I don't think the former will be a problem. That was one of the only things I saw him do that was true to our nature, back then."

"Well, that's good to know. Ugh. Sorry. I shouldn't rant to you about this."

Arching an eyebrow, Jasper nudged her elbow with his own. "Didn't I once promise I'd tell you if you said anything that bothered me?"

"You did." A hint of pink crept up her neck and into her cheeks. "Are you through with your food?"

"Yeah. Couldn't eat another bite."

"Then come on," she said, grabbing his hand. "I need some air."

He let her lead him through the narrow spaces between tables, over bumpy cobblestones, and out into the lunchtime crowd. Her grip didn't loosen, maintaining a constant link between them as they neared the train station.

"Where are we going?" he asked.

"Somewhere out of the city."

After a token protest, he let her purchase both of their tickets. They passed through the barriers and descended the steps to Platform 1, where they boarded an undersized train that reminded Jasper of a tin can.

"It'll take about an hour to get there, but it's a nice journey, for the most part," Bella said, standing on her tiptoes to put her jacket in the overhead rack. Her shirt rode up, revealing the black ink on the small of her back.

"Is that a tattoo?" he said.

"Oh. Yeah. I got it when I visited my mom years ago — on the trip I took with that airline voucher you sent me, actually." With a rueful smile, she hitched up the thin cotton of her t-shirt so he could see the rest. "I'd just decided to major in math, so..."

"I remember," Jasper said, his index finger hovering over one of the shaded beads of her abacus.

She flopped into one of the faded blue seats. "Do you remember everything?"

"Not every single second, like I used to," he said as he sat next to her, "but I remember a lot. The important stuff. Garrett was our guinea pig, since he was the first. Not on purpose, but still. If he'd forgotten everything, I wouldn't have gone through with it."

A chill crashed through his body at the thought of losing his memories of Alice — of not remembering his family or his friendship with Bella. He would rather live with eternal, searing thirst.

"I can't blame you," she said. "I'd make the same choice, I think. I used to think nothing of sacrificing my memories to become what you used to be, but now... it's absolutely terrifying. I couldn't do it."

The train rattled down the tracks, carrying them out of Nottingham, through the industrial grit of Derby, and into the tree-strewn green of the Derbyshire Dales. Bella leaned against his side, making occasional comments about the villages that rolled past the window.

"This one is my favorite," she said as the train screeched to a stop. "I've never gotten off of the train and looked around here, but I like the name. Whatstandwell."

"Do you make this journey often?"

"Now and then, when I need to get away. I found it when I was reading about nearby places, looking for things to see while I'm over here. Hopefully it won't be clogged with bikers, since it's a weekday."

Bella sprung out of her seat when they reached their destination: Matlock Bath, a seaside village without the sea. The fish and chip shops, arcades, souvenir shops, and aquarium gave it the feeling of a coastal tourist trap, but it was many miles from the nearest beach. Instead of crashing waves and stretches of pebbled sand, the village was set against the backdrop of the River Derwent and the imposing shadow of a cliff.

As they strolled over a bridge and along a path next to the river, Bella plucked a leaf from a tree and let it flutter away on the breeze.

"I don't know," she said. "The Edward thing... Austin and I are still friends, and that has worked out pretty well, for the most part. But Edward and I were never friends to begin with. Not really."

"Austin?"

"Pirate Guy."

"_Oh_. Wait, Austin Marks?"

"Yeah."

Chuckling, Jasper shaded his eyes with his hand in order to better see the steps that zigzagged up the side of the cliff. With a tug of his elbow, Bella began climbing toward the top.

"Nice kid," he said. "He had a crush on Alice for the longest time when we were in high school."

"He _did_?" She spun around, almost losing her footing as her sudden movement made Jasper stumble into her. "He never told me that."

"Ah, then he's a smart kid, too. Telling your girlfriend that you used to fantasize about her best friend doesn't strike me as wise."

"Definitely not. I think I would've taken it well enough, though." As she started back up the steps, she added, "Alice was easy to like."

"She was, at that. Pirate Guy clearly has good taste."

Bella didn't glance back at him, but Jasper knew she was smiling, just the same.

-oOo-

"There you are," Emmett said, grabbing Bella's arm as she and Jasper approached the Cullens' building. "C'mon. We're going drinking."

"We are?" she said.

"Hell yeah. Edward let me talk him into it. New experiences and all that. You two are coming, too."

"Hmm." Bella squinted at him. "All right, but I get to pick the place. You're not dragging me to Hooters."

"There's a Hooters in this town?"

Edward half-laughed, half-groaned. "Why did you mention it?"

"It seemed like the place he'd be most likely to choose," she said. "But I have somewhere different in mind. It's up by the castle, and it's even older than Carlisle."

She felt like a tour guide as she ushered Jasper, Edward, and Emmett through the city and babbled about why the castle wasn't really a castle. Her alternative to Hooters had thick black letters on its white exterior, proclaiming it to be the oldest inn in England — built in 1189 AD.

"I can't stay long," she said. "I have work to do, but I have time for a couple of pints."

Three hours later, Bella found herself tipsier than she'd been in months and still happily ensconced in the corner booth Emmett had snagged for them when he spotted a group leaving the building. Empty pint glasses decorated their table, reflecting the muted lamplight. Her work was a distant memory, occasionally nagging at the back of her mind until she smothered it with more alcohol.

"I know I've heard people say they enjoy the taste of this," Edward said, contorting his face into a grimace as he swallowed the last of his beer, "but I don't understand _why_."

"I kind of like it," Emmett said.

Bella nodded. "Me too, though I've had a bit more practice. When I first started drinking, I chugged it to get past the taste."

"I don't enjoy some of the side effects," Edward said. "Excuse me, I need a human moment. _Again_."

"It's not that bad," Jasper said as Edward hurried away. "I've decided I like beer, if for no other reason than it has resulted in quite a few humorous e-mails for me throughout the years."

"Ugh." Covering her face with one hand, Bella rested her head on his shoulder. "It has, hasn't it? For some reason, it always seems like the best idea in the world to write to you when I'm drunk."

"It _is_ the best idea. And your spelling never seems to suffer too much."

"That takes considerable effort, I'll have you know."

She felt, rather than heard his laugh. It vibrated through his chest as his breath fanned over her temple.

"I bet it does," he said. "I don't think my spelling would compare if I attempted it right now."

His arm settled around her, his rough fingers tickling where they brushed against her upper arm. Emmett cleared his throat, cutting off her contented, drunken sigh.

"Jas, switch seats with me," Emmett said.

To Bella's irritation, Jasper complied with no more protest than a puzzled expression. As Emmett slid into the booth, he bopped the end of her nose with his index finger.

"Sorry for stealing your pillow," he said, "but Edward will be back in a minute. I'm not about to let beer goggles turn this into the most awkward thing since Eric Yorkie tried to hit on me."

In spite of his insinuation, a giggle burst from Bella's mouth. "Did he really?"

"No," Jasper said. "Emmett is delusional."

"I'm telling you, he _did_."

"The kid was just afraid."

"Afraid I'd shoot him down, maybe. You know he liked guys."

"So? Doesn't mean he automatically liked you."

Edward wrinkled his nose as he returned to the table. "Please tell me they aren't arguing about Eric Yorkie."

"Do you want me to lie?" Bella asked.

He smiled. "No. Never."

With that, he joined Jasper's side of the debate, contributing a monologue punctuated by eye rolls. Bella swayed in her seat, enjoying the woozy, giddy sensation of being drunk enough to wake up with a few regrets in the morning. Her cell phone pulled her attention away from Edward's speech with the quiet chime of a text message.

Smiling to herself, she cast a covert glance across the table. The message was from Jasper.

_Did you know you develop the hint of an English accent when you're drunk?_

Her thumbs flew across the screen of her phone, typing out her response beneath the shelter of the tabletop.

_I do not! Your Southern accent gets more pronounced, though._

His answer came just as quickly.

_You do. But not the local accent. You sound a little posh. You should record it sometime and play it back once you're sober._

_And YOU should send me a drunken e-mail to make up for all of the ones I've sent you._

Jasper's grin almost gave the game away, but Emmett carried on speaking, seemingly oblivious.

_I will, I promise. With plenty of typos, I'm sure._

_I don't know about that. You're doing pretty well with the texting._

_I guess we'll find out._

The barman called for last orders, so Bella and the Cullens made their way toward the exit. Once outside, Emmett offered her his arm.

"We're all old fashioned enough to insist on walking you home," he said, "so don't even try to fight it."

"I wouldn't dare," she said.

He snorted. "Yes you would."

"Well, okay, probably. I mean, I'm perfectly capable of seeing myself home. But I won't, just this once."

Edward shot her a lopsided smile, but refrained from commenting. The walk to her house sped by, given the way she had to almost run to keep up with Emmett's long strides. After they'd said their goodbyes, another text message arrived. Instead of a note from Jasper, this one was from Austin.

_Have I ever told you that you're the best ex-girlfriend-turned-friend ever? Angela said yes, as long as it's OK with you. She'll probably be calling or e-mailing soon. Thanks for being cool with this._

At one point in her life, she'd thought Austin could've been that mythical _one_. If, after all they'd shared, they could remain friends, could she do the same with Edward? Through the haze of alcohol, the demons of their past didn't seem impossible to conquer. It had all happened so long ago.

At the very least, she could offer to be his acquaintance and keep things civil between them. Couldn't she? It'd make things simpler if they could get along without dredging up the past all of the time, since she adored most of his family.

Her lowered inhibitions loosened her tongue, making her shout at him before he could turn onto the main road.

"Edward!"

Showing far more consideration for her neighbors, he turned around and tilted his head in a silent question.

"Yeah," she said. "Okay. You can know me."

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN:**__ There really is a pub in Nottingham with the canal running through the middle (I don't think they serve Irn Bru, but hey, this is fiction). The inn that was built in 1189 is real as well. And yes, Emmett, there _is_ a Hooters in Nottingham._


	18. In the Morning

**17. In the Morning**

_**From:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**To:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**Date: **__06/27/2013_

_I promised you a drunk e-mail, so here it is. Aren't you thrilled?_

_We stopped by a little convenience store on the way back from your house. Is that what they're called here? Convenience stores? That's the right term back home, but it doesn't seem right for here. Doesn't matter, I guess. I'm just curious. Emmett decided he wanted to try vodka. He kept going on about potatoes after he bought a bottle of it._

_Somehow, I don't think this is going to end well._

_We got carded. I wonder if I am the first 168 year old to be carded for buying alcohol. It'd be a strange claim to fame, wouldn't it?_

_I'm going to go try a shot. I'll let you know how it goes. _

_Love,  
><em>_Jasper_

-oOo-

When Bella woke up the next morning, she had four text messages — all from Jasper.

12:47 AM:  
><em>Someone should've told Ogden Nash that in addition to being quicker, liquor is disgusting. Good night.<em>

1:11 AM:  
><em>Mixing it isn't so bad. I had an Irn Bru with vodka. Probably shouldn't drink any more, though.<em>

1:39 AM:  
><em>There should be a law against Emmett's singing.<em>

2:01 AM:  
><em>I forgot to tell you. I had fin with you today. Okay. I'm really going to leave you alone this time. Good night.<em>

-oOo-

Something had crawled into Jasper's mouth and died. Something that was half-rotten to begin with. That was the only explanation for the vile taste coating his tongue. His stomach sloshed as he rolled onto his back. Keeping his eyes closed seemed like the safest option. When he opened them, the room still spun. He'd slept with one hand and foot on the floor, which helped. A little.

"Jasper?" a muffled voice said, followed by a quiet knock. "Can I come in?"

His groan must have sounded like an affirmative answer, because Bella slipped into the room. Every rustle of the plastic bag in her hand bored into his skull.

"Hey," she whispered, perching on the edge of his bed. "How are you feeling?"

Another groan. Bella giggled.

"I thought that might be the case. I felt a bit rough when I woke up, and I didn't even have vodka."

"Shh. Don't say that word. It's evil." Swiping a hand over his face, he cracked an eye open. "I'm guessing since you're here, at least one of my brothers is still alive."

"They both are, though Edward has seen better days. I gave him some water and left him in the care of Emmett — who is just fine, by the way. Ridiculously chipper, even."

"How is that possible? He had far more to drink than the rest of us."

"Maybe he's the sort of person who doesn't get hangovers. My housemate is like that. They are horrible people, and we should shun them. Here, sit up. I brought you some stuff to help you feel better."

Following her orders made the sheet pool in his lap, revealing his bare chest and the waistband of the jeans he'd apparently slept in the night before. Bella drew in a sharp breath.

"What _happened_ to you?" she asked, feathering soft fingers over his shoulder.

The sun sneaked around the edges of the drapes and cast a bar of light on his skin, highlighting the remnants of his scars. He imagined they were still the first thing any vampire would notice, but to his new eyes, they appeared only as faint, pinkish-white lines. They didn't shimmer like the scar on Bella's wrist. All venom had been purged from his system by Leah's blood — foreign venom included.

"Remember when I told you about my time in Maria's army? The head case of an ex?"

"I do. How did I not notice these before?" Fingers trailing up to his neck, she bit her lower lip. "God, there are so many."

Her voice wavered with some emotion he couldn't place. Pity? Out of habit, he reached out in his mind, grasping at the darkness for his vanished gift.

"I wish I could kick all of their asses," she said.

Oh. Not pity, then. That, he would accept.

"Don't worry. They were dealt with long ago." Ignoring the rolling of his stomach and the throbbing ache behind his eyes, he pushed her hand up to the mark over his pulse point. "Except this one. That's from my change — from Maria." With his fingers wrapped around her wrist, he dragged her hand down to a scar that cut across his collarbone. "And this one. That's from Peter."

"Well." She swallowed. "I guess I can let Peter off the hook, since he was kind enough to refrain from killing me. And in spite of her many crimes, I suppose I wouldn't know you at all unless it was for Maria."

Jasper tried to grin. "I'm sure they would both be relieved to know you aren't after their heads."

"Pfft. I know I wouldn't stand a chance on my own, but I have my ways. Don't forget I'm friends with an entire pack of werewolves. Anyway." She cleared her throat. "Back to your hangover."

With that, she pulled a clear green bottle from her bag. Moisture beaded on its surface, trickling onto Jasper's fingers as Bella placed it in his hand.

"Very cold, fizzy water," she said. "It's the best thing I've found to settle my stomach the morning after. If you think you can handle it, I also have orange juice and bananas."

"Urgh. No, thank you. No food. No, no, no. I'm not ready for anything with flavor."

"Yeah, that's usually how I feel. I've met people here who swear by a good fry-up as a hangover remedy, but I've never been able to bring myself to try it."

"Fry-up?"

"Full English breakfast. Bacon, eggs, hash browns, fried bread, fried mushrooms, fried tomatoes, sausages, and black pudding."

Jasper's stomach lurched in protest. "That's the worst idea I've ever heard." Pausing, he took a few sips of the water. "Wait, is black pudding the one made with blood?"

"It is," she said through a laugh.

"Huh. I wonder if I'd like that."

"Well, you never know until you try, I guess. Oh! I almost forgot." Leaning back, she dug her phone out of her pocket. "Last night, after I got home, I recorded myself to prove you wrong."

A few seconds later, a tinny version of Bella's voice blared from her phone.

"Let's see. What to say, what to say? Jasper is so full of it. I sound the same as I've always sounded, even when I'm drunk. And did I really tell Edward he could know me? I hope he didn't take that the wrong way. I didn't mean 'know' in the Biblical sense. Awkward. Okay, now I'm rambling. That should be enough to prove Jasper wrong."

Bella rubbed her forehead. "All right," she said. "I can sort of see what you mean."

"Sort of?"

"I don't sound like that normally, do I?"

He laughed. "No. Not when you're sober."

"Phew. Oh, I quite enjoyed your drunk e-mail, by the way. The texts were a nice extra."

"I sent you text messages?" Hazy memories tinged with raucous laughter floated up and popped like soap bubbles before he could examine them. "What did I say?"

"You told me about the vodka, said Emmett should be banned from singing, and then you claimed you had _fin_ with me yesterday."

"Fin? As in the thing a fish has?"

"Yep. And then you said something about a booty call, but—"

A gulp of water almost went up Jasper's nose. In between gasps of laughter, Bella patted his back.

"Relax," she said. "It was a joke! The _fin_ thing was the last comment you made, I promise. You were a complete gentleman with your drunk texting."

"Had me fooled. Good Lord, woman. Give me a heart attack. Emmett will be sorry he missed that one."

After setting his drink on the nightstand, he gingerly scooted underneath the covers and rested his head on the pillow.

"Thanks for coming over," he said.

She shrugged. "It's no problem. I brought the reading I was talking about doing last night, just in case you needed me to stick around. Will it bother you if I do it in here? I'll be taking notes, but I won't be loud. I get the feeling if I go back out there, I won't be able to escape easily."

"No, go ahead. If I doze off, you can tell me if I snore. I've been wondering."

-oOo-

Two hours.

Bella had been in Jasper's bedroom for _two_ _hours_.

Edward's leg jiggled. Instead of watching whatever drama was playing out on the television, he engaged Jasper's door — his _closed_ door — in a staring contest. Finally, just as he started to entertain thoughts of sending Emmett on a reconnaissance mission, Bella emerged.

"Feeling any better?" she asked, sitting on the opposite end of the couch and tucking her legs beneath her body.

_I feel much, much worse_, he thought.

"A little," he said.

"That's good. Listen, I have to go soon, but can we talk for a bit?"

"Of course. What's on your mind?"

She hesitated, gathering up her hair and securing it with a pencil. For all that she'd grown and matured, at least a few things about her remained unchanged. Her everyday uniform was still a t-shirt and jeans. The closest she came to wearing makeup was the sheen of lip balm. In spite of the years that had elapsed since their breakup, she'd somehow retained the ability to make his heart do what it shouldn't: stop when he was human, stutter when he was a vampire.

And even now that everyone else was silent, he was no better at reading her.

"What I said last night," she said, "about knowing me... I hope I didn't give you the wrong impression. I don't want to lead you on or hurt you in any way."

"I know you didn't mean it in a romantic sense, Bella."

"Good." She nodded. "That's good. I don't want to go down that road with you again. Like I said before, so much has changed. It'll make life easier for both of us if we can be civil and avoid as much awkwardness as possible. If you still want to get to know me, you can. Might even do you some good, since I'm sure you'll realize that any... _feelings_ you may have are for a memory. That girl is gone. First, though, we need to talk about Alice."

Given the way she clenched her fists around the edge of the couch cushion, he half-expected her to slap him, now that it would hurt. Holding his breath, he waited for the sting of her palm striking his cheek. It didn't come.

"You should have told me," she whispered.

His sigh left him feeling empty and exhausted. "I know. I thought it would only cause you needless pain, since we were no longer a part of your life. Alice advised against it."

"I'm well aware of Alice's little schemes. That doesn't mean it was _right_. You should have told me when she died. I deserved that much."

"I'm sorry. I don't know how I can make it up to you."

"Yeah, well, I don't, either."

Edward flinched. Bitter silence settled into the cracks and fissures in the olive branch she'd extended, splintering it. While he scrambled to think of something to say — some way to mend the damage, she rubbed her bloodshot eyes.

"You're new to this life," she said, frowning as if in deep thought, "so I'm going to let you in on a secret about it, okay?" Without waiting for his nod of confirmation, she continued. "It's too short for regrets. Too short for grudges, too, unless it's something truly, truly unforgivable. Letting things go is easier said than done, but we can try. I'm not saying a miraculous transformation into best friends is in our near future, but forgiveness... maybe."

Forgiveness. Well, it was something. A start.

"Thank you," he said. "That's very kind."

"You're still going to beat yourself up over the past no matter how short human lives are, aren't you?"

Laughter sharpened the constant throb in his temples, bringing another regret to the front of his mind: drinking.

"It seems that even though I no longer know you," he said, "you still know me."

"Well, you once told me that vampires didn't change very often, and you haven't been a human that long." Spreading her arms out in front of her, she offered him the hint of a smile. "Go on, then. I have about ten more minutes. What do you want to know?"

_Everything_.

"Is that enough time to summarize what you've been doing for the past eight years?" he asked.

"Sure. I don't even need the full ten minutes. Let's see. I learned to sing. I got my heart broken by a werewolf, though it wasn't his fault. That time, at least. I gained a penpal who ended up becoming one of the best friends I've ever had. I fell in love. Broke my own heart with that one, but we're still friends. I became a godmother — oh! Do you want to see a picture?"

Before he could respond, her wallet was open and in his face. A chubby little girl with dark ringlets and two teeth grinned at him from her perch on Bella's knee. The Bella in the photograph was almost unrecognizable behind the veil of hair that had fallen over her face as she bent over to kiss the girl's dimpled cheek.

"She's adorable," Edward said.

"I couldn't agree more." Chuckling, she refolded the well-worn leather and tucked it into her back pocket. "What else? I went to college in Portland. I moved here, got my Master's Degree, experienced culture shock — not in that order. And then I ran into you at the station. That pretty much brings us up to date."

Precious seconds ticked away as Edward mulled this over. Bella seemed lost in thoughts of her own, dragging a locket back and forth on the thin chain around her neck. A sizzle from the kitchen brought the smoky scent of bacon wafting toward them.

Ugh. How on earth could Emmett be _hungry_?

"It sounds like you've had a full life," Edward said.

"It's had its ups and downs, but overall, I'd say it's been pretty good, yeah. I'm content."

"Then I suppose I can't hold onto my regrets. If you've been happy, it was all worth it."

"Hmm. What about you, though? What have you been doing?"

Relief seeped into his bones when she didn't ask how he'd _distracted _himself. He'd been afraid those words would come back to haunt him.

As it was, he'd be astonished if his claim that human minds were like a sieve didn't get thrown in his face at some point.

"Ah," he said. With a grimace, he let his head fall back against the wall behind the couch. "My life... that won't take long. Alice encouraged me to try new things, so I've been doing that. I went skydiving, white-water rafting — Emmett discovered a love of extreme sports. I made friends with a werewolf, after a fashion."

"Leah?"

"Yes. She calls me vulgar names, but the last time I could read her thoughts about me, they weren't _entirely_ without affection. There hasn't been anything more exciting than that, I'm afraid. No new skills. No relationships, failed or otherwise."

Her eyebrows shot up. "Seriously? No one, in almost a decade?"

Perhaps she didn't know him so well, after all.

"I went over a century without so much as a mild infatuation before I found you," he said. "Why settle for something — some_one_ — I don't want?"

Emmett's humming provided a cheerful contrast to Bella's jagged sigh. Toast popped up with a clang, followed by the _crack-crack-plop_ of eggs falling into a bowl.

How much was that man planning to eat?

"It's easy to forget how old you really are," Bella said. "Sorry. You look _so_ young."

Accustomed as he was to being treated like a teenager, the statement still pummeled his pride when it came from Bella.

"Jasper was only twenty when he was changed," he said.

"Hmm." Raising a hand, she began counting people off on her fingers. "Charlie's forty-nine. Jake's twenty-three. If Grandma Swan was still alive, she'd be seventy-one. Sarah — my goddaughter — is almost three. Sean Connery is ageless."

"What—"

"Oh, I thought we were listing the ages of people who have absolutely _nothing_ to do with this conversation." Rolling her eyes, she gave his arm a light shove. "Knock it off. Jasper and I are just friends. Even if there was something there, he wouldn't go behind your back. You know he wouldn't. Not for something like that. No matter how close he is to me, you've been his brother for, what, sixty years?"

Edward didn't answer.

-oOo-

A pot holding enough pasta for ten people bubbled on the stove. Bella hovered over it, her hair frizzing from the steam. Jasper chopped vegetables for the salad. The cramped quarters of the kitchen meant she could hardly turn around without bumping into him.

Something bounced off of the side of Bella's head as she gave the sauce a vigorous stir: a missile in the form of a cherry tomato. Rocking back on his heels, Jasper attempted to whistle through his grin.

"Quit it," she said, bumping her hip against his. "You can't start a food fight now. They'll be here any minute. Behave yourself."

As if in confirmation, the doorbell chimed. After chucking the tomato back at Jasper, she wiped her hands on a tea towel and scurried into the living room.

She'd been seventeen when she first met Carlisle and Esme, but that didn't seem to matter. They smiled at her from her doorstep, and she was five years old again. Without a word, Esme rushed at her with open arms. Bella held her tight, feeling like a kid being picked up after the longest day at the babysitter's.

"Oh, I missed you," Esme said. "So many times. If Alice hadn't said—"

"I know. She told me."

Carlisle was next, hands as steady as the vampire who had stitched up her wounds a million years ago. Before breaking his embrace, he kissed her cheek.

"It's good to see you, Bella," he said.

"You too." With a strained smile at the woman who stood behind them, flanked by Edward and Emmett, she added, "Hello, Rosalie."

"Hi. Do you mind if I use your bathroom?"

"Oh, not at all. Top of the stairs, on the left."

"Thanks."

While everyone else filed into the living room, Rosalie took the steps two at a time and vanished into the upstairs hallway. Bella brought in chairs from the kitchen for extra seating, but she still ended up sitting on the floor, her back pressed against the cold radiator.

"No Garrett and Leah?" Jasper said, flopping down next to her.

"Ah, no," Carlisle said. "They decided to spend some time alone."

"Apparently they're _very_ busy," Emmett said, waggling his eyebrows. "Worse than Rose and I ever were, even. I guess years and years of blue balls will do that."

A blush crept up Edward's neck and into his freckled face. Bella bit the inside of her cheek against the laugh that battled against her self-restraint. She was willing to bet Edward knew far more details than he'd like about the mechanics of a relationship between a vampire and a werewolf.

She remembered Jake telling her that the temperature of a werewolf's skin was painful to vampires. Did Garrett and Leah have to use special devices before his change?

A shriek sliced through the air. Emmett sprinted halfway up the stairs before the sound faded.

"Rose? What's wrong?"

"Don't come in here!" she said. "I'm fine. Bella? Can I see you for a moment?"

"Uh, yeah. Sure."

Slipping past Emmett on the narrow stairway, Bella pushed through her confusion. Before she could rap her knuckles against the bathroom door, it swung open. Rosalie yanked her inside by the elbow.

_Giggling_. Of all the reactions to come out of Rosalie's mouth, a torrent of excited giggles was one of the last things Bella expected.

"Are you sure you're all right?" Bella asked.

"Yeah, I am. Just surprised, that's all."

"What are you—"

"I got my period."

"_Oh_. Right." Reaching into the medicine cabinet, Bella produced a box of tampons. "Here. Err, congratulations on becoming a woman?"

Rosalie snorted. "Thanks." Peering at the tampons as though they were a bundle of snakes, she pursed her lips. "Things have changed since my time."

"Well, there should be a diagram in there, somewhere. Beyond that, you're on your own."

"It was an observation, not a request for assistance! God, this is so surreal. I'm standing in Bella Swan's bathroom, talking about my period. I thought it'd take months for it to show up, if ever."

"Maybe your body picked up where it left off."

Rosalie blinked. "Did you just imply that I've been stuck in a constant state of PMS for almost eighty years?"

"Um, I'll just leave you alone now..."


	19. Too Far From Home

**18. Too Far from Home**

That second plate of pasta was a mistake. Following it up with a slice of chocolate cake was even more foolhardy. Emmett understood, now, why some people called it a "food baby." When Rosalie shifted on his lap and her hip dug into his belly, he felt like he would give birth.

In the kitchen, Bella stood at the sink, hips swaying as she scrubbed the dishes that Carlisle rinsed and dried. Her voice low and sweet, she hummed a song Emmett couldn't place.

A secret smile flirted with one corner of Jasper's lips. As Bella wiped her soapy, lemon-scented hands on a tea towel, he leaned over her shoulder and whispered something that made her tilt her head back and laugh.

Hmm. Tricky. There was only one way forward, as far as Emmett could see — one path for him to take as a good brother.

He had to get Edward laid.

Some random girl wouldn't do. Not for his first. Edward would insist upon an emotional connection, if not an actual wedding ring. Even though his 112 year old body had 18 year old hormones, his self-control came close to Carlisle's legendary restraint. Emmett knew, twice over, the temptation of meeting a woman whose blood sang. Teenage libido notwithstanding, Edward's affection wouldn't be bought with a nice set of tits.

Getting him drunk might loosen his unbending morals, but Emmett didn't want to create another mountain of regrets for the poor kid. The whole point was for him to have fun in the process of getting over Bella. Waking up the next morning brimming with remorse wouldn't help. Not at all.

Visions of women they knew filtered through Emmett's head: an imaginary audition for the role of Edward's rebound.

Tanya: No. He'd already turned her down once, so there was clearly no interest there. And Tanya wasn't the flowers and poetry type. If he actually fell for her, she'd probably break his sensitive, earnest little heart.

Kate: A bit too kinky for Edward. He'd want vanilla — at least to start.

Irina: Hmm. Maybe. Physically, they were about the same age, even if she did have centuries of experience on him. That just meant she could teach him a few things. And she was cute. Not really his type, if Bella was his type, but the last thing he needed was an exact replica of his ex. That shit wouldn't be healthy. Irina was still heartbroken over the loss of her mate. There was something to be said for offering mutual solace.

Beyond that, Emmett drew a blank. The only human he'd gotten to know during his years a vampire was leaning against the counter in the next room, making wild gestures with her hands as she and Jasper told Esme some story about the early days of their friendship. Among the vampires he'd met, pickings were slim. Only four wouldn't want to eat Edward after the fact, and one of them was mated.

_"Take care of Edward and Jasper,"_ Alice had told him in the letter Jenks delivered after her death. _"They'll need you, Em."_

Couldn't she have been more specific? Given him a name or a direction, maybe? Looking after Jasper had been easy, in comparison. The first year, Emmett had crafted a routine. Drag Jasper to the woods to hunt, clean up his human kills when he slipped, bury any trace of sorrow when he was nearby, and make jokes until the stubborn fucker cracked a smile. Simple.

The tail-end of a conversation between Edward and Bella pulled Emmett out of his plotting.

"I can imagine," Bella said. "I know you always wanted that — to be human again."

Edward nodded, wistfulness softening his voice. "It was probably the second-best day of my existence."

Pressing her lips together, Bella stared at the floor and shifted her weight from foot to foot. For the first time since his transformation into a human, Emmett wished Edward could read his mind.

_Don't do it, man_, he thought. _Don't tell her the very best day was when you met her or some other sappy thing. Just be cool. Don't move too fast and make her uncomfortable._

Edward said nothing, but his shoulders sank when Bella turned to ask Jasper a question.

Yep. Definitely had to get that boy laid.

-oOo-

_**From:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**To: **__Bella Swan  
><em>_**Date:**__ 07/06/2013_

_Well, just one more day. It's going to be weird to go back home. I've spent the majority of my second human life with you, so far._

_Are you ready to have us out of your hair?_

_Love,  
><em>_Jasper_

-oOo-

_**From: **__Bella Swan  
><em>_**To: **__J. W. Hale  
><em>_**Date:**__ 07/06/2013_

_Not a chance. I'm not even close to being ready for you to leave. As of right now, I'm living in denial._

_Want to have one last pub lunch before you go home?_

_Love,  
><em>_Bella_

-oOo-

"You're insane."

Placing his hand on the small of Bella's back, Jasper held the door open and ushered her into his empty flat. The rest of the family was out, soaking up their final day of sightseeing.

"I am not," he said. "It's delicious. I had it on toast this morning."

"I think your taste buds were damaged during your change. First you like licorice, now Marmite? There's something seriously wrong with you."

"Says the woman who likes coffee."

"_Everyone_ likes coffee."

"Hmph."

As soon as the lock clicked behind them, she stood on her tiptoes and wrapped her arms around his shoulders.

"Your tragically ruined taste buds aside," she said, "I need to get as many hugs in as possible while you're still here."

"Hey, you're always free to hug me as much as you want. You won't hear me complain."

"Good. Ugh, I'm going to _miss_ you."

Warm breath fanned over his neck. Her embrace tightened — so close, her emotions almost seemed to seep into his skin.

"I'll miss you too," he said, rubbing a slow circle on her back. "I can visit whenever you want, though. And hey, you'll get your e-mail buddy back full-time."

"I want both — in person and e-mail." She let out a sniffly laugh. "I'm greedy."

"Me too." He gave her a gentle squeeze. "I can stay a bit longer."

"No, you have a whole life to get started." Holding him at arm's length, she tugged the short lock of hair near his ear. "I mean, you aren't getting any younger."

"Tell me about it. I'm thinking I'll go back to college one more time after we get settled, but choosing a major is going to be a lot harder."

"Yeah, I've definitely been there. Well, not _exactly_ there, but you know what I mean." Tilting her head up, she planted a fleeting kiss on his cheek. "Welcome to being human."

-oOo-

_**From:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**To: **__Bella Swan  
><em>_**Date:**__ 07/07/2013_

_Landed safely. Finally through customs. Twenty hours is too long to spend traveling. It is some stupid time there, but only 10:00 PM here. So tired. Incapable of complete sentences. Miss Irn Bru already. _

_Love,  
><em>_Jasp... Zzzzzzzzzzzz_

-oOo-

_**From:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**To: **__J. W. Hale  
><em>_**Date:**__ 07/08/2013_

_I'm sure Irn Bru misses you too. :P_

_Glad you got there in one (slightly sleepy) piece! Oh, I forgot to tell you. Before I went to see you off at the airport, my housemate asked me if you'd be returning for more visits. She also wanted to know if you were single. Well, she asked if "the big one" was single first. I think she was hoping Rosalie was Emmett's sister or something. I told her the truth about Em, and said that you're my love slave._

_Okay, so I didn't so much "forget" to tell you as I didn't think it'd be appropriate tell you in front of Edward. If telling you that I lied about being involved with you is ever appropriate. She didn't seem to realize that I was joking, but oh, well. It worked. I was doing her a favor, really. Long distance relationships are a bad idea. Someone pretty smart confirmed this for me a few years ago._

_Anyway, hope you got lots of sleep and are once again capable of forming complete thoughts._

_Love,  
><em>_Bella_

-oOo-

_**From:** J. W. Hale_  
><em><strong>To:<strong> Bella Swan_  
><em><strong>Date<strong>: 07/08/2013_

_Love slave, huh? Wait, am I still asleep? It's hard to tell, to be honest._

_Do you at least keep me in a nice house that is stocked with Irn Bru and Marmite in this imaginary scenario? I might be okay with that._

_Yes, probably best you didn't mention it in front of Edward. Emmett, on the other hand, would love it._

_I got far too much sleep, but I do seem to be capable of forming complete thoughts. How are you?_

_Love,_  
><em>Jasper<em>

-oOo-

_**From:** Bella Swan_  
><em><strong>To:<strong> J. W. Hale_  
><em><strong>Date:<strong> 07/09/2013_

_Yes, you are still asleep. This is all a dream, woooooOOooooo. (That was the woobly noise they make on TV when they're trying to convince a character that he's asleep.)_

_I'm not sure I can agree to give my imaginary love slave imaginary Marmite. It's too evil. For you, I suppose I could make an exception. Just don't tell the other fake love slaves. They'll expect equal treatment, and I can't have that._

_Am** I** still asleep? Seriously. How did this even start? I think it might be my fault._

_I'm pretty good. Things are too quiet here, though. I miss you — Marmite breath and all._

_Love,_  
><em>Bella<em>

-oOo-

_**From:** J. W. Hale_  
><em><strong>To:<strong> Bella Swan_  
><em><strong>Date:<strong> 07/09/2013_

_It's definitely your fault. I'm certainly never this silly without your influence. _

_I miss you, too — unfounded Marmite prejudice and all._

_Love,_  
><em>Jasper<em>

-oOo-

_**From:**__ Edward Cullen  
><em>_**To: **__Bella Swan  
><em>_**Date:**__ 07/19/2013_

_Dear Bella,_

_Thank you for agreeing to let me continue to get to know you via e-mail. I'm afraid I have no idea where to begin. Do you have any suggestions?_

— _Edward_

-oOo-

_**From:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**To: **__Edward Cullen  
><em>_**Date:**__ 07/22/2013_

_Well, not long after we first met, you asked me a bunch of questions. You could try that. Can't promise I'll answer all of them, mind you._

_And you don't need to thank me. I _can_ promise I won't do anything I don't want to do. So, fire away._

— _Bella_

-oOo-

_**From:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**To: **__Emmett Cullen  
><em>_**Date:**__ 07/22/2013_

_Em,_

_Oh, my God. Enough with the forwards! It's not 1997, Grandpa. No one sends those things anymore. _

— _Bella_

-oOo-

_**From:**__ Emmett Cullen  
><em>_**To: **__Bella Swan  
><em>_**Date:**__ 07/22/2013_

_B,_

_Oh, come on. They're funny! You love it. And what the hell is this "Grandpa" business? You wish you were this cool._

— _Emmett_

_[1 attachment: dealwithit . gif]_

-oOo-

_**From:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**To: **__J. W. Hale  
><em>_**Date:**__ 07/22/2013_

_It's okay with you if I murder your brother, right?_

_Love,  
><em>_Bella_

-oOo-

_**From:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**To: **__Bella Swan  
><em>_**Date:**__ 07/22/2013_

_Just tell me where you want to hide the body, and I'll get my shovel._

_Love,  
><em>_Jasper_

-oOo-

_**From:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**To: **__J. W. Hale  
><em>_**Date:**__ 07/22/2013_

_I love that you didn't even ask which brother I wanted to kill. You were ready to help me commit a felony, no questions asked. That's true friendship._

_It's Emmett, by the way. My poor inbox._

_Anyway, have you decided where you're going to live yet?_

_Love,  
><em>_Bella_

-oOo-

_**From:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**To: **__Bella Swan  
><em>_**Date:**__ 07/23/2013_

_You know I'm always willing to be an accomplice to your crimes._

_The debate about where to live hasn't made much progress. I would've stayed in England if I knew the decision was going to take this long. I thought we would finish talking it out on the plane and be ready to start packing by the time we got home. Nope. _

_As of right now, we're staying in one of our old houses that we haven't used in decades. Em, Rose, and I all want to move out on our own (about time we flew the nest, don't you think?), assuming Emmett survives your wrath, but it'll probably make the transition easier on everyone if we at least live in the same city at first. And by "everyone," I mostly mean Esme. _

_It's hard to choose a place, given what we know about the dangers out there. Much of the South is still out of the question, unfortunately. I'd love to live somewhere warm. I've been hiding from the sun for too long. The only one who is decided is Garrett; he's going to move to Washington to be with Leah. I'm sure you'll meet him at some point. _

_Wherever the rest of us move, I think I want to buy a fixer-upper and remodel it myself. I'll probably change my mind about it halfway through tiling the bathroom and hire someone to do it, because it's bound to be a lot more work as a human. Still, I like the idea of it. You'll have to come visit me when it's complete._

_After we find a new place, we'll probably sell off all of our old homes. I want to keep the one in Forks, though. Alice's tombstone is there, and I'm sure the family will want to use the house for visiting Leah and Garrett. _

_Oh, I almost forgot to tell you: later today, our cousins from Alaska are coming for a visit. They're the only vampires we've informed of our change, and I intend to keep it that way. I've made too many enemies in that world. _

_Well, I'll tell Peter what happened if he calls me, but he almost never does. The last time he did, it probably saved your life, since it was to warn me about Victoria's army. He doesn't have a phone of his own, and I'd rather not see him in person. _

_I remember meeting Maria and her sisters, since it was one of my final memories as a human the first time around, but it's fuzzy. I'm not entirely sure what to expect when I see Tanya's coven. I know them well, but not like I know Carlisle. He was still a vampire immediately following my transformation. Seeing him then wasn't much different from seeing him now, aside from the obvious physical differences. I suspect that has more to do with Carlisle than me, though. _

_Anyway, the cousins will be here any minute, so I guess I'd better get ready._

_Love,  
><em>_Jasper_

-oOo-

"It's amazing," Tanya said, beaming at Carlisle. "I'm so happy for you, old friend."

Bracing her hands on his shoulders, she kissed both of his cheeks. Jasper hid a grin behind his water glass as Carlisle shivered and blushed. Interacting with vampires as a human was certainly... _different_. Even Rosalie went a bit pink when Carmen embraced her.

"If any of you would like to change," Esme said, "I'm sure Leah would be willing to help."

"Oh, goodness," Tanya said. "Can you imagine? I'd have no idea how to be human. This is all I know. And, well, I enjoy my life as it is. But thank you. It's a generous offer."

Carmen, Eleazar, and Kate made murmurs of agreement. Irina worried her lower lip between her sharp teeth, peering at Edward.

"You can't read my mind anymore?" she said.

"No. Not at all."

She chuckled. "Good."

"You know I never _wanted_ to."

"I do, and you were always a perfect gentleman about it. Still, it's nice to be able to let my thoughts run free around you for a change."

"It's nice to not be bombarded with everyone's thoughts for a change."

"I can imagine." Plucking an apple out of the bowl on the counter, she twirled the stem a few times and held the green skin next to Edward's face. "Humanity suits you, you know. Your eyes, especially."

"It really does," Kate said. "I bet you'll still break plenty of hearts."

"Pfft," Tanya said with a smirk. "He never broke my heart. With those eyes, he might. They're stunning, Edward."

With the three Alaskan sisters crowding around him, Edward turned a brilliant shade of crimson and shifted in his seat. Irina offered him an apologetic half-smile before moving toward Jasper and kneeling in front of his chair. She studied his face, as if looking for the answer to some unvoiced question. After a few moments, she spoke in a whisper, almost too low for human ears.

"Does it help?"

He forced himself to take her hand, ignoring the eerie chill of her skin even as his instincts shrieked at him to flee.

"It makes it easier to change," he said. "I think. I'm still new to this. You wouldn't forget him, though."

"And the... the wolf? Was she one of _them_?"

Jasper's fingers tightened around hers as the memory of losing his own mate tightened around his heart — sympathy that mimicked his old talent. "No. Leah hadn't even phased for the first time at that point."

"Good." Irina nodded. "That's good." With her free hand, she threw the apple up and snatched it out of the air. "I remember liking apples when I was a human. It's really the only thing that stuck with me. I have no idea how old I was, what my parents were like, whether I had any friends... I could muddle through, though, couldn't I?"

"You could."

"Irina," Carmen said, "are you serious?"

"Yes. I think I am."


	20. Between

**19. Between**

_**From:**__ Edward Cullen  
><em>_**To: **__Bella Swan  
><em>_**Date:**__ 07/23/2013_

_Dear Bella,_

_I think I understand you a little better now. I assume Jasper already told you about our cousins' visit. Well, there's no other term for what just happened: they _dazzled_ me. It was... disconcerting. Perhaps I was born without a sense of self-preservation as well. Jasper certainly seems to believe this is the case. He says my driving proves it._

_As far as questions go, why don't we start with these? I asked similar versions of them years ago, but I wonder how many of your answers have changed over the years._

_Do you still use a CD player, or have you converted everything to mp3s? If it's the former: what is in your CD player right now?_

_What's your favorite color?_

_Favorite gemstone?_

_Favorite flower?_

_What was the last book you read?_

_What do you miss about home?_

_I'm not even close to being finished, but that will do for now._

— _Edward_

-oOo-

_**From:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**To: **__Edward Cullen  
><em>_**Date:**__ 07/28/2013_

_Ha! I wouldn't have minded seeing you be dazzled by a vampire. Jasper already told me a little bit about the visit — mostly that Irina was the only one who chose to become human, and he couldn't understand why I didn't run screaming from him when we first met. He left out the part about the dazzling. _

_I've heard about your driving. If it's anything like it used to be, then yeah, I'd say you're definitely missing a sense of self-preservation. You know you can break now, right?_

_Anyway, on to your questions._

_I do still use a CD player. I use my phone as an mp3 player when I'm walking, but I like the nostalgia of using a CD player when I'm at home. Right now, it contains a mix CD that Jake made for me. More nostalgia._

_My favorite color has been green ever since an epiphany on First Beach in 2006. I guess the squashy stuff growing all over Forks grew on me after a while._

_I'm not big on gemstones, but I suppose my favorite is my birthstone: sapphire._

_Flowers... hmm. Lilacs. There's a huge lilac bush outside Emily Uley's living room window. The smell reminds me of going to her house for singing lessons._

_The last book I read was _Fermat's Last Theorem: The story of a riddle that confounded the world's greatest minds for 358 years_ by Simon Singh. If you had fiction in mind when you asked that question, it was _Mort_ by Terry Pratchett. I've been branching out from the classics. _

_As far as home goes, I miss the people the most. Charlie, Renee, Jake, Sarah, Austin, Angela. Hell, sometimes I even miss Jessica. _

_That will do for now, indeed. I have some questions for you._

_You didn't think I was going to let you interrogate me without asking a few things in return, did you? Don't worry; they aren't scary. I was tempted to ask about the sieve-like qualities of your new mind, but I'm not that petty. _

_I'm just petty enough to consider it. _

_Instead, I want to know your answers to all of the questions you asked me. Even the flowers one._

— _Bella_

-oOo-

_**From:**__ Edward Cullen  
><em>_**To: **__Bella Swan  
><em>_**Date:**__ 07/28/2013_

_Dear Bella,_

_Asking the question about the sieve-like qualities of my new mind wouldn't be petty. More like deserved, on my part. _

_Yes, I am aware of my newfound fragility, as well as my lack of a built-in radar detector. Driving is one of the few situations in which I miss my old body._

_I also still use a CD player. Lately, I've been listening to Debussy. Nostalgia for me, as well._

_It's funny that you came to like the color green. I don't know if Jasper has told you much about how his gift used to work, but it was fascinating to watch the colors flow through his mind when he read people. To him, your emotions were always forest green. I like many colors, but I suppose blue is my favorite. _

_I don't know that I have a favorite gemstone. If pressed, I'd have to say diamond. I have an old diamond ring of my mother's. My human mother. I've always been fond of it._

_My favorite flowers are roses. Don't tell my sister._

_The last book I read was _Love in the Time of Cholera_ by Gabriel García Márquez._

_If by "home," you mean where I was raised, I would have to say that I miss the atmosphere of Chicago the most. It's like that poem by Carl Sandburg says: "Come and show me another city with lifted head singing so proud to be alive and coarse and strong and cunning." I bought my childhood home, some years ago. I don't remember my parents well enough to miss them, but going back there makes me wish I did._

_Emmett tells me you've found a job for the summer. How is that going?_

_You only have two more years until you're Dr. Swan, is that right? What are you planning to do after you graduate?_

— _Edward_

-oOo-

Stretching her arms out, Bella scooted up along rumpled sheets until her back rested against the headboard. Waking up without the blaring of an alarm felt sinful and indulgent. She barely had time to reflect on how lovely it was to be well-rested before her ringing phone demanded her attention.

"Hello?"

"Hey," Jasper said, his voice roughened by sleep. "I didn't wake you, did I?"

"No, but what are _you_ doing awake?"

"Well, I wanted to call you, and catching you before work seemed like the best option."

"Err, I have the day off. I'm sleep's bitch this morning, not Debenhams's bitch."

"Aw, hell. You mean I could've kept sleeping? This is the last time I try to surprise you when we aren't in the same time zone."

Giggling, she burrowed back under the quilt until it covered her head — a cozy tent with her leg as the pole. "It's a nice surprise. You can go back to sleep, if you want."

"Nah. I'm awake now."

Fabric rustled on his end of the line, as though he was creating a blanket fort to match hers. Raindrops pelted against a window — hers or his, she couldn't tell. Relaxation painted itself across her skin in quiet tingles with each of his slow, deep breaths.

"Do you want to get on Skype?" she said.

"Mm, not right now. I'm feeling too lazy to get dressed."

Bella's responding cough brought a laugh echoing through the phone.

"I'm in my pajamas," he said. "Get your mind out of the gutter."

Shrinking further into her cocoon, she splayed her free hand across her face. "Oh, is this one of _those_ calls? I didn't know I was supposed to be asking what you're wearing."

"Oh baby, oh baby," Jasper said in a deadpan voice. "Now, pick up the ferret, and—"

"Wait, what? The ferret? What the hell kind of sex are _you_ having?"

"Of late? None."

She cringed. Of course. Before she could apologize or change the subject, he kept talking.

"So," he said, "if you could live anywhere in the world, where would you choose?"

"Still haven't decided, huh?"

"We did, actually, but I'm curious about your answer."

"Hmm." Lifting one corner of her patchwork roof, she let fresh, cool air flow over her face. "If I was in your shoes, I'd move to Nottingham and take up residence in a certain house that is stocked with Irn Bru and Marmite."

He half-chuckled, half-groaned. "Don't tempt me. I might take you seriously and show up on your doorstep tomorrow."

"You wouldn't hear any objections from me. I don't think the weather would be to your liking, though. Like you said before, you've spent enough time hiding from the sun. Maybe Spain?"

"Seriously? That's your answer?"

"Um, yes?"

"Did you steal Edward's old talent and learn how to use it across long distances? As soon as we get the visa issues sorted out, we're moving to Seville."

"Really? Wow. I just chose Spain because it's sunny and within easy flying distance of me."

His voice gentled to almost a whisper. "That's a big part of why I chose it, too."

Bella's heart did a somersault. A grin sprang to her mouth without seeking her permission: irresistible and immediate. Closing her eyes, she pressed her fingers over her upturned lips.

"There's also the fact that we don't really know any nomads around there," he said. "That's a big plus. Anyone who used to know us would probably think the resemblance was a coincidence, but we can't be too careful."

"Are you going to change your names and dye your hair and get a ridiculous amount of plastic surgery so you look like different people?"

"Names: yes, at least when we're in public. Em wants to call himself James Bond or Chuck Norris. Hair: probably. At least until we've aged a bit. Plastic surgery: no."

"Good. I like your face the way it is."

_I like your face the way it is? _ Rolling onto her side, she smacked her forehead against the wall a few times.

Jasper laughed. "Well, good," he said. "You're going to come visit me, right?"

"Definitely. Don't be surprised if you find me waiting on your doorstep the day you move in."

"I should be so lucky."

-oOo-

_**From:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**To: **__Bella Swan  
><em>_**Date:**__ 08/04/2013_

_I've spent way too much time thinking about the Volturi recently — namely, what they'll do if they find out about our change. Best case scenario: they'll turn Edward and hold the safety of the rest of us over his head to persuade him to join their guard. They might do the same to me, for all I know. My gift can be very useful in battle. Worst case scenario... well. You can guess. We're humans who know the secret. It's technically a violation of the rules._

_If the Volturi do come after us, I'll do whatever I can to get you back to Washington. I promise. You'll be safest with the wolves. If Aro sees you in our minds... I don't want to even consider that. Tanya has given us her word that her coven will help protect you if the worst happens. _

_Isn't this the most upbeat e-mail I've ever sent you? For what it's worth, I don't anticipate the Volturi looking for us before we're all old and gray, if ever. We'll keep moving every decade or so to avoid suspicion, just in case Demetri, their tracker, checks our location. They last saw Carlisle in 2005, so they won't get too curious for at least another fifty years. Time passes differently for them. Still, you need to know about the potential dangers, since all of this could affect you as well. I'm sorry about that. I wish there was something I could do to keep you safe. Thus far, my one regret about deciding to become a human is that I can no longer protect those I care about — at least not to the same extent._

_I wonder if the wolves would be willing to hire themselves out as bodyguards. Hmm._

_It's been a cheerful week all round at the Cullen household, since Carlisle decided we should all draw up wills, just in case. I guess these are things you just have to deal with when you're human, like it or not._

_Well, maybe not the possibility of a bunch of power-crazed vampires killing everyone you love. Most humans probably don't spend much time worrying about that. _

_How are things over there? Less morbid than here, I hope. _

_Love,  
><em>_Jasper_

-oOo-

_**From:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**To: **__J. W. Hale  
><em>_**Date:**__ 08/05/2013_

_It's scary being human when you know what's out there, isn't it? Now and then I still get a bit spooked (your buddy Peter didn't help in that area), but after a while I developed the skill of blocking it out and living my life as if things are normal and monsters don't exist. I think you'll get used to it, in time._

_And I really, _really_ hope you're right about the Volturi not looking for you. I can't think about the alternative. I just can't. Instead, I'll think about visiting your new home at some point in the near future. That's a much happier thought. I've never been to Spain._

_Oh, and as sweet as it is that you want to protect me, _please_ don't pay one of the wolves to stalk me. :P Especially if it's Paul._

_Things here are okay. A bit dull, but yes, less morbid than there, by the sound of it. I'll try to keep it that way._

_Love,  
><em>_Bella_

-oOo-

Leaning closer to her screen, Bella narrowed her eyes. The wide neck of her sweater slipped down one of her shoulders, revealing a pretty expanse of skin that, in another life, would've tested Jasper's control of his thirst. Safe as he would've been from the call of her blood while talking through Skype, he might've entertained a fantasy or two about biting into a neck much like hers.

An unbidden mental image taunted him: his new body pressing her against a wall while his teeth dragged along her neck. Not to pierce her skin, but to make her tilt her head back in a silent request for more.

Jasper blinked. All of the hormones that came along with being human were going to take some getting used to.

"I like it," she said, drawing him out of his thoughts. "It suits you."

"Yeah?" He raked his fingers through his hair. In addition to getting it cut, he'd traded blond for light brown. "Thanks. I keep startling myself when I look in the mirror. I only just got used to seeing a human there."

"That always happens to me when I change my hair. Especially when I got that horrible pixie cut during my senior year of high school. Ugh. My reflection scared me for weeks with that thing."

"Aw, it wasn't that bad. I thought it was kind of cute."

Looking down at her keyboard, she muttered something that sounded like, "Thanks."

"Oh, by the way," he said, "I don't suppose you're going back to Forks for Christmas this year, are you?"

"I doubt it. Why?"

"Esme and Carlisle have been talking about going to see Leah and Garrett sometime around then. If I go along, I was hoping to see you as well."

Bella's eyebrows shot up. "Already? They're getting a head start, aren't they?"

"I would say it was Esme's doing, but I think Garrett was actually the one to bring it up. He's a bit over-excited about his first Christmas since his change. And now Leah is trying to stop phasing—"

"She is?"

"Yep. I think she has been since Garrett became human, actually."

Resting her elbows on the edge of her desk, Bella propped her chin on her hands. "Hmm. I hope it works out for her."

"Me too."

-oOo-

_**From:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**To: **__J. W. Hale  
><em>_**Date:**__ 09/08/2013_

_I had a brilliant idea re: your new pseudonym. PERCIVAL. You know you love it, Perce. _

_Love,  
><em>_Bella_

-oOo-

_**From:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**To: **__Bella Swan  
><em>_**Date:**__ 09/08/2013_

_I'm amazed it took you this long to suggest Percival. You're slipping._

_I actually decided on a name the other day. To my family and you, I'll still be Jasper, but to the rest of the world, I'll be John P. Brandon. At least for a while._

_John was my father's name, and it's my real middle name (sorry to shatter that illusion for you). Brandon was Alice's maiden name. Did I ever tell you how she found a few pieces of her history after we left Forks?_

_Yes, the P stands for Percival. I added that just for you._

_Love,  
><em>_Jasper_

-oOo-

A maze of boxes cluttered a house that was older than any of the states the Cullens had called home over the years. Bella's twenty-sixth birthday had come and gone. October ushered rain into Seville just in time for the big move. In spite of the hours of unpacking waiting for him at his own house, Jasper lounged on Esme and Carlisle's sofa and picked through a box of photo albums. Across the room, Edward and Irina sat on the cushioned bench in front of his piano. She hunted and pecked her way through coaxing a simple melody from the keys. Already, Edward had found time to tune his favorite possession.

"That was much better," Edward said as the last note faded.

Irina shrugged. "I think I should have learned this before I was human again, maybe."

"It would have been easier, yes," Edward said. "Doing it this way might be more rewarding."

Ruffling his hair, she sprang to her feet. "If you say so. Do you know Finnish?"

"I don't, actually."

"Good. I'll teach you, and you can tell me how rewarding you find it."

"All right," he said with a laugh. "It's a deal."

With that, she disappeared down the hall that led to her new room, sliding her feet against the slippery marble floor so her flip-flops went _swish-swish-swish_ instead of thwacking against her heels. Edward swung his leg over the bench, swiveling to face Jasper.

"Are you hungry?" he asked.

"Why?" Jasper said. "Are you actually offering to cook something?"

"Hey, I cook! And you're technically a guest now, so yes, I'm offering. Carlisle grabbed a few things from the market down the road."

"Then yeah, I am kind of hungry. Thanks."

A chime from his cell phone interrupted Jasper as he stood to follow his brother into the kitchen. A smile sneaked onto his lips at the sight of Bella's name. It turned into a full-on grin when he read the text message she'd sent.

_How's unpacking going? If you need me to come down there and supervise while Emmett brings me cocktails, I can make that sacrifice._

He typed out a quick response.

_It's slow. Yes, you should make that sacrifice. I'll pick you up at the airport and be your co-supervisor. We can get Emmett a little hat. _

After a moment's consideration, he fired off another.

_In all seriousness, when do you think you'll be able to visit?_

_I don't know, _she replied. _Since you're going away for Christmas... Easter, I guess? Or maybe a short weekend visit at some point. Being a grownup and having obligations sucks sometimes. _

Jasper scowled. Easter? Not if he could help it. If she couldn't come to him, there was still the promise he'd made to visit her whenever she wanted. And if she wouldn't ask, he'd just have to surprise her.

When he reached the long, dark-paneled dining room that led to the kitchen, he found Edward standing near the doorway. Whatever Rosalie and Emmett were doing in the next room had Edward furrowing his eyebrows. Jasper peeked over his shoulder.

Emmett sat on a stool, pretending to sort through silverware while Rosalie peeled bubble wrap from blue and white china. As she passed in front of him, he caught her by the hips and dusted reverent kisses over her belly. If Jasper squinted, he thought he could almost sense a purple and yellow jumble of bright emotions.

"Rose?" Edward said. "Are you... ?"

A pair of stunned gazes darted toward him. Emmett and Rosalie may as well have waved their arms and screamed, "We have a secret!" Dark blue joy crept in at the edge of Jasper's delusion: an imaginary thread, spun from decades of companionship. Edward strode forward and enveloped Rosalie in a rare embrace.

Laughing, she swatted his shoulder as he pulled away. "Damn it, Edward. We weren't going to tell anyone yet."

"I don't care," he said. "I think it's wonderful. I'm so happy for you."

"Me too," Jasper said, taking a moment to get his bearings as the too-sharp memory of years upon years of sensing Rosalie's bitter longing crashed over him. He clapped Emmett on the back and pressed a kiss to Rosalie's cheek. "Congratulations."

"Thanks, man," Emmett said. "Hey, we were talking about names the other day. If it's a girl, we were thinking..."

"Oh," Jasper said. "Wow. Yeah. She would've been thrilled."

Jasper smiled and nodded as his siblings launched into a laughter-tinged discussion of how Alice would've delighted in spoiling a niece or nephew. The outfits she would've designed; the piles of toys she would've bought; the hours she would've spent on her hands and knees, pushing miniature cars across the carpet and making Barbies talk in squeaky voices.

"You okay?" Edward asked once Emmett and Rosalie were distracted with a debate about several houses they were still considering for their new home.

"Yeah," Jasper said. "Just thinking."

"Hmm. I wonder if the world is ready for another Alice Cullen."

Jasper chuckled. "I'm not sure the world was ready for the first one."

"Good point."

"Hey, Edward?"

"Yes?"

"I'm still hungry."

-oOo-

"Are you ready?" Renee asked, smiling at Bella from the little square on the screen of her laptop.

Bella checked her supplies. Popcorn, cider, Christmas cookies, pillows, blanket — she was all set. "Yeah," she said. "On three?"

After counting down, Bella and Renee pressed play on remotes half a world away from each other. A bell sounded from both of their televisions — only slightly out of synch. Bella munched on a handful of popcorn as the opening credits for _It's a Wonderful Life_ flipped across her screen.

"I wish you would've let us buy you a ticket out here," Renee said. "I hate to think of you spending Christmas all alone."

Bella shook her head. "Nah, I'll be fine. Thanks for the offer, though. I'll come see you soon."

Amidst Renee's grumbling, Bella settled back and watched the familiar story play out. Aside from the cookies she'd baked and the film itself, the only festive touch in the living room was a spindly, artificial tree in the corner that even Charlie Brown would've struggled to love. The glittering of the fairy lights Gemma had twined around it seemed all the warmer against the chilly blue glow of the TV. As Donna Reed strolled down a street in her bathrobe and sang "Buffalo Gals" (accompanied by an off-key Renee), someone knocked on Bella's front door.

Bella frowned at the clock on the end table. 10:18 PM on Christmas Eve. Perhaps Gemma had forgotten something important and had to turn back when she was halfway to her parents' house.

Then again, Gemma would just use her key.

"Hold on, Mom," Bella said. "Someone's here."

Wrapping the blanket around her shoulders, Bella padded across the worn, honey-colored floorboards on bare feet. Looking through the window at the person on her doorstep prompted an involuntary, excited squeak. Her trembling hands battled with the lock.

"Hi," Jasper said once she'd managed to open the door, putting his hands in his pockets and rocking back onto his heels. "Surprise."


	21. Silent Night

**20. Silent Night**

Heedless of her bare feet, Bella stepped onto the frost-crisped pavement and threw her arms around Jasper. He stumbled back, catching her around the waist and lifting her when the cold made her yelp.

"Best surprise ever," she said, kissing his cheek.

"Yeah? Good. I thought—"

"Bella?" The sound of Renee's voice felt like the sudden appearance of a chaperone. "Are you okay?"

Bella groaned. "Oops." Releasing her grip on Jasper's shoulders, she let her body slide down his until her toes met the ground. "Almost forgot about my mom."

"Your mother is here?" he said, laughing as Bella danced from foot to foot.

"After a fashion. Wanna meet her?"

Before he could object, she grabbed his wrist and led him inside. He set his suitcase down with a _thunk_ that made her wonder if he'd packed books instead of clothes.

_That_ could be interesting.

Fighting back the blush that tried to push its way into her cheeks, she tucked that thought away to examine at a later time.

"Ooh," Renee said as they stepped into the view of the webcam. "Who is this?"

"Mom, Jasper," Bella said. "Jasper, this is my mom."

"Hello, Mrs. Dwyer," Jasper said, nodding and waving at the screen.

"Please, call me Renee. Wait, is this _the_ Jasper?"

Jasper's eyebrows shot up. He pressed his lips together, but he couldn't conceal his grin. Bella cracked her knuckles to keep from smacking her palm against her forehead.

"Yeah," she said. "This is him."

"Well, it's nice to finally meet you," Renee said. "I've heard so much about you."

"Likewise," Jasper said. "Sorry if I'm interrupting anything. I just thought I'd surprise—"

"No, no. Don't worry about it. Bella has watched me cry myself silly over this movie hundreds of times. Missing it once won't hurt. Bella? I'll call you tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay. Love you."

"I love you, too. Merry Christmas."

"So," Jasper said once Renee disconnected the Skype call. "_The_ Jasper, huh?"

"Oh, hush." Bella let her foot swing through the air as if to kick his shin, stopping just short of the target.

Chuckling, he ghosted his fingertips over her knuckles. "If my mother was still alive, I'm sure she'd ask if you were _the_ Bella."

"Somehow, I don't think she'd be all that pleased when the answer was yes."

"Ah, no. Probably not. But hey, Esme loves you. Not that I've ever really thought of her as my mom. I mean, I'm old enough to be her grandpa."

"True. You _are_ pretty ancient."

"Hey!"

She squirmed away from his attempt to pinch her side, which only served to give away the secret of her most ticklish spot. Collapsing onto the couch in a heap of laughter, she wrapped her arms around herself to guard against future attacks.

"Was Esme disappointed?" she asked as he flopped onto the cushion next to her. "That you aren't going to be there for Christmas, I mean."

"Nah. We had an early celebration yesterday." Frowning, he glanced at his watch. "No, day before yesterday, now. I left Sea-Tac 22 hours ago."

"Ugh, you must be exhausted. You're staying here, right? Gemma's gone, so there's more than enough room."

One corner of his lips quirked up. "If you're sure it won't be any trouble, I'd love to stay."

"Good. Saves me some effort. I won't have to tie you to a chair to keep you here, then."

The twitch of his cheek revealed his struggle to keep a straight face as he said, "Maybe later."

It took every shred of Bella's self-control to swallow the giggles that fluttered around in her chest. "Oh, fine," she said. "The safe-word is _curmudgeon_."

"Is that another crack about my age?"

"Pfft, of course not. Would I do that? I just think it's a funny word. Anyway, do you want some tea or anything?"

"Hmm, it took you almost five minutes to offer me tea. Guess you haven't gone completely native yet." Jasper smiled. "I'd love some, thanks."

Once Bella was in the kitchen, she dug her phone out of her pocket, scrolled through her contacts list, and called Gemma.

"Hi!" Gemma said. "Does this mean you've changed your mind about spending Christmas getting drunk with me and my aunt Cathy?"

"Err, no. Jasper is here." Bella paused, scowling as she heard a car's horn over the rush of water filling the kettle. "Are you driving?"

"No, _Mum_. I'm stuck in traffic. There was an accident or something. And what do you mean Jasper is there?"

"He just showed up to surprise me. Is it okay if he sleeps in your bed?"

"Without me there? Absolutely not."

Bella laughed. "Gemma!"

"All right, fine. He can borrow my bed, but I'm exchanging your present for coal."

"Why?"

"Not only did you refuse to suffer through my family with me, you aren't sharing your bed with Jasper. That sort of behavior gets you put on the naughty list."

Bella rolled her eyes, returning the kettle to its base and flipping the switch. "I'll keep that in mind for next year."

"As you should."

"I should get back to it. I'm making tea, and I can hardly hear you over the kettle."

"Okay, have fun. Happy Christmas!"

By the time Bella returned to the living room with two big mugs full of milky tea, she found Jasper with a half-eaten Christmas cookie in one hand and his phone in the other.

"Es?" he said, mouthing his thanks to Bella when she set his drink on the coffee table. "Sorry, I thought I was calling Emmett... _Oh_... Really? Aw, hell... Nah, I was just calling to say I arrived in one piece... She was, yeah... All right, you too. Bye."

"Everything okay?" Bella said.

"Yeah. Jenks — our lawyer — just showed up with an early Christmas gift for Rosalie and Emmett. Baby clothes and toys from Alice. A letter, too. I guess Emmett is hiding out in his room so no one can see him cry."

Bella's heart clenched. She could just picture Emmett sniffling and claiming he had something in his eye as he read Alice's words. Resting her head on Jasper's shoulder, she nibbled the antlers of a reindeer-shaped cookie.

If she'd already received her last letter from Alice, what did that mean for her future? Were no milestones waiting for her, or did Alice simply not know when they would happen? She'd had so many futures to consider.

Did Bella even _want_ those milestones?

Jasper's arm wrapped around her, chasing away the cold. Bella smiled. Leaning into the embrace, she banished all wishes for a functional crystal ball.

"I'm glad you're here," she said.

"Me too."

-oOo-

A strangled cry wove through Bella's dreams, bruising her vision of a sunlit expanse of beach and streaking it with black. Gasping, she sat up. The familiar sight of her bedroom didn't slow the thudding of her heart.

"_No_."

There. There it was again. Throwing back the quilt, she sprang to her feet and ran to Gemma's room.

"Jasper?" she said, tiptoeing toward the bed. Gemma's thin curtains let in the yellow glow of the streetlight, allowing her to make out the contours of his face and the rapid rise and fall of his chest. He woke with a start when she shook his arm, his wide eyes searching the semidarkness. Upon seeing her, he let out a long sigh.

"Hey, it's just me," she said. "You okay?"

"Yeah. Sorry. Go back to bed."

Instead of saying good night and retreating to her room, Bella crawled beneath Gemma's duvet. Jasper made no objections as she rested her head next to his, sharing his pillow. His hand ran a slow circuit from her shoulder to her waist. On the third pass, he grabbed her hip and tugged her closer, until their foreheads touched and she could feel the warmth of him through her pajamas, along the entire length of her body.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she whispered.

"Not really."

"You sure? I promise I won't make fun of you. I once had a recurring nightmare about a guy in a pink bunny suit, so I have no room to judge."

He snorted. "Did you really?"

"Well, no, but I was trying to make you feel better."

With a quiet laugh, he moved the arm that was wedged between them so that his fingers rested against the pulse point on her neck. His breathing evened out, slowing to keep time with hers. Rough skin brushed against her lower lip: his thumb, tracing the curve of her mouth.

Jasper inched closer. A swooping sensation in Bella's stomach seemed to propel her hand, making it settle over his cheek. Their breath mingled — closer than they'd ever been. The possibility of his lips touching hers hovered in the air, ready to change everything. The slightest move from either of them would make it happen.

Just as she allowed her eyelids to flutter shut, he backed away. Want filtered in with the loss of his warmth — heavy and sharp.

Bella tried to laugh it off, but he stopped her with the gentlest of kisses pressed to her cheek, near the corner of her mouth.

"Night," he said.

A request to discuss what had almost happened poised on her tongue, but when she opened her mouth, all that came out was, "Good night."

-oOo-

Shivering, Jasper rubbed his bleary eyes. Less than a foot away, Bella lay rolled up in the bright pink bedclothes like a human burrito, claiming all of the covers for herself and blocking his route to the bathroom. Springs squeaked and groaned under his weight at the mere thought of moving. Gritting his teeth, he strained to force his weak human body to forget that it was morning and that he'd spent the night next to Bella.

His imagination provided a vision of her opening her eyes, straddling his lap, and trailing kisses down his chest. God, it'd been so long since anyone touched him like that. If his life was more like a porno and she woke up wanting him, how long would he even last? What would sex be like without the aid of his gift? Would he be able to make her—

Okay. Those thoughts were _not_ helping.

Rifling through his mind for unsexy images, he settled on Edward's likely reaction to his current fantasies. Perfect. Like a virtual cold shower. Even more effective was the thought of the talk Jasper would need to have with his brother if the almost-kiss with Bella wasn't a fluke.

That wouldn't be fun for anyone. Ever so slowly, his body calmed.

Bella shifted, batting at the covers until they bunched around her waist. Propping himself up on one elbow, Jasper let out a breath of laughter. The faded text on her oversized green t-shirt read, "Get horny."

_Get horny_?

He squinted at the stylized drawing next to the words. Ah, of course. Her school mascot during her undergrad years had been a Viking. It was supposed to be a horned helmet.

Wriggling closer, she reached an arm toward him and murmured something that got muffled by her pillow. Jasper ducked his head and kissed her fingertips: a silent apology for the contents of his dreams.

The nightmares didn't come often, but when they did, they always trapped him in his former body, made him a prisoner of newborn bloodlust. Foolish versions of Bella, Alice, and his family ignored his whisper-shouted warnings and came too close. He fought against it, clinging to grass that dissolved beneath his fingers, but the pull was too strong. His teeth always found their mark.

Out of all of the monsters he'd known during his long life, the only one who seemed to scare him was himself. Freud would've had a field day dissecting that.

Without warning, Bella opened her eyes. Jasper's face heated. Directing his gaze at the wall opposite the bed, he tried to pretend he hadn't been staring at her.

"Sorry," she said with a giggle. "I'm a bit of a cover hog."

Before he could respond, Bella-scented fabric draped over his body. As she covered him with the blankets, she snuggled up to his chest, her skin sleep-warmed and soft. When he rested a palm on the curve of her hip, her timid smile brightened into a grin.

"Hey," she said. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas."


	22. Seas Between us Braid hae Roar'd

**Chapter 21: Seas Between us Braid hae Roar'd**

"Hey, it's me. Been a while. I don't even know where you're staying now. We stopped by your place in Maine, but some humans live there." Peter let out a deep, musical chuckle. "Don't worry. We didn't eat them. Thought they might be tenants of yours. Anyway, guess you're hunting or something. I'll try you again some other time."

Jasper's knee jiggled. Cutting off the robotic voice that told him how to save the voice-mail, he set his phone on Bella's kitchen table.

Peter. Well, _that_ would be an interesting conversation. Jasper still wasn't sure how "I'm human now. I'd appreciate it if you didn't have my family or me for dinner" would go over. Probably with laughter-tinged disbelief. At least he could rely on Peter to keep the news from Maria. Peter would sooner switch to an all-deer diet than give _her_ any beneficial information.

Across the tiny room, Bella stood on a chair and peered into a cabinet, her red and green painted toes wiggling against the wooden seat. "Hmm," she said. "All Gemma left are a few Pot Noodles. I won't subject you to that. Let's see. The Christmas pudding I got serves two, so that's good. And there are plenty of cookies left. I think I have enough bread to make stuffing, but only one turkey leg. Hmm." Hopping down, she opened the freezer and refrigerator. "Plenty of broccoli, cauliflower, and carrots, so we won't want for vegetables. Plenty of sausages, too. Beer, chicken, salad — ooh, potato waffles."

"Damn," Jasper said with a laugh and a shake of his head. "I'm sorry. I was so preoccupied with trying to surprise you that I didn't even think about food for today."

"Don't be silly. It'll be great." Smiling, she grabbed his hand and pulled him to his feet. "I wouldn't trade that surprise for anything."

He stood too close to her, letting his hand maintain the link with hers. "Even if we had to eat Gemma's Pot Noodles?"

"Even then. It'd be sort of appropriate, don't you think? I'm a student. You're going to be a student again next year. We're exactly the sort of people who are supposed to eat Pot Noodles."

"I'm not sure anyone is _supposed_ to eat them."

"Pfft. Where's your sense of adventure?"

As she spoke, Bella's gaze flitted down to his lips, lingering there as if untangling a mystery. She sighed.

"Do you mind doing the vegetables?" she said, spinning away from him and pulling ingredients from the fridge. "I'm going to work on the turkey leg, sausage, and stuffing. And the Christmas potato waffles, of course."

Like the first time he cooked with her in this kitchen, they could hardly move without bumping into each other. Instead of the repetitive actions of washing and chopping, Jasper's mind focused on each accidental-on-purpose touch. His fingers on the small of her back, her hip brushing against his, their elbows rubbing together. All of it was drawn out, peppered with smiles and uncertain glances.

"Jasper?" she said, waving a hand in front of his eyes. "Hello? You in there?"

"Hmm? Sorry, what?"

She chuckled. "I just asked how the remodeling is going."

"Oh. Exhausting, but pretty well. The place already looks a lot better than when I bought it. Should be close to finished by the time you visit for Easter." Watching her out of the corner of his eye, he added, "Hey, you know what we should do?"

"Attach a bunch of balloons to the roof of the house and float to Paradise Falls?"

"That, and we should go to Scotland for New Year's. You know, that last day of the year thing — Hogmanay. On a train, though. We'll save the balloons for later."

Frowning at him through the cloud of steam that spiraled from a pot on the stove, she drew her eyebrows together. "What, this year? It's a bit late for that. Everything is probably booked up."

"But say that wasn't a problem. Would you want to go?"

"Well, yeah." She jabbed his arm with the handle of a wooden spoon. "What are you planning?"

"I might've booked a trip to Edinburgh months ago, when I decided to surprise you. It might be your Christmas present."

"Are you serious?" Waving her arms at him, she laughed. "I thought you showing up here was my Christmas present!"

"Nah. That was my present to myself. I thought you might want to get away at some point during the holidays, too."

Dropping her spoon onto the counter, she caught him around the shoulders in a tight hug. "Thank you," she said.

"You're more than welcome."

The embrace stretched out, each of them holding onto the other as if unwilling to be the first to let go. Jasper's hand drifted up and down her back in large circles.

"What would you have done if I said I didn't want to go?" she asked.

"Hmm. I'm not sure. If you genuinely had no interest, I guess I wouldn't have told you that I actually booked it. If you only refused after you found out I spent money on you, I probably would've carried you to the station and tied you to your train seat."

She snorted. "Maybe later. Oh, crap. Your present is in Spain!"

"I know. You told me ages ago that it would be."

"Yeah, but..." Pulling away, she scowled. "Hold on. I'll be right back."

Without waiting for a response, she ran out of the room. Her feet pounded against the stairs, broken up by a thud and a curse. If Jasper had to guess, he would say the noises meant she'd stubbed her toe. Before he could abandon the simmering pots and pans on the stove and investigate, she returned with her laptop in hand.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"Showing you your Christmas present. I'm not sure if it's something you even want, but I know it's something you don't have."

A black and white photograph featuring a family of straight faces and the clothing of Jasper's youth appeared on the screen. An older woman sat at the center, surrounded by what Jasper assumed were her children and grandchildren.

"Do you recognize any of them?" Bella said.

Squinting, Jasper took a closer look at the woman in the middle. Something about the shape of her face was almost familiar, but it looked different than he expected — older. If he concentrated, he could almost picture her standing outside a white house, wringing her hands together as she watched him leave. The vision was clouded — too muddy and vague to be something that happened when he was a vampire.

"That's my mother," he said.

"Yeah, it is. I remembered you saying that you remembered her face, but knew nothing about what happened to your family after you were changed. I'm sure you could've found out before now, if you wanted, but—"

"No, it's great." Draping an arm over the back of her chair, he pulled up the seat next to her. "What do you know about everyone else?"

In all honesty, he'd never sought information about his human family due to the fear that he'd recognize one of his victims in a photograph. So many of his wild, thirsty newborn days had been spent in Texas. None of the faces on Bella's screen matched his fading mental yearbook of past meals.

"This is your brother," Bella said. "Ronald."

"No way."

Jasper's memories of his little brother were limited to a scrawny kid who tagged along after him like a shadow. This man who stood with his hand on the back of his mother's chair was a stranger.

"Yep. This was taken about twenty years after you were changed, so he's 34 or so here. That's his wife and kids. I got the picture from that baby's great grandson. Found him on an ancestry message board. He's a very chatty guy — and very into genealogy."

Ronald with babies. Madness.

"Your dad had passed away by the time this was taken, unfortunately," she said. "These are your sisters, Mary and Beatrice. Those three there are Beatrice's kids. Bob — that's the great grandson — sent me a bunch of information with all of their names and stuff. That's what I sent you, along with a copy of the photograph. And several bottles of Irn Bru and a jar of Marmite, of course."

"Oh, of course." Leaning down, he brushed his lips against her cheek. "Thank you."

"You're very welcome."

-oOo-

"Ugh, I'm _so_ full," Jasper said, propping his heels on the coffee table and placing his hands over his belly. "I don't think I can even look at another cookie."

"Agreed," Bella said with a groan. "I'll put them away. No more cookies. Possibly ever."

As she lumbered into the kitchen to hide the offending dessert from their sight, Jasper called after her.

"Do you want the rest of your presents now?" he asked.

"What?" With her hands on her hips, she marched back to the living room. "But you've already given me so—"

"Not from me. From my family."

"Oh." Pausing, she scratched her forehead. "They didn't go overboard, did they?"

Jasper laughed. "Have you _met_ Edward? Stay here; I'll get everything."

"Everything" went a long way toward explaining why Jasper's suitcase was so heavy. When he came back downstairs, he held two shopping bags full of gifts. The first bag contained a bracelet from Carlisle and Esme and a care package full of food from home sent by Emmett (with Rosalie's name tacked onto the card in the same angular handwriting).

That left an entire bag for Edward's gift. As she peeled back the crinkly plastic, Bella was met with colorful, distinctive cover art that she recognized in an instant.

She should have seen it coming. Once she'd revealed that she'd read a few Discworld novels, Edward had started asking questions about her favorite characters. Now, he'd given her ten new books — all about the witches, and all in paperback. She'd told him that was her preference.

Damn. All she got him was a giant tube of Jaffa Cakes. In fact, the most extravagant gift she bought for any of the Cullens, save Jasper, was a dirty pop-up book for Emmett. She knew it wasn't a contest, but still.

"I should call them," she said. "To say thank you."

Nodding, Jasper pulled up his contacts list on his phone and handed it to her as it dialed Edward's number. She started to protest that she could've used some of her Skype credit, but Edward's voice cut her off.

"Was she surprised?"

Bella smiled. "Yes, she was. And hello to you, too."

"Oh! Hello, Bella. Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas." She flipped through one of the novels, watching Jasper over the top of it as he moved to the kitchen to give her some privacy. "Thank you for the books."

"You're welcome. Is this my Christmas gift?"

"What, the phone call?"

"No, the absence of complaints about me buying you something."

Sprawling out on the floor, she put her legs on the couch. "No, it's not. Your gift is waiting for you in Seville."

"You didn't have to get me anything."

She let out a short bark of laughter. "Now who's protesting about gifts? Hypocrite. It's nothing big. Just something I know you like."

"Well, thank you."

"No problem."

Silence filtered through the connection. Bella shifted, stuffing a throw pillow beneath her head. The movement placed her hips at just the right angle on the hard floor to make her back give a satisfying _pop_. When she sighed, Edward did the same.

"Was Jasper's appearance a good surprise, then?" he asked.

"Yeah, it was. How are things there?"

"Not bad." More silence. "Bella?"

"Hmm?"

"I hope you have a wonderful Christmas."

-oOo-

"I wish we had snow," Bella said, extending her hands and looking up at the clear sky. "I only like snow at Christmas. Any other time it can just melt, as far as I'm concerned."

"I haven't seen any snow at all since my change," Jasper said. "I used to like it. I'm not sure how I'll feel now. Running through snowdrifts barefoot definitely won't be happening."

Together, they wandered down empty street after empty street. The city was quiet: a magical ghost town, locked up for the day. Bella held his arm and huddled close to guard against the cold.

Well, _mostly_ to guard against the cold.

"How many white Christmases have you seen?" she said.

"Hmm. No idea. Quite a few since I met the Cullens, but I couldn't give you an exact number."

"Are you starting to forget things?"

He shook his head. "Not the important stuff. But things like languages I learned by reading? Almost completely gone. I think I can count to three in Korean now. Maybe. Used to be fluent. I never use it, though, so it's fading fast. Irina barely remembers a word of her native language. She spent so long living in other places." Shrugging, he patted the hand she'd rested in the crook of his elbow. "There's just not enough room for everything we used to know. It's why Carlisle is going back to school. He wants to make sure he's competent before he tries practicing medicine."

"Makes sense." Squeezing his arm, she added, "I'm glad you can remember the important stuff."

She'd been referring to Alice, but he smirked and said, "Me too. It'd be a damn shame to forget your drunken e-mails."

As they rounded a corner onto a frosty street of crumbling brick houses, she drummed up the courage to slip her fingers down the inside of his arm and take his hand. It was nothing she hadn't done before, but taking his hand after the events of Christmas Eve seemed like an unspoken request for something deeper than friendship — deeper than this new nervous, circling dance. Her heart thudded, bracing itself for the shatter of rejection. Staring at their intertwined fingers, Jasper gave her a tiny smile.

"What was the weirdest thing about changing?" she asked to chase away the quiet.

Without hesitation, he said, "Peeing."

The chill in the air turned her surprised laugh into a cloud of steam. "Are you serious?"

"Yep. Peeing. I mean, I knew the change was coming, and I'd spent decades imitating humans. The other stuff was less shocking. We were all pretty prepared, except Garrett. He was our guinea pig. Vomiting was a bit of a surprise, too, now that I think of it. I expected it to be more like what we used to have to do to get rid of human food. Being without my gift and going to sleep were both pretty strange as well, but yeah. The first time I had to pee _really_ threw me off."

"I can imagine. As hopeless as I'm sure I'd be when it came to hunting, you probably had the bigger shock, going the other way."

"I don't know." Amusement flickered across his face. "There are definitely some things about that life that would've left you stunned, especially during the first couple of years."

"Well, I guess we'll never find out for sure."

He tightened his grip on her hand. "Let's hope not."

-oOo-

The 30th of December found Jasper and Bella on a five hour train journey. The farther north they got, the more Bella glued her gaze to the window, craning her neck to see the North Sea when it popped into view on the other side of the carriage. Once they reached their destination, she dragged her feet along Princes Street, gaping up at the castle that towered over the city like a mountain. Jasper wove through the throng of people, chattering as though he spent every day in Edinburgh. It was only due to his fingers wrapped around hers that she kept moving at all.

"Tonight there's the Torchlight Procession," he said. "Tomorrow, the street party. After we get checked into the hotel, do you want to walk around and explore for a bit?"

"Hell yes I do. Have you been here before?"

"Once, in the '90's." He kept his eyes focused on the path ahead. "With Alice."

"Oh." For reasons she didn't care to examine, her stomach sank.

"I've never been here for Hogmanay, though. We came during spring."

Bella quickened her pace, matching his long strides as too many thoughts cartwheeled through her head. Had Alice seen Bella and Jasper's friendship warming and sliding into something more?

Sympathy stung Bella's eyes. She couldn't stand the idea of her friend being forced to watch that future.

Jasper would always love Alice. Bella knew this. She wouldn't have it any other way. She loved Alice, too. But he'd spent the majority of his time since her death as a vampire — frozen and unbending.

Was he even ready for something beyond near kisses, flirting, and hand-holding?

-oOo-

Bobbing pinpoints of fire stretched along the road as far as Jasper could see, interspersed with the twinkle of Christmas lights and the blue glow of cell phones and cameras held aloft. The torch bearers passing in front of him and Bella were followed by an army of bagpipers and drummers.

"I had no idea bagpipes were so _loud_!" Bella said.

Laughing, he cupped his hands over her ears. Watching Bella drink up new experiences was like rewinding time, seeing everything through fresh eyes. With a faltering smile, she grabbed his wrists and anchored him there. When she tilted her chin up, Alice's locket peeked out from beneath her shirt. Dropping a hand to her collarbone, he traced his thumb around the familiar necklace.

Strange as the thought was, he knew Alice wouldn't object to him being with Bella. Hell, if he knew Alice at all, she probably arranged for it to happen in the event of her death: her own meddling version of a will, bequeathing her husband to her best friend.

Bella's fingers tangled with his, tapping against the locket. "You okay?" she said.

"Yeah." Moving her knitted hat out of the way, he dropped a kiss to her forehead. "I'm good."

-oOo-

"I feel so classy right now," Bella said with a laugh as she leaned over the sink in their hotel suite and poured champagne into two plastic water bottles. While alcohol was permitted at the street party where she and Jasper would ring in the New Year, glass containers were not. Bracing herself, she drank the dribble of champagne that wouldn't fit into the bottles. Liquid courage.

She had to know.

With a plastic bottle in each hand, she strolled past her own bedroom and flopped in the middle of the puffy duvet that covered Jasper's bed — just in time to catch a glimpse of his bare chest as he pulled on a t-shirt.

The next time she and Jasper took a trip together, it would be to a place where bundling up in layers of clothes wasn't a necessity. That would be her first New Year's resolution.

"Almost ready?" she said.

"Just about."

Reclining against the mountain of pillows, Bella watched him bustle around the room. The t-shirt got covered by a sweater, which in turn was hidden by his coat. When he perched on the bed to lace up his shoes, she let the words spill from her mouth in a rush.

"Do you think you'll start dating again, now that you're human?"

There. God, had it been this difficult with Austin? She remembered a stomach full of butterflies inspiring her to kiss him with very little thought about how it would impact their friendship.

Then again, Austin wasn't a widower.

Jasper cocked his head to one side. Drumming his fingers against his knees, he nodded.

"I do," he said, so quiet. "Even if I was still a vampire, I think I would have tried."

The grin that pulled at Bella's lips left her feeling as though she was lit from within — like his admission set off a spark somewhere deep inside her.

"Really?" she said.

"Yes." Springing to his feet, he offered her a hand. "Ready?"

-oOo-

Jasper glanced at his watch. An hour to go until midnight. Boisterous party-goers surrounded him on all sides. Bella smiled up at him, bright-eyed and shivering.

"C'mere," he said, unzipping his coat and holding it open to wrap around both of them when she snuggled close to his chest. After tucking a stray lock of hair behind her ear, he trailed his gloved fingertips over her cheek.

One hour shy of 169 years old, and he'd never made the first move. Maria had taken what she wanted. Alice had already known what they would be. The lingering touch of Bella's lips against his jaw settled the uncertainty simmering in his stomach.

He would talk to his brother tomorrow, come clean, and clear the air. It was well past time; he should've confessed his attraction to Bella before he made this trip. If he had, he could kiss her at midnight with a spotless conscience.

One kiss. Edward couldn't hate him for one kiss.

Grabbing his shoulders, Bella placed her mouth next to his ear and shouted to be heard over the din of the crowd.

"Just kiss me already," she said. "We'll figure the rest out later."

He didn't wait for the New Year to arrive. With 59 minutes left on the clock, he lowered his mouth toward hers. Their lips grazed against each other: whispery, teasing touches, barely closer than Christmas Eve. Beneath the shelter of his coat, she fisted her hands in his shirt and held tight.

A cold-fogged breath gusted over his skin. Cradling her face in his hands, he caught her lower lip between both of his. The complete newness of it shot through him — all heat and softness, with no tingle of foreign venom.

His first human kiss.

Quivering hands slipped around him, sliding down to rest low on his back. Bella's lips parted. Threading his fingers through her hair, he let his tongue brush against hers. The hint of champagne he could taste on her was the closest he'd come to having a drink all night, but his body didn't care. He still felt intoxicated.

God_damn_. How was he going to stop at one kiss? He could spend hours exploring this new connection, discovering ways to make her sigh and arch into him.

When he forced himself to draw back, his breath came in short bursts. Resting his forehead against hers, he let out a shaky laugh.

Okay, Edward might hate him for _that_ kiss.

Bella maintained her grip on him. She pressed her lips together as if trying to hold in the memory of his mouth on hers, make it last. Bella. He'd kissed _Bella_. The girl he almost killed. The woman who had become his best friend.

Life was funny.

"Out of curiosity," he said, dipping his head to kiss the spot just under her ear, "do you still think long-distance relationships are a bad idea?"

She grinned. "I'll risk it."

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: **__I chose Ronald for Jasper's brother's name because I read on the Twilight Wiki that it was the name SM originally chose for Jasper. Can you imagine? Ronald. I'm glad she changed her mind, lol. The chapter title is taken from "Auld Lang Syne." It means, "seas between us broad have roared." Also, I've been to Edinburgh, but it's been quite a few years since my last visit. And I've never gone there for Hogmanay, so apologies if I got something horribly wrong._


	23. Heart and Soul

**22. Heart and Soul**

This was not going to be pretty.

Jasper passed his phone from hand to hand, sliding a thumb across the cold screen to unlock it. Without hesitation, he opened his contacts list and tapped a finger against Edward's name. May as well get it over with.

The steady beat of the shower and Bella's voice, raised in song, provided a harmony for the ringing of Edward's phone. Jasper counted off each chime, reclining on the bed.

"Hello," Edward said after the seventh ring, sounding out of breath. "Happy birthday."

"Thanks. And hey, happy New Year. How are you?"

"All right, I suppose. Can't complain. How's Edinburgh?"

"Good. Good." Multicolored spots popped up on a field of black as Jasper rubbed the heel of his hand over his closed eyelids. "Listen, we need to talk."

For a moment, Jasper thought the call had been disconnected. Just as he was about to ask if Edward was still there, a sigh drifted through the line.

"Do we?" Edward said.

"Yes." A pause. "I kissed Bella."

He could have polished the words, given them a pretty sheen of apologies, but his brother knew him too well to believe clichés like _we didn't mean for it to happen._

Another sigh from Edward. "I wish I could say I was surprised. How serious is it?"

"I don't know just yet, but I want to find out."

The shower stopped. For a few moments, the only thing Jasper heard was Edward's breathing, always a second behind his own. When Edward finally spoke again, it was in a tumbling hurry — as though the question tore through his composure before he could contain it and smother it with politeness.

"Does she even know who you really are?"

"Do _you_?" Choking down the words _she does not want you_, Jasper willed his temper to cool. "Yes, she knows about my past, if that's what you're asking. Maria, the Wars — all of it. Has for years now."

Edward's voice went as flat as an emotional signature seen through Jasper's new body. "And she just accepted it."

"Of course she did. She's _Bella_."

This, at least, earned Jasper a sharp laugh from his brother, even if Edward tried to disguise it with a cough.

"Look," Jasper said, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you before something happened, but I'm not going to apologize for wanting to be with her."

"No? What would you say to me if the situation was reversed? If it was me with Alice?"

A laugh tickled the back of Jasper's throat. He could almost see the grimace that must have accompanied Edward's disgusted tone. In every way that mattered, Alice had always been Edward's sister.

"For fuck's sake," Jasper said. "Alice was my _wife_. What you had with Bella was intense, but it's not the same. You know it's not. I was with Alice for decades. And I have no idea what I'd say in that scenario. It's a bit difficult to imagine. If it made her happy, I'd like to think... I don't know for sure. I can guess what Alice would say about Bella and me, but I'm not as selfless as she was."

Edward scoffed. "No, you certainly aren't."

"Thanks." Frowning, Jasper struggled to piece together thoughts that seemed too unwieldy for his human brain. "Even if I wasn't in the picture, what did you think was going to happen?"

"Nothing. I accepted some time ago that I can't mend what I've broken where Bella is concerned." In the wake of a slow, ragged exhale, he added, "I have to go. We're flying home tomorrow, and I haven't even started packing."

"Okay. I guess I'll see you in a couple of weeks, then."

"Bye."

The connection went dead before Jasper could respond. Chucking his phone onto the nightstand, he tried to decide whether the conversation had gone better or worse than when he came clean about e-mailing Bella. While he mulled it over, the woman in question returned to him wrapped in flannel pajamas, her skin flushed and sweet-smelling.

"How'd it go?" she asked, rubbing her hair with a towel as she crawled across the bed to sit next to him.

"Not great."

Her hand settled over his knee. "I'm sorry."

"Nah. Don't worry about it."

"But I don't want to come between you two. I—"

"Bella, don't even start with that 'I'm not worth it' bullshit, okay? You are. I wouldn't be here if you weren't."

Laughing, she flung her wet towel onto his chest. "For your information, I wasn't going to. I've watched enough L'Oréal commercials. I know I'm worth it." With a roll of her eyes, she flipped her hair over her shoulder, speckling him with droplets of water. "I just wish I could do something to help."

Jasper smiled. "C'mere."

Running his hands up and down her sides, he pressed his lips to hers. Kissing her was like his first day as a human: every bit as surreal as learning how to move, how to breathe, how to think in an entirely new body.

Smiling against his mouth when their noses bumped, she tangled her legs together with his. "If you would've told me we'd end up here back when you answered my first e-mail, I never would've believed you. This is... my head is still spinning. You're _Jasper_."

"I'd better be." He traced a finger over the spot where her neck met her shoulder. "If I'm not, the real Jasper is going to kick my ass."

"Don't worry. I'll protect you. Or at least help you hide in the wardrobe while I distract him."

He snorted. "My hero."

-oOo-

From its place under his bed, the envelope Alice left in Edward's care seemed to call across the house: a brown paper and bubble wrap tell-tale heart. Whether he liked it or not, it was time to pass Alice's gift on to Jasper. If he was honest with himself, it had felt right for a while.

Alice had said he'd recognize it when he saw it. And here he was, holding back on fulfilling her dying wish because of petty jealousy.

The black and white keys took all of the punishment he pounded into them, responding with a thundering stream of music that set his head throbbing. Time was, unleashing his frustration on his piano would've left it in pieces. There were some advantages to being a human.

And some disadvantages. His vision blurred into wavering ribbons of light and color as he removed his glasses to rub away the smudges on the lenses. A pair of cool, soft hands covered his eyes the instant his glasses left his face.

Edward forced a smile. "Kaali, Irina."

"Kaali?" Her laughter floated around him as she nudged him to one side and flopped onto the piano bench. "That means _cabbage_."

He knew this, but it'd been nearly a decade since he saw her as amused and light and _Irina _as she was when he stumbled over his words during his Finnish lessons. Most of the time his mistakes were genuine, but now and then he purposely chose the wrong word.

"How was Alaska?" he asked.

"_Cold_, that's how." At his smothered chuckle, she shook her head. "I mean it. You have no idea. I almost begged one of my sisters to change me every time we left the house, just so the burn would warm me up. It was good to see everyone, though. You'd think after so many years with Kate and Tanya, I wouldn't miss them." Her fingertips breezed over the keys, picking out the left hand part of "Heart and Soul." Bumping her shoulder against his, she added, "So? What's wrong?"

"Is it that obvious?"

"Mm. Does it have anything to do with a certain former vampire's trip to the UK?"

Grumbling, Edward joined in with the melody. "Emmett has a big mouth."

"Ordinarily, yes, but I managed to work this one out all on my own. I didn't even have to know the girl to see it coming." A slip of her fingers brought a giggle bubbling from her mouth; apparently she found her own mistakes as amusing as his. "Oops. Wait, stop for a second."

Edward folded his hands in his lap. Drawing her eyebrows together and pursing her lips, Irina fought to maintain the steady repetition of _buhm-buh duh-duhm, buhm-buh duh-duhm_.

"It's a myth, you know," she whispered as he tapped out _heart and soul, I fell in love with you heart and soul_.

"Your sense of rhythm?" he said.

One corner of her mouth pulled up. "No. Well, possibly, but I was referring to this notion you have that you will never love anyone else — that just because she was the first in so many years, she'll also be the last. Your heart is more resilient than that, little cabbage."

Little cabbage. Oh, please let her never again call him that. Especially with Emmett nearby.

"Are we still talking about me?" he said.

"Hmm. Mostly. First love is tricky. It's the nostalgia, I think, that makes it linger. I still feel for my first, you know? Well, of course you do. You know better than anyone."

He did. Laurent wasn't the first man to win Irina's love; he was simply the first she'd hoped to keep for longer than a few seasons. The first vampire. Before him, two human men had each carried a piece of her heart beating in their chests. Deep, affection-laced memories used to flutter through her thoughts when she encountered a certain type of flower, a scrap of threadbare linen, a water-beaded can of beer, a poem written on scratchy parchment.

"Why did you never change them?" he asked.

"Why did you never change _her_?" She shrugged. "I didn't hate that life — not like you did. Not until after Laurent. I suppose I just wanted other things for them. Growing old, changing." Her rhythm faltered again. "Having children. Never looking back over close to a millennium of the mothers and fathers and sisters and sons who became their victims. I still remember the number. So many things have faded, but growing a conscience... that will stay with you."

He nodded. "I remember mine, too. I never wanted that for Bella."

"There you go. And you succeeded, yes? She is enjoying a human life, seeing the world, falling in love with a good man..."

This time, it was Edward's fingers that skidded onto the wrong keys. He tried again, but his hands were like a pair of clubs, mashing at the piano. Instead of laughing at him, Irina played all of the keys between her right hand and his left, ending by linking her pinky with his.

"That's the problem, isn't it?" she said. "You don't want her, but you don't want her to be with Jasper, either. Is it because he's your adopted brother, or because he used to be dangerous?"

Rubbing his aching temples, he swiped a hand across his sweaty forehead. "I don't know."

"It'll be okay. I promise. Everything passes. Everything. You're so young—"

"I'm 112."

"And you are speaking to someone who is old enough to have inspired legends." With a laughing squeeze of his arm, she scooted closer. "Your body is 18, so be young while you look young. Meet girls. Explore your options. Break hearts. Be a boy for a change, old man."

Outside, the sun peeked out from behind a mountain of gray, rolling clouds. The light shot straight to the throbbing pain behind Edward's eyes. He winced.

"I don't want to explore my options," he said. "Even if I did find someone attractive, how could I bring a new person into this situation? If I tried, I'd be forever on edge, waiting for the other shoe to drop — for the Volturi to come knocking on our door. It wouldn't be fair to be with anyone unless I could tell her my entire history, and who would believe me without proof? Only a woman who already knew about vampires. If — _if_ — I was interested in looking, where would I find someone like that?"

Irina smirked. "Darling, if you're trying to propose, you should at least get on bended knee."

Bashful heat flooded into his face. "You've been spending too much time around Tanya."

"I'm sorry, but it's too much fun to tease you when you cannot see it coming," she said with a chuckle. "One of these days the novelty of you not being able to read my mind will wear off. Maybe. As for the _Volturi_..." Her expression darkened as she spat out the last word, then melted into concern when Edward swayed forward. "Edward? Are you all right?"

"I'm not sure. I feel... I don't know. So strange. My head hurts."

Pressing a hand to his forehead and cheeks, she knit her eyebrows together. "You're very warm, and you're pale as a vampire. Maybe you're getting ill? I suppose one of us had to get the flu eventually."

He let out a mirthless laugh. "The last time that happened, it didn't go so well for me."

"Tsk. Don't say things like that. Why don't you go lie down and rest for a bit?"

Rest sounded just short of bliss, so he let Irina fuss over him and ferry him down the hall to his bedroom. Just before he collapsed between the sheets, he dug into the dusty box beneath his bed, grabbed the envelope for Jasper, and set it on his nightstand.

He would give it to his brother when they next met, first thing. With that decided, he closed his eyes and let sleep take him.

-oOo-

_**From:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**To: **__Edward Cullen  
><em>_**Date:**__ 01/03/2014_

_I don't know if you'll even want to hear from me right now, but I'm sitting on a train, waiting to head back to Nottingham, and I can't stop thinking about everything I want to say. _

_Don't worry; this isn't going to be a plea for you to talk to Jasper. You'll do that in your own time. I don't think for a second that I'm so special that a friendship that has been going twice as long as I've been alive could end over me._

_It's just... I realized that you and I have been e-mailing off and on for months, and I never told you that I forgave you. So, for what it's worth, I did — a long time ago. I still don't agree with how_ _you left, but it doesn't matter now. Even though it was a lot harder, I also forgave you for keeping the news of Alice's death from me. __I really do hope we can be friends. And I promise I'm not just saying all of this to put you on the fast-track to forgiving Jasper. _

_I honestly thought you were over any romantic feelings for me, but just in case I was wrong: I'm so sorry if I hurt you._

_Happy New Year._

— _Bella_

-oOo-

As the train lurched forward, Bella shoved her phone into the front pocket of her bag in the overhead rack. With her e-mail to Edward complete, she opened the crossword she'd bought prior to their departure and settled down next to Jasper.

"Everything okay?" he said, lifting the arm rest between them so they could sit closer.

"Yep. I'm good."

They drifted into silence. Now and then, he leaned over for a quick kiss, as if to reaffirm that he could. His hand rested on her leg, his fingers drawing slow circles on her knee.

When they reached Leeds, Bella took a second look at her crossword and laughed. No wonder so many of her answers didn't fit. She'd been so focused on the weight and warmth of his hand, she'd tried to use American spellings.

-oOo-

Edward's feet flew over a rain-slicked highway. The forest provided a wall on either side of him: thick and green and impenetrable. His head ached and his limbs felt like weights around his torso, but he pressed on, racing faster than any car he'd ever driven.

"Edward?" a soft, feminine voice said. "Are you awake? I made you soup."

Bright light sliced through night sky as he leapt over a car full of Sunday drivers. Crying out, he sheltered his eyes from the piercing sun.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Fingers like snow closed over his arm. "Jesus! You're burning up. Edward? Can you hear me?"

Her voice gurgled into a cloudy murmur, as if heard through water. Edward kept running under a kaleidoscope sky of light and dark, his wet clothes sticking to his skin. Footsteps pounded behind him. Looking back, his stomach dropped as his gaze locked onto a pair of violet eyes. Red with blue contacts. Heidi. The Volturi. He had to keep running, had to warn his family.

"Carlisle!"

A logging truck barrelled toward him, three times as wide as it should have been. Trees and cars splintered and crumbled to sparkling dust in its path. Heidi's power reached out, curling around his heart and tempting him to follow her. He couldn't. If she took him to Volterra, Aro might touch his hand, see everything. He couldn't let it happen. With a shout that made his throat creak, he jumped in front of the truck. Dazzling flashes of memory seared his mind: a century of life condensed into minutes.

His mother's face. Carlisle's gentle guidance and friendship. Esme welcoming him home without censure. Rosalie's fire, always burning contrary to his own.

Pain ruptured the visions, shrieked through his neck and turned him inside-out. Someone tilted his chin toward his chest. With something between a whimper and a scream, he lashed out at the cruel, experienced hands that cradled his head.

"Irina, call an ambulance."

Still, Heidi called to him, weaving irresistible promises into her voice. The logging truck roared closer.

Emmett's booming laugh. Jasper sitting back and observing the world. Silent conversations with Alice.

Alice. Alice. Alice.

Bella's blush. Leah's blood. Garrett's heartbeat.

A giggling, off-beat rendition of "Heart and Soul" stretching on forever.

Impact.

-oOo-

"Have you seen my phone?" Jasper said, patting his pockets as they meandered along the route to Bella's house. "I think I might've left it at the hotel."

"Hold on, I'll try ringing it," she said, rummaging around in her bag. "What the hell? I have ten... _eleven_ missed calls — all from your family."

As if on cue, her phone vibrated with yet another incoming call.

"Hello?" she said. "Hey, I was just... Yeah, he's with me, sorry. He can't find his — wait, what? Em... Emmett, slow down. I can't understand you." Her hand dropped from Jasper's and trembled toward her open mouth, her voice pitching into a high whisper. "_What_? How serious... Oh, God. Is he going to be okay? Are... Of course. Okay. We — _fuck_. My passport's at home. We'll have to go there first. Yeah. As soon as we can. Bye."

"What's going on?" Jasper asked, his chest tightening and his skin prickling in a new, alarming way that reminded him of the watery-mouthed plummet toward carsickness.

"We have to go to Spain," she said, gripping his arm as she delivered the news. "Edward's in the hospital."


	24. Undertow

**23. Undertow**

A white taxi with an orange diagonal stripe across the back door carried Bella and Jasper onto the clogged, buzzing motorway. He glanced over his shoulder at the airport — at the giant blue letters on the roof that spelled out _Sevilla_. Before he left it for the UK, this city had finally started to feel like something close to home. A handful of days later, and it had morphed back into an alien land.

He didn't know what to do, how to help. There was nothing to _fight_. He couldn't fix this.

Next to him, Bella pinched her eyes shut and held his hand in a white-knuckled grip. Her other arm was propped against the door, holding her phone to her ear.

"Dad," she said, "I just... Well, I had to! He's really sick, and... Dad. DAD. No, Edward and I are just friends. A few months, but I've been talking to Jasper since... Jasper is his brother. It's a long story, and we're on our way to the hospital now, so... I don't know. I hope so. Yeah." She snorted. "No, you absolutely cannot. Because he has enough to worry about without you threatening him. I know you, that's how. Okay. I will. Bye."

"Did he ask to speak to me?" Jasper said as she ended the call.

"Yep. I've told my mom all about you, but Charlie... not so much. I will, though. Now just didn't seem like the right time."

Twisting around so her bent leg rested on the seat between them, she combed her fingers through his hair and locked her gaze onto his: a silent version of, "How are you holding up?"

"I never thought about this," he said. "Not really. Carlisle did, a little. He had us get the vaccinations we missed, but I was so busy worrying about old friends and..." he shot a look at the back of the cab driver's head, "the _Italians_, I never thought..."

"Hey," Bella said, "that's normal. If everyone really thought about all of the things that could go wrong, they'd never live. They'd lock themselves up in padded, sterilized rooms and never venture outside." She frowned. "And then they'd probably die in a house fire, because life has a vicious sense of humor that way."

For the first time since Emmett's call, Jasper cracked a smile. "Thanks for coming with me," he said.

She kissed his cheek, her lips lingering on his skin. "Anytime."

-oOo-

In a blur of rapid-fire conversations that stretched well beyond Bella's faltering high school Spanish, Jasper located his family inside the hospital. Bella raced toward Esme, pulling her into a hug. Aside from the warmth and softness, it felt almost like embracing a vampire. Esme's hold was breath-stealing.

Jasper went straight for Carlisle.

"How is he?" Jasper said.

Bella stroked Esme's back. She wished Carlisle was Edward's doctor — not Carlisle the human, but Carlisle the vampire, with his flawless memory bursting with centuries of medical knowledge. He was the best. Closing her eyes, she willed him to say, "He'll be fine," but all she heard were phrases like, "meningitis," and, "catheter in his skull to relieve the pressure," and "abscesses on the base of his brain," and "extremely critical condition."

"What are his chances?" Jasper said. "Do you think he'll pull through this?"

Carlisle rubbed his puffy, reddened eyes. "I don't know. The next 48 hours are critical. I have hope, but even if he survives..."

"Why don't you call Tanya?" Bella said, forcing the words over the lump of a stifled sob. "If she changes—"

"Over my dead body," a girl said.

Bella hadn't taken any notice of her until that moment; her tunnel vision revealed only Cullens. The girl leapt from her seat next to Emmett, marching toward Bella with a glare. Her light brown hair was gathered up in a messy ponytail, a hint of white-blond at the roots sneaking through her Jasper-enforced disguise. Alice-small and pretty, she didn't look a day over sixteen.

No introduction was required. This had to be Irina.

Esme turned from Bella to touch Irina's arm. "She doesn't—"

"_No_," Irina said. "He wouldn't want it. I swear I'll kill anyone who tries. I have far more practice at it than any of you."

With a raised eyebrow, Jasper moved to Bella's side and took her hand. His thumb brushed back and forth against the inside of her wrist.

"Say that a little louder, why don't you?" Emmett said with a roll of his eyes, tugging on the end of Irina's ponytail.

Carlisle cleared his throat. "Threats aside," he said, "he wouldn't want us to seek Tanya's assistance in this matter. I'm certain of it."

"But it's not _fair_," Bella said. She remembered making a similar declaration to Charlie in some other life, under the weight of some other pain. Even to her own ears, the words sounded as childish as they had then. "This — this life — it's all he ever wanted, and now he might die before he gets to really experience it? There are so many things he hasn't... It's _not fair_. Leah can fix it once he's—"

"We don't know that." Placing his hands on her shoulders, Carlisle drew her close and dropped his voice to a whisper. "Leah has stopped phasing. Completely. We don't know if the effect would be the same, or if any of the other Quileutes would be an adequate substitute. We don't know if Tanya and her family would be able to control him and get him to drink the antidote before someone got hurt. I'm not willing to gamble. He wouldn't want me to. Not with you in the world. You are very fortunate that you met him when he had years of practice controlling himself, Bella. If it had happened when he was younger, I promise you would not be standing here today."

"I don't care! I live in another country. I'll take the risk."

Jasper's fingers tightened around hers.

"I'm sorry," Carlisle said. "Before we changed, I asked him what I should do if anything went wrong. This time, I gave him a choice. He said no. I won't go against his wishes."

Bella shrank back, resting her head against Jasper's chest. Carlisle was right. She was well-acquainted with Edward's opinions on the subject. It was, after all, why he'd left her. His mantra during their brief relationship had always been, "Stay human at all costs. Never turn into a soulless monster." But so far, he'd only played at being human.

Her mind screamed naive lies that she wouldn't have believed at the age of 17, much less 26. Edward couldn't die. Boyish first loves didn't die. Grandmothers, middle-aged men who ate too much fish fry — _they_ died. Edward had too much living left to do. Second and even third or fourth loves, if he wasn't too obstinate to accept them. Gray hairs. Wrinkles. A wedding bursting with roses, with Bella there to congratulate him. Copper-haired babies.

A single stitch in her chest popped loose. Something deep inside her felt parched and wasted: the forest after a fire, waiting for spring.

_Alice,_ she thought, _tell me you saw him surviving this. Come on. Send someone a letter, a package, an obscure hint. Anything. A fucking post-it with a smiley face. Please. Tell me you saw this coming and you know how it'll end._

Jasper wrapped his arms around her, his hands shaking ever-so slightly. Bella touched his cheek. If Jake had once been the sun to her, then Jasper was like water. She knew the Cullens' pain — _Jasper's_ pain — if Edward didn't pull through would be sharper than hers, honed by decades of companionship. She longed to whisper assurances in his ear: steady, calm repetitions of that timeless lie, "It'll be okay." She could be like the rain for him, too.

She opened her mouth to attempt it when the ringing of her phone sliced through the buzz of activity in the hospital. Bella cringed. Of course, she_ would _have to be standing underneath a picture of a phone with a red line through it when someone decided to call her. Glancing down at the screen with the intention of dismissing it, she paused at the sight of the mishmash of numbers that signaled a caller from the US.

"Go ahead," Jasper said, kissing her temple and motioning toward the exit.

Under the reproachful stare of a receptionist, Bella ran outside and answered her phone.

"Hello?"

"Hey," Jake said. "So, Sarah has developed this new habit of peeing in her closet. I mean, right there on the floor like a dog. Always in the same spot. That's normal, right?"

Swiping her free hand over her face, she released a little cough of a laugh. "You're asking the wrong person. I have no idea what is normal when it comes to kids."

"I know. I just thought you could use the laugh. She really is doing that, though. Annoys Jess to no end." His voice gentled. "How are you doing, honey?"

"Ah." Resting her lower back against the brick wall of the hospital, she bent her knees in a modified version of the chair-sits she used to loathe in elementary school P.E. "You heard?"

"Talked to Leah a little while ago. I think she's actually _worried_. She punched me when I called her a leech-lover. You'd think she'd be used to hearing it, considering her imprint. Almost broke her hand, too. Guess she forgot she's a puny human now."

"Or she thought it was worth the pain to hit you."

"Hmm, yeah, that's probably closer to the truth. So? Don't think I didn't notice that you didn't answer my question."

"I'm so damn worried I can hardly think straight." The sting of tears fighting to escape pulsed through her in a smothering wave. Steadying her breath and stomping her feet as if she could crush the impending sobs under her heels, she added, "Can we please talk about something else?"

"Like what?"

"I don't care. Anything. Just distract me for a minute."

"Um. Oh! I've been thinking about going back to being a puny human myself."

"You have? Really?"

"Yeah. Next year, sometime. Aside from me, only Embry, Quil, Seth, Collin, and Brady are left. Embry isn't ready to be Alpha, but hell, I wasn't, either. He'll learn. If Leah hadn't stopped phasing, it would've been her when I stepped down. Can you imagine her bossing all of them around? She might've started to actually enjoy being a wolf."

"Maybe." Bella let out a shaky laugh, waiting for the wailing siren of an ambulance to fade into the distance. She dusted off an old habit in the recesses of her mind and crossed her fingers for whomever the ambulance was racing to save, like she used to do when she was a kid. "Listen, I should get back. Thanks, Jake."

"Anytime. Call if you need anything."

"Will do. Bye."

As she tucked the phone into her pocket, Jasper appeared. He crossed the expanse of pavement between them without a word, wedging himself between her body and the wall so that her back rested against his chest.

"Funny how some things don't change," he said after a few moments. His arms enveloped her, strong and reassuring. "In there, just now, you reminded me very much of the girl who gave me the slip in Phoenix and ran off to sacrifice herself for her mother."

She traced a path over his wrist, watching the goosebumps that sprang up in the wake of her touch. "It's funny how some things _do_ change," she said.

His mouth curved up against her neck — almost a smile.

"You'd really do it, wouldn't you?" he said after a few moments. "Risk your life to save his."

"Of course I would. I'd do as much for any of you."

"I don't think you realize how uncontrollable and thirsty we — err, _they_ are during the first few years." Shivers trembled down her spine when he dragged a finger over the pulse point in her neck. "Anyone with a heartbeat would be a temptation, but you? He wouldn't have a hope of resisting."

"I know that, but how much of a risk would it be if we were on opposite sides of the world? He can't smell me if I'm in the UK and he's in Alaska or wherever."

"Hmm. I don't think he'd see it that way. He told us he never wanted a newborn him to exist in the same world as you."

"Yeah, well. He's stubborn."

"Let's hope so."

In silence, they swayed back and forth as if to some unheard, slow music. The air around them charged, thick with the promise of a storm.

"It'd kill him if that happened, you know," Jasper said. "If he was the way he used to be and he ran into you, he'd never forgive himself. He might not be my biggest fan right now, but I imagine he'd still end up with twice the guilt when all was said and done."

"Why twice the guilt?"

A shudder ran through his body and his voice. "Because he would damn well have to go through me to get to you."

The tears finally won the battle. Sniffling, she turned in his arms to face him. Work-roughened fingers wiped the moisture from her cheeks.

"Don't cry," he said. "Sweetheart, I—"

At the sound of the word _sweetheart_, she started. As far as she could remember, he'd never called her anything close to it, save for a sarcastic "oh baby, oh baby" during a sleepy phone call. Biting his lower lip, he gave her a shy half-smile. She kissed him, quick and sweet, taking a breath to relish the novelty of hearing his voice form endearments intended for her.

Strange, to be both excited about her new relationship and frightened for Edward. Like two different Bellas, warm and cold, walking around in the same skin.

"It'll be okay," she said. "Do you want to go back in there?"

"No. And yes. I asked if we could see him. We can, but we'll have to wear gloves and masks." He gave her a squeeze. "Do you want to?"

"No. And yes." Balancing on her tiptoes, she stole one last kiss and dashed the remaining tears from her eyes. "Let's go."

-oOo-

Blackness surrounded him — something deeper than the darkness of sleep. There was nothing: no passage of time, no parade of dreams.

"Odotan sinua takaisin. Kulkisimme kaikki tutut paikat ja ne tuntuisivat minusta melkein uusilta."

A gloved hand grasped his unresponsive fingers for as long as it was allowed. Different voices whirled into the room, unheard by its occupant.

"I should have bought him roses."

"Roses?"

"They're his favorite." An imitation of a laugh wrapped around his numb skin. "Don't tell Rosalie." Gentle fingers smoothed his sheets. "Do you think he can hear us?"

"I don't know. Maybe. He'd be more qualified than me to answer that question. He went to medical school a couple of times. Probably read the thoughts of a patient in a similar state at least once. I'm sure Carlisle knows."

"Well, I hope he can. Except maybe that part about the roses. I probably wasn't supposed to tell you, either."

"My lips are sealed. If... _when_ he gets better, I promise I will say nothing of it."

Words continued to flow over his body in wispy murmurs. Not one sank in.

-oOo-

"No Rosalie?" Bella said, sitting next to Emmett. "I haven't seen her once since I got here."

He shook his head. "She took the antibiotics they gave us and checked into a hotel. Didn't want to risk hanging around the hospital."

"Can't say I blame her."

Bella's paper cup full of bitter coffee warmed her fingers, the steam curling around her face. Risking a sip, she wrinkled her nose. Tension bunched up in her shoulders and at the base of her neck. Her over-caffeinated body jittered, her mind at once too sharp and too sleepy. Emmett leaned back in his chair, folding his hands behind his head. His t-shirt stretched tight over his stomach. Any other time, Bella would've smiled. In the months since she last saw him, he had developed what looked to be the beginning of a beer belly.

"How's it going, kiddo?" he said.

At this, she did smile. "Isn't it supposed to be me who asks you that question and tries to lift your spirits?"

"You think so? Hmm." He scratched his chin. "Well, if you want to cheer me up, be my guest. I don't think it'll be easy to talk Rose into a three-way, but—"

Breaking off his suggestion with a laugh and an eyebrow waggle, he dodged her fist as it hurtled toward his shoulder. Irina approached them, tentative smile and peace-offering pastries in tow.

"Hello," she said to Bella in a low voice. "I'm supposed to go by the name Alexandra in public, but you know who I am anyway, yes? Would it sound insincere if I told you that it is nice to finally meet you?"

"Nah," Bella said, motioning for Irina to take the seat next to her. "It's nice to meet you, too. I understand why you said everything you said. It _is_ what he'd want."

"But you disagree with his opinion on the matter?"

Bella shrugged. "Some things never change, I guess. I just want him to get better."

"Me too."

-oOo-

Jasper's house greeted Bella's weary feet with a soft layer of sawdust. Broken tiles and empty cans of paint lay scattered across tables like decorative candles. A mountain of drop cloth blanketed furniture was the centerpiece of the room, surrounded by hammers, wrenches, and saws.

"Sorry about the mess," he said. "Wasn't exactly expecting company. It's too bad Rose and Em haven't moved into their new place yet. It doesn't need nearly as much work as this, and it has a guest room. But there's always Esme and Carlisle's if you'd rather—"

"I want to be here."

He smiled. "Okay. Um, you can use the upstairs bathroom to change. It's closer to being finished. Haven't installed the shower yet, but there's a tub if you want to take a bath. I'll use the one down here."

Following his directions, Bella climbed the stairs to a white and black tiled bathroom. Too exhausted to unearth her own shampoo and soap from her bag but feeling the effects of sitting in train stations, airports, and the hospital, she ran a scalding bath and lathered her hair with the Jasper-scented contents of a blue bottle. The hot water turned her skin pink as she scooted down along slippery porcelain until only her face remained above the surface.

She might have dozed off there, cocooned in quiet, if the thumping creak of Jasper's feet on the stairs hadn't alerted her to his approach. After drying herself with a fluffy white towel that felt soft enough to be used as a pillow, she shrugged into her pajamas. It seemed a curiously intimate sort of thing to place her toothbrush in the holder next to the mirror when she was through with it.

She found him closing the bedroom curtains, yellow lamplight glinting off of the dark blond hair on his arms and chest. Seconds after she crawled beneath the sheets on his wide bed, he joined her, turning off the light and opening his arms.

"Do you feel guilty?" she whispered as she snuggled close to him.

"No." His answer was immediate, delivered without the request for clarification she'd expected. Angling his body so their chests pressed together, he added, "Do you?"

"No. I regret the timing, maybe, but nothing else."

"Good."

His lips found hers in the dark, his fingers drifting up and down her ribcage.

"G'night," she said through a yawn as he pulled back.

"Night, sweetheart."

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN:**__ The passage that begins "Odotan sinua..." is a Finnish poem by Risto Rasa. The Internet tells me this is the English translation: "I await your return. We'd walk through all the familiar places and they would seem almost new to me." Why I chose to have Irina teach Edward Finnish when I know no one who speaks the language, I will never know._


	25. The Rain

**24. The Rain**

Jasper blinked until the red-haloed numbers on his alarm clock became clear. 9:23. Just over thirty minutes until Emmett was due to take him and Bella back to the hospital. No time to catch up on the sleep his body craved. No time to turn his bed into the whole of his world, hiding out with Bella and forgetting everything that existed outside the sheets.

Bella lay on her stomach, her breaths slow and even. His hand splayed possessively across her lower back, over the stripe of skin between her t-shirt and her pajama bottoms. Pushing the sheet down to her hips, he dipped his head and feathered kisses along her abacus tattoo, as if belatedly soothing the sting of the needle.

Bella — not so asleep as she appeared — squirmed and giggled. "That tickles," she said. "You need to shave."

"You think so?" Grasping her waist, he rubbed his scruffy jaw against her skin. "Maybe I should grow a beard like Emmett's."

When she wriggled around and braced her hands against his shoulders, he let her shove him onto his back. It didn't take much convincing, really. Her knees settled on either side of his abdomen as she pinned him to the mattress and graced him with a beautiful smile.

"Maybe I should grow my leg hair like Emmett's," she said.

"Only if you get the chest hair to match." Gently, he brought a handful of her hair around to rest over her heart. "Yep. Sexy."

"I'm not sure how I should feel that the first time you called me _sexy_, you were trying to make me look more like Emmett."

"Hey, the heart wants what the heart wants."

As he spoke, his hand belied his teasing words by skimming along the side of her breast. The billowing green fabric of her t-shirt concealed the shape of the soft flesh beneath his fingertips. He may as well have worn a blindfold.

Bella shivered. "Chest hair comment aside, I really want to kiss you right now, but I'm afraid of morning breath."

He grinned. "Likewise. We should get up, anyway. Emmett will be here soon, and he has a tendency to let himself in without knocking."

Sure enough, once they'd taken turns brushing their teeth and getting dressed, Emmett's voice rang out from downstairs, announcing his arrival. They found him leaning against one of the freshly painted living room walls, tapping a padded envelope against his knee.

"Hey, man," Emmett said, his smile twitching into something more uncertain when he saw Bella. "Um, I found something in Edward's room. It's for you. It's just... if it was me, I would've wanted..." His gaze slid toward Bella. "I'll put it in the kitchen or something. You can look at it later."

With a hand on his brother's arm, Jasper stopped his retreat to the kitchen and snatched the envelope out of his hand. A faded pink Post-It note fluttered to the ground like a dead leaf. Alice's bubbly handwriting stared up at him.

_Give this to Jasper when the time is right. You'll know it when you see it. XOXO._

"Oh," was all he could say.

"It was on his end table," Emmett said, gesturing to the envelope. "I guess the time was starting to look right."

Bella bent at the waist, picking up the Post-It and running her finger along the hugs and kisses as if returning the affection to their writer.

"Come on," she said, tugging on Emmett's elbow. "You can show me around the neighborhood, and we'll buy something for breakfast."

With a squeeze of Jasper's hand and a soft kiss pressed to his cheek, she slipped her feet into her shoes. Emmett trailed close behind as she scurried outside. Jasper watched them through the window. The sun highlighted Bella's hair with red. Emmett flung his bulky arm around her shoulder, whispering something that made her elbow connect with his ribs. Once they rounded the corner, Jasper tipped the envelope upside down. A shiny silver circle speckled with pink marker hearts slid into his palm.

A CD. Alice had left him a CD.

He moved as if in the hazy depths of a dream, arriving at the CD player on the kitchen counter without fully realizing how he got there. Nervous energy tingled up his spine and down his arms as he put the CD in place and hit 'play.'

He felt like a thief, stealing this piece of his late wife before Edward was fully ready to give it.

"I have this theory," Alice's voice said, as though picking up in the middle of a conversation he didn't remember starting. "See, I've been thinking a lot about mates. Well, when Edward isn't around. I've never believed in fate — not really. I've seen too many possible futures die out before they come to pass to think that anyone has only one possible destiny. But I do believe that you and I were meant to be. My theory is that vampires have mates because they're frozen at one age forever, and only something monumental can change them. That version of me — the 19-year-old with no memory of her human life — was perfect for the 20-year-old you. That we actually managed to find each other is as close to fate as anyone can get.

"Humans have their own brand of destiny — even shakier than ours. They may meet that person who is their ideal match, but they change so easily. Once in a while, if they're very lucky, they end up becoming even better suited to each other as they change together. And sometimes they need a little push to even get started. I hope Edward gives this to you when he should. If he knows what's good for him, he will. Oh, and if our dear brother and a certain not-so-young lady take too long to get their act together, promise me you'll play this CD for him as well. You'll know who I mean before too much longer, if you don't already.

"If I don't make it through this battle, you're going to have a new destiny. Believe me, I'm going to try to live. I'm going to fight. But if you're listening to this..." Her voice trembled into muted, shaky gasps. "I love you. I love _her_. I do. So, I guess there's only one thing left to say."

And then, she started singing. It took Jasper a few moments to recognize the tune. Of the thousands of films he'd seen as a vampire, those made by Disney were not among those he chose to commit to memory as a human. It wasn't until the end of the first verse that a laugh exploded from his mouth.

"And you don't know why but you're dying to try. You wanna kiss the girl."

Alice even put mimicked the accent of the cartoon crab who sang the original: the final, cheesy touch on a masterpiece that was so overwhelmingly _Alice_, he had to smile.

"You're a bit late on that one, darlin'," he said to the empty space left behind when her voice stopped. "Guess you couldn't see everything."

Two minutes slipped by, silence the only answer to his words. Leaning forward, he propped his forearms on the cold granite of the countertop.

"Boo!" Alice said, her laugh harmonizing with his startled curse. "Sorry. I couldn't resist. Love you."

The CD player whirred back to the beginning of the single track. Jasper stopped it.

Alice had said nothing of Edward's illness. He hadn't expected her to, but a sliver of hope had worked its way under his skin. If she'd seen it coming, she would have warned them.

He busied his too-full mind with tidying all of the things he hadn't bothered with before his trip to the UK. By the time Emmett and Bella returned, Jasper had managed to sweep the living room and put all of the broken tiles into a box that he was sure he'd forget almost immediately after shoving it into his loft on the off-chance that the tiles might prove useful someday.

"Hey," Bella said, kissing his shoulder on her way to the fridge. "You hungry?"

Lingering in the archway that led to the front of the house, Emmett crossed his arms and watched her make herself at home in Jasper's kitchen. Neither of them mentioned the delivery from Alice.

"I could eat," Jasper said, nodding toward her canvas shopping bag. "What'd you get?"

"Fruit, mostly." Pausing, she popped a purple-black grape into her mouth. "I still need to convert some pounds to euros. Didn't even think of that, so Em had to pay. I picked everything out, though. If I'd left it up to him, we'd be eating ice cream. We also got bread and milk and butter. And coffee, since I doubted you'd have any and I need some that isn't that sludge they have at the hospital. Do you want any toast or anything? I could make some, if you still need a minute. I'll even touch Marmite for you."

Instead of answering her, Jasper took Alice's advice. He curled a finger beneath Bella's chin, tilted her face up, and kissed the girl.

-oOo-

The next three days passed much as the first one had. Waiting. Coffee. Waiting. Magazines and crosswords and whispered worries. Waiting. Reminding Esme to eat and drink and take her prescribed course of antibiotics. Waiting.

Jasper and Emmett — and, on one occasion, Irina — translated for Bella, but the subtle shift of Carlisle's expressions became her true barometer for judging the progress of Edward's condition. Carlisle knew more than any of them — possibly more than Edward's doctors, if he'd retained even a third of his medical experience as a vampire. She dreaded the moments when he sought out a quiet corner to clasp his hands together and bow his head. Once or twice, Emmett joined him and surprised Bella by crossing himself.

The mental image of a younger, even more mischievous Emmett as an altar boy made her smile.

On the fourth day, Bella could put off her return to Nottingham no longer. Leaving the antiseptic crawl of the hospital behind for the bustle of the airport felt like stepping into another world — another life.

"Call me when you land," Jasper said, holding her tight.

"I will. Ugh. The real world should just go away. I'd like to keep laboring under the delusion that the long distance part of our long distance relationship is never going to happen."

"Me too."

He kissed her like he'd never stop — like it wasn't any sort of goodbye.

"I'll see you soon," he said.

She forced a smile. "See you."

-oOo-

_**From:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**To:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**Date:**__ 01/10/2014_

_Edward update: His kidneys aren't doing too well on the stronger antibiotics. He's on dialysis now._

_My phone arrived today, so you can start sending me text messages again. Out of curiosity, is it always so difficult for humans to fall asleep on their own once they start to grow accustomed to sharing a bed?_

_Love,  
><em>_Jasper_

-oOo-

_**From:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**To:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**Date:**__ 01/10/2014_

_Oh, no. I'm hoping and hoping and hoping that all of this will pass and he'll end up happy and healthy. _

_Does all of this make you regret your decision to become human? I've been wondering. If it was you in Edward's position, would you want to be changed back?_

_Yeah, I think it's pretty standard to have trouble falling asleep when the bed feels too empty. I'm having the same problem. Is it Easter yet?_

_Love,  
><em>_Bella_

-oOo-

_**From:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**To:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**Date:**__ 01/10/2014_

_I wouldn't say I regret the decision itself so much as I wish we'd better prepared ourselves instead of getting so excited and jumping in all at once. It was reckless and foolish. For all our combined age and experience, we behaved like a bunch of kids who wanted a shiny new toy._

_Changing back. Hmm. I told Carlisle to change me if anything went wrong during the transition from vampire to human, but I don't know. Not only would I be forced to stay away from you and my family for your safety, I'd probably lose the majority of my memories. And then there's the matter of newborn bloodlust. If Leah's blood really didn't work again and I ran into you during the first few years..._

_No. I don't think I would want to be changed back. I'm sorry. I know your feelings on the matter are different. _

_Clearly, the solution to our sleeping difficulties is for you to come back to Spain. It's the only way either of us will get any rest. I could come visit you for a weekend sometime soon. I'm not sure when, just yet, but I promise I'll give you advance notice this time instead of just showing up on your doorstep._

_Love,  
><em>_Jasper_

-oOo-

_**From:**__ Austin Marks  
><em>_**To:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**Date:**__ 01/20/2014_

_Do you think it'd be weird if I invited you to my wedding?_

_:)_

— _Austin_

-oOo-

_**From:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**To:**__ Austin Marks  
><em>_**Date:**__ 01/20/2014_

_!_

_Did you ask Angela to marry you? When did this happen? I just heard from her two days ago. She didn't say anything. Oh, my God. I am sitting here with the biggest, most ridiculous grin on my face. This is the best news I've gotten in a while. I'm so happy for you! Congratulations._

_It'd be weird if you didn't ask me, because I'd show up even without an invite. Can't see how that'd be anything but awkward. _

_You'd better save me a dance at the reception, mister. _

— _Bella_

-oOo-

_**From:**__ Austin Marks  
><em>_**To:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**Date:**__ 01/21/2014_

_Yeah, I asked her to marry me yesterday, just before I wrote that message to you. It was kind of spontaneous, actually, but it felt right. God, you should've heard my mom when I told her. Well, you've met the woman. You can imagine. _

_We're thinking about having the wedding on our anniversary in June. No need to crash the party; you're definitely invited. Ange and I have been bickering over whose side of the church you'll be on. After a few vicious rounds of Rock, Paper, Scissors, we agreed to just let you choose. Hint: the groom's side is the correct option._

_Feel free to bring a date, by the way. Angela says you're dating Jasper Hale now? It'll be like a mini-high school reunion. I'm sure Jessica and Lauren and Mike will be there. The bouquet toss will be your second chance to yank out Lauren's hair and do a Xena yell and I forget what else was on that list, but you can't very well pass it up._

_Anyway, I hope you can make it. I'll definitely save a dance for you. The wedding is going to be in Forks, since both of our families are there. Which means I guess I can't get around inviting Tyler. Dammit. _

_How's Edward doing? I was so sorry to hear about him being in the hospital. Makes me feel bad for all of those times I threatened to attempt to put him there on your behalf. Then I remember that there's no way I could've succeeded, and the guilt goes away. I hope he gets better soon. And how are you?_

— _Austin_

-oOo-

"What's that noise?" Bella said, switching her phone to her left ear as she crammed too many clothes into the washing machine. "Are you running water?"

"Yep," Jasper said. "I'm tired and dirty, so you're coming in the bath with me."

The flush that heated her neck and flooded into her cheeks had nothing to do with embarrassment. "I should be so lucky."

He chuckled. "Oh, is this one of_ those_ calls?"

"_You_ should be so lucky."

When they had a similar conversation as friends, he'd been sarcastic and silly. Now, his voice warmed and softened as it wrapped around the words, "Oh baby, oh baby," joking as they were.

Bella swallowed. The thunk of metal hitting a tile floor filtered through the connection. His belt buckle?

"When are you going to visit?" she said.

"When do you want me there?"

_Now_.

"I was going to ask if I could come see you next weekend, actually," he said before she could answer, "but maybe I could fly out there this Friday?"

"That'd be perfect."

The brass flap on the letterbox clanked. After measuring out detergent and spinning the clicky dial to the correct wash cycle, she wandered into the living room. Amidst Gemma's magazines and junk mail, there was a slim parcel for Bella, plastered with a green US customs label. The upper left corner of the package held a surprise name scrawled above the La Push return address: Seth Clearwater.

"Huh," she said. "Seth sent me something."

The rattle of the ancient washing machine almost drowned out Jasper's response of, "Oh yeah? What?" Retreating to the comparative quiet of her bedroom, she battled her way through Seth's apparent love of packing tape and bubble wrap. The package's contents were few: a letter scribbled in angular handwriting that screamed _boy_, a CD, and a few photographs.

"It's Edward," she said. "Pictures of him, I mean. The ones he hid under the floorboards at Charlie's house when he left Forks. And the CD he recorded for my 18th birthday." Unfolding the letter, she read it aloud to Jasper. "Bella, Thought you might want this stuff back someday, so I held onto it when you told me to get rid of it. Hope Edward gets better soon. Seth."

"That was nice of — damn, hold on. My landline is ringing."

While Jasper ran off to answer the other call, Bella smoothed her thumb over the crease where she'd folded one of the photographs. The Edward who stood with his hand on the younger Bella's shoulder looked like a stranger — like the ghost she'd banished on First Beach. Because they were the only pictures she had of him, stranger or no, she slipped them into her photo album near the rest of her high school memories.

"Hey," Jasper said. "Sorry, I have to go. Edward is awake."

-oOo-

_**From:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**To:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**Date:**__ 01/29/2014_

_I tried calling you, but got your voicemail. _

_Edward update (a very long one, this time): He can't hear. No word yet on whether it'll be permanent. Esme said that before I got there, he managed to move his fingers along Irina's arm like he was playing the piano. _

_Rose showed up to see him at the same time as me. I kind of wonder if she stayed away so much because she couldn't stand sitting and waiting for news. She kept herself pretty busy. My downstairs bathroom is tiled now, thanks to her. I suppose we all deal with this sort of thing in our own way. _

_Rose managed to retain a bit of American Sign Language after her change, but Edward didn't seem to remember much of it. Only twice did he indicate that he realized what she was trying to say. She probably thinks I didn't see it, but after flipping him off, she sneakily flashed him the sign for, "I love you." _

_See? She does have a heart. Then again, perhaps it was the pregnancy hormones._

_Please don't tell her I said that about the hormones. _

_Fortunately, Edward's vision hasn't changed, so we were able to talk to him using notebooks. Apparently some people put on their glasses after getting meningitis and find that they need a new prescription. We asked him yes or no questions, and he tapped his finger to answer us, since he's pretty weak. Trying to talk (well, yell, really, since he couldn't judge the volume) hurt his throat. He kept staring at me, so I asked if he wanted me to leave. He said no and looked confused, so I asked if he remembered our conversation on my birthday. More confusion, and another negative answer. Cue panic from me, because I thought we'd have to have the whole fight all over again once he was well. And then he _laughed _at me. He remembered the whole thing. _

_Emmett thought it was great. He's convinced that if Edward is making jokes at my expense, he must be on the mend. Rose said she thinks the doctors must've removed the stick from his ass when they put a shunt in his brain. I'm not sure which is closer to the truth. Either way, I'm glad. He can make fun of me as often as he likes, as long as he keeps improving. _

_He didn't stay awake for long, but it was the first time he interacted with anyone. We're cautiously optimistic — Carlisle especially, which I take to be a damn good sign. _

_Call me when you get this. I miss you._

_Love,  
><em>_Jasper_

-oOo-

Variations in temperature were among Jasper's favorite things about being human. He sat on his terrace, head tilted back, relishing the chilly breeze that swept over his arms and sneaked up his neck. It was so different — all of it. Before, only the searing heat of werewolves made an impression. Everything else was as flavorless as the endless repetition of high school. Different smells had accompanied snow and rain, and as a vampire he could tell whether something was hot or cold, but it didn't _matter_.

A bruise he didn't remember getting marred his wrist, yellow and purple smudging across the branching of blue veins. He rubbed his thumb over it. This body was so fragile.

Over the laughing shouts of a group of children, a trill of music announced a call from Bella. With the next ring, the phone skittered across the table.

"Hey, are you at your house?" she said as soon as he picked up.

"Yeah. Have been since the last time you called."

She laughed. "Then why aren't you answering your door?"

"What? Are you... hold on."

Taking the steps two at a time, he raced into the house. Opening the front door revealed a smiling, travel-worn Bella.

"Surprise."

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN:**__ I obviously don't own any of the lyrics that you recognize. And my sincere apologies if I got that song stuck in your head. It's been in mine for weeks now, and misery loves company. :P__  
><em>


	26. I Know

**25. I Know**

Exhaling a laugh that was half elation, half disbelief, Jasper held Bella's face between his hands. "What are you doing here?" he asked, kissing her before she could reply. "Is this why you suddenly decided I should delay my visit?"

"Yeah. I figured with the good news, you'd want to be here this weekend. Plus, I had to get you back for the Christmas surprise."

"Well, I'm definitely surprised."

"Mission accomplished, then."

"Get in here. Do you want anything? I have actual food in the house this time, if you're hungry."

"Um. How lame would it be if I said I really, really want to go to sleep? I was too excited to nap on any of my flights."

"Not lame at all. C'mon. Let's go upstairs."

Before she could protest, he grabbed her suitcase and carried it for her. When she disappeared into the bathroom, she took much longer than normal to get ready for bed. Jasper began to debate with himself about whether to knock on the door when she finally emerged, wearing not her usual baggy pajamas, but a satiny nightgown that hugged her body. The sort of thing she might wear underneath something else — a lace-trimmed secret.

He couldn't help it; he stared. She didn't meet his eyes as she marched over to what had become her side of his bed and burrowed beneath the sheets.

Her hair fanned over the pillow, doing its best to sneak into his mouth and tickle his nose as he nestled his body against hers — his chest to her back. Gathering her hair in one hand, he arranged it so it flowed in a dark wave toward the headboard. She sighed: a contented, sleepy sort of sound that repeated itself when he trailed kisses along the nape of her neck and slung an arm around her waist.

"I like your new pajamas," he whispered.

"Oh?"

"Mhm. Very much so."

She turned her face into her pillow, as if trying to hide a blush or a smile, and let out a muffled, "Thanks."

"Hey, do you know what we've never done?"

"I can think of lots of things we've never done." Taking his hand in hers, she pressed her mouth to the center of his palm and smiled against his skin.

Laughing, he nudged her leg with his big toe. "Not _that_. Well, yes, that as well, but I was thinking of something else. We've never gone on a date."

"Pfft, what do you call all of those meals we had together in the hospital?"

"Horrifying, that's what. I'd hardly even categorize them as meals."

"Hmm, good point. Well, what about when you took me to Edinburgh? We went out and did things then."

"Yes, as friends. After New Year's Eve, we stayed in the hotel and made out like a couple of horny teenagers."

"Mm. Good times." Pausing, she traced a spiraling path along his arm. "Jasper? Are you trying to ask me out on a date?"

"Perhaps."

She scooted even closer. "I'd love to."

"Are you staying until Sunday?"

"Monday morning."

"Oh, good. We could go out tomorrow, then? That leaves Sunday to visit Edward, if you want to see him before you go back."

"Okay. Where are we going to go on this date?"

"That is a surprise."

"Is that some sort of code for you don't know yet?"

He chuckled. "Perhaps."

-oOo-

Hand-in-hand with Jasper, Bella crossed the Triana Bridge. He promised her something real — something that wasn't the usual tourist traps. Once they'd passed over the Guadalquivir River, arriving on an almost-island, he pulled her into a bustling market: _Mercado de Triana_, according to the white and green tiled sign.

Each stall had its name spelled out in tiles. Bella took her time over the words, translating them the way she couldn't decipher the words that streamed from the mouths of the locals. Jasper seemed content to follow her sedate pace as he led her through stalls bursting with fruit and vegetables and fish and legs of ham. The latter were suspended from the ceiling by their hooves. All around her, people shouted to be heard.

A few of them called to Jasper. A man hawking fruit seemed to know him, as did a woman who gutted and filleted fish with almost vampire-fast flashes of her knife. Neither of them called him by his real name. Of Jasper's brief, smiling replies, Bella understood only a few words. The term he used when motioning to her made her grin. _Mi novia_. My girlfriend.

After picking up supplies for a picnic by the river, they left the covered market and found a little place to order a couple of beers. Bella was only a few sips into her drink when Jasper tilted his head to one side and said, "Do you want kids?"

By some miracle, she managed to swallow her mouthful of beer before she sputtered. Throwing his head back with an Emmett-sized laugh, Jasper patted her shoulder.

"Relax," he said. "I'm not trying to imply that I want to take you home and impregnate you right this second. I'm just making small talk. Innocent question, I promise. No hidden agenda."

"Um." She took another sip to give herself time to gather her thoughts. "I don't... I don't really know. I've never pictured myself as a mom. I mean, I like kids. One of my least favorite things about living in the UK is that I can only watch my goddaughter grow up through photographs and Skype. But having a baby of my own? I don't know. I still have a long way to go with my career before I'm ready to begin thinking about whether I want that." Running a finger through the condensation on her bottle, she shrugged. "What about you? Do you want them?"

"I don't know, either. For a long time, it wasn't something that was an option for me, so I didn't think about it. No point, right? Now that I _can_... well, I still haven't thought about it all that much." Leaning closer, as if sharing an intimate secret, he added, "Children intimidate me a little."

She hid her smile behind her drink. "Good thing Maria's enemies didn't know that. They would've come after you with toddlers."

"I didn't mean I run away from them. They seem so delicate — especially babies. If I picked one up, I'd worry that I would hurt it."

"You'll get used to it once Rosalie and Emmett have their baby. I used to have the same fear before I held Sarah a few times. You do have to be careful, but they're more resilient than they look."

He shuddered. "I certainly hope so."

Under the table, one of his hands brushed over her calf, his fingers sliding up until his thumb stroked the back of her knee. Bella was glad she'd borrowed a dress from Esme for her date. It was even worth Rosalie's comment of, "She's trying to say she doesn't want it back after Jasper rips it off of you," when Esme insisted Bella keep the dress.

"You used to inspire a similar fear in me," he said.

Her voice lowered to match his whisper. "I did?"

"Of course. You were the first human I touched without intending to feed. The first time, I thought I would bruise you, at the very least."

Rifling through her memory, Bella struggled to recall any instance of Jasper the vampire coming close enough to touch her. In the airport in Phoenix? Had he put his hand on the small of her back? Before that?

It was all so fuzzy. A different Bella — a different life.

"You were very gentle," she said.

"That's good to know. I'm sure I would've grown more confident with time. If I hadn't changed into _this_, I wouldn't have had a choice." Propping the elbow of his free arm on the table, he swept a thumb across her lower lip. "Kissing you would've been a challenge."

"I can imagine. Things definitely would've been a lot more complicated. It's going to be hard enough to introduce you to Charlie without raising his suspicions." Pressing her lips together, she rolled her eyes. "I mean, if you _want_ to meet him."

He smiled. "Asking me to meet the parents on the first date? You move fast, don't you?"

"Oh, shut up."

Laughing, he caught her hand before it could swat his chest. "Of course I want to meet Charlie. Have you told him about me, then?"

"Mm. I called him during my layover in Frankfurt."

"And?"

"Um. Well. It went better than expected, actually. No shouting, though he kept calling you 'Cullen.'" She shrugged. "I think Jake and his big mouth may've tipped him off — or maybe Jessica. Either way, Charlie didn't have the full story."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. He didn't realize you and I went to school together — had no idea who your family was until I told him. I think the fact that I first met you in real life helped to soften him to the whole _Cullen_ thing."

"Wait, what? Met me in real life? How did he think we met?"

"It's sort of closer to the truth, actually, if you think about it." She laughed. "He thought we met online."

-oOo-

Back at Jasper's house, Bella perched on one of the stools at the new center island in the kitchen, spinning in lazy circles. If not for the ache in her feet, she could've carried on exploring the city well into the night.

"I had fun today," she said, pausing during one revolution to smile at him. "Thanks."

"Me too."

Standing between her legs, he set her cup of coffee on the island. She ignored it in favor of touching her lips to his, as if making up for the time they'd lost while in different countries. Against her will, her mind went to work calculating the width of the gulf between his past and hers. Even after accounting for his eight year dry spell and the time between leaving Maria and finding Alice, Bella estimated he had 136 years of sexual experience.

God_damn_. He'd probably done things she'd never even heard of.

"Let's go upstairs," he said, moving his fingers up and down her thighs with light, tickling strokes. Bella didn't trust her voice; she nodded.

They stumbled up to the second floor, taking steps in between kisses. Once they passed through the door of his bedroom, Bella's hand flirted with the collar of his shirt, her thumb slipping beneath the rumpled fabric. She focused on unfastening one button at a time, placing her mouth over each new patch of skin revealed by her flagging courage.

He bit his lower lip as she reached the last button and kissed the trail of hair beneath his navel. His muscles twitched under her touch, his breath coming in shallow gasps. When she straightened up into a standing position to push the shirt off of his shoulders, he gave her a tender smile. His hands shook on their path to the hem of her dress. Without hesitation, she helped him tug the dress over her head. Her nerves didn't evaporate, but they quieted into an occasional flutter.

Her history was no more a secret than his. He wouldn't expect a sex goddess. With him, she was wanted and safe and _known_.

"I love you," she said. It didn't feel like a confession. She wasn't baring anything but skin.

"I know." A grin spread across his face — bright and contagious. "I love you, too."

"I know."

As the rest of their clothes joined the pile on the floor, they laughed together: her at the way he declared it impossible for a man to remove his socks in a way that was at all sexy, him at the way his button fly refused to cooperate with her. When not a stitch of fabric remained between them, he ran his hands over her waist, walking her backward and kissing the hollow beneath her jaw.

"I've never done this as a human."

The quiet statement came paired with an expression of intense concentration, as though her body was an equation to be solved.

"I'll be gentle," she said with a teasing giggle that sharpened into a gasp when he dragged his teeth over her neck.

Drawing back, he smirked. "I hope not."

Any response she could have formulated was preempted by the backs of her legs hitting the edge of the bed. She let herself fall onto the mattress, yanking him along with her. Clasping both of her wrists in one hand, he pinned her arms above her head. His lips wandered over her neck, her chest, her arms. When he reached the silvery, curved impression of James's teeth, he bit down softly, as if trying to erase the mark without breaking her skin.

"Yours," she said.

Smiling, he soothed the scar with a kiss. In the soft light that spilled in from the hallway, she couldn't make out any of his scars. One after the other, she scraped her teeth over the only two she knew by heart: Maria's first on his neck, Peter's retaliation on his collarbone.

Fingers searching, lips teasing, he set about learning her body. Anticipation and need coiled low in her abdomen, pulsing in time with the heavy thud of her heart. For several minutes she held the word, "Please," poised on her tongue, but he fulfilled the request before she could voice it.

With a shuddering gasp, she clung to his back. His eyes slammed shut. Steadying her own breath, Bella dusted kisses along his neck and rubbed her thumb over the furrow between his eyebrows.

Eight years.

"It's okay," she whispered.

He shook his head. "Better than okay. So much better."

"Not what I — _oh_."

Each of his movements sparked a familiar, aching build within her. Coherence became a distant memory. All she could see — all she could _feel _ — was Jasper. She couldn't say with any degree of accuracy which of them murmured a plea for the other not to stop — not to _ever _stop. When he slipped a hand between them, the tension shattered and dissolved. Arching off of the bed, she cried out. Complete.

One corner of his lips tugged up into a relieved half-smile just an instant before he released a moan that sounded close to the growl of Jasper the vampire. Collapsing against her, he peppered kisses over her face and chest before rolling to the side.

Sleepiness crept over her, as warm and soft as the blanket Jasper draped across their bodies. With a happy sigh, she rested her head on his chest.

"Bella?" he said, startling her out of a light doze.

"Mm?"

His hand drifted from her shoulder to her hip and back again, ghosting over her bare skin. "I like these pajamas even better than the other ones."

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN:**__ Apparently, someone nominated A Forest Fire for Best Bella/Jasper in the Non-Canon Awards. Thank you, whoever you are! :)_

_You know, I keep thinking that I should have the characters acknowledge the current situation in Spain, but I've decided not to. This story is, after all, set 2 years from now, and I'm no Alice. No idea what will be going on then._

_We're winding down, by the way. Only a few more chapters left._


	27. Before Tomorrow

**26. Before Tomorrow**

"Here," Jasper said, placing a blue, spiral-bound notebook in Bella's outstretched palm. The cover flapped open, the thin cardboard already curled from overuse. "You can borrow my notebook to talk to him."

"You aren't going in with me?"

"Nah, not just yet. I'll give you a few minutes. I'm not sure if he'll be up for much talking at all, really. He doesn't like to speak a lot. If he does the finger tap thing, one tap means no, two taps means yes."

After giving her a peck on the lips, he retraced their steps back down the hall. Steadying herself, Bella entered Edward's room.

He looked much as he had the last time she visited: too pale and too young, surrounded by machines that monitored his life. He lay on his side, a pillow hugged to his chest. With his hair buzzed off for the surgery that placed a shunt in his brain, he looked like even more of a stranger than the impossibly beautiful boy in the pictures Seth returned to her. Bella touched his shoulder as gently as he once would've touched her, half-afraid of hurting him.

"Hmm?" Blinking, he felt around for his glasses. His voice was as hoarse as that of an 80-year-old smoker, creaky from disuse. "Bella?"

_Hi_, she wrote once he could see her clearly. _Feeling up to a visit?_

Two taps. And a smile.

What to say? She'd counted on Jasper being present to act as a buffer. Pursing her lips, she settled for something that was true, if generic.

_I'm so glad you're getting better. I've been worried._

No taps, but he touched her hand.

_Did Irina tell you how she and I met?_

A laugh accompanied his one tap, bringing some of his old light back to his eyes. "Emmett told me."

_Oh, great. I can only imagine how __he__ made it seem. For the record, Irina and I did not wrestle in the waiting room, no matter what your brother may have told you._

In response to this, he offered her only a crooked smile.

_I like her — Irina. We didn't get off to the best start, but she's nice. And very protective of you._

Two taps.

_Any idea when you'll get to go home?_

One tap.

_That's too bad. I hope you're well enough to get released soon. Oh, I almost forgot. I sent you an e-mail before I knew you were sick._

Two taps. "Em printed my e-mails."

_You read it?_

Two taps.

Pausing, Bella rubbed the cap of the pen against her lower lip. Edward's eyes stayed closed for two beats each time he blinked, as if he was in danger of drifting off to sleep mid-conversation.

_I meant it, you know. _

Two taps.

_So... friends?_

"Of course."

_I'm glad. Okay, I'll let you get back to sleep now. No arguing, mister; you need your rest. Keep getting better._

Two slow taps, followed by a quiet snore. Bella smiled.

-oOo-

_**From: **__Bella Swan  
><em>_**To: **__J. W. Hale  
><em>_**Date:**__ 02/03/2014_

_I made it safely home. I think Gemma's already annoyed with me. I've been pouting since she met me at the airport._

_This long-distance thing sucks. Doesn't Carlisle have enough money to hire someone to make a teleporter? He should get on that. Then we could just teleport back and forth between the UK and Spain whenever we wanted (passport control, schmassport control)._

_Call me tomorrow evening?_

_Love,  
><em>_Bella_

-oOo-

_**From: **__J. W. Hale  
><em>_**To: **__Bella Swan  
><em>_**Date:**__ 02/19/2014_

_Edward update: He's feeling a lot better recently. He can tell when someone is speaking now, but he can't make out words. The sound is all garbled. _

_I've been thinking. What do you say to me visiting you for Easter, rather than you coming here? I'll still come up there this weekend, of course (and a few weekends between now and April), but I could use a longer vacation. Your house may have Gemma, but at least it doesn't look like a construction site. I'm beginning to think I'll never finish this thing._

_Love,  
><em>_Jasper_

-oOo-

_**From: **__Bella Swan  
><em>_**To: **__J. W. Hale  
><em>_**Date:**__ 02/19/2014_

_Hmm, that depends. Are you suggesting this because you know I can't really afford another trip out there?_

_Love,  
><em>_Bella_

-oOo-

_**From: **__J. W. Hale  
><em>_**To: **__Bella Swan  
><em>_**Date:**__ 02/19/2014_

_Would I do such a thing? Maybe I just want you all to myself for two weeks. Ever think of that?_

_Of course, there will be Gemma, so I won't have you _entirely_ to myself, but she's easier to fight off than my family._

_Love,  
><em>_Jasper_

-oOo-

_**From: **__Bella Swan  
><em>_**To: **__J. W. Hale  
><em>_**Date:**__ 02/19/2014_

_Yes, you would do such a thing. :P But I'd love it if you came here. Gemma should be gone for most of it; she's going to visit her family. Good thing, too. You'd think she'd be easier to fight off than six other people, but you'd probably be wrong._

_Don't worry, though. I've been living with her for nearly two years. I'll protect you._

_Love,  
><em>_Bella_

-oOo-

_**From: **__J. W. Hale  
><em>_**To: **__Bella Swan  
><em>_**Date:**__ 03/02/2014_

_Edward came home today! He looks so much better — more like his old self. Still prone to sulking now and then, but who wouldn't be? He's talking a lot now, and he's been testing Esme and Carlisle's sanity by turning his music up loud enough to feel the beat. Irina loves it. She's been dancing around the house and singing along._

_He's going to get a CT scan soon to find out if he can get a cochlear implant, since hearing aids aren't helping him to understand speech. He says that he wants one in each ear, if possible. _

_It just occurred to me that he's perfectly capable of telling you these things himself, now that he's home. And he probably will. I've become so accustomed to giving you Edward updates, I suppose I've started doing it automatically. I'll let him handle it, from now on._

_I've been working on my ASL. Spain has its own sign language, but I never learned it before I changed. We're all going to study that one as well, if Edward never regains his hearing. _

_Anyway, I'm going to get back to work on installing the shower. Skype later? _

_Love,  
><em>_Jasper_

-oOo-

As he let himself into Esme and Carlisle's house, Jasper frowned. During his two week absence over Easter, it seemed their living room had become an examination room. Carlisle sat on a chair in front of the sofa, pressing a stethoscope against Emmett's bare back.

"All right," Carlisle said. "Go ahead and put your shirt back on." As he turned to tuck the stethoscope into his bag, he caught sight of the newcomer. "Oh, Jasper. I didn't hear you come in. How was your trip?"

"It was great. Um..."

"And how's Bella?"

"She's fine. Is something wrong?"

Emmett coughed and let out a pitiful whine. "I'm dying."

"You're not dying," Carlisle said with a fond chuckle. "You have a cold."

Scowling, Emmett crossed his thick arms over his chest. "Are you sure? It's not whooping cough?"

"You were vaccinated against whooping cough, remember?" Rosalie said.

Carlisle nodded. "You threatened me when I jabbed you with the needle."

"Well, I hate those things. Bad enough you took so much of my blood."

"I had to run tests."

"Mhm. Sure. I think you were just sneaking a few sips of human blood before you changed." Sniffling, Emmett curled up on the couch. "Ugh. Can't you fix it, Carlisle?"

"Get plenty of rest and fluids. You'll be better in no time."

"Make sure you get that rest over here," Rosalie said, putting ample space between herself and her husband. "You aren't bringing that cold home. I don't want to get sick. Actually, maybe you'd better go to Jasper's. Edward doesn't need your cold, either."

"But _babe_."

Jasper snorted. "Nice of you to ask _me_ if—"

A trill of laughter cut him off as Irina skipped into the room. Twirling and gliding over the marble floor in stockinged feet, she held a stack of paper clasped to her chest. Upon noticing Jasper, she tugged his face down to her level and kissed his cheek.

"Hi," she said.

"Hello." He blinked. "You're in a good mood."

"Mhm."

Without offering further explanation, she sat down at Edward's piano. As far as Jasper was aware, she was the first to touch it since January.

The papers proved to be sheet music. After looking them over with her thumb caught between her teeth, she stumbled through an attempt at playing the notes someone had scrawled in pencil.

"Is that...?" Rosalie said, leaning over her shoulder. "Has Edward been composing?"

"A little." A secret smile turned Irina's lips up at the corners. "Just the one song, so far."

"Do you want me to play it for you?" Rosalie asked

Hesitating, Irina let her hands drift back and forth across the smooth keys. "Um. Maybe. Just once. He said he wouldn't play it for me because he wanted me to have some incentive to learn it, but he never said anything about _you_."

With that, Rosalie scooted the bench out to make room for her belly and took a seat next to Irina. Jasper expected something melancholy, twisted with longing and regret. Instead, the music that flowed from Rosalie's light touch was spirited and bold. Not Edward's usual style. The bright melody whirled around like the wind condensed into a song.

As he stole a peek a the first sheet of music, Jasper smiled to himself. The only title Edward had given the piece was "_I_."

Once the song concluded, Jasper looked toward the hall. "Is he in his room?"

"Mhm." Irina's tongue peeked out of one corner of her mouth as she set about trying to copy Rosalie's performance. "He was reading when I left him. Rose, stop it. I can do this."

He found Edward in his favorite high-backed armchair, book forgotten in his lap, unfocused gaze pointed toward the window. At the sight of him, Jasper had to bite the inside of his cheek to stifle a grin. The impression of a second pair of lips, painted in pink gloss, was smudged over the corner of Edward's mouth. Composing himself, Jasper flicked the light on and then off again to announce his presence.

"Hello," Edward said, sitting up straighter. "Did you just get in?"

Jasper signed his answer slowly, using finger-spelling when his memory failed him. "Yes. How have you been?"

"I'm... hopeful, I think. I have a date for the first implant."

"That's great!" In his enthusiasm, Jasper forgot to accompany the statement with sign language, but Edward smiled and nodded. "When?"

"June 19th."

"Nice. An almost-19th birthday present. You gonna miss the trip to Forks, then?"

"Afraid so. It looks like it'll just be you, Carlisle, and Esme. Irina is insisting on staying here with me for the surgery, even though Rose and Emmett will be around." The eye-roll that accompanied this announcement was softened by a smile.

Jasper shrugged. "They'll be busy with the baby by then."

"True. Esme wanted to stay as well, but I managed to persuade her to go. I know she misses Leah and Garrett." Pausing, he wrinkled his nose. "You aren't going to go to Angela Weber's wedding, are you?"

"No, no. Too many people who used to see me on a daily basis. Bad enough I have to face Charlie. I'm going to hide out in our house, for the most part."

Edward let out a loud, sharp laugh. "Good luck with Charlie."

"Thanks. I think."

"Hmm. Did you really convince Bella to let you help pay for her plane ticket?"

"Yep."

"_How_?"

"Didn't take much convincing, really. She didn't want to miss Austin and Angela's wedding, and it's been quite a while since she saw either of her parents."

Tapping his fingers together, Jasper took a moment to be grateful that Edward could no longer read his mind. He and Bella had been lounging in bed when he broached the subject of her ticket. The last thing he wanted Edward to see was a naked Bella throwing her arms around Jasper and saying, _"It's way, way too much. Thank you."_

"Hey," Jasper said, "when will the implant start working? Will you be able to talk to us on the phone while we're away?"

"It'll be switched on a week after the surgery. The phone... I don't know. Probably not right away. There's no telling when or if I'll be able to hear again, but my chances are good since my hearing loss is recent. Apparently that will make it easier to learn how to hear through the implant."

"Good. I really hope it works well for you."

"Thank you."

"I liked the new song, by the way."

"You heard it?"

Jasper nodded. "One of your best." He hesitated, rocking forward onto the balls of his feet before clapping a hand on Edward's shoulder. "It's good to see you, kid," he signed, because it was. More so than it had been the last time he spoke the words — when Edward returned to the family after failing to catch Victoria.

Edward almost smiled. "You too, old man."

"But I have to tell you something."

"What?"

"That shade of lipstick _really_ doesn't suit you."

-oOo-

_**From: **__J. W. Hale  
><em>_**To: **__Bella Swan  
><em>_**Date:**__ 05/05/2014_

_Emmett is a complete bastard._

_Love,  
><em>_Jasper_

-oOo-

_**From: **__Bella Swan  
><em>_**To: **__J. W. Hale  
><em>_**Date:**__ 05/05/2014_

_Uh oh. Do you need me to help hide the body?_

_Love,  
><em>_Bob (If we're going to commit a felony, we need aliases. This is mine. I will wear glasses and a funny mustache.)_

-oOo-

_**From: **__J. W. Hale  
><em>_**To: **__Bella Swan  
><em>_**Date:**__ 05/05/2014_

_Yes. He gave me his cold. It is revolting. Should there be so much mucus? Carlisle says it's normal, but I don't see how it can be. No living thing should leak this much or this often. Disgusting._

_Love,  
><em>_Emmett (This is my alias. I'm not sure how, exactly, but I intend to frame Emmett for this crime.)_

-oOo-

_**From: **__Bella Swan  
><em>_**To: **__J. W. Hale  
><em>_**Date:**__ 05/05/2014_

_Whoa, there. Give a girl some warning before you start with the dirty talk. Almost made me swoon in the library when you asked about mucus. ;)_

_Framing Emmett is a brilliant idea. It'll take hardly any convincing on our part. He and this Bob character sound like a couple of criminals. _

_Aw, I'm sorry you're sick. Carlisle is probably right about the mucus. Humans have an annoying tendency to leak quite a lot when they're unwell._

_Feel better soon! If I could, I'd send you chicken soup through the mail. I'll call you when I get home. xoxo_

_Love,  
><em>_Bella _

-oOo-

_**From: **__J. W. Hale  
><em>_**To: **__Bella Swan  
><em>_**Date:**__ 05/28/2014_

_It's a boy! Noah Carlisle McCarty, born at 5:13 AM this morning. I don't know how much he weighs or how long he is or any of that. Carlisle told me when he called, but it was enough of a miracle that I managed to remember the time of birth._

_I'm going to go see them now. Do you think twenty helium balloons is overkill?_

_Love you,  
><em>_Jasper_

_PS: Prepare to be spammed with pictures._

-oOo-

Carlisle snored like a trucker. In a mint green, barely padded chair, he sat next to Rosalie's hospital bed with his head pillowed on the mattress next to her legs. Jasper chuckled.

"Poor guy," Emmett said. "He had a long night."

Scoffing, Rosalie glared at her husband. "_He_ had a long night?"

Jasper could imagine Carlisle pacing back and forth, unable to sleep while other people took care of Rosalie and delivered her son. While Emmett and Rosalie fell into their favorite public display of affection: bickering, Irina sauntered over to Jasper with a tiny bundle in her arms.

"Here," she said. "Meet your nephew."

The baby that Irina transferred into his arms had Rosalie's blond hair and Emmett's loud mouth. Noah cried out a protest as the softness of Irina was replaced by Jasper's unpracticed hands.

"Nice to meet you, too, kid," Jasper said, adjusting his grip and giving him an experimental bounce. "I'll get better at this, I swear. Bella said I would."

After a few more attempts didn't soothe the little one, Jasper gave up and handed him over to Rosalie. While Carlisle snored on at the foot of the bed, Emmett leaned over the head, looking down at his son in a way that made an irresistible grin take over Jasper's mouth.

"I'm going to go get some tea," Esme said. "Does anyone else want anything?"

Her lower lip trembled through her forced smile. Jasper stared, fumbling for his absent gift and trying to untangle her emotions. Once, they would have flowed over him with ease, coloring his thoughts with copper.

After she had everyone's drink order, Esme rushed into the hall. Jasper followed, muttering some excuse to the others about helping her carry. She held out for two corridors before clapping a hand over her mouth and letting out a muffled sob.

"Esme?" he said, hurrying to catch up. "Es? Hey. What's wrong?"

The touch of his hand on her shoulder set off an explosion of tears. Clinging to him as though he was the only thing keeping her afloat, Esme all but collapsed in his arms.

"Hey," he whispered, rubbing a slow circle on her back. "Shh. It's okay."

Throughout the years they'd known each other, he'd never thought of her as being younger than himself. She was a peer — a sister. That half a century separated his birth from hers was easily ignored. As he rocked her back and forth and murmured a steady stream of comfort, the decades between them piled on his shoulders: ancient, crumbling bricks that weighed him down with each sob that clawed through her body. In that moment, he wasn't the fake son or the adopted brother, but the substitute father. Had he lived long enough, he supposed it could've been the truth.

"I'm s-sorry," she said in between sniffles. Fanning her eyes with both hands as if to dry them, she drew in a shaky breath. "I'm being silly and selfish."

"No."

"I'm h-happy for them." The too-bright, spun glass smile made an encore. "I am."

"I know you are." Using the hem of his t-shirt, he dabbed her cheeks. "Sorry, honey. I'd offer you my handkerchief, but I stopped carrying one in 1863. This'll have to do."

A weak laugh bubbled from her tear-reddened lips. "Now that you've done that, I'm afraid we're both unfit to go back in there."

"We'll go out for a bit, then. Do you want to get some ice cream?"

She raised an eyebrow. "Ice cream?"

"It's been almost a year since we changed, and you haven't discovered the benefits of comfort food?" With one arm around her shoulders, he steered her toward the exit. "That ends today."

-oOo-

As Angela turned her back to the throng of women who waited to catch her bouquet, Bella locked eyes with Austin. A mischievous grin lit up his face, followed by a nod in Lauren's direction and what Bella thought was meant to be his attempt at miming a Xena yell.

Swallowing a giggle, Bella crouched as if preparing to tackle any competitor who dared to get in her way. In the end, when Angela hurled the bundle of calla lilies over her head, all Bella had to do to catch it was open her arms.

"You know what _that_ means," Jessica said with a smirk when Bella returned to the table where she'd left Jake and his family.

"I sure do," Bella said. "Free flowers!"

Jake laughed. A hand on Bella's shoulder tugged her away from the table. Austin stood before her, beaming.

"I believe I promised you a dance," he said.

"That you did." Placing her prize into her goddaughter's eager hands, she took Austin's arm. "Ready to pay up?"

By way of an answer, he led her to the dance floor.

"In spite of the lack of Xena yells and ripping of Lauren's hair, I'm impressed," he said. "You caught it."

"Yep. Too bad whatever magical marriage-granting luck it has is probably wasted on me."

Chuckling, he twirled her around. "I remember."

After a few moments of swaying in companionable silence, Bella gave him a light squeeze.

"Thanks," she said.

"For what? My awesome dance moves?"

"That, and for not launching into the 'drink the Kool Aid' speech most newlyweds like to give me when the subject of marriage comes up."

"Pfft. I'm saving all attempts at indoctrination for our thank you notes. We've had a nice pamphlet printed up. If you decide to come to our three-day brainwashing seminar, I think you'll really enjoy it."

"Oh, I've missed you," Bella said through a laugh. "I really am happy for you. You know that, right?"

He nodded. "Likewise."

-oOo-

"I think they're bonding," Jessica said, using the chip in her hand to point at the two men who stood over the grill on the other side of the Cullens' lawn.

As she watched them from a distance, Bella could only guess what Charlie and Jasper said to each other. Jasper rubbed his chin and smiled while Charlie punctuated his speech with waves of a spatula. When Esme cut in with her opinion, both men shook their heads like they were a unified front, of one mind on all matters concerned with cooking meat outdoors.

"What is it with some men and playing with fire?" Jessica said. "I don't get it." Wiping the processed cheese dust from her fingers, she tilted her head to one side. Her gaze followed Jasper as he sprinted into the Cullens' house. "Hmm. Changing back into an ordinary mortal didn't damage that boy's looks, did it?"

Bella struggled to swallow her mouthful of lemonade through a laugh. "Ah, nope. I certainly don't think so."

Across the lawn, Jake turned from his conversation with Leah and Carlisle to scratch the bridge of his nose with his middle finger.

"Oh, knock it off, Jake," Jessica said with a wide grin that was returned by her husband. "I still have eyes. I'm married, not dead." Turning back to Bella, she added, "How much longer are you staying in town?"

"Just until tomorrow morning. We're going to go see my mom and stepdad for a few days."

After spending a week being constantly interrupted by various loved ones, Bella was looking forward to some alone time with Jasper. The plan was to drive to Renee and Phil's new place in Sacramento in a meandering route, getting the most out of their road trip. With all of the things they'd planned, it would take them at least four days.

"Is it weird?" Jessica whispered with a sidelong glance at the house. "Staying here with Jasper, I mean. Considering..."

"A little."

"Oh, my God. Are you staying in the room he shared with Alice? _That _has to be extra weird."

And just like that, Bella reached her Jessica limit for the day. That she and Jasper had opted to use Rosalie and Emmett's old bedroom was none of Jessica's business. Tapping one fingernail and then all ten against the picnic table, Bella said nothing.

Jessica helped herself to another handful of chips. "If you and Jake had ever... I mean, I felt awkward enough as it was. I knew how I would've felt if any of Mike's attempts to get into your pants actually worked, and I didn't even want him for myself. The first time I went into the garage at Billy's house, I felt like an intruder. Like it was _your_ territory. Like I had no right being there, interfering with that part of his past, y'know?"

She did. Bella touched her locket.

"It would've been easier if I hated you," Jessica said. "But hey, I got over it, and we're fine now, right? I'm sure any weirdness will go away in time. Being married to a werewolf has taught me you can get used to almost _anything_."

-oOo-

As the sun dipped out of view, Bella helped Carlisle set out citronella candles and carry platters of leftovers to the fridge. A tipsy Esme sat on the grass between Leah and Garrett, giggling as she tried again and again to stick a spoon to the end of her nose the way Leah demonstrated. After seeing Charlie off with a big hug and a promise to call as soon as they reached Renee and Phil's house, Bella went searching for Jasper.

She wouldn't have spotted him if not for a blinking red light on a tiny sneaker when its owner wiggled around and readjusted herself on his knee. He sat in a lawn chair beneath the cloaking shade of an old tree, Jake's daughter fast asleep on his lap. Bella's heart somersaulted into a quicker rhythm as her eyes adjusted to the darkness and fuzzy shapes solidified: Sarah's head resting on Jasper's chest, his hand absentmindedly patting her back.

"Looks like you made a friend," Bella whispered, pulling up the chair next to him.

"I did, once we made it through the language barrier."

Her smile stretched into a grin. "Language barrier?"

"I don't speak four-year-old. Fortunately, she speaks the international language of bribery. Giving her money and promising her a pony made her stop crying."

"Jasper!"

"I'm joking, I'm joking. While I was talking to her dad, she invited herself onto my lap, demanded that I bounce her on my knee for a while, and eventually nodded off."

"If Jake didn't capture that on film for me, he's a dead man."

Sarah grumbled as Jasper's chest shook with silent laughter. "Y'know," he said, "I've been thinking."

"About what?"

"About you spending the rest of the summer with me. All of it — not a week here and a couple of days there. I know you need to work, and there are probably visa issues, but we can figure something—"

"Yes."

"Yeah?" Shifting Sarah in his lap, he leaned across the arm of his chair and touched his lips to Bella's. "Good. We could take a few trips, too, if you want. Explore Europe a bit. I mean, _not_ Italy, but other places."

As a breeze whipped through the yard, Seth and Jake both started as if they'd received an electric shock. Straightening himself up to his full height, Jake raised his voice to a shout.

"Everyone get inside! _Now_."

Bella's breath caught in her chest, somewhere beneath a cold lump of fear. That note of raw panic in Jake's voice could only mean one thing.

Vampire.

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN:** I was very hesitant about taking Edward's character down the path of getting a cochlear implant. I must have gone back and forth on it 1934834 times. I had several outlines for the end of this fic in which his hearing loss was permanent. I realise that Deaf people are not broken; they have a rich culture all their own, and cochlear implants are only an option for people in certain circumstances. Also, I know that not every Deaf person even wants an implant. However, given this Edward's history, and the fact that he is recently deaf, I ultimately decided pursuing a CI would be the choice he would make. _


	28. The Thief

**27. The Thief **

Jacob and Seth moved faster than Jasper's eyes could track as they changed from men to wolves. After passing Sarah to her frantic mother and helping Esme to her feet, Jasper began ushering everyone into the house. The whole time, he kept Bella close at his side, as if he didn't know his chances in a fight against a vampire and thought he could somehow protect her.

As a white-blond couple appeared at the edge of the forest, the two wolves snarled. Even from a distance, Jasper recognized the vampires. Their shapes, the way they moved together as a unit — he knew all of the pieces that made up Peter and Charlotte as well as he knew any of the Cullens.

"Jacob," Jasper said. "They're friends of mine."

This did not bring an end to the low rumble of Jacob's growls. Jasper knew it was only a matter of time before the rest of the wolves appeared. After all, their treaty — if such a treaty even existed, now that the Cullens were human — did not offer any special protection to human-drinking friends.

"The hell?" Peter said, glaring at Seth and Jacob. "I thought the mutts weren't allowed on their... Jasper? Is that _you_?"

Nodding, Jasper placed his body between Bella and the visitors and reached a hand back to grasp her hip.

"How is that possible?" Charlotte said.

"Long story, but it's really me. We've made a few... changes."

"Shit." Laughing, Peter ventured a step closer, hands held up to Jacob to show he meant no harm. "Human Jasper. That's... now I've seen everything. Do you want me to fix it?"

"No!" Bella said.

Peter grinned, showing off too many of his sharp teeth. "Hey there, Little One. Almost didn't recognize you. When did you grow up?"

"I'm good like this, thanks," Jasper said. Tightening his hold on Bella, he offered Peter a strained smile. "I did it on purpose."

"Hmm. Must be the animal blood. Messes with your brain."

A gust of wind fanned Bella's hair up into a brown halo, whipping it into Jasper's shoulder. Peter and Charlotte's nostrils flared.

The stomach-chilling, paralyzing shock of fear crashed over Jasper. He'd witnessed that expression of bare desire on their faces during hundreds of hunts, always aimed at the most tantalizing prey. Now, they directed it at Bella. Every beat of his heart screamed for Jacob's backup to come to their rescue.

Jacob, he knew, couldn't afford to start a fight with so many delicate humans huddled nearby unless it was absolutely necessary. Not when it was two-on-two. Not when one of the vampires had enough scars to mark him as a seasoned warrior.

While Peter kept his gaze glued to the wolves, Charlotte watched Jasper and Bella. Her black eyes quickened Jasper's breaths, whittled them away until they were shallow and shaky. Even without his gift, he thought he could sense the dark yellow of her hatred for him. It had always been there; now would be no exception. He knew it just as surely as he knew the air around Charlotte and her mate was thickening with the seductive swirl of bloodlust.

"I guess we'll head off, then," Peter said with a nod at the wolves. As his Adam's apple bobbed, Jasper felt the phantom burn of venom pooling in his own mouth.

Urging Bella toward the door, Jasper attempted an answer. His panic-dry throat turned his voice into a rasp when he spoke. "We'd appreciate it if you kept this news to yourselves."

"Yeah, of course." With a glance at Charlotte, Peter added, "I'll call you sometime."

"You could get a phone, y'know," Jasper said. "Then I could call you now and then."

Chuckling, Peter shrugged one shoulder. "Maybe, maybe. I like the payphones, though. They sometimes come stocked with a snack." With a wave, he backed away. "See you around."

"Yeah. Later."

As the two neared the forest, Bella peered around Jasper's arm to add, "Don't forget your promise. You told me you wouldn't hunt in this town."

The only response she received was Peter's laugh and some comment Jasper didn't entirely catch about "bossy food."

-oOo-

"I don't think we should stay here any longer than necessary," Jasper said in low tones to Esme, Carlisle, and Bella. They stood close together in the space where Edward's piano used to live, as if guarding against December's chill in the middle of June.

"Let's wait for news from the wolves before we leave the house," Carlisle said. "Peter has never given us reason to distrust him. I think we'll be safe here, for the time being."

Right. Safe. Had they ever been safe since the day they drank Leah's blood?

Minutes trickled past. By the time Jasper's nerves had worked themselves raw, a bare-chested Brady showed up, Jacob's car keys jangling in his hand.

"I'm on babysitting duty," he said. "Jessica, do you need help carrying anything to the car? I'm supposed to take you and Sarah home. Leah, if you want, I can drop you and Garrett at your place on my way."

"What about them?" Jessica asked, balancing her daughter on her hip and jerking her head toward Bella and the Cullens.

Brady shrugged. "They can follow in their own cars, if they want, but they should be safe here. Collin is patrolling Forks."

The instant Collin's name left Brady's lips, Leah snorted. "You know that doesn't make _me_ rest easy. I know better."

Another shrug. "You coming or not?"

"Not," Leah said. "When you phase, let Collin know I'll kick his ass if anything happens to us."

"Will do. Jess?"

"Yeah. Coming."

She took her time about it, ignoring Collin's tapping foot and letting Sarah dole out goodbye hugs to everyone. Once the red glow of their taillights flickered out of view between the trees, Jasper took Bella's hand and led her upstairs. Upon reaching their borrowed bedroom, he opened her suitcase and began piling clothes into it.

"I meant it," he said. "We have to leave. Tonight. No road trip. When Jacob calls and tells us which direction they headed, we'll go the opposite way and fly to Sacramento as soon as we reach an airport. Do you think you can convince Charlie to visit Billy for a while? He'll be safer there."

"Wait. I thought Peter was your friend. War buddy, even."

"He is. I'd trust him with my life, but not with yours. And I damn well wouldn't trust Charlotte. I was hoping he'd call again, so I could tell him about all of this at a distance and ask him to keep away. Sweetheart, you just... you have no idea. Your scent... I almost killed you once — more than once, if I'm honest — and I actually cared whether you lived or died."

"Right, so I won't open any gifts in front of Peter, then."

"That's not funny. He spared you before because he knew I'd kill him if he touched you. Now I can't even hurt him, so he might take his chance."

"Why would a _friend_ do that to you?"

"They aren't Cullens, Bella. To them, we are food. They don't believe humans experience emotions that are as deep and binding as theirs, so I don't know. Charlotte would kill either of us without a second thought. Hell, she'd probably enjoy killing me far more than an ordinary meal. Pete probably wouldn't do that to me, but I can't know for certain. I knew what you meant to Alice and Edward, and I still... I doubt he'd think losing you would make me feel anything like..."

The rest of his statement remained unvoiced, hidden in his thoughts: _what I felt when Alice died_.

Tugging him close by his belt loops, Bella kissed his cheek. "I don't have any objections to leaving tonight, but I do think you should try to relax."

"I lived in that world too long to relax."

Grinning, she flicked the button of his jeans with her thumbnail. "I could help you."

"Seriously? Is that why you used to be an adrenaline junkie? Because danger turns you on?"

"Okay, just for that, I'm officially taking the offer of a blowjob off of the table."

"Now, now, let's not be hasty." Against his will, his lips curved up.

"Ha. Knew I could make you smile. I'm going to go make some coffee and sandwiches for the road. Do you want tea or anything?"

"I wouldn't mind that blowjob."

"Then learn yoga and work on your flexibility." At his responding chuckle, she beamed. "And now I made you laugh. I'm on a roll." Balancing on her tiptoes, she kissed a trail from his neck to his ear and whispered, "_Later_," before skipping out of the room.

Ten minutes passed, then fifteen. Jasper finished packing, but Bella didn't return.

How long did it take to make sandwiches and coffee?

As he combed the bedroom and bathroom for anything he'd missed, half-remembered fragments of his time with Peter and Charlotte swept over him. He could almost hear Charlotte's voice, sickly sweet, asking Peter to run some errand for her. Or, pursued by the wolves, she might suggest they split up and meet elsewhere. With Peter out of the way, she'd sneak back on her own to take what she wanted — what her mate might object to for Jasper's sake.

She could finally have what she had longed for. Never again would she have to share her mate's time with anyone. Never again would she have to look at the one who had tortured a newborn Peter and molded him into a warrior.

The fear of being caught wouldn't be so much as a blip on her radar. Like Victoria, her blind trust of her mate's abilities placed him so high on a pedestal as to make him invincible. Even if she sent him away under false pretenses, she would _know_ the way the faithful know. He would come back and save her, no matter what crimes she committed.

Or perhaps Peter's lack of restraint would bring him running to the Cullens' home. Depriving himself of anything was not his way. Never had been. Would he do so for their friendship, without the threat of Jasper's retaliation looming over him?

A thousand what-ifs swarmed Jasper thoughts. Just as he opened his mouth to call out to Bella, he heard it: her voice, twisted with fear, shrieking up to the clouds outside.

"Jake!"

Not Jasper. Jake. She needed Jacob's help — a _wolf's_ help.

His feet moved at a fraction of his old speed, as if wading through water. He'd never hated his human body before — not even when Edward lay near death in the hospital. Now, he loathed every drop of blood that had replaced his venom. Suppressing the urge to leap from the window like a vampire, he raced down the stairs. As useless as he was as a protector in this form, he'd be even worse if he broke his legs. At what seemed like a crawl, he burst through the open front door.

There. One of the what-ifs solidified across the lawn — like the monster in a child's closet come to life. Too far to reach in time. Long blond hair spilled over Bella's shoulder, over the ice-white arm holding her captive. Her cries were no longer for Jacob, but shapeless sobs muffled by Charlotte's hand. Keeping her mouth clamped over Bella's neck, Charlotte sprinted away in a blur.

Someone inside the house screamed. Old instincts drove Jasper forward, pulled his lips back over his teeth.

He would fucking kill her. He'd find a way. Even if he broke his body in the process, he would see Charlotte burn.

A streak of ashy-brown cut him off: Brady, finally arriving on the scene. Bella fell to the ground like an abandoned toy as the wolf pounced on Charlotte. The fight tumbled toward the trees, all screeches and growls. Jasper kept running, thoughts of revenge melting away. Nothing mattered except the woman sprawled on the grass. She was still so far away — only a pale dot against the thick shadow of the forest. His legs refused to carry him fast enough.

"Bella?" he said, finally falling to his knees at her side, out of breath. "Oh, God. No. _Please_, no. Please, please..."

She thrashed and wailed. Still alive, but for how long? As he pulled her hands from the wound on her neck, murmuring for her to let him see, her blood-slicked fingers scrambled for a grip on his shoulders. Placing his mouth where Charlotte's had been, he drew blood and venom into his mouth and spat it onto the ground.

Had to get the venom out. Had to stop the change. Had to had to had to. Couldn't lose her. Not her too.

She tasted like rust, like her screams, like fire, with nothing of his love beneath the metallic flood. None of the scent he used to crave. None of the skin he'd kissed. The lurching of his stomach was relegated to the background: the white noise of pain to be pushed through in a fight. Later. He could get sick later.

Gagging, he went back for a third pull. Smooth flesh met his searching lips, knit together by Charlotte's poison. He'd witnessed enough changes — set dozens in motion himself. He knew. If the venom was already healing her body, it had reached her heart.

It was too late. _He_ was too late.

Something was wrong with his eyes. A strange prickling sensation blurred his vision, turned the world into wavering bursts of light. Something heavy pressed on his chest, ripping its way up his neck. When he opened his mouth to let it out, it was nothing but a quivering breath. He blinked.

Oh. Tears.

After wiping his cheeks and forcing his face into a neutral expression, he carried Bella all the way back to the house. An ache spread through his arms and back and heart as he trudged on, but he told himself it was nothing in comparison to what she was feeling. Questions from the others were met with answers that were as monosyllabic as possible. Fortunately, they didn't ask much. They knew.

He had his own endless set of questions that nagged him as he placed her in the center of Rosalie and Emmett's old bed and rinsed the taste of blood from his mouth. What if she forgot everything? Forgot her family? His family? Alice? Her past with Edward?

Him?

Lying down beside her, he held her close and whispered a bedtime story into her ear: pieces of her life to carry her through the burn and into her new body.

"The first time we met, you were dating my brother..."

He couldn't say how much time passed in this way: Bella fighting to swallow her screams while he told her everything he could remember about Bella Swan the human. Ripples of heat at his back warned him of Jacob's approach before the repetition of his own plea: "Oh, God. No."

"Charlotte," Jasper said. "Is she dead?"

"Yeah. She almost took Brady out, but Seth got to them in time. Embry and Quil are looking for her mate."

"Good." His next words stuck in his throat for a moment. "You'll have to kill Peter as well. He won't be far; it'll be easier than the last time you tried to find him. He'll be looking for Charlotte, if he hasn't already smelled the smoke. He'll want revenge. Don't let anyone face him alone. Three against one, if possible. Pete's a... he's a damn good fighter. Experienced. Take your best with you. _ Not_ the one who let Charlotte through, though I doubt he's in any shape to fight, anyway. And try to aim for Peter's left leg. I tore it off once. Never healed quite right. If you don't kill him, he will destroy everything you love."

The muscles in Jacob's jaw flexed as he ground his teeth together. "Got it," he said. "I'll have Seth guard the house this time."

Jasper nodded. "Thank you. Be careful."

-oOo-

"What are you doing?" Jasper asked, arms outstretched to shield Bella as Leah approached with a knife clutched in her fist.

"I'm not going to try to kill her, dumb ass," Leah said. "The knife is for me. I was just thinking... maybe I can stop it before she changes. Carlisle says it's worth a shot."

Without flinching, she sliced a new line into her palm, parallel to the superstitious wrinkle that was supposed to chart her love life. As Leah bent over, bloodied hand extended, Jasper helped by holding Bella's mouth open.

"Drink," he said.

Bella sputtered and choked, flailing in his grasp. Even after he and Leah managed to coax some of the liquid down her throat, nothing appeared to change.

"Maybe she has to be a vampire first," Leah said. "Can't switch in the middle or something."

The hand she placed on his shoulder felt wrong, alien without the fiery skin he'd come to associate with Leah. Jasper tried to believe her theory.

-oOo-

"It's done. Her mate's dead."

Jacob limped away as soon as the words were spoken. Jasper didn't call after him. He didn't want to know the particulars. Knowing that it had taken place was already too much. He slammed his eyes shut against the ache — against the soul-deep sting of the knowledge that he'd played a part in the murder of his oldest friend. His hands quaked, fingers itching for something to hit, something to take the blame. Some old, forgotten trinket of Rosalie's bore the brunt of his fury. Under the raw despair powering his throw, it shattered against the wall and exploded into shimmery dust. The crash sparked a louder wail from Bella. Her voice cracked around a scream, tearing into hyperventilating whimpers.

"Shh," Jasper said, smoothing her sweat-dampened hair back from her forehead and kissing her temple. "It's okay, sweetheart. I'm sorry. It's okay. You're safe."

Was she colder? Was her skin harder? Jasper passed his hands over her body, searching for the ghostly signature of living death. He couldn't tell how much time she had left. How long had it been already? The wolves would tell him when he had to leave her.

But what would Jacob and his pack do if Leah's blood didn't work? If the change was permanent? How far would their friendship stretch if Bella became what they hated most?

With numb fingers, he pulled his phone out of his pocket. His eyes burned as he found the number he needed and pressed "call."

She answered after only one ring.

"Hello?"

"I need your help."

-oOo-

The first thing Edward heard when his implant was switched on — after a short buzz and a pop — was Irina saying, "Is it on yet?" The sound was robotic and strange, but the consonants and vowels matched up with the movement of her lips.

The second thing he heard was his own laugh.

Back at the house, she read to him when she ran out of things to say, obviously taking the audiologist's advice to heart. Practice, the pudgy woman had claimed, would be the best way for him to learn to hear sounds in a more natural way. Emmett and Rosalie joined in, from time to time, but Irina kept going the longest. Not even Noah's newborn cries — a sound Edward smiled to hear — could stop her.

Edward squinted as Irina took care to enunciate each syllable of some random chapter of _Cat's Cradle_. He hated wearing contacts, but the external components of his implant interfered with his glasses. Laser eye surgery seemed more and more appealing.

A ray of sun caught Irina's face, highlighting her pale eyelashes. Edward decided he liked her best like this: baggy pajamas, no makeup, with nothing disguising her natural beauty. Like this, all he saw was his dear, stubborn... friend? Was she only his friend? It was difficult to tell. She never made any advances like the ones he used to see in her mind, but there was _something_ in those soft kisses that landed on the corner of his mouth. Something in the music that fought its way out of his fingers and onto the page.

Trailing off, Irina set the book in her lap and pressed the heels of her hands against her eyes. "Edward, look. Okay. Um. I've been trying to take this slowly and drop subtle hints, because... well, because I know you, but... argh. That is not how I work. Remember when I told you that you should act young, explore your options, and break hearts?"

He swallowed. "Yes."

"I changed my mind."

Flinging the book aside, she kissed him as he had never been kissed before. It was nothing like the corner-of-the-mouth pecks. Nothing like the restrained, throat-burning kisses he'd once allowed himself as a vampire. Irina didn't hold back one second of her centuries of experience, didn't give him a chance to catch his breath.

The shrill ring of her phone made them pull apart. Groaning, Irina reached an arm over the back of the sofa to answer it.

"This had better be important, Jasper. Also, hello. Goodness, what time is it there?" The color drained from her face, her fingers coming up to press against her kiss-reddened lips as Jasper continued talking. Now and then, she peppered his monologue with an, "Oh, no," or an, "I'm so sorry."

"Yes, he is," she said, glancing at Edward for the first time since the call began. "I don't know if he'll be able to hear on the phone yet, but it seems to... okay, I'll tell him. I hope she recovers. Let us know if you need... all right. Take care."

Edward's stomach sank as she ended the call and squeezed her phone as if it was somehow at fault for whatever news she'd received.

"You hope who recovers?" he asked.

"Bella."

As she relayed the information Jasper had given her, Irina kept her gaze focused somewhere over Edward's right shoulder. It was only when she reached the part in the story about Jasper calling Tanya for assistance that her eyes once again met his.

"Do you still... will you change?" she said. "If Leah's blood doesn't work on Bella, will you change back?"

"I... I hardly know."

In some small way, he felt duty-bound to do so — felt he owed it to Bella to be her guide, friend, and protector in that life, since he was the one who introduced her to the danger of the supernatural. Bella, he was certain, would never ask it of him. If he knew the new her at all, his transition from human to vampire for her sake would spark frustration and rather a lot of arguing.

A year ago, he wouldn't have hesitated. If Bella became a vampire, so would he. How strange humans were — how resilient. Only a year as a human and his world had ceased orbiting hers. If he changed, his senses would once again be perfect, but would his heart freeze forever in this state of almost-maybe-something with Irina?

And if he asked Tanya or Eleazar or whomever to bite him, he would be a monster again. A _thing_ — not a person. An ever-thirsty murderer aching for its next kill. Unless he dived off of the edge of civilization for his newborn years, innocents would die at his hand. Even if he avoided human contact for decades, there were always accidents.

Irina watched him with wide, clear blue eyes. No tears. No pleading but for the tremor in her voice. When she said, "It's your choice," he heard, "_Choose me_." A whirlwind of emotion replaced his implant, turning her, "I won't try to hold you back," into, "_I will try to make you happy_."

His lips found hers again, his arms holding her tight. This time, he led the kiss — soft and uncertain. The first, shaky step toward something unknown and terrifying and beautiful.

"No," he said. "I won't change back."

Her gaze flitted to his ear. "Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Good." With a closed-mouth smile, she helped herself to a seat on his lap. Rather than gently return her to her portion of the couch, his hands decided to rest on her waist.

"I worked hard to keep you human, I hope you know," she said, turning his face with a hand on his chin so he could watch her lips move. "I'd be very angry with you if it turned out that I threatened to kill everyone for nothing. Anyway, you're more attractive as a human." At his scoff, she traced her index finger over his neck, playing connect-the-dots with his freckles. "You are. I like this body." Settling a palm over his heart, she sighed. "I like that it fought to stay alive. Battle scars are sexy, you know."

"_Right_. I'm afraid you aren't going to be able to cheer me up right now, though that last fib was a valiant effort."

"I'm not trying to cheer you up. I'm simply telling you the truth. And another bit of truth is that I hope Bella is able to change back. Convention states I shouldn't like her, since she's your ex, but I never cared much for convention. She seems like a nice girl."

"She is."

"She doesn't deserve this."

"Not at all."

"Do you want me to read some more? It might distract you."

"No. Can we please... sit for a while? Like this?"

Instead of offering him more words, Irina closed her eyes. Her fingertips drew spiraling shapes on the base of his neck, ruffling his hair and sending tickling shivers down his spine.

Together, they settled in for a long wait.

-oOo-

"Jasper."

At the sound of Carlisle's voice, Jasper's body jerked as if stumbling in a half-awake dream. Had he slept? The last thing he remembered was telling Bella everything he knew about her childhood while Esme fluttered in and out of the room and tried to be of use.

Carlisle stood at the foot of the bed, a thin white box in hand. Leaping up, Jasper reached for it. Sure enough, Alice's handwriting snaked around the edge, soothing his worries with its request for Carlisle to deliver the box to Jasper when the time was right.

"It doesn't seem..." Carlisle said. "I've carried this with me wherever we went, but I haven't known when to give it to you. I thought you could use it now."

"Thank you."

With a nod and a warm clasp of his shoulder, Carlisle left the room. Once Jasper tore through the dusty, peeling tape, he discovered a letter and an infant-sized, primrose yellow t-shirt featuring a cartoon zoo of zebras, giraffes, hippos, and lions.

_Dear Jasper,_

_I'm not going to pretend this letter isn't the most difficult one that I've had to write. Watching your future without me hurts, sometimes. There's no other way to say it. I want you to be happy, but putting pen to paper in this case is hard. I don't think it'll spoil the upcoming event for you to know that years ago, your late wife saw this possibility and wished she could cry. You know me well enough to know I'm perfectly capable of being simultaneously thrilled and heartbroken. Right now, that is exactly how I feel._

_I'm not completely sure this letter will ever be delivered. It's hard to say what you and Bella will decide. You could go either way. I've seen both options, each as fuzzy as the other. But I know that if it does happen, Carlisle will keep this safe for me until the time is right._

_If this letter makes no sense, then I guess you and Bella went for option B. In that case, you may as well give the shirt to Rose and Em; goodness knows they'll have plenty of use for it. _

_Anyway, if this does arrive at the right time, then congratulations. You're going to be an amazing dad. That baby of yours will be so, so loved. Son or daughter, I'm not sure. It keeps varying. Pinning this vision down is almost impossible._

_If any of these letters I've prepared reach you when they are supposed to, it'll be a miracle. So many things can change between now and then. But I know I'm right about where you're going in the long run. With her. __That__ is crystal clear._

_Whether you choose to have a child or not, grab onto happiness and don't let go through any of the ups and downs. I have a good feeling that it's going to be wonderful._

_Give my love to Bella. And now and then, spoil that baby on my behalf, just a little._

_Love,_

_Alice_

Jasper turned the letter over, searching for some hint — some mention of Peter and Charlotte. Some indication that Alice saw Bella temporarily becoming a vampire.

Nothing.

Chilly fingers wrapped around his elbow. Whirling around, heart racing, his panicked gaze landed on a pair of sympathetic, honey colored eyes.

"Tanya," he said. "Thank you for coming."

Tanya gave him a soft smile, tilting her head up to kiss his cheek. The nearness of her teeth made instinctive fear drape over his skin, but he tried to disguise his shudder as a reaction to the cold.

"You know we're always here if you need us," she said.

The others milled around the hall: Eleazar and Carmen speaking in low voices, Kate propping herself up against the doorframe.

"Poor thing," Tanya said, stroking Bella's forehead and shushing her. "I wish we were meeting under happier circumstances, Bella. I've heard so much about you."

When Bella leaned into Tanya's touch and whined, the latter stretched out on the bed and held her as if trying to soothe a nightmare-plagued child.

"There," Tanya whispered. "The cold helps with the burn, yes? There we go."

"You should get out of here soon," Kate said. "Her scent is changing."

Jasper nodded. He'd already told Bella everything he could remember — everything he knew about her past. Even so, his heart hammered out a protest, rebelling at the idea of leaving her, however necessary it was.

"We'll be at Leah and Garrett's," he said. "Call me the second—"

"We will," Kate said. "If it doesn't work, we'll take her home with us. I won't let the wolves touch her. I promise."

With Kate's welcome, threatening voice ringing in his ears, Jasper kissed Bella one final time and slipped out of the room. At the base of the stairs, Carlisle and Esme waited for him, constant and steady as ever. Worried as he knew she had to be, Jasper wished he could feel the copper threads of Esme's emotions weaving through him, creating a familiar tapestry with Carlisle's amber.

"What about Charlie and Renee?" Carlisle whispered, as if afraid to wake one who soon would lack sleep. "What should we do about them?"

"I don't know." Wincing, Jasper shielded his eyes against the red glare of the rising sun. "Renee expects us... what day is it?"

"The 30th," Esme said.

"Tomorrow, then. I suppose we wait. See if Leah's blood does anything. If it does, we'll make up some excuse about being waylaid. I'll call and say I'm... I don't know. Surprising her with a side trip somewhere. If it doesn't..."

"They'll handle it," Esme said, nodding toward the stairs. "Jasper? What will you do if Leah's blood doesn't work?"

He said nothing.


	29. Ending at the Beginning

_**A/N:**__ Sorry this is a day late! I decided to combine the last chapter and the epilogue. Unfortunately, that means this is the final installment of _A Forest Fire_. I should be posting a new fic in a couple of weeks that'll focus on Leah and Garrett's side of the story. It'll be short - only a few chapters, at most. After that, I'll be starting an Edward/Bella AU. An E/B story from me... shocking. I don't intend to make it a habit, though. Non-canon is still my favourite playground._

_Thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed, recommended, and Tweeted about this story, and also to those of you who have been reading along quietly. :) There are a couple of lines from _Twilight_ in this chapter: "It won't be so hard again," and "Was that very hard for you?" Oh, and thank you to everyone who voted for AFF in the Non-Canon Awards. It was the runner-up for best Bella/Jasper pairing!_

_I'm going to miss writing about these two and interacting with all of you._

* * *

><p><strong>28. Ending at the Beginning<strong>

"Drink."

Glass pressed against Bella's lips, followed by a bitter liquid that made her wince even as it soothed the ache in her throat. The taste was off — spoiled, somehow. Too cold. She craved heat, something closer to the tempting scent that hovered in the air.

"Nothing," someone said — a different voice from the commanding one of a few moments before. This one was sultry and feminine.

"Give it a moment."

Opening her eyes, Bella sprang up. A man and three women — all of them strangers — tracked her every movement, giving her space. So cautious. The amber color of their eyes and the shimmer of their skin triggered something in her memory. A sun-drenched meadow? A cold forest? A hole in her chest, now stitched up tight. He didn't want her.

That didn't seem right. Maybe she didn't want him. Whoever he was.

"Bella," the strawberry blond woman said. "I'm Tanya. Jasper's friend."

_Jasper_. Him, she remembered. Warmth and love and friendship. Where was he? She wanted him there with her, whispering sweet words. Keeping her eyes on the others, she crept into the hall.

"We aren't going to hurt you," Tanya said. "Do you remember the wolves? Your friend, Jacob? They're outside. We need you to try some of their blood."

Jake was motorcycles and smiles, but not what she longed for. As she opened her mouth to ask Tanya about Jasper's location, a new desire hit her. The smell that wafted through an open door was months old, but it made her hunger like nothing else ever had. Drawing in a deep breath to savor it, she stepped inside.

Torture and paradise, rolled into one. The room was a ghost of its former self, the furniture shrouded in white. Everything — from the pale gold carpet to the giant bed that stood where some murky memory told her a couch used to be — carried a hint of chocolate and spice and something so perfectly _hers_ it should've been a sin. Faint as the scent was, it called to her, intoxicating and irresistible as any siren. Burying her face in one of the drop cloths brought a growl rumbling up her burning throat.

She had to have it.

"Bella," the male of the group said, but she didn't give him a chance to finish. A new instinct spurred her on. Dashing away from the four who might compete for that perfect scent, she leaped through a window and hit the ground running.

Four-legged creatures pursued her, as well as those from the house, but she was faster. As she raced through the forest, dodging trees, she sniffed the air without success. There was no trace of that heavenly scent out here.

Instead of the mournful howls of the wolves or the fading pleas of the strangers, it was a different scent that finally stopped her retreat: the one that had been in the room where she woke. It clung to the perimeter of a stone cross — a grave. A bouquet of barely-wilted flowers sat in a metal container of water. Engraved block capitals spelled out a name that made painful recognition crash over her.

ALICE.

Oh, God. _Alice_. Edward. Charlie Renee Austin Sarah Emmett Esme Carlisle Rosalie Seth Jessica Peter Charlotte.

Bella's memories lined up like soldiers in her mind, narrated by a scratchy, exhausted voice that promised her everything would be okay — that she would always be loved. Clapping a hand over her mouth, she sank to her knees. Her new skin sparkled beneath a ray of sunlight, mocking her. She'd asked for this, once. _Begged_ for it.

_Be careful what you wish for_.

The wet thud of a heart renewed the thirst that sorrow and self-pity had chased away, but a rotting stench ensured her appetite didn't make her lunge and bite. Jake strode through a gap in the trees, bare but for a pair of cut-off shorts.

"Bells, don't run. If you try to attack a human... Jesus. I can't fucking kill you. I thought it would be... I can't do it. Please, _please_ don't make me."

"Jake."

Instinct told her to fight or flee — that he was an enemy — but the past sent her into his too-warm arms. The others drew nearer, keeping to the shadows: a strange, tense audience of wolves and vampires.

"Here," Jake said, grabbing her hand. As uncomfortable as it was to touch his heated skin, it was a hundred times worse when he used her fingernail to slice open his wrist and held the wound to her mouth. The blood wasn't like what she drank in the house. That had been merely unappetizing; this was putrid. Even so, she forced it down her throat.

Jake placed some welcome distance between their bodies, but held his hands ready as if to catch her. He needn't have bothered. Nothing happened.

"Seth!" Jake said. "You're up next."

-oOo-

"We think Edward might be her singer," Carmen said. "She went crazy when she smelled his old room."

Feeling as though he was suspended in a dream, Jasper repeated the news for everyone else. Horror, followed by a collective sigh of relief swept through Leah and Garrett's house. For the first time, Jasper was glad his brother had gotten sick. That illness prevented Edward from joining them on this trip, keeping him safe in Spain. If he had been in Washington — if his scent had been fresh — not much could have stopped Bella from hunting him. His flirtation with death saved his life.

"Jasper," Carmen said, drawing his attention back to their phone call. "We tried all of the wolves' blood. It didn't work. I'm so sor—"

"Change me."

Silence, on both ends of the line. Leah shattered the uneasy quiet by stomping out of the room. Carlisle placed a heavy hand on Jasper's shoulder.

"Are you sure?" Carmen asked.

"Yes."

"All right, if that's what you want. When?"

"As soon as possible."

-oOo-

Only Carlisle and Esme accompanied Jasper to the edge of the old treaty line to meet Carmen. Leah refused to speak to him once his decision was made, and Garrett said his goodbyes at the house.

"Be good," Carlisle said with a sad smile.

"I'll try."

"Remember that girl who was injured in the woods. You smelled the blood and didn't attack. Don't forget that. You're stronger than you think."

After a brief hug, Jasper turned toward a tear-stained Esme. She caught him by the shoulders, holding on as if she could turn back time and fix everything if only she refused to let go.

"Knowing you has been such a privilege," she whispered.

Shaking his head, Jasper held her at arm's length. "Hey, you'll still know me. We'll have e-mails and Skype and phone calls, right? And I won't be a newborn forever. Just... maybe no hugs for a few decades."

"Yes. You'd _better_ call, or I will hunt you down."

"Duly noted." He attempted a grin as he pressed the baby shirt from Alice into her hand. "Give this to Rose and Emmett for me, okay?"

Esme nodded. "Of course."

As he opened the passenger door of Carmen's rental, Jasper looked back at his pretend parents. Hundreds of memories floated up: an imaginary scrapbook populated by Carlisle offering quiet support after a slip, Esme forcing him to hunt after Alice died.

"Thank you," he said.

He didn't say goodbye. Once inside the car, he told Carmen to drive.

"I'll take you most of the way before I do it," she said, swallowing hard as they picked up speed. "Bella is already there, so we can't go to the house while you're still human. And I'll need to hunt first."

Absentmindedly, he murmured his assent. Already, nausea churned his stomach and made his mouth water. Watching the twists and turns in the road didn't help. Her driving was even worse than Edward's. In an attempt to distract himself, he took out his phone, called Tanya, and asked to speak to Bella.

"Hello?" The word came out in the faltering, too-quick manner of one not accustomed to trying to speak at a human speed. He could hear hints of her old voice, but she didn't sound quite like his Bella.

It didn't matter.

"Hey, sweetheart."

"Jasper?"

"Yeah, it's me. How are you doing?"

"I can hear your heartbeat. It's so distracting."

In spite of everything, a chuckle rose up his throat. "I bet. You remember, though? You remember your life?"

"Not everything, but I remember... I remember the people who mattered."

"Good." The sigh that passed his lips carried some of the tension out of his shoulders. "Hey. I love you."

"I love you, too." A quaking breath. "I guess we have to talk, don't we?"

"Nah. Not just yet. I'll see you in a few days. We can talk then."

"A few... Jasper, what are you—"

"You know what I'm doing."

"But you don't want this!"

"Yes, I do. Easiest decision of my life, I promise. I'll see you soon."

-oOo-

Burning. Had it ever stopped? Maybe Alice, the Cullens, Bella — all of it — had been a fever dream borne from Maria's venom. Pieces of happiness his mind created to keep his sanity from splintering under the pain.

A blessedly cold hand stroked his hair while someone sang, "Duérmete, mi niño." Tinny voices came from a speaker, weaving stories about his life, begging him to remember. Carlisle and Esme spoke of Alice. Emmett told him about years of chess games and bets and pranks on Edward. Bella's new voice told him what she could of how they fell in love.

Concern that wasn't his own leaked into his awareness, colored robin egg blue. Carmen. Agony tightened its fist around his heart. One last, shuddering beat, and his pulse went silent.

Carmen watched him without speaking, crouched in a defensive pose. At the sight of her familiar face, he focused on the cloudy visions of his brief walk in the sun, straining to etch them into his new memory. Waking up was easier, this time — less disorienting. He knew what to expect.

Groaning, he rubbed his throat. Oh, God. Thirsty._ So_ thirsty.

It went against everything he'd seen of newborns in Maria's army, but there was something he wanted even more than blood.

"Bella."

Carmen's mouth relaxed into a smile. "Come on. We'll hunt on the way."

-oOo-

He found her among towering evergreens, singing to the birds that flew away from her. Frustration rolled across the ground, unfurling like wings. Whirling around, scattering pine needles, she faced him. The instant her gaze locked with his, the forest green of her emotional signature burned into red-orange.

Jasper gasped. A heat he'd felt only once before blanketed his skin, shifted his world on its axis. Alice's theories about vampire mates were right.

"What _is_ that?" Bella whispered.

"That... that is me being so damn lucky."

He took his time about moving closer, relishing the bond as he took Bella's hand and the puzzle pieces clicked into place. Bringing her wrist up to his mouth, he placed his own mark over the one left by James.

"Yours," she said — a beautiful echo of some other time, some other life. With a ripple of mirth, she added, "I've never done this as a vampire."

Brushing her hair over her shoulder, he nipped at the scar left by Charlotte. "I'll be gentle."

"I hope not."

Bracing her back against a tree, he lowered his mouth to hers. Love and want surged through the connection, as bittersweet as the tingle of her venom on his tongue.

"I'm sorry," he said against her lips. "Your family—"

"I don't want to think about it. I can't. Not yet."

Holding her tighter, he let love rise up inside of him and wash over her grief. "Okay."

"I'm sorry about Peter. Kate told me what happened."

"You're apologizing for his death? After everything his visit cost you?"

"It cost both of us."

Her emotions whipped back and forth, newborn-fast: sadness, fury, regret, insecurity.

"Stop," he said, skimming his nose along her cheek. "Easiest decision of my life, like I said. You _are_ worth it. L'Oréal commercials, remember?"

Her bark of laughter startled a flock of birds that had been foolish enough to remain near the predators. "I do remember that. I wish I could remember everything."

"Maybe you can. The important stuff, at least."

"How?"

Grinning, he jerked his head in the approximate direction of Tanya's house. "You and I kept records, in a manner of speaking. Do you remember your password?"

-oOo-

_**From:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**To:**__ Edward Cullen  
><em>_**Date:**__ 07/14/2014_

_Dear Edward,_

_I have a newfound respect for your self-control. Jasper says the thirst gets better after the first couple of years. I sure hope so. It amazes me that you didn't drain me on the spot in Biology. You didn't know me, back then. I know you and care about you, and I don't want to think about what I would undoubtedly do if we were in the same room._

_Who knew the singer connection went both ways? Maybe we're just an anomaly. It's not like there's a wealth of similar cases to compare to ours. Or, you know, any at all. _

_By the way, when that body of yours reaches the age of 100, I'll be at your birthday party. I'm going to practice and practice and practice my control in preparation for inviting myself, so you'd better make it. _

_I'd like to continue to get to know you through e-mail and Skype, if you'd still like to know me. If you could fill in a few blanks in my memory, it'd help a lot._

_And if you're feeling guilty and blaming yourself, knock it off this instant. It's completely unnecessary. It was Charlotte's fault, no one else's._

_This is going to sound weird, but can you send me something of yours? Something you've worn. Maybe seal it in a plastic bag to preserve it. I have a plan to get myself accustomed to your scent. Jasper is dubious. He called me a masochist when I showed him my outline, but I think it could work. Best to start small, though. _

_How are you doing? And how's Irina? Hope you're both well. Talk to you soon._

_Love,  
><em>_Bella_

-oOo-

_**From:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**To: **__Emmett McCarty  
><em>_**Date:**__ 07/16/2014_

_Em,_

_I swear, if you don't quit with the forwards, I'm going to eat you. I won't even feel guilty about it._

— _Jasper_

-oOo-

_**From:**__ Irina Moravcová  
><em>_**To: **__Bella Swan  
><em>_**Date:**__ 07/17/2014_

_Dear Bella,_

_Did you really ask my man to send you his dirty clothes? I do not know the protocol for this situation. Am I supposed to tell you to back off? I feel like I should remove my earrings in preparation for a fight. _

_In case it wasn't obvious: I'm joking. You are welcome to Edward's laundry as long as you stay away from his neck. I think trying to get used to his scent is a marvelous idea. Don't let Jasper dissuade you._

_I'm sorry we probably won't have a chance to get to know each other better in person. Perhaps we could be penpals? I could teach you to speak Finnish._

— _Irina_

-oOo-

_**From:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**To: **__Irina Moravcová  
><em>_**Date:**__ 07/17/2014_

_I'd like that. :) Us being penpals, I mean. Not you telling me to back off._

_Finnish? Sure. Hey, Edward tells me you've been struggling with learning to play the piano. Would you like to join in on my Skype conversations with him sometime? I could give you singing lessons._

— _Bella_

-oOo-

_**From:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**To:**__ Rosalie McCarty  
><em>_**Date: **__09/29/2014_

_Rose,_

_Please don't tell any of the others about this e-mail. Not even Emmett. Bella and I have been making plans to keep all of you safe from the Volturi, and we agree this is the best way._

_If they find you, tell them about Bella. Tell them she is a shield. Her power can block Kate's, and obviously she was able to block Edward when she was still human. Aro will want to read your mind once you mention it, I'm sure, and he'll see this e-mail. Let him know that in exchange for the family's safety, Bella and I will offer our services to the Volturi. Eleazar says that Aro would love to add our gifts to his collection._

_I'm not sure any of the others would be willing to send us off to the Volturi, but I know I can trust you to do this. I don't mean that in a bad way; I just know you'll do whatever it takes to protect them. _

_Love,  
><em>_Jasper_

-oOo-

_**From:**__ Rosalie McCarty  
><em>_**To: **__J. W. Hale  
><em>_**Date:**__ 10/01/2014_

_Jas,_

_I hope it won't come to that, but if the Volturi do show up, I'll go through with your plan. Thank you. Thank Bella for me._

_Wow. I think a few icicles just formed in Hell._

_I've been wondering. If you _could_ become human again, would you? Or would you do the Jasper thing of saying it was too dangerous and you couldn't take the risk? I think it's worth the potential dangers, but I'm sure you already knew that.  
><em>

_Also: are you going to keep using my maiden name for your e-mail? I'm not complaining. Just asking. I always liked being your twin._

_I'm attaching some new pictures of Noah. "Some" meaning 26. Carlisle got camera-happy. _

_Love,  
><em>_Rosalie_

-oOo-

_**From:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**To:**__ Rosalie McCarty  
><em>_**Date: **__10/02/2014_

_Bella says you're very welcome, and shares your opinion on things getting a bit chilly in Hell.  
><em>

_I don't know what I would do if offered the chance to become human again. Not having kids isn't the end of the world for us. We are content without them. On the other hand, I really enjoyed being human, for the most part. It was frightening and I hated not being able to protect Bella, but I liked the changes. I liked the options. Immortality has its own set of drawbacks and limitations, as you well know. _

_Not much point in dwelling on what-ifs, though, is there?  
><em>

_I intend to keep using your maiden name for this e-mail indefinitely, for nostalgia's sake. I liked being your twin, too.__  
><em>

_The pictures are great. I can't believe how quickly Noah is growing. He looks just like you.  
><em>

_Love,  
>Jasper<br>_

-oOo-

_**From:**__ Jacob Black  
><em>_**To:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**Date:**__ 03/23/2017_

_Bells,_

_How's my favorite leech? By that, I mean Jasper, of course, since I'm pretty sure it wasn't his idea to send a drum set for Sarah's birthday. Thanks a TON for that, by the way. Jess loves them, really. Sarah sent a thank you note to Edward with drawings and photos. I'm sure he'll pass it on to you. _

_If I didn't know better, I'd doubt that kid's paternity. She's gotten to be pretty good friends with Edward since he became your beard for sending stuff to her. Must be her mother's fault. I know she didn't get such god awful taste from me._

_So, I have some news. Do you remember a couple of years back, when I told you that Jessica's parents were splitting up? Of course you do. Freaky vampire memory. Well, apparently Elaine, her mom, has moved on. I had no idea how serious it was until last night. As far as I knew, they were just eating dinner together because Elaine hates cooking for one and they both enjoyed having the company. Apparently not. Elaine and Charlie are engaged. Yes, YOUR Charlie. _

_Hmm, I guess that means you and Jess will be stepsisters. Try to contain your excitement._

_Sarah is looking forward to Uncle Charlie becoming Grandpa Charlie. She's very into fishing right now — always tags along with him and my dad, and she thinks gutting fish is awesome. _

_Anyway, gotta run. We're meeting Charlie and Elaine in Forks for a celebratory dinner. _

_Love,  
><em>_Jake_

-oOo-

_**From:**__ Emmett McCarty  
><em>_**To:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**Date:**__ 05/08/2023_

_Dude. I understand why Bella doesn't feel ready, but seriously. You need to stop being such a pussy. _

_Kate said you've gone out among humans dozens of times now. We'll meet you outside, one at a time, to start with. No kids, obviously. If you have Kate, Tanya, and Eleazar to hold you back, it'll be fine. It's not like you have to get on a plane or anything. Why do you think we moved to Montana? It sure as hell wasn't for the weather. _

_I'm not scared. You shouldn't be, either. Get your ass down here. Bad enough you're missing the bachelor party (it's going to be epic). You have to come to the wedding. I'm pretty sure the possibility of your presence is a big part of the reason they put it off for so long. And I can't be the only one there making jokes about Edward FINALLY getting some. Don't do that to me!_

— _Emmett_

-oOo-

"What is _that_?"

The wheels of Jasper's desk chair dragged on the thick pile of the carpet as he pushed himself back to make room for Bella to sit on his lap. "Um. I'm not sure," he said. "It's a video."

She snorted. "Yes, I can see that much."

"From Emmett."

"Oh. Bachelor party?"

"I... think so? Shit, I hope so. If this has become an average Tuesday for him, then I think we have cause for concern."

"Well, he did say the party was going to be epic. Can't imagine Edward enjoyed it much, though."

"Mm. I think that was kind of the point."

"Y'know, if you want to make the wedding, you should probably head off soon. Tanya, Kate, and Eleazar are packed and ready to go."

"Bella—"

"It's your brother's wedding. You should be there. Me, I'd eat the groom before he could say, 'I do,' but_ you_ will be fine."

The tightly woven threads of her confidence in him bundled around his chest, building him up until a smile pulled at the corners of his mouth.

"You think so?" he said.

"Absolutely. If you get tempted, just think of doughnuts with bacon. No appetite can stand up to that."

"Have you been reading our old e-mails again?"

"Yes, but I didn't really need to. _That_ experience is one that stuck with me."

-oOo-

Cloud shadows raced across the ground like dark, wavering giants. The sky felt bigger here — closer, somehow. As if it was a great blue ceiling that could be touched by scaling a ladder or a mountain.

Deer blood sloshed in Jasper's belly. As the front door of the new Cullen homestead swung open, Eleazar and Kate each grabbed one of his arms, just as he'd instructed. A white-veiled Irina waved at him from an upstairs window. Her joyful emotions stretched across the distance between them: glittering silver that he knew had lightened Edward's midnight, become the new star in his sky.

Rosalie was first. She crossed the clover-strewn grass with a padded envelope tucked under her arm, her hair shining bright gold under the occasional bursts of sun. Her scent was as Edward had described it based on his memories of her from almost century ago: floral layered with spice. Eleazar tightened his grip, but Jasper smiled. He wouldn't hurt her. Couldn't.

"Ugh," she said once she was close enough for her weak eyes to see him clearly. "You look entirely too young."

He laughed. "Oh, I don't know. I think you could still pass as my twin."

"Flattery will get you everywhere." Perching on a mossy log, she balanced the envelope on her knee. "It's good to see you. Skype and e-mails aren't enough."

"Yeah. I know the feeling."

Within the house, Esme, Edward, and Carlisle crowded in front of the picture window in the kitchen, each of them holding a child. He'd seen all of the kids through his computer screen, many times. Bella was fond of reading books to them during their video chats — especially her old copies of _Alice in Wonderland_ and _Through the Looking Glass_ that Irina had stolen from her house in Nottingham just after Kate staged a car accident to give Bella's human family and friends some closure.

The little ones in Esme and Edward's arms were Rosalie and Emmett's boys — a toddler and a five-year-old, respectively. Noah's voice came from deeper inside the house, copying Emmett's shouts at some televised sporting event. Carlisle held the first girl of the new generation.

The new Alice Cullen was all pudgy cheeks and dimples. Dark curls framed her round face, and her eye color seemed to have settled on a familiar, clear blue. In almost every way, she looked like her biological father in miniature.

"Is it strange for you?" Jasper asked before he could stop himself. "Knowing she's Emmett's?"

"Hmm? Oh, Ally?" Rosalie shrugged. "No. Biology doesn't mean a damn when it comes to family. Not really."

Fond amusement pushed his mouth into a smirk. "Has motherhood turned you into a sap?"

She flipped him off.

"Anyway," she said, "I was happy he could help Esme and Carlisle. They wanted that kid for so long, I..." As her voice trailed off, her purple emotions tumbled into guilt and pity.

Jasper began to tell her concern wasn't necessary, but the sound of his own name cut him off. Edward wasn't addressing the vampire in the woods; his words were meant for the blond bundle of mischief in his arms.

"Jasper," he said, "is that bubblegum in your hair? How did you... no, put that back in your pocket. I don't want it... _Emmett_!"

At Kate's snicker and Jasper's stifled laugh, Rosalie tilted her head in a silent question.

"My namesake appears to be causing trouble," he said.

"_Oh_. Figures. That boy, I swear. I knew I was tempting fate by giving him Edward as a middle name. Sometimes he drives me as crazy as the original." Pressing her lips together, she tossed her envelope toward the elder Jasper.

"I kept waiting for the right time," she said, "but it never came. I finally decided that now was as good a time as any. If I tried to hold onto it until Bella made an honest man of you, I might have it forever."

Jasper just smiled. When he tore through the flap and tipped the contents into his hand, three leather-bound journals slid out, accompanied by a note on pale blue paper.

_Dear Jasper,_

_This will be the last letter you receive from me._

_I think. I have only the vaguest idea of when Rose will deliver it. The others were comparatively easy to judge. Maybe she'll give it to you a week after you become human, maybe a decade. No matter when you get it, this is the last letter I'm writing._

_The journals that came with it contain as much of our story as I could cram into three volumes in two hours. Thought you might want it. Once you make the big change from vampire to human, your memory obviously won't be what it used to be. _

_Even though you don't need me anymore (you __don't__), promise you won't forget me, okay? _

_Ha, as if you could. As if I'd let you. _

_Give everyone a big hug from me, and burn every last one of Carlisle's hideous Cosby sweaters. I love you all._

_Always,  
><em>_Alice_

-oOo-

A fog of lavender-scented steam hugged the ceiling, curling around the bedposts and hiding in darkened corners. The diluted, muddy odor of animal blood hovered in the background, telling stories of recent hunts.

A square of red floating on a white sea caught Jasper's attention as he slipped Alice's journals into his desk. There, nestled on his pillow, was a greeting card. Someone had drawn a grisly scene on the cover: dismembered arms and legs sat on the banks of a Crayola-red pool of blood. Two thick black lines crossed out the whole scene. At their intersection, a yellow smiley-face beamed up at him.

"The hell?" he said.

The message inside was simple: "Congratulations on not killing everyone," followed by Bella's signature and a slew of X's and O's. With a chuckle and a shake of his head, he sprinted into the bathroom.

"Hi," Bella said, peeking around the edge of the shower curtain. "How was your trip?"

"Good." Heedless of the water streaming over her body, he wrapped an arm around her waist and touched his lips to hers. "Missed you, though."

"Missed you, too. Did you like my card?"

"I did. Was it a reference to the e-mail in which you bemoaned the lack of 'congrats on not going all murder-y' cards out there?"

"It was. Can you believe Hallmark _still_ don't make any? Clearly, there's a gap in the market. I should start a card company."

As he shrugged out of his wet clothes and stepped into the tub, he let his gift run wild. Emotions projected from his chest in a wide arc: amusement, relief, longing, love.

Smiling, Bella placed a hand on his cheek. "I know."

-oOo-

_**From:**__ Bella Swan  
><em>_**To:**__ Edward Cullen  
><em>_**Date:**__ 08/21/2041_

_Edward,_

_Okay. Sending me a drop of your blood: bad idea. I wasn't ready for that. I'm not sure I ever will be. Let's not try it again. We'll stick to clothes and locks of hair and the like._

_FYI: Vampires can't digest gauze any better than they can digest human food. Ew._

_Also, if my blood tasted anything like that when you sucked James's venom from my arm... you are a mutant. It's the only explanation for your absurd level of self-control. _

_I mean that in the nicest way possible. Honest._

_Maybe someone else could send me a sample of their blood? Irina or Emmett or basically anyone who isn't you. I'll work up to smelling yours without going all blood-lusty-insane._

_I'll get there. I promise. I have a birthday party to crash in 54 years._

_Love,  
><em>_Bella_

-oOo-

The first snow of the year dusted the forest, outlining everything in white. On the ground, Jasper lay with a purring Bella in his arms, the stolen heat of his kill's blood flushing his cheeks and warming his belly.

"Guess what I heard today," he said.

"Was it Kate on the phone with that human? Ugh. He was a screamer."

"That, and some news. Remember that guy Noah has been dating? They're getting married next summer."

"You're joking. But he's just a baby!"

"A 27-year-old baby."

"Wow." Hesitating, she traced her index finger around a red splatter on his shirt. "You were right. Kids grow up way too fast."

"I know," he said softly. "We can't officially go to the wedding, since, y'know, Noah doesn't realize we still exist, but it's going to be held outside. We can watch from the forest."

Eyes wide, she drew in a sharp breath and held it. "_We_?"

"Yeah. Wanna be my date?"

-oOo-

"Let's go back," Bella whispered. Her nails cut crescents into one of the arms Jasper had locked around her waist. "I can't do it. It's too dangerous. Jasper—"

"Shh. I won't let you hurt him."

"Neither will we," Tanya said, looking up from her position holding Bella's leg.

"Yeah," Kate said. She had charge of one of Bella's arms. "We'll kick your sparkly ass if you try."

As Edward advanced into the shadow of the trees, Jasper smiled against Bella's neck.

"Just remember," he told her, "if you get tempted to cheat on your diet: regret tastes like maple frosting and bacon."

Bella tried to scowl, but the laugh that forced its way out of her mouth made it hard. "I still say it's not fair that you never tried that combination when you were human."

Edward came to a stop fifteen feet in front of her. He was too close. He was too far. A breeze gifted and punished her with the scent that made her throat erupt in flames like no other — so much more concentrated than the things he sent to her PO Box. Each throb of his heart sparked a new fire.

"Hello," he said, raking a hand through his hair. Around the temples, copper had begun its fade toward gray. "It would seem my 100th birthday came earlier than anticipated."

Bella took a shallow breath through her mouth — just enough air to power her speech. "Y-yeah. You look pretty good for such an old guy."

"It's strange. I don't feel a day over 47." With a shrug of one shoulder, he let his mouth curve into a lopsided grin. "It's good to see you, Bella."

"You too."

Craning his neck over Bella's head, Jasper sniffed the air. "Hmm. I don't get it. I don't think you smell that great."

Edward laughed. For the space of one of his heartbeats, the years fell away, turning him into the boy who carried her on his back into a meadow a million lifetimes ago. On impulse, Bella twitched her fingers.

"Eleazar? I'm going to lift my arm."

As Eleazar controlled Bella's movements, Edward crept closer, until the fingers of his extended hand could just brush hers. No jolt of electricity accompanied the touch, only a wave of thirst. Another half-step, and she could press her thumb over the pulse in his wrist. Sighing, she let her eyelids flutter shut.

_One. Two. Three._ She counted the quick thumps. Once, she had begged that sound to keep going — to not give up. She tried to focus on that instead of the song of his blood, remembering the clawing panic of the hospital. Ever-so-slowly, his heartbeat calmed. The peace that washed over her skin was her own, not manufactured by Jasper's gift.

"There," she said, opening her eyes. "It won't be so hard again."

"Was that very hard for you?" he asked with a smile. It was a shared memory, not a real question, but she still provided an answer.

"Let's put it this way: your self-control _definitely _makes you a mutant."

-oOo-

_**From:**__ Leah Clearwater-Sawyer  
><em>_**To:**__ J. W. Hale  
><em>_**Date:**__ 06/25/2054_

_Hey Bloodsucker, _

_Ugh. Some nomads have been hanging around here. A new pack emerged and took care of them, but not before Jake's eldest granddaughter started phasing. Poor kid. She doesn't deserve it, even if she is the spawn of Jessica's spawn. _

_I don't know if you remember, but one of Carlisle's theories way back when was that the power of my blood was somehow related to me being a female wolf. He said something about how it could be that because I was no longer able to create life, I could, well, _create life_._

_Anyway, I took the new she-wolf aside and told her about what happened to me when I started phasing. Then I told her about you and Bella. Tragedy, tragedy, human lives cut short, blah blah blah. I laid it on thick, but it turned out I didn't need to. She has the same mindset I did all those years ago: the fewer vampires there are in this world, the better. _

_So, what do you say? Want to try some of her blood?_

— _Leah_

-oOo-

Stretching his legs out in front of him, Austin shifted on the hard plastic seat and glared at his watch. An hour of boredom awaited him and Angela before their flight would begin to board.

"Next year," he said, patting his wife's knee, "let's go somewhere closer to home."

She didn't seem to hear him. Given the way she stared, unblinking, at a spot over his shoulder, he expected to see a celebrity when he turned around. Instead, a bright-eyed, giggling replica of his first love walked arm-in-arm with a man who looked almost like Jasper Hale.

Everything about her was just as Bella had looked forty years ago: the length of her hair, the way her eyes crinkled at the corners when she smiled. Even her rapid, short strides were _Bella's_.

Austin squinted. Was that bacon on top of the maple bar in the man's hand? Bella, he remembered, had once claimed that even looking at the bacon maple variety offered at Voodoo Doughnut made her feel nauseated.

"Oh, my God," Angela whispered, taking his hand and squeezing it hard. "It'll frighten that poor girl if I start crying and hug her, won't it?"

"Nah. She'll already be about as scared as she's going to get when I do it first."

The Jasper-like man tilted the pastry from side to side, examining it. "I'm not sure it's going to be at its best," he said. "I mean, we assembled it from airport food. I doubt it's gotten any better since I last tried it."

"Oh, stop being a pansy and eat the damn thing. You've stalled long enough."

Her voice was Bella's, too. As the man rolled his eyes and took a bite, the almost-Bella glanced at Austin and Angela. She drew her eyebrows together as if trying to place the faces of the couple who seemed so fascinated with her. Scarcely breathing, Austin offered her an apologetic smile. She froze.

Austin thought she would grab her boyfriend's arm and rush away, but she raised her fingers as if tempted to wave — as if she _recognized_ them. Her grin was like falling in love with Bella had been: a slow-growing warmth.

"Urgh," the man said. "You're right. It definitely tastes like regret." A chime from his pocket made him groan. "Perfect timing. I'm covered in frosting and bacon grease. Will you hold this, sweetheart?"

She accepted the doughnut he placed in her hand, but not without wrinkling her nose. "It's probably your sister."

"Yeah, most likely." After wiping his fingers on a napkin, he answered the call. "Hey. About time you called me back... no, I'm not going to tell you. Didn't I say it was a surprise? We'll be there in a couple of hours, and you'll know as soon as you see us... Yeah, just the two of us. Tanya and the others are coming along in a couple of days. No, you don't have to send him away. It'll be fine. I'm certain. If you... all right, all right, you can have a hint. You're so damn stubborn. Um. It's not decided, by any means, but maybe..." Catching his lower lip between his teeth, he shared a secret smile with his companion. "Someday, I might need that shirt back."

_The End_


End file.
